Do-Me Boys Rant

[naughty_stars]

"I'll LET you DO whatever you want to ME" Is a phrase that makes me want to tear my hair out.

It just seems indicative of this...total tunnel-vision thinking and action that, to quote a Reddit post I've once seen - "It’s driven by urgency, fantasy, and a deep need to be consumed without understanding the responsibility that comes with real submission."

That part. These men are fucking brats! But not even in the fun way, in the obnoxious, boundary pushing way. It is more obnoxious to me because it appears these men don't see themselves on the same level of misogynist pick up artists nor "vanilla" men trying to pick up women at a bar, but they're damn near worse. At least the sleazebags on the streets and bars might have a percentage of self awareness of how demanding they are.

"Fake Sub" is a tricky word. I don't think there's fake anything. I don't think the grand majority of these men are intentionally pretending to be something they aren't, they're just preoccupied with getting off. Like any other man. But I do think there are some tell-tale signs and behaviors of a man who is mostly being driven by that "need to be consumed:"

- Disinterest in sharing hard limits and limits in general (bonus points if they never ask about your limits as a dom/me)
- Topping from the bottom - "Go faster, do this, I want this, try this" (bonus points if they have no idea what a "service top" is)
- Complete lack of true collaboration on a scene or sexual play - "You can do whatever you want to me" (bonus points if they say this then proceed to top from the bottom anyways)
- Laying passive (bonus points if they prefer cowgirl For Some Crazy Reason)
- Testing and pushing boundaries - Manipulation, digs, sarcasm, disrespect (bonus points if they question your ability to dom/me)
- Zero knowledge of aftercare (bonus points if they expect after care, as if they are an infant)
- "USE ME" - That's it. That's the phrase.

There could be a lot more patience for these young men I could provide if there was a baseline level of respect for their partners, but that's the key problem here. As soon as their dicks get hard the politics and politeness go out the window, which is antithetical to their submission. Just because you like having sex performed on you does not make you a submissive! You could be a pain slut, you could be a masochist - fuck me, you could just be a bottom. But the cynic in me knows what the actual answer is.

They're lazy. They are broken. They are weak willed and they are terrified of having bad sex. So they force the standard onto someone else - someone who they identify as sexier, more knowledgeable, and someone who they view as more willing to put in the work. They view submission as easy. Which most submissive would agree is fucking laughable. It is male-centered selfishness which has been forced upon them by pretty much all porn they watch and kink they interact with.

Is it solvable? Probably. It is exhausting to solve, though. Most of the time the solution to fixing men's behaviors is not capitulating to what their demands are. Do not give in and give them anything based on their behavior, and make sure they know it.
Leave it to a damn therapist.

 

[PaxNurgle]

It certainly sounds like you have had some bad experiences with submissive men. That is unfortunate. It is a hard thing when guys do have these feelings but not enough of an outlet for them, and are not good at really communicating with or bonding in a meaningful emotional way with their partner. I hope you do not judge all submissive men this way.

 

[switchersm]

I've read this 3 times and learned a few new words like obnoxiousor sleazabags (english is not my native language). I've also read the post on reddit and I agree totall with your opinion. These men in "Sub-Frenzy" (such an apt description for there behavior) crash many threads and also chats (take a look at chat rooms in the lit chat) inconsiderate and selfish.

These 2 sentences have me mostly impressed
"...total tunnel-vision thinking and action that, to quote a Reddit post I've once seen - "It’s driven by urgency, fantasy, and a deep need to be consumed without understanding the responsibility that comes with real submission."

It is male-centered selfishness which has been forced upon them by pretty much all porn they watch and kink they interact with."

 

[PaxNurgle]

Well, I can certainly understand male sub frenzy, having gone through it; it is a common thing for guys who are "new" to the idea of BDSM; they want to experience it firsthand and they want it all. And they forget that the idea still is to forge a connection, a chemistry, with their partner.

I don't necessarily think it is wrong to have kinky submissive feelings as a guy. At least, it shouldn't be. The original post seems to imply that it is. I do think that this kind of genunine, BDSM-centered relationship that submissive men desire is VERY hard to find for a guy, and there are common mistakes that newly awakened male subs make- many which she lists above. Respect, or lack thereof, and communication (or lack thereof) for the partner being a key thing.

Communication between partners before being placed in a compromising position SHOULD happen; this is not "Topping form the bottom." Doing so within a scene, however.... that's different. Expressing limits should absolutely happen beforehand. Many new submissive guys think they don't have limits- trust me, everyone does whether they know it or not.