Puns

[mnbreastluver]

These new corduroy pillows are making headlines!

 

[done_got_old]

Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.

 

[mnbreastluver]

I have a fear of speed bumps, but I am slowly getting over it.

 

[done_got_old]

The farmer who got arrested couldn't make bale so he asked his best friend to combine his money with his so he could be set free.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you’re trapped in a well, you yourself are not well, but everything around you is well.

 

[done_got_old]

Grocery store workers must let the customer decide if they want paper or plastic because baggers can't be choosers.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you kill a killer, the number of killers in the world remains the same. If you want there to be less killers in the world, you’ll need to go on a killer killing spree.

 

[done_got_old]

Did you hear about the crime that happened in a parking garage? It was wrong on so many levels.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you buy a bigger bed you have more bed room but less “bedroom”.

 

[done_got_old]

How did Mister Nucleus escape from prison? Through the cell wall.

 

[mnbreastluver]

What do you get from a pampered cow?
Spoiled Milk.

 

[prof39]

The president is trying to teach an old dogma new tricks

 

[done_got_old]

I know a lot of jokes about bad pole-vaulters, but none of them seem to go over very well.

 

[mnbreastluver]

It’s all shits and giggles till someone giggles and shits.

 

[done_got_old]

It’s all shits and giggles till someone giggles and shits.

So true, especially for old folk like me.

 

[mnbreastluver]

So true, especially for old folk like me.

I didn’t need to know that!

 

[done_got_old]

I didn’t need to know that!

I have yet to suffer a case of giggleshits.


In certain sexual harassment cases things can get kind of touchy.

 

[done_got_old]

Money launderers are filthy rich!

 

[mnbreastluver]

I have yet to suffer a case of giggleshits.


In certain sexual harassment cases things can get kind of touchy.

Okay, good. That would suck.


I have an idea for a chain of Elvis Presley steak houses. It will be for people who love meat tender..

 

[done_got_old]

Okay, good. That would suck.


I have an idea for a chain of Elvis Presley steak houses. It will be for people who love meat tender..

This is a good one. So good because I posted it on 3/26.

The girl quit her job at the doughnut factory because she was fed up with the hole business.

 

[mnbreastluver]

This is a good one. So good because I posted it on 3/26.

The girl quit her job at the doughnut factory because she was fed up with the hole business.

Lol that is and I never saw it before.


When the trucker tried to salvage metal from batteries, he was overcome by D-cell fumes and threw up in the zinc.

 

[done_got_old]

Lol that is and I never saw it before.


When the trucker tried to salvage metal from batteries, he was overcome by D-cell fumes and threw up in the zinc.

I remembered it only because of Elvis. I'm sure I've repeated a pun or a joke or two.

Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.

 

[mnbreastluver]

A young boy swallowed some coins and was taken to the hospital. When his grandfather called to ask how he was, the nurse replied "no change yet."

 

[done_got_old]

A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

 

[mnbreastluver]

England doesn't have a kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.