Polyamory and ethical non-monogamy

[InfiniteGiraffe]

I looked to see if someone already started a thread like this.

I'm a married bisexual polyamorous male with a girlfriend and some casual lovers. I've got a great network of people around me, but unfortunately, this network is so interconnected, that it is usually hard to get advice because so many people are so involved with each other.

Anyone else polya and need a literotica network? Is there one and I just overlooked it?

 

[KimGordon67]

I looked to see if someone already started a thread like this.

I'm a married bisexual polyamorous male with a girlfriend and some casual lovers. I've got a great network of people around me, but unfortunately, this network is so interconnected, that it is usually hard to get advice because so many people are so involved with each other.

Anyone else polya and need a literotica network? Is there one and I just overlooked it?

So what is it you're really wanting - a pool from which to draw potential lovers?

 

[InfiniteGiraffe]

So what is it you're really wanting - a pool from which to draw potential lovers?

Haha. No. Although I can understand that others might benefit from that. I have people I date and see locally, and I'm quite satisfied. But this tight-knit community does make it difficult to ask questions and get advice, because everyone knows everyone else.

 

[Dirtygirl_x0x0]

I'm also poly and practice ethical non-monogamy in a kink community where it's tight-knit and often several overlap in partners.

 

[KimGordon67]

OK ... this thread meanders in and out of some of those discussions. It's a little auto-bio on my part, and that definitely colours a lot of the discussion, but I think there's room for various conversations.

... or otherwise just start a thread for that purpose - oh, I guess you already have.

 

[cliteatingman]

Hi . I am poly.

 

[Erotic69er]

I’m a great advocate of polyamory

I also enjoy very loving and sexually pleasurable relationships with a small circle of friends who often overlap. It is such a lovely way to evolve friendships where sharing pleasure enhances day to day life.
You have to be giving and free of jealousy. Sharing is caring.

 

[policywank]

What advice do you seek?

 

[screwher]

I'm in a monogamous relationship. My wife isn't.

 

[Erotic69er]

Polyamory seems so natural to me.

As a student at University I boarded with an attractive older couple who very quickly introduced me to the joys and excitement of polyamory. They were very bohemian and liberated sexually. Naturists and part of a small circle of very loving friends they they enjoyed sharing one another sexually. It wasn’t long before we formed a very loving manage a trois. They taught me so much sexually and introduced me to the pleasure of bisexuality and their other friends. Being much younger that this group I was very popular and often got invited to their friends for supper and sex.
Since then polyamory has been the norm for me. It’s lovely sharing one another.

 

[InfiniteGiraffe]

What advice do you seek?

Just situational things. For instance, my wife and her boyfriend are having their one year anniversary coming up. She acts like she doesn't care about sentimental things, but I know she does deep down. Don't know if by reaching out to him to give him tips on making it special for her, whether it is meddling or not.

 

[InfiniteGiraffe]

I'm in a monogamous relationship. My wife isn't.

Explain. Your wife is polyamorous or cheating?

 

[policywank]

Just situational things. For instance, my wife and her boyfriend are having their one year anniversary coming up. She acts like she doesn't care about sentimental things, but I know she does deep down. Don't know if by reaching out to him to give him tips on making it special for her, whether it is meddling or not.

That is a good question. Do you know him reasonably well? If it were me I would think in terms of why this crosses your mind.

If he is close to you and you want to give him a heads up on how to appeal to her then do so. That is a simple “hey pay attention” to a friend, not meddling.

If you are doing it because you want to see her feel appreciated then maybe don’t. That feels more like meddling and telling someone what they should do in a situation that is not your business.

It isn’t for you to tell other people how to interact with your loved ones unless they are causing harm (as opposed to missing an opportunity to be ideal).

 

[InfiniteGiraffe]

That is a good question. Do you know him reasonably well? If it were me I would think in terms of why this crosses your mind.

If he is close to you and you want to give him a heads up on how to appeal to her then do so. That is a simple “hey pay attention” to a friend, not meddling.

If you are doing it because you want to see her feel appreciated then maybe don’t. That feels more like meddling and telling someone what they should do in a situation that is not your business.

It isn’t for you to tell other people how to interact with your loved ones unless they are causing harm (as opposed to missing an opportunity to be ideal).

Good distinction. For me, I can imagine a friend saying "Hey, isn't your anniversary coming up? Any special plans?" I'd appreciate that.

 

[policywank]

Good distinction. For me, I can imagine a friend saying "Hey, isn't your anniversary coming up? Any special plans?" I'd appreciate that.

Exactly. Because that friend is helping you, their friend. But if someone who barely knows you but is close to your wife does it feel like the same thing?

 

[Erotic69er]

Close friendships enhance our sexual pleasures

I find the close bonds and friendships over the years have optimised our pleasure.
My wife although bisexual enjoys the very loving bonds with a few of the women in our ever increasing group of friends. She enjoys 1on1 lesbian fun the best rather than 3sum or group sex which I prefer although for me nothing beats the intensity and diversity of bi 3sum sex whether as a mfm or a fmm.
There is quite a diversity in ages and what we enjoy sexually which I find very enjoyable. In common we all love tactile sensual sex but some enjoy the more kinky aspects of sex such as wearing fetish wear and enjoying bondage and mild Sm.
As a rule we never over step personal boundaries and try to optimise everyone’s pleasure. It’s a very giving group and that’s why our friendships have endured.
I love it when my wife brings a girlfriend home for the night and I move to the spare room. Hearing them enjoy and bring one another off is very joyful for everyone.
In terms of chatting about anything private or sexual I feel I can discuss it with most of them.

 

[hylas_]

*raises hand* I'm poly too.

@Giraffe: I wouldn't say anything, unless you feel confident that it's approriate to do so.

 

[Erotic69er]

*raises hand* I'm poly too.

@Giraffe: I wouldn't say anything, unless you feel confident that it's approriate to do so.

Hylas we are lucky being able to genuinely love more than I one person at a time. Being emotionally involved intensifies the pleasure for me. I often get a call from a friend or two out the blue inviting me down to enjoy special moments.

 

[screwher]

Explain. Your wife is polyamorous or cheating?

My wife is polyamorous. We're a hotwife couple. Our marriage evolved to where we decided we both want her having sex with other men. She has two lovers now. A male co worker of hers . And another man in another city. I'm hoping she expands her "horizontal horizons" soon.

 

[Erotic69er]

My wife is polyamorous. We're a hotwife couple. Our marriage evolved to where we decided we both want her having sex with other men. She has two lovers now. A male co worker of hers . And another man in another city. I'm hoping she expands her "horizontal horizons" soon.

Being able to share and love without any jealousy is key to fully enjoying one another’s sexuality.
Your circle of friends will increase over time if you make the effort to fully embrace them into both of your lives.

 

[KimGordon67]

Being able to share and love without any jealousy is key to fully enjoying one another’s sexuality.
Your circle of friends will increase over time if you make the effort to fully embrace them into both of your lives.

Personally I find the concept of 'sharing' fairly problematic - it implies some sort of ownership that I think is antithetical to what polyamory really is ... well, what it really is for me anyway.

 

[policywank]

Personally I find the concept of 'sharing' fairly problematic - it implies some sort of ownership that I think is antithetical to what polyamory really is ... well, what it really is for me anyway.

I think maybe it depends upon the use of the word "share".

When my siblings come to visit I share my home with them. It is clearly implied that my home belongs to me and that I have a rightful claim to decide with whom I will share temporary occupancy.

But I also I share my mother's affections with my siblings. That statement does no imply ownership of my mother or any right to control her affections.

One implies ownership while the other implies a graceful sharing, not only devoid of ownership but with full acceptance of the third person's prerogative. For my husband to share me could be read either way.

I think that the ownership concept is antithetical to any relationship - poly or otherwise. A monogamous relationship involves a different set of commitments than a poly relationship as opposed to ceding ownership of our decision-making.

 

[Erotic69er]

Hi Kim

Personally I find the concept of 'sharing' fairly problematic - it implies some sort of ownership that I think is antithetical to what polyamory really is ... well, what it really is for me anyway.

I don’t fully agree with you although I do see what you mean.
My relationships are not about ownership in any way. I’m a free spirit for me it is about the sharing of affection and attraction rather than ownership.

 

[KimGordon67]

I think maybe it depends upon the use of the word "share".

When my siblings come to visit I share my home with them. It is clearly implied that my home belongs to me and that I have a rightful claim to decide with whom I will share temporary occupancy.

But I also I share my mother's affections with my siblings. That statement does no imply ownership of my mother or any right to control her affections.

One implies ownership while the other implies a graceful sharing, not only devoid of ownership but with full acceptance of the third person's prerogative. For my husband to share me could be read either way.

I think that the ownership concept is antithetical to any relationship - poly or otherwise. A monogamous relationship involves a different set of commitments than a poly relationship as opposed to ceding ownership of our decision-making.

I see what you mean, but usually when people say 'share', they say things like 'are you sharing your wife with others', not using the concept of having a share of her love/affection/whatever. You could say 'chainsaw' instead of 'wife', and it would sound much the same. I think in a great many instances the notion of 'sharing' is used in the sense of the other person being someone you have some rights over, in that you can decide whether or not others have 'access' to them. (This is sounding grosser the more I type.)
And it's also often used in conjunction with things like 'my wife wouldn't let me do that'. I know I've said this elsewhere, but I'm a grown-arse woman. My husband doesn't 'let' me do things. We have conversations about stuff, and we make decisions about what we're doing based on our care and concern for how the other feels about things.

 

[InfiniteGiraffe]

I see what you mean, but usually when people say 'share', they say things like 'are you sharing your wife with others', not using the concept of having a share of her love/affection/whatever. You could say 'chainsaw' instead of 'wife', and it would sound much the same. I think in a great many instances the notion of 'sharing' is used in the sense of the other person being someone you have some rights over, in that you can decide whether or not others have 'access' to them. (This is sounding grosser the more I type.)
And it's also often used in conjunction with things like 'my wife wouldn't let me do that'. I know I've said this elsewhere, but I'm a grown-arse woman. My husband doesn't 'let' me do things. We have conversations about stuff, and we make decisions about what we're doing based on our care and concern for how the other feels about things.

*applauding grown ass women*

When my wife started dating there were a lot of guys who would ask me to put them in contact with my wife, and they had a hard time understanding that she picks her own men and make her own dates. And that I’m not “letting” her do anything. It’s 100% her choice. For me, it’s all about respecting others own agency, and because women historically and presently haven’t had their autonomy respected, its super important to make clear that women should have to ask anyone’s permission to date, fuck, fall in love or whatever.