Questions from a newbie domme

[DragonDomme]

Hello everyone.

You call me Miss B. I have been with my husband for 12 years now, and we have dabbled in BDSM play on and off for most of that time. We're on the verge of evolving into a more 24/7 D/s relationship, but I am having trouble of letting go of some of the things I like about vanilla intercourse.

We have had many amazing scenes and he is a very dedicated and subservient man, which makes it easy for me to create more scenes to keep things interesting. But I am looking for ideas to incorporating actual intercourse into our scenes. Fucking him while he is strapped down rarely gives me the physical satisfaction I desire, but I am afraid that allowing him to take a physically dominant position, even missionary or doggy-style, will ruin the overall atmosphere of submission that I want him to experience.

To my sister dommes out there, do you let your male subs penetrate you? Can you give me any tips or examples of how you direct scenes that incorporate sex with your subs that also give you sexual satisfaction?

Many thanks.

 

[BrightlyGo]

Sorry if I'm speaking out of turn, here, but there doesn't have to be anything inherently male-dominant about penetration. My wife & I have been married over 20 years, and having lots of PiV sex the whole time, even though I'm the sub (though not as much as me going down on her, of course). It's not the act but who's in control. Our favorite positions are cowgirl and doggy, to use the porn terms. Cowgirl's an obvious, even cliche femdomme position, and the one she consistently orgasms in. Doggy's the one that 'works,' for me, but she's still in control in that position. I ask how long she wants me to last and get permission to orgasm, and she can seize control of the rythm, herself, anyway. I feel utterly submissive in that position even though it's a penetrative one where the male can do the thrusting.

Missionary's different, but we consider that an 'exotic' position and don't use it much...


Of course, what different positions mean to you can be a personal thing. That's just our experience. But if you want to have sex in whatever position you enjoy, you should be able to work it into your play. Just make it another task he has to perform to please you, just like oral, or like doing any sort of para-sexual thing you might require. You could put limits or provisos on it - like the orgasm control we use, or specific instructions on how to move, how often, or for how long, or some other requirement (bring you off in a set time or face punishment maybe?). You could probably work creative restraint into it, too. If he's in a position where he can provide the movement, but restrained so the movement is difficult or painful....

... OK, gotta go She's calling me...

 

[Oubliette123]

Perhaps even if he is in a 'dominant' physical position you could still order him to stop/go at your leisure? Or in the missionary position have a crop in your hand? I think its the mindset that matters

 

[CBM514]

Tie him to the door and then back up against him...you can fuck your self that way and if he moves or thrusts into you or moans (or whatever limits you set) you can turn around, smack his cock a few times then try again...it's not necessarily the position that determines dominance, it the controls you set during the penetration...

 

[Stella_Omega]

This is a tricky one! Women are mostly receptive, sexually. Its just how our bodies work, and we must not allow the general, male-defined, culture to define how we ourselves define domination--not if we want our own satisfaction. Very few of us can be happy in a strapon every night.

Think of intercourse as a skill that he uses in service to you, like chauffeuring -- when he drives you are the passive passenger and he is in charge of the car. Likewise, you can order him to make sure of your orgasm, even if it means you are under him. If you require mutual satisfaction, meaning you need him to come in order for you to feel satisfied-- his orgasm is still in service to you.

And read the essay link in my sig, see if any of it rings any bells for you...

 

[Netzach]

Leave his shirt and tie on. Yank liberally around. You can be on your back just fine, make it about what you like and keep it about what you like and don't worry about his experience so much. That's the point.

I like getting drilled once in a a while and it's fun snarling your displeasure if he's being wimpy about it at all. You can direct in ways that aren't so ladylike and here's the playbook if that's not your style.

 

[axstone]

My wife sometimes uses a crop on my butt when I service her in the missionary position. This makes it quite clear who is in control.