In continuation to post #40 of THIS thread, I'll tell you what difference religion or theism made in my life.
For all my fetishes and sexual fantasies, in my real life, I never knew what I really wanted to do with the opposite gender. Which is why I'm still a virgin in my 36 years of age.
I don't think I'm so ugly that I wouldn't be able to get laid if I ever decided to try. The problem is I'm afraid I might regret it. I will feel that this way I will have betrayed my hypothetical dream girl, even though I haven't met her yet.
Other times, I think monogamy is bullshit and unrealistic and I consider trying to have sex with any attractive woman I lay eyes on (or just save some money to visit a brothel).
It's as if I'm two people in one body. A romantic boy who waits for his dream girl and an uncontrollable womanizer full of urges. Which of those two people is the real me? Sometimes I think it might take me all my life to figure this out, and still I might never figure it out.
When I believed in God, I thought that was the reason he sent me to this world: to figure out what I want from women. And when I discovered that, God would take me to Heaven, where I'd have an eternity at my disposal to enjoy my existence with the girl (or the girls) of my dreams.
But ever since I found out there is no God, everything seems pointless. Even if I do make up my mind regarding women someday, I'll still be doomed to the same eternal nonexistence after my death.
What's the point of meeting women when I know death will tear us apart forever? What's the point in any human relationship when you know that death will tear you apart forever?
Other atheists tell me that eternal oblivion is what makes your finite existence all the more worthwhile and gives you more reasons to make every moment count. I see their point, I understand that's a way to see it. But for me, it's not enough. Nothing matters to me without a God to care for me up there, without something to wait for me on the other side.
Why I haven't consulted a psychiatrist about that? I see no reason. Can a psychiatrist give me a God and an afterlife? No. He/she will just tell me the same thing atheists tell me. Why should I pay to hear the same stuff that I know won't convince me?
That's how I feel. I cannot change the way I feel.
For all my fetishes and sexual fantasies, in my real life, I never knew what I really wanted to do with the opposite gender. Which is why I'm still a virgin in my 36 years of age.
I don't think I'm so ugly that I wouldn't be able to get laid if I ever decided to try. The problem is I'm afraid I might regret it. I will feel that this way I will have betrayed my hypothetical dream girl, even though I haven't met her yet.
Other times, I think monogamy is bullshit and unrealistic and I consider trying to have sex with any attractive woman I lay eyes on (or just save some money to visit a brothel).
It's as if I'm two people in one body. A romantic boy who waits for his dream girl and an uncontrollable womanizer full of urges. Which of those two people is the real me? Sometimes I think it might take me all my life to figure this out, and still I might never figure it out.
When I believed in God, I thought that was the reason he sent me to this world: to figure out what I want from women. And when I discovered that, God would take me to Heaven, where I'd have an eternity at my disposal to enjoy my existence with the girl (or the girls) of my dreams.
But ever since I found out there is no God, everything seems pointless. Even if I do make up my mind regarding women someday, I'll still be doomed to the same eternal nonexistence after my death.
What's the point of meeting women when I know death will tear us apart forever? What's the point in any human relationship when you know that death will tear you apart forever?
Other atheists tell me that eternal oblivion is what makes your finite existence all the more worthwhile and gives you more reasons to make every moment count. I see their point, I understand that's a way to see it. But for me, it's not enough. Nothing matters to me without a God to care for me up there, without something to wait for me on the other side.
Why I haven't consulted a psychiatrist about that? I see no reason. Can a psychiatrist give me a God and an afterlife? No. He/she will just tell me the same thing atheists tell me. Why should I pay to hear the same stuff that I know won't convince me?
That's how I feel. I cannot change the way I feel.