Public play

[ownedsubgal]

You have not convinced me that there is ever a "need" for physical correction/discipline in public. Your spin on the various scenarios in an attempt to do so is what I consider b.s.

the need for physical correction or discipline in public comes in when two people who love each other and are having an otherwise lovely day together, want to move past the hiccup, clear the air, and continue on with their positive day. without that immediate physical action, a sullen and distressed mood festers, the day is shot, there will be no ice cream sharing or hand holding. and the more time passes, the more intense the negative feelings.

now perhaps to you it is acceptable to go through this, in order to be 100% positive that the general public will not be offended by your actions, but it is absolutely not acceptable to us.

 

[eastern sun]

the need for physical correction or discipline in public comes in when two people who love each other and are having an otherwise lovely day together, want to move past the hiccup, clear the air, and continue on with their positive day. without that immediate physical action, a sullen and distressed mood festers, the day is shot, there will be no ice cream sharing or hand holding. and the more time passes, the more intense the negative feelings.

now perhaps to you it is acceptable to go through this, in order to be 100% positive that the general public will not be offended by your actions, but it is absolutely not acceptable to us.

I understand this. And that sharp, decisive act does in fact clear the air in our relationship too.

I do think, though, that there are relationships where physical punishment gives rise to sullen festering moods, especially when the recipient doesn't think the punishment is warranted and/or appropriate, and that is why this situation can be so easily misunderstood.

 

[JMohegan]

the need for physical correction or discipline in public comes in when two people who love each other and are having an otherwise lovely day together, want to move past the hiccup, clear the air, and continue on with their positive day. without that immediate physical action, a sullen and distressed mood festers, the day is shot, there will be no ice cream sharing or hand holding. and the more time passes, the more intense the negative feelings.

now perhaps to you it is acceptable to go through this, in order to be 100% positive that the general public will not be offended by your actions, but it is absolutely not acceptable to us.

This is exactly what I meant yesterday, when I observed that indulging his urges is clearly more important to both of you than the "sensibilities" of the general public.

Osg, I realize that you have been shut off from family and friends, and kept alone in a house that you only leave in the company of your master. So you may have literally no frame of reference for what I'm saying, but the fact is that there are many men - including some who wholeheartedly embrace M/s - who could process the "relatively minor" behavioral incident you describe in the quote below without "killing his mood" or resorting to violence. A look, a brief exchange of words, would be more than sufficient.

This "need" you describe is a fabrication created by your master. You respect it; I don't. It's as simple as that.

and finally, sometimes, in order to achieve the end result he desires, there is definitely a need to hit me in public. an example would be if we are out and about to enjoy a lovely day together...ice cream at the park, a great movie, sharing affection like infatuated teenagers, etc...and in the course of this day, i misbehave in some relatively minor way. perhaps it's sharing an opinion or feeling that was not wanted. this brings displeasure and irritation to my Master, killing his mood considerably.

 

[unknooown]

This signifies to me his inability (or refusal to) postpone pleasure. Like JMohegan said, a simple look can be an incrediby powerful tool. There's no reason he can't signify to you (without putting his hands on you) that there will be hell to pay once he gets you alone. If he's unable to let his negative feelings go in order to enjoy an afternoon that's honestly something he should work on because shit doesn't always go your way. When I'm in this position I make sure my girlfriend understands that she will be punished when the time is right, and then I forget about it until then. If knowing what's coming ruins the rest of her afternoon that's her fucking problem as she should not have pissed me off. But there's never a time where I need to put my hands on her RIGHT THIS SECOND or the day is ruined.

 

[ownedsubgal]

This is exactly what I meant yesterday, when I observed that indulging his urges is clearly more important to both of you than the "sensibilities" of the general public.

Osg, I realize that you have been shut off from family and friends, and kept alone in a house that you only leave in the company of your master. So you may have literally no frame of reference for what I'm saying, but the fact is that there are many men - including some who wholeheartedly embrace M/s - who could process the "relatively minor" behavioral incident you describe in the quote below without "killing his mood" or resorting to violence. A look, a brief exchange of words, would be more than sufficient.

This "need" you describe is a fabrication created by your master. You respect it; I don't. It's as simple as that.

it is no fabrication, it is simply the way it is, given both his personality and mine. when i fowl up, i tend to dwell on it, beat myself up internally over it, feel like utter s**t because of it. it will kill a good day or pleasant moment just like that, for me. the alternatives you describe...a "look," a few words, etc..that is fine if the whole point is letting me know his displeasure and modifying my behavior. but that is not needed with me...i have been his slave for a long time, i know when he is displeased, i know how to get myself in check instantly. that is not the issue. the issue is the festering negative feelings that i personally cannot get past quickly without immediate physical discipline.

likewise, if i have displeased him, then naturally that will dampen his mood considerably. He too needs an outlet for the frustration and tension i have caused, in order to emotionally right himself again. now some stranger cutting him off on in traffic will piss him off, but 10 minutes later it is forgotten, it means nothing. but it is different with me...i am his slave, i should know better, it is very disappointing because he expects so much.

bottom line...everyone is different. you are not like my Master, and i am not the sort of submissive you could ever tolerate. i certainly can understand that someone who sulked and fell into despair with every mistake they made would be entirely too emotionally high maintenance for most men, Dominant or otherwise. i can also understand that someone as demanding, uncompromising and temperamental as my Master would be too much for most women, submissive or otherwise. but luckily we fit each other just fine.

 

[ownedsubgal]

I understand this. And that sharp, decisive act does in fact clear the air in our relationship too.

I do think, though, that there are relationships where physical punishment gives rise to sullen festering moods, especially when the recipient doesn't think the punishment is warranted and/or appropriate, and that is why this situation can be so easily misunderstood.

yes that is true too, it is all in how one is wired. there have been a few times very early on in our relationship when i felt i was punished somewhat unjustly...maybe a circumstance had been misconstrued, or i was not given the opportunity to provide an explanation. but i still say only "somewhat" because whether wires were crossed or not, the fact remains that i was the cause of displeasure and that alone justifies punishment in my mind. but everyone is not emotionally wired for such a dynamic in their personal relationships...most probably, are not.

 

[Netzach]

In my opinion, "volatile" behavior, making the wait staff worry about whether they need to intervene to protect your safety, is in an entirely different category than bratty kid behavior or public fucking. It's just a shittier thing to do to people - even if they're from New York and will get over it faster than Iowa folk.

It's also just higher risk.

To me, it displays a lack of long-term thinking. You are literally jeopardizing your entire relationship over a short term corrective action. One person's misinterpretation, one cop who doesn't care to listen to the details, one judge who isn't hip to alternative lifestyle modes and you are possibly fucked for years.

That doesn't make sense to me. I have it a lot easier though, as F/m. If I were slapping him in the face in public a lot of people would just laugh, fucked up as that is. I still don't go there because someone somewhere will not and will pick up a phone.A woman went to jail in MA for spanking another woman with a wooden spoon at a play party, lest anyone think this is paranoid.

The worst rap I want to invoke as a worst-case scenario is something just plain weird and random. It need never even emerge that the reason the defendant was wearing that is because he was told to. Dust off, pay fines, get on with life.

 

[SimonBrooke]

Ditto. The most I ever get in public is a sharp swat on the ass.

This is the difference between 'in a public place (with no-one else present)' and 'in public (with the public present)'. I have never given even a sharp swat in public. There are ways I will use humiliation and pain, but that is not one. However, in a public place, I have used a belt and expect to again.

There's never a "need" to hit someone in public. Just as there's never a "need" for corrective humiliation in front of the wait staff. And letting a temper flare in front of other people is either a conscious choice, or evidence of a lack of self control.

With special reference to current news stories about the British Prime Minister, I feel nothing but contempt for people who cannot or will not control their temper. Displays of temper are not a sign of dominance, since dominance is about control and loss of temper is about its lack. And I have learned from experience (having, to my shame, done it once) that playing BDSM games when genuinely angry with the other person is psychologically dangerous for both partners.

the need for physical correction or discipline in public comes in when two people who love each other and are having an otherwise lovely day together, want to move past the hiccup, clear the air, and continue on with their positive day. without that immediate physical action, a sullen and distressed mood festers, the day is shot, there will be no ice cream sharing or hand holding. and the more time passes, the more intense the negative feelings.

However, this makes a great deal of sense to me. Indeed, if I had learned that lesson, I can think of many days which might have gone better! But having said that there are more forms of instant corrective action open to a confident dom than physical violence, however token.

 

[callinectes2]

I had not intended this to become a jump on OSG point. I was just pointing out that your Master's public actions potentially affect more people than just you. I get he is careful, etc. etc. but really he should have more regards for other people. By the way, did you mean to use the term "sensibilities" in a derogatory fashion? That is the way it read and I admit it peeved me...as though I am some kind of nosy silly person because I'd be concerned if I saw someone being hit.

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

This is the difference between 'in a public place (with no-one else present)' and 'in public (with the public present)'.

I like the simplicity of this explanation. With all the words being thrown around, I think this is the definer.

 

[Etoile]

I don't care about scarred for life, but there's a certain amount of no one wants to see that shit, really, even if you feel so cool.

This is exactly how I feel.

 

[Etoile]

the need for physical correction or discipline in public comes in when two people who love each other and are having an otherwise lovely day together, want to move past the hiccup, clear the air, and continue on with their positive day. without that immediate physical action, a sullen and distressed mood festers, the day is shot, there will be no ice cream sharing or hand holding. and the more time passes, the more intense the negative feelings.

What I'm noticing in this conversation is the phrase "the need for physical correction in public" - it's not a "need to do it in public," it's a "need to do it and HAPPEN to be in public." Clearer?

 

[ownedsubgal]

What I'm noticing in this conversation is the phrase "the need for physical correction in public" - it's not a "need to do it in public," it's a "need to do it and HAPPEN to be in public." Clearer?

exactly.

 

[JMohegan]

What I'm noticing in this conversation is the phrase "the need for physical correction in public" - it's not a "need to do it in public," it's a "need to do it and HAPPEN to be in public." Clearer?

Sure.

As in: I got the urge to pee while waiting for the valet to get my car last night. The choices I considered were: waiting till I got home to relieve myself, or heading back in to the men's room at the restaurant. I chose the latter.

At no point did I think it would be appropriate to relieve myself out there on the sidewalk, hoping that no one would notice.

It's also just higher risk.

To me, it displays a lack of long-term thinking. You are literally jeopardizing your entire relationship over a short term corrective action. One person's misinterpretation, one cop who doesn't care to listen to the details, one judge who isn't hip to alternative lifestyle modes and you are possibly fucked for years.

That doesn't make sense to me. I have it a lot easier though, as F/m. If I were slapping him in the face in public a lot of people would just laugh, fucked up as that is. I still don't go there because someone somewhere will not and will pick up a phone.A woman went to jail in MA for spanking another woman with a wooden spoon at a play party, lest anyone think this is paranoid.

The worst rap I want to invoke as a worst-case scenario is something just plain weird and random. It need never even emerge that the reason the defendant was wearing that is because he was told to. Dust off, pay fines, get on with life.

I agree about the risk factor - these days more than ever.

Cell phone cameras abound, there are surveillance cameras all over. Chances of your public behavior actually being recorded just aren't that slim.

 

[ownedsubgal]

Sure.

As in: I got the urge to pee while waiting for the valet to get my car last night. The choices I considered were: waiting till I got home to relieve myself, or heading back in to the men's room at the restaurant. I chose the latter.

At no point did I think it would be appropriate to relieve myself out there on the sidewalk, hoping that no one would notice.

yes, my Master twisting my wrist under the table as we sit side by side in a restaurant booth, or slapping my face in an empty stairwell at a nightclub is equivalent to someone whipping out their penis and pissing on a public sidewalk. *sigh*

more and more this is feeling like a place i just don't belong.

 

[JMohegan]

yes, my Master twisting my wrist under the table as we sit side by side in a restaurant booth, or slapping my face in an empty stairwell at a nightclub is equivalent to someone whipping out their penis and pissing on a public sidewalk. *sigh*

more and more this is feeling like a place i just don't belong.

Now you're changing your story.

And passive aggressive. What a surprise.

Here's an idea, osg. If you don't like my opinion, don't read it.

 

[ownedsubgal]

Now you're changing your story.

And passive aggressive. What a surprise.

Here's an idea, osg. If you don't like my opinion, don't read it.

changing what story? passive aggressive?

you confuse me to no end JMohegan. for reasons beyond my comprehension, you have clearly developed a strong dislike for me and it seems pretty much anything i post nowadays leaves a bad taste in your mouth. there's nothing i can do about that of course, but if someone has a problem with me, i prefer just having it spelled out plain. openly disrespecting me (not to mention the One who owns me) at every turn just comes across as bullying.

 

[Homburg]

it is no fabrication, it is simply the way it is, given both his personality and mine. when i fowl up, i tend to dwell on it, beat myself up internally over it, feel like utter s**t because of it. it will kill a good day or pleasant moment just like that, for me. the alternatives you describe...a "look," a few words, etc..that is fine if the whole point is letting me know his displeasure and modifying my behavior. but that is not needed with me...i have been his slave for a long time, i know when he is displeased, i know how to get myself in check instantly. that is not the issue. the issue is the festering negative feelings that i personally cannot get past quickly without immediate physical discipline.

The word I've used for this in the past is "expiation." Sometimes some sort of release is needed, else the guilt will wear away at the person who has done some wrong in their own eyes. While I have not done such in these circumstances, I can certainly understand the idea of guilt grinding away at someone and destroying their mood. I've seen it often enough, and realise that different people need different forms of release from those emotions. Some may be able to release it themselves; others need external assistance to process it more quickly.

 

[JMohegan]

changing what story? passive aggressive?

you confuse me to no end JMohegan. for reasons beyond my comprehension, you have clearly developed a strong dislike for me and it seems pretty much anything i post nowadays leaves a bad taste in your mouth. there's nothing i can do about that of course, but if someone has a problem with me, i prefer just having it spelled out plain. openly disrespecting me (not to mention the One who owns me) at every turn just comes across as bullying.

I don't buy the poor-innocent-me routine, osg, and I don't buy the notion that this exchange is beyond your comprehension. I used to, but I don't any more. I now read you as extremely manipulative.

That's as plain as I can spell it.

 

[Etoile]

I now read you as extremely manipulative.

I haven't seen anything that would suggest this, but I often take people at face value. Where did you get this notion?

 

[JMohegan]

I haven't seen anything that would suggest this, but I often take people at face value. Where did you get this notion?

Interesting that you haven't addressed a similar question to osg, regarding her assertion that I am "bullying."

I'll pass on responding. First, because it's off-topic; second, because the question is personal but relating to someone who didn't ask it; and finally, because it doesn't matter. My opinions on hitting in public stand, regardless of whom I am addressing when I express them.

 

[Etoile]

Interesting that you haven't addressed a similar question to osg, regarding her assertion that I am "bullying."

Because I have seen things that could be perceived as bullying, but I have not seen things that could be perceived as manipulative. Hence the question.

I'll pass on responding. First, because it's off-topic; second, because the question is personal but relating to someone who didn't ask it; and finally, because it doesn't matter. My opinions on hitting in public stand, regardless of whom I am addressing when I express them.

Up to you. Although if it doesn't matter, why are you harping on osg? You could just say to yourself, "I think she is full of shit and I'm not going to respond to her anymore" but you continue to squabble.

I don't expect you to answer that one either; we'll call it rhetorical and leave it at that.

 

[JMohegan]

Because I have seen things that could be perceived as bullying, but I have not seen things that could be perceived as manipulative. Hence the question.


Up to you. Although if it doesn't matter, why are you harping on osg? You could just say to yourself, "I think she is full of shit and I'm not going to respond to her anymore" but you continue to squabble.

I don't expect you to answer that one either; we'll call it rhetorical and leave it at that.

It's not a question I could answer, even if I wanted to. From my perspective, "harping on osg" is not what's been happening.

 

[00Syd]

Oh, goodness gracious.

 

[callinectes2]

yes, my Master twisting my wrist under the table as we sit side by side in a restaurant booth, or slapping my face in an empty stairwell at a nightclub is equivalent to someone whipping out their penis and pissing on a public sidewalk. *sigh*

more and more this is feeling like a place i just don't belong.

In the past, you have said he punched you in a mall food court and slapped you in the aisle of a grocery store. Both are a far cry from an empty stairwell. As I have said before, it is crappy to put other people in the position of seeing this. I know you have no control and your Master doesn't give a flying flip about my opinion, but I'm giving it anyway. LOL