Puns

[done_got_old]

Never make fun of a Scotsman's traditional garb. You could get kilt that way.

 

[mnbreastluver]

I'm failing geometry because I refuse to believe that pie are sqaured.

 

[done_got_old]

An acupuncturist keeps you on pins and needles.

 

[mnbreastluver]

In a nutshell, an acorn is an oak tree.

 

[done_got_old]

Obituaries of those hanged in the old west used to be posted in the noose paper.

 

[mnbreastluver]

In a nutshell, an acorn is an oak tree

 

[done_got_old]

When notes get in treble, bass-ically they get put behind bars. The alto-nate punishment is to push them off a clef and hope they land flat on sharp objects.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Did you hear about the crab that went to the Seafood disco?
He pulled a mussel.

 

[done_got_old]

The nudist was acquitted of indecent exposure because nobody could pin the wrap on her.

 

[done_got_old]

Is old rope good enough for a hanging? Frayed knot. That stuff is bad noose.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you run in front of a car you get tired. If you run behind a car you get exhausted

 

[done_got_old]

When the prisoner was told by his lawyer that he had gotten a stay of execution, he smiled and said, "Well, no noose is good noose."

 

[mnbreastluver]

Instead of a sign that says “No Fishing” a sign that says “No Fish” would be more effective.

 

[done_got_old]

When I treated my friends to lunch at the Mexican fast food restaurant I had to pay the taco bill.

 

[mnbreastluver]

An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind. An aye for an aye makes the whole world agree.

 

[done_got_old]

Butchers link sausage to make ends meat

 

[mnbreastluver]

If King Midas picks his nose, he's digging for gold.

 

[done_got_old]

Eager for some bargains, she was itching to get to the flea market.

 

[done_got_old]

My wife found a twenty in my pants pocket after she washed and dried them. I had to turn her in to the authorities for money laundering.

 

[mnbreastluver]

To spell Panda you just need P and A.

 

[celticlady]

The cook tried to crack a smile, but the yolk's on him!

 

[mnbreastluver]

When you realise you overthink you overthink about overthinking only to overthink even more.

 

[done_got_old]

Things made in Australia are high koala-ty.

 

[mnbreastluver]

They say quitters never win but we’re always told to quit while we’re ahead.

 

[done_got_old]

People are choosing cremation over traditional burial. It shows that they are thinking out of the box.