Renewing my membership at Sam's Club

[OldJourno]

It cost $40 and some sexual favors I've become accustomed to. It seems like every class of people is now protected except for babe magnets like me.
But you probably don't want to hear this tawdry tale.

 

[Ms_Ann]

I bought like 600 lbs of chicken tenderloins, split them up in freezer bags. Hell of a deal. Maybe it was 5 lbs. I don't know.

 

[Tryharder62]

My husband is preparing for the end of civilization as we know it. I'll be able to wipe my butt the longest of anyone else. He has stockpiles of toilet paper in our garage.

 

[OldJourno]

I bought like 600 lbs of chicken tenderloins, split them up in freezer bags. Hell of a deal. Maybe it was 5 lbs. I don't know.

They had a deal on pork loin. Bought two, gave one to a friend. He said he was a cook in the Army, but instead he beat his wife with it.
The pork loin, I mean.

 

[OldJourno]

My husband is preparing for the end of civilization as we know it. I'll be able to wipe my butt the longest of anyone else. He has stockpiles of toilet paper in our garage.

I've got Sears catalogs dating back to 1907. They didn't go glossy until 1953, so I'll have a few decades of pain-free ... whoa, this is getting way too personal.

 

[Ms_Ann]

My husband is preparing for the end of civilization as we know it. I'll be able to wipe my butt the longest of anyone else. He has stockpiles of toilet paper in our garage.

When the zombies are chasing you and you're only eating once a week, you'd be surprised how little toilet paper you actually need.

 

[Ms_Ann]

They had a deal on pork loin. Bought two, gave one to a friend. He said he was a cook in the Army, but instead he beat his wife with it.
The pork loin, I mean.

They're Yuuuuge.

 

[LIVINRFANTASIES]

Denny

They had a deal on pork loin. Bought two, gave one to a friend. He said he was a cook in the Army, but instead he beat his wife with it.
The pork loin, I mean.

Is this the real meaning of beating your meat?

 

[Libsam]

Get the SAMs PLUS membership. It's $100 a year BUT you get 5% back on every purchase at the end of the year. That pays for my membership plus a little lagniappe.

 

[LIVINRFANTASIES]

Denny

When the zombies are chasing you and you're only eating once a week, you'd be surprised how little toilet paper you actually need.

If zombies were chasing me I wouldn't need toilet paper. I'd shit my pants.

It's cheaper to drive two miles to Walmart than twenty two to Sam's.

 

[Ms_Ann]

What am I going to do with 5 lbs of mayonnaise...

 

[VaticanAssassin]

I have no idea why and can not justify this statement. ...... but Costco is better than Sams.

 

[LIVINRFANTASIES]

Denny

What am I going to do with 5 lbs of mayonnaise...

I've got a fantasy going on here now!

 

[OldJourno]

What am I going to do with 5 lbs of mayonnaise...

Make 40 pounds of tuna salad.

 

[cleaver]

They had a deal on pork loin. Bought two, gave one to a friend. He said he was a cook in the Army, but instead he beat his wife with it.
The pork loin, I mean.

since you have not yet petitioned to be taken seriously
and you try so earnestly to be... funn-unh...

your byline now reads "rick roll-ish tribute poster"

congrats

 

[Libsam]

I have no idea why and can not justify this statement. ...... but Costco is better than Sams.

Costco is too good to open where I live. Snobs!

 

[OldJourno]

since you have not yet petitioned to be taken seriously
and you try so earnestly to be... funn-unh...

your byline now reads "rick roll-ish tribute poster"

congrats

I was rick roll before the car wreck at the bakery. Amnesia is a terrible thing, even with a flaky crust.