Resistance questions

[eastern sun]

I have a lifetime habit of resisting. It's my default mode. I have to practice submission from one minute to the next or I'll fall back into my old ways. Fortunately, though resistance is unwanted, it is not a deal-breaker. My husband is a patient man.

It's much, much easier for me to submit in play. But I still show signs of resistance from time to time, especially as we approach my limits. He reads it as a sign for him to take what he wants. And he loves the steady erosion of my sharp edges - like a rock that's worn smooth by the force of wind and water over years and years and years.

 

[Homburg]

Is this an MA thing, where if you fight it's at least partly for real and very not sexual?

For me? Yeah, especially as I did a lot of grappling. I get a sort of headspace going where I am concentrating either on what I am doing, or working to teach the other person. Sex goes basically out the window. It's trained response on the part of my brain and endocrine system.

Part of it for me is also that I have seriously injured people doing that stuff. I don't fight casually as a result. I know what I'm capable of because it has happened. It's the same reason why I won't do choke-style breath play. I've put people into serious seizures. Not sexy.

Interestingly, tying causes a similar response for me. I go into this tsuki-no-kokoro mindset, and become hyper aware, but also dampens down physical arousal seriously. So I will be mentally and emotionally aroused, but HC is snoozing. I usually have to work to pull myself out of that when time comes to make use of my bound bottom.

It's a cool headspace to be in, and I dig the awareness, but it can suck when I realise that sex is probably a good idea now.

 

[ZRT]

I get the same thing with knife play. I used to be with a woman who'd get seriously aroused by being caressed with a sharp blade, and it'd take me totally into the hyperfocus where I wasn't aware of her body beyond the care I was taking in not damaging it. Put a weapon in my hands and sexual desire just evaporates.

Hand to hand, though, my main concern is not damaging the joints when I go for lockups and not leaving bruises where they'll have to be explained. Past that, I do love me my consensual non-consent. Squirm all you want, baby.

 

[Homburg]

Yeah, any play with knives beyond a short amount does the same thing. I've got some Kali-silat in my MA background and thus knife-fighting, so I get almost the same way around them. If it is kept light, and I make sure that I keep to certain things, it's not as bad though.

Cuttings? Right into zanshin. Sex goes bye-bye.

 

[myinnerslut]

I get the same thing with knife play. I used to be with a woman who'd get seriously aroused by being caressed with a sharp blade....

i get the same way. im sure this isnt how id react if sombody other then Master pulled a knife, but put one in his hands and i am instantly wet, needy, and hyperventilating (this was noticed by a domme i respect a great deal at a play party, and when she commented on it i got all kinds of embarrassed and wanted to curl up and hide). touch the knife to my skin and i have to fight with everything i have to not slide straight into subspace. fear or serious pain will keep me around, but for the most part when the knife makes contact, i go out.

if Master ever wanted any form of resistance from me, using a knife would be on his list of ways NOT to get it.

 

[ZRT]

Yeah, any play with knives beyond a short amount does the same thing. I've got some Kali-silat in my MA background and thus knife-fighting, so I get almost the same way around them. If it is kept light, and I make sure that I keep to certain things, it's not as bad though.

Cuttings? Right into zanshin. Sex goes bye-bye.

I'll do it as a favor and enjoy the pleasure I'm giving, but it's nothing I'll do just for fun. As for cutting, nope, that's out altogether. I'm not squeamish, but for me blood takes it totally out of game and totally into real.

 

[ZRT]

i get the same way. im sure this isnt how id react if sombody other then Master pulled a knife, but put one in his hands and i am instantly wet, needy, and hyperventilating (this was noticed by a domme i respect a great deal at a play party, and when she commented on it i got all kinds of embarrassed and wanted to curl up and hide). touch the knife to my skin and i have to fight with everything i have to not slide straight into subspace. fear or serious pain will keep me around, but for the most part when the knife makes contact, i go out.

if Master ever wanted any form of resistance from me, using a knife would be on his list of ways NOT to get it.

I can understand the appeal of it, and that's why I'm entirely willing to do it. And I do enjoy the precision and care I have to put into doing it, just not sexually.

 

[Arkhilokhus]

The one time I did bloodplay, it was actually in the context of a Wiccan ritual, but it put me into an erotic headspace almost immediately. The sensation of bleeding, of watching her blood, then the mutual suckling...amazing.

OTOH, I'd cut myself several times when I was in Karate, and there was nothing remotely erotic about it. Context matters, I s'pose.

 

[ZRT]

The one time I did bloodplay, it was actually in the context of a Wiccan ritual, but it put me into an erotic headspace almost immediately. The sensation of bleeding, of watching her blood, then the mutual suckling...amazing.

OTOH, I'd cut myself several times when I was in Karate, and there was nothing remotely erotic about it. Context matters, I s'pose.

I see a wound and it puts me in a mind to put a dressing on it. It's one of those things like Hom was talking about, how it takes you back into things you relate to nonsexually, and bleeding wounds are very much a nonsexual thing for me.

I could probably deal with a facial cut from a punch without getting pulled out, but that falls into the category of 'not leaving bruises where they'll arouse suspicion'.

 

[Adakgirl]

not all sexual play involves fucking. but my opinion holds true for other kinds as well. it is fulfilling, rewarding, and often physically pleasurable to play with my Master, in all ways. and like before, if he wants it, why would i struggle against it?

i do understand struggle as part of a non consent scene. i do understand embarrassment and turning your head away. i understand fear. i do not understand actually fighting him and what he wants to do.

And a good opinion it is innerslut. I hope you are not under the impression that my thread topic is meant to advocate resistance.

Interesting subject, mind if I ask what prompted it?

Certainly HarlotMinx. A combination of things prompted it. One was (I think it was) one of Homberg's older links to an expert on rope work performing on stage. The submissive was submitting perfectly as he demonstrated his talents roping her up in various ways of suspension, and he had worked quickly, with amazing skill, he was almost finished, in fact he had lowered her and released one of her legs.

As soon as her leg was free she kicked out at him with her big platform heels. She came very close to kicking him a good one too. It was obvious she was pissed off and her reaction had caught him off guard, he had to get out of her way quick. It took him several grabs to get her back under control, he spanked her for it. He had to do that several times before she stopped trying to kick him. I know you will say it was just an act, but I don't believe it was.
(that is what I meant when I said resist because you are pissed off, I am sure it is possible to have feelings of anger during scenes and was curious as to what one does with those feelings.)

I had watched a few of his vids and his submissive had never struck out in anger towards him in those. That made me curious if others ever felt that way or reacted like that towards their PLY's.

Another thing that prompted it is that resistance has so many levels, I was hoping to uncover few in this thread. And the third thing that prompted it was I happen to enjoy the thought of resisting a little, not striking out in anger, not fighting against, but also not being consistently compliant. Vanilla, Run-for-it , chase and capture play was a huge turn on for me. I can imaging it 100% different if a sadist was chasing and capturing me.

Plus I had not read this discussed lately and posted it to see if you all felt like throwing around a few sparks of resistance.

 

[Adakgirl]

I have a lifetime habit of resisting. It's my default mode. I have to practice submission from one minute to the next or I'll fall back into my old ways. Fortunately, though resistance is unwanted, it is not a deal-breaker. My husband is a patient man.

It's much, much easier for me to submit in play. But I still show signs of resistance from time to time, especially as we approach my limits. He reads it as a sign for him to take what he wants. And he loves the steady erosion of my sharp edges - like a rock that's worn smooth by the force of wind and water over years and years and years.

And here are several levels uncovered at once.

 

[Adakgirl]

thinking about it more, there is one time when i fight back, though its more of an instinctive reaction then a planned one, and not sexual.

i HATE being tickled. my reaction is to lash out as much as i can to get away. i almost broke my ex's nose, and have kicked Master in some very unpleasant places. each time this happens i am beyond sorry as soon as its over, apologizing like crazy, and feel awful, but it is a time i fight back.

AhA! As do I! I can't stand it, my instinct takes over when someone tries to tickle me. But it is still resistance. Tickling is play, wrestling is play too, just play of a different kind.

 

[Adakgirl]

I have owned and ridden horses for a good part of my life so I will try to relate it in those terms. DISCLAIMER: I am in no-way comparing a submissive or a slave to an animal here!

You can be riding along on a well trained horse that you have been riding for years, or that you know very well, get into a nice loap, then a run and all of a sudden...that horse you know so very well and who knows you, will and for no apparent reason, take the bit in it's teeth and take off.

You can wash the same horse in the same wash rack 100 times with no problem at all. Then one day that horse will resist you, refuse to walk into the rack or decide to kick at you.

You can groom a well behaved horse on a loose lead and saddle it over and over again, and it may someday use that extra rope to reach back and bite you in the arm.

Why? No reason....other than maybe to show you they still can.

 

[Recidiva]

I have owned and ridden horses for a good part of my life so I will try to relate it in those terms. DISCLAIMER: I am in no-way comparing a submissive or a slave to an animal here!

You can be riding along on a well trained horse that you have been riding for years, or that you know very well, get into a nice loap, then a run and all of a sudden...that horse you know so very well and who knows you, will and for no apparent reason, take the bit in it's teeth and take off.

You can wash the same horse in the same wash rack 100 times with no problem at all. Then one day that horse will resist you, refuse to walk into the rack or decide to kick at you.

You can groom a well behaved horse on a loose lead and saddle it over and over again, and it may someday use that extra rope to reach back and bite you in the arm.

Why? No reason....other than maybe to show you they still can.

The one horse I had the good luck to own and spend most of my days with did me the service of bucking everyone else who tried to ride her over a fence, scraping them off under a tree, or tossing them in the drink.

When she wanted to run she'd turn her head back and nibble on my foot as a signal so I'd know it was coming. She always tried to stomp on chickens if they came into the ring.

If someone she didn't like (everyone but me) tried to groom her she'd stomp on their feet and LEAN.

Loved her so much.

 

[satindesire]

Mister and I absolutely love to play fight and wrestle. I lifted weights regularly for a long time...and I'm very strong for a girl my size, but he is so wiry and muscly that he can pin me with one hand, it's hilarious because you totally wouldn't think he'd be as strong as he is because he's so slender. Lemme tell you, he's like Bruce Lee or something, all sinew. I enjoy asking him to spar with me because I get better every time we play. I want to know that if I ever get into a bad situation where I'm about to be raped or kidnapped, I'll be strong enough to fight too hard to be a viable victim. He was in the military and a cop, so I always learn things about balance, pressure points, using your opponent's weight against them, when he plays with me.

I've never -actually- put up a real 'fight' with him, so to speak, or resisted, but I think it would be really, really fun to try at least once, just to see if I could.

Now get a couple drinks in me and I can get agressive, but only to the point where I seek out what I want. Once I got you all wound up and trying to rip my clothes off, all sense of fight evaporates.

That's hot.

 

[Homburg]

I'll do it as a favor and enjoy the pleasure I'm giving, but it's nothing I'll do just for fun. As for cutting, nope, that's out altogether. I'm not squeamish, but for me blood takes it totally out of game and totally into real.

I find it dead hot, just not physically. Mentally and emotionally, I'm there. Physically, not so much.

 

[myinnerslut]

One was (I think it was) one of Homberg's older links to an expert on rope work performing on stage.

which link??

 

[JustaNobody]

I get a sort of headspace going where I am concentrating either on what I am doing, or working to teach the other person. Sex goes basically out the window.

I'm glad I'm not the only one who does this. I've gotten some really weird looks from at least a couple subs when they realize I'm not aroused at all, even though I'm obviously into what I'm doing.

 

[Homburg]

I'm glad I'm not the only one who does this. I've gotten some really weird looks from at least a couple subs when they realize I'm not aroused at all, even though I'm obviously into what I'm doing.

Nope, not the only one. I and My Cock have an interesting relationship. And some activities are solely my province, no Cock needed.




(And the random capitalisation is a reference to an old thread, not me being pretentious about My Cock.)

 

[Netzach]

I've noticed there's a lot more subtlety to male arousal, Dom sub or other, than people typically give credit for.

I believe that boners don't lie, however boners need not be present necessarily.

 

[Homburg]

I've noticed there's a lot more subtlety to male arousal, Dom sub or other, than people typically give credit for.

I believe that boners don't lie, however boners need not be present necessarily.

Nah, tits=boner don'tcha know. And application of mild physical stimulus to the penis is all it takes to achieve orgasm, usually within about 90 seconds. Yep, and we all fit that mold.

I would ape what other people have said about men needing a feminism style movement, but we're a bunch of selfish pigs, and don't really deserve it.

It's irritating. I've had partners that got hung up on the fact that I don't come easily. Got wound up and emotional over it. In the most ironic of those cases, she was one that'd told me that she very rarely achieved orgasm from penetration, and it would be okay, she didn't mind finishing herself off afterwards. She would inevitably orgasm far before I did, and had immense sensitivity issue post-climax, so sex would stop. (it produced sensations that were definitely unfun, and I was not willing to push unless I was really close).

So sex with her regularly ended in no orgasm for me. I didn't particularly mind, because I'm used to it enough to not care, and I had other sources of pussy available, but, damn, she got wound up over it. We actually had a few fights on the topic. "Gee, I'm sorry that I'm not simple and easy to please like your previous lovers. Consider the fact that I get you off like gangbusters to be compensation." This logic never worked, so I occasionally just fucked her until I was done, with her whimpering and twitching the whole time after she came. *shrug*

It just irritates me. I hear the verbage used by a lot of women to describe their furtive relationship with the big O, and I can easily apply the same language to myself. But if I do, I'm some sort of freak.

The same chick had some serious rape fantasies going, and wanted me to help her enact them because she trusted me. I did it once, and did NOT like it, but she wanted more. Can you see the non-compatible direction this is heading? Yay for 20/20 hindsight.

 

[ecstaticsub]

I've noticed there's a lot more subtlety to male arousal, Dom sub or other, than people typically give credit for.

I believe that boners don't lie, however boners need not be present necessarily.

My PYL rarely ejaculates when we are together. He is very into Tantric and is multi orgasmic without ejaculation. This took me a while to get used to. I was so used to that evidence of being able to satisfy a man. But I got used to it and more intuned to the other ways I could tell that he was getting exactly what he wanted from me-sexually and emotionally. Of course this has a bonus where he is able to last hours and hours and hours...which is wonderful for me.

 

[Arkhilokhus]

I would ape what other people have said about men needing a feminism style movement, but we're a bunch of selfish pigs, and don't really deserve it.

Considering the periodic infighting among feminists, I suspect a male equivalent movement would end up sparking a war.

It's irritating. I've had partners that got hung up on the fact that I don't come easily.

If I never hear the phrase, "Are you almost finished yet?" it'll be too soon.

 

[Homburg]

Considering the periodic infighting among feminists, I suspect a male equivalent movement would end up sparking a war.

Probably. Hell, it may have already and we just don't realise it.

If I never hear the phrase, "Are you almost finished yet?" it'll be too soon.

This is what gags are for.

 

[Arkhilokhus]

This is what gags are for.

You're exacerbating my Dom Envy.