Puns

[done_got_old]

A solitary farmer is a lone granger.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Military barbers shave their privates.

 

[done_got_old]

The testimony at the barbershop is mostly hair-say.

 

[calculated_risks761]

No matter how kind you are, German children are kinder.

 

[done_got_old]

My cavity wasn't fixed by my regular dentist, but by a guy who was filling in.

 

[porkyrocket69]

What do you call a rabbit with fleas?



Bugs Bunny

In honor of his 80th birthday today.

 

[done_got_old]

I applied for a job as a weatherman, but my knowledge of meteorology was a little cloudy.

 

[LWulf]

I was so embarrassed the other day. I opened up the refrigerator door and saw the salad dressing!

 

[mnbreastluver]

Smoking will kill you. Bacon will kill you. But smoking bacon is a cure.

 

[done_got_old]

Weight loss pills stolen this morning - police say suspects are still at large.

 

[ashik09]

There was an explosion at a sugar candy factory. The resulting slurry flooded a nearby insurance company.

Eyewitnesses reported that the numbers have been fudged.

 

[done_got_old]

The girl quit her job at the doughnut factory because she was fed up with the hole business.

 

[ashik09]

Girl fired from Tickle-Me-Elmo production line when she misunderstood the instruction, "Give Elmo two test tickles."

 

[done_got_old]

My dog has an attitude. He is a cocky spaniel.

 

[ashik09]

Using a steamroller to construct a smooth road is asphalt and flattery.

 

[done_got_old]

When I opened the first snow-pea pod, one fell out and rolled under the fridge. One might say it was an escapea.

 

[done_got_old]

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.

After an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.

"But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

 

[greeneyedvirgin]

I slept like a log last night. Woke up in the fireplace.

 

[prof39]

He longed to be a juggler but just didn't have the balls for it.

 

[ashik09]

People who write reviews of mattresses often do fluff pieces.

 

[LWulf]

"fool proof" is pretty much an impossible concept, because fools are so ingenious.

 

[done_got_old]

Smaller babies may be delivered by stork but the heavier ones need a crane.

 

[Ask For More]

Marvel should put advertisements on the Hulk. He's essentially a giant Banner after all.

 

[mnbreastluver]

A naked bisexual polar bear with bipolar disorder, is a bare bipolar bi polar bear.

 

[done_got_old]

The invention of dynamite sure was ground breaking.