Park etiquette question

[SeaCat]

Joe, other than getting your mug plastered all over the local papers for beating a would be rapist in a slimy spot on the ground, (for some reason people disapove of this approach.) You won't have much luck.

Some things you can do so you don't startle them is to make noise as you approach. Whistling or singing works. Keeping time with your stride by using a cricket works as well but it does tend to un nerve some people.

Cat

 

[kendo1]

Heyup, Shanglan!
Ever see the Watermelon Man?

Wonderful film.

 

[CharleyH]

I spend a lot of time in the beautiful wild park near where I live (no, just walking).

I don't have a dog, I don't wear running gear, just my ordinary clothes, and I walk really fast -- it's my workout. But I end up terrifying the single women there.

So my problem is that I always end up overtaking some single woman out walking her dog, from behind, and I'm aware that she can probably hear my footsteps as I catch up with her. I know she's thinking "uh oh -- rapist".

But I'll be damned if I'm going to make a big detour around every single woman in the park when I go for my power walk.

So how can I enjoy my walks? It's MY park too.

LOL - you are always so cute - maybe you are following them too quickly? Stilletto heels should take care of the problem, though. What size are you?

 

[Guest]

There's a great essay out there called something like "A Black Man Ponders His Power to Alter Public Space"; the author discusses his difficulties in that sort of situation, with the added handicap of being black, over six feet tall, and in a city, sometimes at night. His solution I found charming; he whistles Mozart. It's a sort of "I'm not going to hurt you - and by the way, I'm not anything like your stereotypes, either" give and take. It's a good piece.

Wonderful solution I'd say. I googled and found the essay here.

The relevant passage: "And on late-evening constitutionals along streets less traveled by, I employ what has proved to be an excellent tension-reducing measure: I whistle melodies from Beethoven and Vivaldi and the more popular classical composers. Even steely New Yorkers hunching toward nighttime destinations seem to relax, and occasionally they even join in the tune. Virtually everybody seems to sense that a mugger wouldn't be warbling bright, sunny selections from Vivaldi's Four Seasons. It is my equivalent of the cowbell that hikers wear when they know they are in bear country."

If I ever pass a bloke whistling the Siegfried Idyll in GG Park I shall smile big.

Perdita

 

[pinkpunani]

I think maybe the most effective solution would be to say, "Exuse me." as you pass. As a woman I don't think that there is anything a man could really do to lessen my apprehension at them coming up behind me. It is nothing against you personally, just a healthy precaution on a woman's part. Maybe offer a genuine smile as you pass. That's all I can think of!

 

[BlackShanglan]

Heyup, Shanglan!
Ever see the Watermelon Man?

Wonderful film.

I have not, but I shall.

Thanks for the recommendation.

 

[shereads]

I spend a lot of time in the beautiful wild park near where I live (no, just walking).

I don't have a dog, I don't wear running gear, just my ordinary clothes, and I walk really fast -- it's my workout. But I end up terrifying the single women there.

So my problem is that I always end up overtaking some single woman out walking her dog, from behind, and I'm aware that she can probably hear my footsteps as I catch up with her. I know she's thinking "uh oh -- rapist".

But I'll be damned if I'm going to make a big detour around every single woman in the park when I go for my power walk.

So how can I enjoy my walks? It's MY park too.

To avoid startling grizzly bears, park rangers at Yellowstone advise hikers to sing, occasionally shout, and carry a "bear stick," which has a string of jingle bells tied to the end.

Maybe that will work with your park women.

If a bear (or woman) attacks you, play dead. Grizzlies, unlike the more common Black Bear, don't eat carrion. You might want to poll some of the women at your park to find out how they feel about dead meat vs. freshly killed.

Let us know how it turns out, okay?

 

[Huckleman2000]

You might try the courteous cycler's warning, "On your left" or "On your right", depending on which side you plan to pass them. It's short, to the point, and indicates your main focus of your workout, not taking in the female scenery.

Of course, if you're merely walking faster than they are, a simple "Excuse me" should suffice.

If you're truly just out there for the exercise, don't be concerned if they're skittish. You can only control so much, and getting your personal exercise in a public park is not a crime, regardless of perception. There isn't much that you can do, personally, to assuage public fear of walking in the park, except to appear non-threatening. To that end, I'd suggest dropping the ersatz walking sticks. That, and behave as if you're simply out for exercise. If you're out to meet fellow walkers, do so in clear light of day.

 

[shereads]

You might try the courteous cycler's warning, "On your left" or "On your right", depending on which side you plan to pass them.

If he's going to announce his presence and his intention to pass, why not make it a compliment?

"You have a such a great ass, I wish I could stay back here."

"It must be jelly 'cause jam don't shake like that."

For a timid or hostile-seeming woman, try "Nice booty." If she's offended, pretend you said "Nice boots." She'll feel like an idiot and might even apologize.

 

[Huckleman2000]

If he's going to announce his presence and his intention to pass, why not make it a compliment?

"You have a such a great ass, I wish I could stay back here."

"It must be jelly 'cause jam don't shake like that."

For a timid or hostile-seeming woman, try "Nice booty." If she's offended, pretend you said "Nice boots." She'll feel like an idiot and might even apologize.

HEHE, if only more women thought like you, Shereads....

 

[NoJo]

I will buy a walking stick -- a cane. I saw a really nice ebony one with a bone handle in the antique market for £50.

I refuse to lose my super-comfortable trainers, but I'm sure that the more like a country squire I look like, the less threatening I'll be.

I won't whistle -- for the same reason I don't like to dress up when out walking. I like to blend in quietly as much as possible. My hackles rise when I hear the "opera singers" calling their dogs. Shhhh. Listen to the wrens and sparrowhawks. (And the occasional passing aeroplane).

Yes, I'm crotchety. Fucking hell.

 

[dr_mabeuse]

You need to get a pole with a bright orange flag on it and stick it down the back of your shirt. Then get a bicycle bell and ring it frantically when you come up behind them. You might also just try saying "Beep beep" before you pass them.

No, seriously, I used to live near Lincoln Park here and I had the same problem, except I don't walk fast, but kind of creep. I'd cut across the grass and stuff to avoid coming up behind people, and sometimes just sit and wait till they were gone. Carrying a bag of peanuts to feed the suirrels also helps. You can at least rattle the cellophane.

Up by Diversy on the north end of the park was an area known as "The Bushes" where gay guys would cruise, and as I'd walk past, men would suddenly emerge from behind trees and shrubs and kind of glide across my path like targets in a shooting gallery. At times it almost looked like the Benny Hill show.

 

[carsonshepherd]

Two suggestions for you Joe.

1. Get a puppy. Man, puppies are chick magnets. Not only will the women stop giving you nervous looks, they'll swoop down and pet the puppy; and as he grows out of cute-fuzziness they'll stop you and gush about how much he's grown. The women will know you as "Dizzy's daddy" instead of "the scary dude."

2. Get an iPod or other mp3 player. Your son can show you how to use it It won't make the problem go away, but the other people will see you as an exerciser, and also the music insulates you in your own little world so you're not as aware of people staring at you, and if they do, you don't care as much. Mine has helped me relax in public places tremendously.

 

[Guest]

I spend a lot of time in the beautiful wild park near where I live (no, just walking).

I don't have a dog, I don't wear running gear, just my ordinary clothes, and I walk really fast -- it's my workout. But I end up terrifying the single women there.

So my problem is that I always end up overtaking some single woman out walking her dog, from behind, and I'm aware that she can probably hear my footsteps as I catch up with her. I know she's thinking "uh oh -- rapist".

But I'll be damned if I'm going to make a big detour around every single woman in the park when I go for my power walk.

So how can I enjoy my walks? It's MY park too.

JMHO
yes, joe, it is your park too. may i suggest that you stop 'fast walking' up to women and flinging poo at them? its a leap of faith, but i believe this will work wonders.
take care monkey boy.
v~


or, you could stop wearing that trench coat.

 

[NoJo]

Two suggestions for you Joe.

1. Get a puppy....

2. Get an iPod....

I guess the basic problem is that I wished everyone would just leave me and my park to myself. It's been my back yard for over 40 years.

1. I really love dogs (cats too), but I'm not pooper scooping for no bitch (unless she's incredibly hot). When I was a kid me and my bitch Sooka (Russian for "bitch") would go exploring in that same park. She'd shit everywhere. But attitudes here have changed about dog-shit (for the better, I hasten to add).

2. I like to listen to the birds. Hmphh. iPods.


In the '60's when gay sex was illegal in the UK, Hampstead Heath (the park I'm talking about) was a famous place for "cottaging". Just below the pub "Jack Straw's Castle", now luxury apratments, which overlooks London, the guys would drift around the holly trees, in random directions. They left ten-year-old kids like me alone, (actually I looked like a girl anyway), and I felt (and was) perfectly safe there. I guess the illicit side of it must have been part of it. But they're still there in the 21st century, even though what they're doing is now perfectly legal. I guess that's an alternative disguise for me not to scare women. If only those guys didn't walk so slow -- there's no carsdiovascular exercise in it.

 

[shereads]

keep the glass eye in the socket.

This is key. But for God's sake, if you're not wearing the eye when you meet someone, don't pop it back into the socket while she's watching.

As adorable as you are when you juggle the eye and two apples, strangers might not be as appreciative.

----

Do you own a vintage automobile horn?

 

[shereads]

Two suggestions for you Joe.

1. Get a puppy. Man, puppies are chick magnets. Not only will the women stop giving you nervous looks, they'll swoop down and pet the puppy; and as he grows out of cute-fuzziness they'll stop you and gush about how much he's grown. The women will know you as "Dizzy's daddy" instead of "the scary dude."

You are so right. Charles Manson, complete with the "X" on the forehead and a chainsaw in one hand, would look harmless and vulnerable holding a leash with a puppy at the other end. (It would need to be a live puppy.)

 

[shereads]

In the '60's when gay sex was illegal in the UK, Hampstead Heath (the park I'm talking about) was a famous place for "cottaging". Just below the pub "Jack Straw's Castle", now luxury apratments, which overlooks London, the guys would drift around the holly trees, in random directions. They left ten-year-old kids like me alone, (actually I looked like a girl anyway), and I felt (and was) perfectly safe there. I guess the illicit side of it must have been part of it. But they're still there in the 21st century, even though what they're doing is now perfectly legal. I guess that's an alternative disguise for me not to scare women. If only those guys didn't walk so slow -- there's no carsdiovascular exercise in it.

Public sex is legal now? Seriously? If cottaging is what I think it is, they are having, um, marital relations in the shrubbery. Over here, that's not legal. Ubiqutous, but not legal.

Honestly, Joe, I've never considered the problem faced by men when encountering lone women in isolated settings. You're kind to be concerned about frightening someone when all you're doing is enjoying a walk, and your privacy.

Women learn to expect the worst. Just yesterday evening I nearly jumped out of my skin when I was unlocking my car in the Home Depot parking lot and glanced up to see a man standing about two feet behind me. He was an employee gathering shopping carts and he offered to help me put my purchases in the car.

It was his silence as he approached that made him seem like a threat when I first noticed him. If he had said something while still at a safe distance - "Are you finished with that cart?" is a common Home Depot question - I might not have felt 100% comfortable about finding myself alone with a strange man in a dark parking lot, but there wouldn't have been that heart-stopping moment when I thought he'd snuck up behind me.

Huck's suggestion that you use the cyclists' courtesy, "On your right," when approaching from behind, might make you feel a bit silly, but it would help make it clear that you aren't being stealthy. I'd avoid "Excuse me." That always puts me on my guard because it's commonly followed by an attempt to begin a conversation, which would be harmless enough if it weren't a common gambit used by muggers and more dangerous sorts.

If you're already making some noise just by stepping on twigs and crunching through leaves, then don't worry about it. You can't change anyone's instinctive fear of being vulnerable to strangers. All you can do is avoid giving the impression that you're trying to approach silently from behind her. It's up to each woman to decide how much vulnerability she's willing to risk for a walk in the park.

 

[NoJo]

Public sex is legal now? Seriously? If cottaging is what I think it is, they are having, um, marital relations in the shrubbery. Over here, that's not legal. Ubiqutous, but not legal.

Honestly, Joe, I've never considered the problem faced by men when encountering lone women in isolated settings. You're kind to be concerned about frightening someone when all you're doing is enjoying a walk, and your privacy.

Women learn to expect the worst. Just yesterday evening I nearly jumped out of my skin when I was unlocking my car in the Home Depot parking lot and glanced up to see a man standing about two feet behind me. He was an employee gathering shopping carts and he offered to help me put my purchases in the car.

It was his silence as he approached that made him seem like a threat when I first noticed him. If he had said something while still at a safe distance - "Are you finished with that cart?" is a common Home Depot question - I might not have felt 100% comfortable about finding myself alone with a strange man in a dark parking lot, but there wouldn't have been that heart-stopping moment when I thought he'd snuck up behind me.

Huck's suggestion that you use the cyclists' courtesy, "On your right," when approaching from behind, might make you feel a bit silly, but it would help make it clear that you aren't being stealthy. I'd avoid "Excuse me." That always puts me on my guard because it's commonly followed by an attempt to begin a conversation, which would be harmless enough if it weren't a common gambit used by muggers and more dangerous sorts.

If you're already making some noise just by stepping on twigs and crunching through leaves, then don't worry about it. You can't change anyone's instinctive fear of being vulnerable to strangers. All you can do is avoid giving the impression that you're trying to approach silently from behind her. It's up to each woman to decide how much vulnerability she's willing to risk for a walk in the park.

I read your post with interest, I'd really like you to go into more detail, as you've tantalisingly hinted that you know a lot about the subject "Home Depot", particularly the specialist subcategory "Home Depot Questions".

 

[shereads]

I read your post with interest, I'd really like you to go into more detail, as you've tantalisingly hinted that you know a lot about the subject "Home Depot", particularly the specialist subcategory "Home Depot Questions".

Not all Home Depot questions are appropriate for the dark parking lot. For example,

"May I sniff your cilantro?"

It's dill, stupid.

 

[sophia jane]

Honestly, I think a strange man saying anything to me might make me even more uncomfortable in that situation. But that could just be me.

 

[NoJo]

Not all Home Depot questions are appropriate for the dark parking lot. For example,

"May I sniff your cilantro?"

It's dill, stupid.

How about patting the hood of your car and asking how many miles you get out this baby.

 

[shereads]

How about patting the hood of your car and asking how many miles you get out this baby.

That happens all the time with the '91 Honda Accord. If you really want to make a good impression, hop up on the hood and sing the title song from "Fame."

 

[Roxanne Appleby]

How 'bout you get a tee shirt printed up with that hilarious Dave Barry description of your activity in giant bold letters: "Dork-Walking."

 

[carsonshepherd]

2. I like to listen to the birds. Hmphh. iPods.

Wear it with the sound turned off and a look of concentration on your face.

I like to listen to the birds too. I use it when I'm around other people. Without people around, I don't need it.