Puns

[mnbreastluver]

Needless to say, the phrase 'needless to say' is actually needless to say.

 

[OldUncleJack]

I need to get a vegetable patch..... cure my addiction to cabbages.

 

[done_got_old]

What kind of crime is committed when a bird is attacked? A featheral offense

 

[mnbreastluver]

If someone sued over luggage, it could be a suit suit or a case case.

 

[done_got_old]

Luggage salespeople have to make a good case for you to buy.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Most people will probably never put gloves in their glove compartment.

 

[done_got_old]

The magician got so mad, he pulled his hare out.

 

[mnbreastluver]

A well done steak is not a well done steak.

 

[done_got_old]

The girl quit her job at the doughnut factory because she was fed up with the hole business.

 

[mnbreastluver]

"Placebos work even if you know it's a Placebo" is a secondary placebo so they continue to work.

 

[done_got_old]

Butchers link sausage to make ends meat.

 

[done_got_old]

http://i468.photobucket.com/albums/rr47/done-got-old/Untitled-3_zpsl9ue1hl1.png

 

[mnbreastluver]

A werewolf who doesn’t know that they’re a werewolf would be an unawarewolf.

 

[done_got_old]

A young missionary on his first term in Africa was reading his Bible in a clearing when a lion came up and laid down beside him. As he quietly prayed for deliverance, another lion came out of the bush and laid down by his other side. Convinced that this was a test of his faith, he returned to reading his Bible. As soon as he did, the two lions pounced on him and devoured him. Moral: Don't try to read between the lions.

 

[mnbreastluver]

A dog with his leg wrapped in bandages hobbles into a saloon. He sidles up to the bar and announces, "I'm lookin fer the man who shot my paw."

 

[done_got_old]

A dog with his leg wrapped in bandages hobbles into a saloon. He sidles up to the bar and announces,"I'm lookin fer the man who shot my paw."

Some things really makes me laugh. I've heard this before, but this time I read "paw" as "pa" and dog is a Yorky trying to be tough. I think it's nap time.

 

[done_got_old]

I got a gold filling and put my money where my mouth is.

 

[done_got_old]

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

 

[done_got_old]

Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Blowing a seal can get you fired from your job as a mechanic or a zookeeper

 

[done_got_old]

I wanted to bid at the silent auction, but it was not aloud.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Introverts don't make new friends, they get adopted by extroverts.

 

[done_got_old]

A no-fly zone prohibits zippers.

 

[done_got_old]

The storm chaser was so fascinated by tornadoes that he tended to get carried away.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Bread is just like the sun. It rises in the yeast and sets in the waist.