Sexless Marriages

[Lost_Yonder]

It's sad that our little niche of Lit seems to be growing...

We need a special program that allows couples where there is an imbalance in sexual interests to swap spouses for a week, or at least a weekend!

 

[Glazedcorneas]

Married for 16 years and the last 7 years have been basically sexless. 3 times a year if I’m lucky and when it does happen it’s “get off and then get off of me” sex. I desperately miss connective, passionate, long sex sessions. Foreplay. Playing. Teasing. Touching. We have sexy board games, sex dice, karma sutra books, all kinds of toys and I can’t remember the last time we dusted off any of them. 43 is much too young to be sentenced to a life of infrequent and boring sex.

I totally can relate and have said the exact same thing, 43 is WAY too young to be in a sexless marriage...ugh

 

[sally_sparrow]

It's sad that our little niche of Lit seems to be growing...

We need a special program that allows couples where there is an imbalance in sexual interests to swap spouses for a week, or at least a weekend!

Love this idea

 

[Justabaldguy70]

I would be game for that, just being wanted would be nice

 

[KeenVoyeur]

Raises hand ...

It's sad that our little niche of Lit seems to be growing...

We need a special program that allows couples where there is an imbalance in sexual interests to swap spouses for a week, or at least a weekend!

Count me in!

I would say that my wife lost interest many years ago which is why I strayed in the first place, with the result that she just put up the shutters when she found out. All that has done is just encourage me to look elsewhere although I have yet to actually cross that line (I would in a heartbeat if the opportunity arose ...)

So yes, if the other half of the couple agreed, a weekend of swapping would probably do more good for everyone.

Sadly I fear Covid has put a stop to anything as enjoyable as this for a while at least.

 

[Beachaged]

It's sad that our little niche of Lit seems to be growing...

We need a special program that allows couples where there is an imbalance in sexual interests to swap spouses for a week, or at least a weekend!

Not sure that would do it for me. I miss the ongoing intimacy. I miss the flirty sexy text messages that lead up to a night of sex. The physical part is of course great. But I need the mental part too. Sometimes I don’t know which I miss more.

 

[10169kek]

It's sad that our little niche of Lit seems to be growing...

We need a special program that allows couples where there is an imbalance in sexual interests to swap spouses for a week, or at least a weekend!

I'd be in but would be concerned who'd want to spend time with my spouse?

 

[Brick1950]

Guys in sexless marriages are more like to sex yes to a blowc job from random gay guy .
I know because that's happened to me.

 

[Lost_Yonder]

Not sure that would do it for me. I miss the ongoing intimacy. I miss the flirty sexy text messages that lead up to a night of sex. The physical part is of course great. But I need the mental part too. Sometimes I don’t know which I miss more.

I actually fully agree with you. I sort of took a turn down a dark path of seeking out sex to the point where it almost became an addiction, an obsession. I finally encountered a young woman who I fell for and who taught me that what I was actually seeking wasn't the immediate gratification of sexual release, but intimacy, emotional connection, mental stimulation, flirtations. I so miss just being able to curl up on the couch for hours, just feeling her breath, with no sex...

But now I'm fighting those old urges again, the demon of just a quicky, a hookup here and there - fortunately the pandemic has put a halt to that reality, so the temptation to stray again is not there - yet.

 

[Beachaged]

I actually fully agree with you. I sort of took a turn down a dark path of seeking out sex to the point where it almost became an addiction, an obsession. I finally encountered a young woman who I fell for and who taught me that what I was actually seeking wasn't the immediate gratification of sexual release, but intimacy, emotional connection, mental stimulation, flirtations. I so miss just being able to curl up on the couch for hours, just feeling her breath, with no sex...

But now I'm fighting those old urges again, the demon of just a quicky, a hookup here and there - fortunately the pandemic has put a halt to that reality, so the temptation to stray again is not there - yet.

It’s funny how that is. When I was younger it was mostly about physical urges and satisfaction. But as I’ve aged I’ve gotten a whole new appreciation for the mental stimulation. At my age I’m mostly one and done. But being able to tease and please my partner is still very satisfying. I just want to be able to look at her across the table and tell her I want her and know she wants me back. Is that really asking too much?!

 

[Cherry_Brandy]

I'd be in but would be concerned who'd want to spend time with my spouse?

I'll dust my spouse down with an oily rag and put a ribbon on him if ya like

 

[10169kek]

I'll dust my spouse down with an oily rag and put a ribbon on him if ya like

Too funny! Like how you think. I'll put a ball gag in my wife's mouth so he doesn't have to listen to her.

 

[AnnieLit]

It's sad that our little niche of Lit seems to be growing...

We need a special program that allows couples where there is an imbalance in sexual interests to swap spouses for a week, or at least a weekend!

Somehow I don't think there are any active swingers in this thread

 

[Glazedcorneas]

Im there too. My husband has no interest in sex, and its all I think about! Its been a few years now where I only touch myself!

I feel your pain and very sorry to hear that so many of us are out there. To complicate things for me, I may on occasion touch myself when alone , but it’s rare and it’s not because I don’t want to, in fact one of my fantasies is to masturbate with someone together. I don’t please myself to climax more often then not because it’s not as enjoyable doing it alone, or just watching porn , There is no form of human interaction , emotional exchange , etc. In fact, as I write this, it just dawned onto me it may be because having an orgasm by myself ,reminds me how alone, unwanted, undesired and empty I am....hmmm. Oh well.. That said, there always appears to be many great souls on Lit, who are wonderful outlets.

 

[sally_sparrow]

I actually fully agree with you. I sort of took a turn down a dark path of seeking out sex to the point where it almost became an addiction, an obsession. I finally encountered a young woman who I fell for and who taught me that what I was actually seeking wasn't the immediate gratification of sexual release, but intimacy, emotional connection, mental stimulation, flirtations. I so miss just being able to curl up on the couch for hours, just feeling her breath, with no sex...

But now I'm fighting those old urges again, the demon of just a quicky, a hookup here and there - fortunately the pandemic has put a halt to that reality, so the temptation to stray again is not there - yet.

I've been here too. It was a hard realization.

I feel your pain and very sorry to hear that so many of us are out there. To complicate things for me, I may on occasion touch myself when alone , but it’s rare and it’s not because I don’t want to, in fact one of my fantasies is to masturbate with someone together. I don’t please myself to climax more often then not because it’s not as enjoyable doing it alone, or just watching porn , There is no form of human interaction , emotional exchange , etc. In fact, as I write this, it just dawned onto me it may be because having an orgasm by myself ,reminds me how alone, unwanted, undesired and empty I am....hmmm. Oh well.. That said, there always appears to be many great souls on Lit, who are wonderful outlets.

I can empathize with you here. That hormone overload after an orgasm can make me sad instead of elated because I'm not sharing it with someone I care about.

 

[Beachaged]

Somehow I don't think there are any active swingers in this thread

I’m sure there are people who would. But that’s the problem with Lit. You see a few posts by someone who you think you would be compatible so you start chatting only to find out that person lives many miles away.

 

[10169kek]

I’m sure there are people who would. But that’s the problem with Lit. You see a few posts by someone who you think you would be compatible so you start chatting only to find out that person lives many miles away.

That's the problem with such a world - wide platform. But the local classified ads, Tinder, et. al. aren't that useable for us older folks looking for some comfort and tenderness either.

 

[Brick1950]

Question

Do guys in sexless marriages feel they have the right to explore bisexual options ?

 

[Lost_Yonder]

Do guys in sexless marriages feel they have the right to explore bisexual options ?

"the right"??? what does that mean? While I don't consider it "cheating" - whether it is bi, hetero, homo, whatever - sex outside of marriage is sex outside of marriage. An affair is an affair, a hook-up is a hook-up - why would it matter if the other is male, female, trans, or pan?

Do any others wish their spouse would have an affair? Not as a means of somehow justifying one's own affairs (if you have them) - but as a way of perhaps awakening their own sexual desires that somehow a spouse just can't do? There is too much familiarity, too many issues stated and unstated under the bridge, to really get a spouse who seemingly is turned off from sex excited again. I also think she deserves some good sex still - just not from me. I think I would welcome her taking on a lover...

 

[Beachaged]

That's the problem with such a world - wide platform. But the local classified ads, Tinder, et. al. aren't that useable for us older folks looking for some comfort and tenderness either.

I agree. I haven’t found a platform that works for older married people in sexless marriages. At this point I doubt one exists. If I knew more about building apps I would design one myself.

 

[DesiredbyYou]

I agree. I haven’t found a platform that works for older married people in sexless marriages. At this point I doubt one exists. If I knew more about building apps I would design one myself.

Totally agree, but I'd support your platform if you build it.

I wanted to say that I'm in a open marriage and yet still, finding that right person is every bit as exhausting as if I wasn't. Being a bit older doesn't help and yet now I questions whether a r/l relationship is what I want. I miss physical closeness terribly.

It helps that there are many people going through the same thing.

 

[mr_rippley]

I agree. I haven’t found a platform that works for older married people in sexless marriages. At this point I doubt one exists. If I knew more about building apps I would design one myself.

That's interesting. I have thought about this a lot. I build web-based applications, and I've spent some time thinking about a platform for people who are interested only in online relationships, dirty chat, etc.

It would be free, as long as the hosting costs would be covered by advertising. The trick is that so many of those platforms end up infested by bots and scams. You talk with someone who seems a bit too eager and then it's a countdown to when they send you a link to a cam site. It's a bit depressing, but reporting systems don't always work.

I haven't moved forward because it would be difficult to keep my work on it private, and one slip would mean disaster for me personally.

 

[Lost_Yonder]

I agree. I haven’t found a platform that works for older married people in sexless marriages. At this point I doubt one exists. If I knew more about building apps I would design one myself.

there are a few actually, though I'm guessing most are full of just bots. Ashley Madison is probably the most widely known and used. For men, there are sites such as seekingarrangement and wyp - but they cater more to escort-type relationships or sugar babes. POF used to be good (plus it was free), but they started to block those of us who are "married but looking", I haven't been looking for a while so I don't know how it is now, but it is probably your best option - though the vast majority of women on there are NOT looking for a married man. If you are into a hook-up, maybe something casual and ongoing, wyp works. Particularly if you like younger women.

Using such sites increases your chances of getting caught though... In the day, cl was the best, that's gone now. There are certainly places, mostly bars, in bigger cities at least that one can hang out in - but that isn't easy if you are married (unless your wife happens to travel a lot like mine used to ).

Discretion is the key and being able to maintain the lie - if that is the path you are going down. It can start to eat at you though. And always be prepared for the consequences... That being said, from personal experiences, I have had some of the most amazing experiences because I was married that made it easier for some women, and couples, to just connect with. I've met some great women, a few I am still in touch with - but have also met some sleaze bags who tried to fleece me and only one who tried, unsuccessfully to steal money out of my wallet. No regrets though...

 

[Beachaged]

there are a few actually, though I'm guessing most are full of just bots. Ashley Madison is probably the most widely known and used. For men, there are sites such as seekingarrangement and wyp - but they cater more to escort-type relationships or sugar babes. POF used to be good (plus it was free), but they started to block those of us who are "married but looking", I haven't been looking for a while so I don't know how it is now, but it is probably your best option - though the vast majority of women on there are NOT looking for a married man. If you are into a hook-up, maybe something casual and ongoing, wyp works. Particularly if you like younger women.

Using such sites increases your chances of getting caught though... In the day, cl was the best, that's gone now. There are certainly places, mostly bars, in bigger cities at least that one can hang out in - but that isn't easy if you are married (unless your wife happens to travel a lot like mine used to ).

Discretion is the key and being able to maintain the lie - if that is the path you are going down. It can start to eat at you though. And always be prepared for the consequences... That being said, from personal experiences, I have had some of the most amazing experiences because I was married that made it easier for some women, and couples, to just connect with. I've met some great women, a few I am still in touch with - but have also met some sleaze bags who tried to fleece me and only one who tried, unsuccessfully to steal money out of my wallet. No regrets though...

Thanks, I’m not looking for an escort or sugar baby so that rules out SA and WYP. AM is not good for older people. So I am back to square one. That app sounds like a good idea to me.

 

[AnnieLit]

Thanks, I’m not looking for an escort or sugar baby so that rules out SA and WYP. AM is not good for older people. So I am back to square one. That app sounds like a good idea to me.

"AM is not good for older people"
Why? When I was looking there were quite a few guys in the 50 to 60 age range. And probably older, but they are all lumped together as 60+, so I don't know who is who without going profile by profile.