Unmatched Libidos

[Hotcoffee123]

Sorry to hear this, rather heartbreaking

 

[Hotcoffee123]

It is nice not feeling like the only one.

 

[JodyLynn]

1-2 times a week? Quit bitching. Love my wife but down to 1-2 times a year if that due to her loss of sex drive.

I don’t understand wives who no longer want or desire sex with their companions. Maybe my sex drive is just high or maybe it’s because my husband refused me sex for years before he passed but a day never went by that I didn’t want that man. At least now he has let me go to find other source of please. Another person to explore all my desires.

 

[Illgiveitatry1]

I don’t understand wives who no longer want or desire sex with their companions. Maybe my sex drive is just high or maybe it’s because my husband refused me sex for years before he passed but a day never went by that I didn’t want that man. At least now he has let me go to find other source of please. Another person to explore all my desires.

I never understand it either My wife lost the desire to have sex I even offered her to go have sex with any guys you want as long as I know about it or watch but she hasn't taken me up on it.

 

[Rob_Royale]

A very familiar story, sadly.

 

[Michael_Keaton]

But many also often find themselves feeling a powerful surge in sexual attraction toward the cheating partner. ..It's like knowing others found him/ her attractive enough to have sex with them raises their own attraction toward them.

That's what happened to me. Long story short, I cheated, she found out, then she fucked me half silly for about 2 weeks. Now we're back to the same-old-same-old.

 

[LMWM321]

That's what happened to me. Long story short, I cheated, she found out, then she fucked me half silly for about 2 weeks. Now we're back to the same-old-same-old.

Well.. I wasn't trying to make the case for cheating, I was trying to underscore the importance of a person maintaining their appearance so others continue to find them attractive, even when they’re married. Not sure if that factors into you situation...

 

[write_or_wrong]

That's what happened to me. Long story short, I cheated, she found out, then she fucked me half silly for about 2 weeks. Now we're back to the same-old-same-old.

Should we call that female reclamation, on a grand scale? I don't think I have heard of that, and I wouldn't have thought most women would feel that way.

 

[Burstplayer]

Wife and I very mismatched, but not nearly as bad as the stories I've read on here and other places. While understanding there's many worse off, it still doesn't change your own feelings of frustration or lack of felt intimacy. I wish I could blame age, but it's been that way since the beginning and I've just chalked it up as her not having a very sexually active mind or body.

 

[SirSparky]

That's what happened to me. Long story short, I cheated, she found out, then she fucked me half silly for about 2 weeks. Now we're back to the same-old-same-old.

Same happened to me. After the initial shock and upset at me cheating we were then fucking all the time until we weren't

 

[LMWM321]

Should we call that female reclamation, on a grand scale? I don't think I have heard of that, and I wouldn't have thought most women would feel that way.

Well, I'm not sure that MOST people feel a surge of sexual attraction toward a cheating spouse, but I do know (or so I've read) that it can be one of the many emotions people feel when they find they've been cheated on.

That said, I do not suggest cheating as a way to resurrect a partners sexual interest. By doing so, one would be trading a possible transient surge in sexual interest for a lifetime of hurt and insecurity.

 

[Britva415]

haven't read the rest of the responses to the OP so forgive if this has been said before - but does the phrase "familiarity breeds contempt" apply?

Maybe sometimes, but not when there’s really a severe mismatch. It isn’t always about over-familiarity. Someone who is interested in sex but not with their partner is going to be just as frustrated as the partner, and looking for it elsewhere.

Disinterest in sex is just something some people have. They aren’t interested in their partner, and they aren’t interested in getting it anywhere else either. They aren’t looking for novelty and novelty won’t do anything to make them interested. It would probably just make them annoyed that their partner is transparently trying too hard.

Sexual incompatibility is real, and for some people there is no way to fix it such that both can be happy about it.

Why not make suggestions about the looks and admiration you get from other women - just to re-ignite her interest - her fear of losing you - she's too sure of you - you need to be a bit less predictable, maybe?

This is a horrible idea. It’s punitive. It’s manipulative mind games. It’s patently disrespectful and insulting. And it wouldn’t even be any fun to have sex anyway with someone who isn’t doing it because they feel passion and desire, someone who can only do it when they fear an existential threat to the relationship.

Assuming the couple is in fact sexually compatible at all, a much, much better idea would be to do things which restore and reinforce the loving connection they’re supposed to be having together. Not to inject fear, uncertainty and doubt into the situation, fgs. Taking some stresses away, supporting the partner so that sex seems easy and not like a distraction from all the other responsibilities and obligations which press upon them all the time.

 

[Dearelliot]

Same here, I suppose worse...After 65 she slowed to almost stop, by 80 quit altogether. She is the most wonderful person, so nice, the best...

 

[write_or_wrong]

Maybe sometimes, but not when there’s really a severe mismatch. It isn’t always about over-familiarity. Someone who is interested in sex but not with their partner is going to be just as frustrated as the partner, and looking for it elsewhere.

Disinterest in sex is just something some people have. They aren’t interested in their partner, and they aren’t interested in getting it anywhere else either. They aren’t looking for novelty and novelty won’t do anything to make them interested. It would probably just make them annoyed that their partner is transparently trying too hard.

Sexual incompatibility is real, and for some people there is no way to fix it such that both can be happy about it.


This is a horrible idea. It’s punitive. It’s manipulative mind games. It’s patently disrespectful and insulting. And it wouldn’t even be any fun to have sex anyway with someone who isn’t doing it because they feel passion and desire, someone who can only do it when they fear an existential threat to the relationship.

Assuming the couple is in fact sexually compatible at all, a much, much better idea would be to do things which restore and reinforce the loving connection they’re supposed to be having together. Not to inject fear, uncertainty and doubt into the situation, fgs. Taking some stresses away, supporting the partner so that sex seems easy and not like a distraction from all the other responsibilities and obligations which press upon them all the time.

Really great stuff here - thank you.