Puns

[mnbreastluver]

If you’ve ever found the perfect hiding place, you’ve never found the perfect hiding place.

 

[mnbreastluver]

The guy saying “the only thing that stops a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun” is the guy trying to sell two guns.

 

[done_got_old]

I have an idea for a chain of Elvis Presley steak houses. It will be for people who love meat tender.

 

[mnbreastluver]

You can’t rush anywhere during rush hour traffic.

 

[done_got_old]

I should have been sad when my flashlight batteries died, but I was delighted.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Bread is just like the sun. It rises in the yeast and sets in the waist.

 

[done_got_old]

I don't know if I just got hit by freezing rain, but it hurt like hail.

 

[done_got_old]

“When she saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she'd dye.”

 

[mnbreastluver]

5 is the most even digit of all odd digits.

 

[done_got_old]

Inferior dumplings are a sign of wonton neglect.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Anyone who says “bad sex is like a bad pizza, even when it’s bad it’s good” has never had bad sex or a bad pizza.

 

[prof39]

A waist is a terrible thing to mind

 

[mnbreastluver]

Using a dollar bill as a book mark is cheaper than buying a bookmark.

 

[done_got_old]

If you get sick at the airport it could be a terminal illness.

 

[done_got_old]

When the two magicians liked each other on their first date, it was love at first slight.

 

[done_got_old]

Did you hear about that lightbulb party. It was totally lit.

 

[mnbreastluver]

When you light a lighter it gets lighter until it’s too light to light.

 

[done_got_old]

My best friend and I attended culinary school together and then opened our own restaurant. I guess we are taste buds.

 

[mnbreastluver]

The line between “drugs will destroy your life” and “we’ll destroy your life if we catch you doing drugs” is apparently a blurred one.

 

[done_got_old]

The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

 

[done_got_old]

Sadly my teacher, who could use two typewriters at one time, got fired for stereotyping.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you successfully paid off your college degree, then your college degree paid off.

 

[done_got_old]

Electricians go with the flow, never against the current!

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you drank a whole bottle of food coloring you could dye.

 

[done_got_old]

I once got into so much debt that I couldn't even afford my electricity bills, they were the darkest times of my life.