Normal Kink

[usable001]

Has anyone here encountered a relationship you would normally label, but that the people involved would strongly disagree with? For them, whatever term you are thinking of would not apply, either because they have not crossed some boundary they set for themselves or because they consider the relationship they have as normal.

I hope I am being clear. My examples below are non-fiction.

For example, a submissive woman and a stay-at-home wife who has dedicated herself to her husband's happiness, and a dominant husband who makes all the major decisions (with her input, but the decision is his) and provides for all her needs. They don't consider their relationship to be DomSub because they don't wear leather and he only spanks her when she needs it (and God forbid they attend kinky parties).

Or a woman whose male friend is a major part of his life. He comes over daily and has moved to a new city three times just because she did too. He has remained with her through three marriages, and they have a child together, but she doesn't consider herself to be in a poly relationship because they haven't had sex in decades.

Or someone who insists she isn't neurodivergent. The way she does things is the right way, and anyone who uses a different method is just wrong. They don't have a problem functioning socially; other people are idiots. They also object to terms like cisgender: labels should only be applied to abnormal stuff.

 

[usable001]

Has anyone here encountered...

Okay, maybe it's just me.

 

[Legin01]

I don't think that's just you
Edit: it's giving me an "issues with labelling" feel

 

[usable001]

I don't think that's just you
Edit: it's giving me an "issues with labelling" feel

Still, I thought the topic would generate more discussion than it has.

 

[ericalauren]

Has anyone here encountered a relationship you would normally label, but that the people involved would strongly disagree with? For them, whatever term you are thinking of would not apply, either because they have not crossed some boundary they set for themselves or because they consider the relationship they have as normal.

I hope I am being clear. My examples below are non-fiction.

For example, a submissive woman and a stay-at-home wife who has dedicated herself to her husband's happiness, and a dominant husband who makes all the major decisions (with her input, but the decision is his) and provides for all her needs. They don't consider their relationship to be DomSub because they don't wear leather and he only spanks her when she needs it (and God forbid they attend kinky parties).

Or a woman whose male friend is a major part of his life. He comes over daily and has moved to a new city three times just because she did too. He has remained with her through three marriages, and they have a child together, but she doesn't consider herself to be in a poly relationship because they haven't had sex in decades.

Or someone who insists she isn't neurodivergent. The way she does things is the right way, and anyone who uses a different method is just wrong. They don't have a problem functioning socially; other people are idiots. They also object to terms like cisgender: labels should only be applied to abnormal stuff.

You think that being transgender is “abnormal”?

Also, I carry a large bag with me everyday. People comment about how large it is and how heavy it must be. Tons of people mock me for it. Yet, when someone needs something (a hair tie, tissues, allergy medicine, a nail clipper, etc), they’re grateful I have it in my bag. I think that folks who don’t carry some basic provisions with them are the odd ones.

 

[usable001]

You think that being transgender is “abnormal”?

First of all, my three examples were power dynamics, polyamory, and neurodivergence. I didn't mention gender at all. While being outed without permission is rude, none of the transgender people I've known have insisted they weren't transgender.

Second, while I know plenty of people who do, I don't actually use the word normal in my day-to-day life. Normal is a mask people wear to fit in.

Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations.

 

[Katiel3036]

Some people just don't like tables. Thats me. I'm people.

 

[ericalauren]

First of all, my three examples were power dynamics, polyamory, and neurodivergence. I didn't mention gender at all. While being outed without permission is rude, none of the transgender people I've known have insisted they weren't transgender.

Second, while I know plenty of people who do, I don't actually use the word normal in my day-to-day life. Normal is a mask people wear to fit in.

Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations.

You mentioned the word cisgender and then wrote that “labels should only apply to abnormal stuff”. What did you mean by that?

 

[usable001]

You mentioned the word cisgender and then wrote that “labels should only apply to abnormal stuff”. What did you mean by that?

That's what I get for skimming my own writing instead of reading all the way to the last sentence.

I should have included more labels than just one: heterosexual, neurotypical, serial monogamist, cisgender, monosexual, abelist ... the people I am referring to (like my husband's mother) dislike all those terms, even if most of them apply to her.

 

[shewantsmore]

I should have included more labels than just one: heterosexual, neurotypical, serial monogamist, cisgender, monosexual, abelist ... the people I am referring to (like my husband's mother) dislike all those terms, even if most of them apply to her.

Ive never heard of neurotypical, or monosexual but there are so many sexual, someone told me there are now over 40 types of sexual, i get confused,

 

[usable001]

Ive never heard of neurotypical, or monosexual ...

Since "neuro-" refers to the brain, that one is pretty easy to figure out. Neurotypical, in contrast to neurodivergent: usually the autism spectrum or ADHD.
Monosexual means sexually interested in one gender. It is an umbrella term that includes straight and gay, but excludes bisexual, pansexual, and more.

... but there are so many sexual, someone told me there are now over 40 types of sexual, i get confused,

If you can figure out the prefix and suffix, you should get at least a general idea. For example, "a-" means not, and appears in words like asexual and aromantic.

People can be many things; it's not A or B or C. So terms like allosexual and demisexual refer to when someone is sexually interested in someone else (lust at first sight vs only after they get to know someone). Whereas homosexual and heterosexual refer to the gender someone is sexually interested in. Someone can be allosexual and homosexual or demisexual and heterosexual (or any other mix) at the same time.

Plus, to further confuse things, two groups of people can come up with different terms for the same thing. I was familiar with the term pansexual, but hadn't heard of omnisexual (which basically means the same thing) until I saw the movie Better Than Chocolate.

Maggie: You're not bi-sexual, Carla - you're omni-sexual! You're like that tornado in the Wizard of Oz, sweeping up everything in your path.
- Better Than Chocolate

 

[MerryeMikee]

Has anyone here encountered a relationship you would normally label, but that the people involved would strongly disagree with? For them, whatever term you are thinking of would not apply, either because they have not crossed some boundary they set for themselves or because they consider the relationship they have as normal.

I hope I am being clear. My examples below are non-fiction.

For example, a submissive woman and a stay-at-home wife who has dedicated herself to her husband's happiness, and a dominant husband who makes all the major decisions (with her input, but the decision is his) and provides for all her needs. They don't consider their relationship to be DomSub because they don't wear leather and he only spanks her when she needs it (and God forbid they attend kinky parties).

Or a woman whose male friend is a major part of his life. He comes over daily and has moved to a new city three times just because she did too. He has remained with her through three marriages, and they have a child together, but she doesn't consider herself to be in a poly relationship because they haven't had sex in decades.

Or someone who insists she isn't neurodivergent. The way she does things is the right way, and anyone who uses a different method is just wrong. They don't have a problem functioning socially; other people are idiots. They also object to terms like cisgender: labels should only be applied to abnormal stuff.

It seems to be an essential function of life today that people are categorised and labelled, of course that then makes minorities easier prey for those who think they have a right to persecute. Where we ever just fellow humans?

 

[Noor]

Has anyone here encountered a relationship you would normally label, but that the people involved would strongly disagree with? For them, whatever term you are thinking of would not apply, either because they have not crossed some boundary they set for themselves or because they consider the relationship they have as normal.

I hope I am being clear. My examples below are non-fiction.

For example, a submissive woman and a stay-at-home wife who has dedicated herself to her husband's happiness, and a dominant husband who makes all the major decisions (with her input, but the decision is his) and provides for all her needs. They don't consider their relationship to be DomSub because they don't wear leather and he only spanks her when she needs it (and God forbid they attend kinky parties).

Or a woman whose male friend is a major part of his life. He comes over daily and has moved to a new city three times just because she did too. He has remained with her through three marriages, and they have a child together, but she doesn't consider herself to be in a poly relationship because they haven't had sex in decades.

Or someone who insists she isn't neurodivergent. The way she does things is the right way, and anyone who uses a different method is just wrong. They don't have a problem functioning socially; other people are idiots. They also object to terms like cisgender: labels should only be applied to abnormal stuff.

I feel that relationships are definited by the individuals involved and no one else.
Your description of nuerodiverant sounds pretty nt to me, and pretty off.
You don’t seem to understand poly either, or the Dom/sub.
I don’t like labels, the are limiting and often misused like in the original post.