Puns

[mnbreastluver]

If you cut off your left arm, then your right arm will be left

 

[done_got_old]

A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Technically carrot juice is orange juice

 

[done_got_old]

I wanted to lose weight so I went to the paint store. I heard I could get thinner there.

 

[done_got_old]

My dog has an attitude. He is a cocky spaniel.

 

[mnbreastluver]

To prevent a piece of paper from folding, you put it in a folder.

 

[done_got_old]

I went to the zoo yesterday and saw a baguette in a cage. The zoo keeper told me it was bread in captivity.

 

[done_got_old]

The British cannibal enjoyed snacking on fish and chaps.

 

[done_got_old]

Weight loss pills stolen this morning - police say suspects are still at large.

 

[done_got_old]

If your computer doesn't work, I might have some Bits and PCs that could help.

 

[mnbreastluver]

What happened when the cannibal was late to dinner?
He got the cold shoulder.

 

[done_got_old]

I never liked befriending assassins. They're all backstabbers.

 

[done_got_old]

When it comes to dancing, no one can just waltz in and learn instantly. Sometimes it takes a quick-step, or sometimes you need to hustle around. But eventually anyone can get the swing of it.

 

[mnbreastluver]

A fuckton is usually less than a regular ton

 

[ashik09]

Did you hear about the arena where they do lecherous acts? It's so busy that the only way you can get there is in a high-occupancy vehicle and taking the overpass.

It's a carpool tunnel sin-drome.

 

[mnbreastluver]

You know you can tell whether an ant is a girl or a boy by dropping it in the water . If it sinks, girl ant. If it floats, boy ant.

 

[done_got_old]

Money launderers are filthy rich!

 

[mnbreastluver]

I did a theatrical performance about puns. Really, it was just a play on words.

 

[done_got_old]

I've been to the dentist several times so I know the drill.

 

[ashik09]

I've been to the dentist several times so I know the drill.

On a related note: dentists do it orally.

 

[mnbreastluver]

People who sleepwalk are following their dreams.

 

[done_got_old]

I tried asking my dentist out but she brushed me off. Don't worry it was her floss.

 

[mnbreastluver]

How is an undertaker like a bottle of cough syrup?
They both take away the coffin.

 

[ashik09]

You want me to cover up the face of this small horse?

Why would you mask a pony?

(Sounds better out loud.)

 

[mnbreastluver]

Why did the student bring scissors to school?
Because he wanted to cut class.