Puns

[done_got_old]

My best friend and I attended culinary school together and then opened our own restaurant. I guess we are taste buds.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Life-guards are just the “Poolice”

 

[done_got_old]

Did you hear the one about the woman who threw her toaster away because it kept burning the bread? She was black toast intolerant

 

[_valkyrie_]

People who cannot distinguish between etymology and entomology bug me in ways I cannot put into words.

 

[done_got_old]

Did you hear about the crime that happened in a parking garage? It was wrong on so many levels.

 

[mnbreastluver]

The first person to ever copy, was, in fact, very original.

 

[Ask For More]

I was told vodka was the answer to all my problems. I think it's worth a shot.

 

[done_got_old]

Being stripped of her Citrus Queen title was a bitter disappointment.

 

[done_got_old]

Weight loss pills stolen this morning - police say suspects are still at large.

 

[o2baPrince]

Dang. I've wasted years reading stories on Lit when I could have wasted them here...

 

[mnbreastluver]

Not getting a message back is a message.

 

[celticlady]

Being stripped of her Citrus Queen title was a bitter disappointment.

When she lost her appeal, she got all pithy

 

[Ask For More]

When she lost her appeal, she got all pithy

Did it leave a sour taste in her mouth?

 

[mnbreastluver]

Time flies when you are having fun. But if you are a frog, time is fun when you are having flies.

 

[done_got_old]

Having rumpled clothing is a pressing issue, but I am sure that I can iron out a solution.

 

[mnbreastluver]

What do you call an alligator in a vest?

An investigator.

 

[done_got_old]

Installing auto mufflers is exhausting work.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Installing auto mufflers is exhausting work.

Lol I was planning on using that one.

A burrito walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve food."

 

[clistenovena]

I did a theatrical performance based on puns once. It was all about a play on words.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Attention everyone! My friend David was a victim of ID theft. Now we just call him Dav.

 

[done_got_old]

You can't run through a campground. You can only ran, because it is past tents!

 

[mnbreastluver]

A man entered a local newspaper pun contest. He sent in 10 different puns hoping at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

 

[done_got_old]

I met two policemen in a lift, I realized then I was going down.

 

[mnbreastluver]

What did one eye say to the other eye?
Between me and you, something smells

 

[done_got_old]

The defendant in a coffee theft trial refused to testify on the grounds that could incriminate him.