Open this thread and you'll be sorry

[graceanne]

Hmmm, Mr Mann's advice about the video tape is along the lines of revenge, but what I see is that unfortunately the revenge would be delivered to the wrong address, that being the girlfriend who is the only one in this scenario completley in the dark about what is really taking place. As much as she is seemingly in the way, she is also just as much a casualty as is ADR, and innocent in that she has not chosen to be part of a deception as he has. Hurting her in this way would serve little, and perhaps give ADR far more headaches and heartaches, not to mention a bad feeling I suspect.

Catalina

I know. I'm mostly joking, I don't see ADR doing it. If she were to do that, I'd suggest a phone call or a letter, something more personal. Personally, if I were his girlfriend, I'd want to know what he's doing before things got serious (as in moving in together or marriage). But that's just me.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I know. I'm mostly joking, I don't see ADR doing it. If she were to do that, I'd suggest a phone call or a letter, something more personal. Personally, if I were his girlfriend, I'd want to know what he's doing before things got serious (as in moving in together or marriage). But that's just me.

Agreed, but there is a way of doing it and a way of not...as you suggest, personal and gentle might be better, but then what would be the outcome? Often women do not believe the truth in these situations and then the one who thinks they were doing the right thing, suddenly become the beast.

Catalina

 

[FurryFury]

*peeks in*

Oh, my, it looks like you've gotten a great deal of support and good advice here.
I'm not sorry I opened the thread. I don't have any better advice to offer but I can do this, *HUG*

Fury

 

[graceanne]

Agreed, but there is a way of doing it and a way of not...as you suggest, personal and gentle might be better, but then what would be the outcome? Often women do not believe the truth in these situations and then the one who thinks they were doing the right thing, suddenly become the beast.

Catalina

True. One of the reason's I'd send a letter. Sometimes the messanger gets killed in those kind of messages. But what if she would have believed her? What if telling her saves her from a marriage and two kids with a man who won't remain faithful? Beyond that, if she doesn't believe her, then that's her problem. She'll learn soon enough, and be kicking herself.

 

[Kajira Callista]

True. One of the reason's I'd send a letter. Sometimes the messanger gets killed in those kind of messages. But what if she would have believed her? What if telling her saves her from a marriage and two kids with a man who won't remain faithful? Beyond that, if she doesn't believe her, then that's her problem. She'll learn soon enough, and be kicking herself.

im still tryin' ta figure out why she doesnt suck cock!

 

[graceanne]

im still tryin' ta figure out why she doesnt suck cock!

Oddly enough some people think that's 'kinky'. I know some of them.

Frankly, the Army agrees. On my trip K and I broke a ton of rules. The army has rules about everything, and the only way you're allowed to have sex is missionary. And you are not allowed to do anything that requires your head below their waist.

I think K was getting as much from breaking the rules as he was from the sex. lol He'd stop mid-whatever and say 'rule one broke', 'rule two broke'.

 

[Kajira Callista]

Oddly enough some people think that's 'kinky'. I know some of them.

Frankly, the Army agrees. On my trip K and I broke a ton of rules. The army has rules about everything, and the only way you're allowed to have sex is missionary. And you are not allowed to do anything that requires your head below their waist.

I think K was getting as much from breaking the rules as he was from the sex. lol He'd stop mid-whatever and say 'rule one broke', 'rule two broke'.

lol you could never break a rule you are such a good girl!

 

[FurryFury]

Oddly enough some people think that's 'kinky'. I know some of them.

Frankly, the Army agrees. On my trip K and I broke a ton of rules. The army has rules about everything, and the only way you're allowed to have sex is missionary. And you are not allowed to do anything that requires your head below their waist.

I think K was getting as much from breaking the rules as he was from the sex. lol He'd stop mid-whatever and say 'rule one broke', 'rule two broke'.

My dear heavens, that is the army's business why?

Fury

 

[catalina_francisco]

My dear heavens, that is the army's business why?

Fury

LOL, because they have nothing better to think about, and if your head is below someone elses waist, how can you be good positive war material?!!

Catalina

 

[bridgeburner]

LOL, because they have nothing better to think about, and if your head is below someone elses waist, how can you be good positive war material?!!

Catalina

I thought kissing ass was an accepted way of getting ahead in some military circles.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I thought kissing ass was an accepted way of getting ahead in some military circles.

Not officially remember!!

Catalina

 

[FurryFury]

LOL, because they have nothing better to think about, and if your head is below someone elses waist, how can you be good positive war material?!!

Catalina

I thought kissing ass was an accepted way of getting ahead in some military circles.

LMAO!

Good stuff Ladies!

I needed a laugh about now.

Fury

 

[Netzach]

You're such a smart lady. I never think of doing stuff like that... LOL. And I agree life should be about bumps, lessons and laughs.

I've been talking in PM with someone whose opinion I have always valued and he's suggested some things for me to try regarding this current heartbreak. He thinks I should just put some distance between myself and Him, for awhile. Kind of make Him notice what He'd be missing without me. And all without completely closing Him off... at least, yet.

I think this might be a possible course of action.

I have a bone to pick with this line of reasoning.

1. You don't have a good track record putting distance between you so far.

2. You have to be prepared for your absence to impact this guy not one little bit.

That's why those ultimatums are the worst. I've done it. I've regretted it not for the fact that it changed things, but because it told me what I was terrified of hearing. "I'm leaving if you dont ----."
"Ok."

 

[shy slave]

Hmmm, Mr Mann's advice about the video tape is along the lines of revenge, but what I see is that unfortunately the revenge would be delivered to the wrong address, that being the girlfriend who is the only one in this scenario completley in the dark about what is really taking place. As much as she is seemingly in the way, she is also just as much a casualty as is ADR, and innocent in that she has not chosen to be part of a deception as he has. Hurting her in this way would serve little, and perhaps give ADR far more headaches and heartaches, not to mention a bad feeling I suspect.

Catalina

Your right of course, but sometimes idle fantasy about petty revenge before being sensible is ok.

As for the Army, I know of several people who would volounteer to be the Army personnel at the end of the bed checking no rules are being broken

My father was in the Air Force, if the rules apply in the UK Forces it would explain why my mother hasd never given a blow job lol (yes, I really did have that conversation with her!)

 

[graceanne]

Glad I could make everyone laugh. I know I did. I also asked 'how are they gonna know?' and 'why do they care?'. K didn't know the answer to any of those questions, but since he hasn't been arrested I'm sure it's safe to say that they don't know. lol He says he figures it's a don't ask, don't tell policy.

 

[babiesmiles]

ADR I am not sorry I opened the thread and read it whole .

Cause it showed me a strong and determinated woman who is greatly loved by her friends and who is going to do the right even if difficult and painful thing for herself.

I admire your determination and I am sure there is "something" much better around whom you can aim to . I am sure you will get over that awful time.

On here we have an old saying which can be roughly translated " things which not kill you will make you stronger". You will be stronger, definitively . *hugs*

 

[babiesmiles]

Nice to know we can do something good from time to time, and that it has helped. The online Dom thingie? Hmm, I remember in my days of looking I acted very unsublike (well in some people's opinion, my POV was self preservation and protection), and actually made another profile and contacted more than one Dom I had been talking seriously with to see what their response was. This of course was after it had reached a point where they said they were not looking or talking to anyone else until we met and saw where things stood.....surprise, surprise, all but one actually were quite happy to chat up the 'new sub' and some even went as far as to say they had not met anyone else online who they found interesting or worthwhile, and were free to go further (LOL, while telling me they were still devoted to our meeting and trust in each other)!!! Imagine their surprise when I told them at the right moment what I had done, and reminded them what they had said to both the real me and the 'fake profile sub'...the reaction usually was to backpedal and try and make out they knew all along and were playing the game, or to tell me I was most definately not sub enough and didn't deserve their trust!! LOL, that always worked for me to let me know what sort of future I would have with them. What's life without a few bumps, lessons, and laughs?!!

Catalina

Awww Cat I am glad I am not the only tricky bad girl on here !

I made the " me and the other me " trick twice in the past ( not recently and definitively not here on Lit) and must say both the times the person whom the "swindle thing" was devised for, didn't frustrate my efforts !!

Men are so predictable at last and they both walked into it with all their shoes .
( after all I have studied a lot to become evil and actually I get paid for it )

Even if it was not really a thing to be proud , I must say it made me feel better and less paranoid I thought I was about slight feelings I had in those relations.

It was more a self reassurance about my mental sanity than something aimed to harm someone else . In fact both times I forgave and forgot but with a greater awareness about the people I were dealing with and the real borders of those self called " strong feelings" they had towards me .

I am not mad about the fidelity issue because I know this thing has several degrees of importance in everyone 's scale of values and I never started any relationship to change people's beliefs , but I usually don't allow others let me think I am mad and/or visionary .

Besides a collateral fun effect at my eyes was the fact both times I "acted" in english which is not my first language and clearly very poor , and one of the men was from UK and not completely illiterate .

It's fun how some little language affectations mixed with some slang expression can fool even average clever men, when a pair of panties are waved under their nose !!

And the best fun was both of them were not (only) online relations but guys I met ( one of them on regular basis) IRL .

But stop hijacking ADR thread !

 

[Private_Label]

Anyway...
He called this afternoon on His way home from work. I did the weinie thing and suggested that since I'm no longer making Him happy, perhaps He should just end it with me. And perhaps this would give Him more time for her. (Unlike me, His girlfriend is very high maintainance.)

He went off the deep end. Accused me of being a whiner. Told me to stop feeling sorry for myself. Outlined what I need to do to avoid "getting into trouble" with Him again. Everytime I tried to speak up, He told me to shut up. And I did...

ADR there are two things that stand out to me...

One is co-dependant/enabler ... he needs an enabler, and you are that person.

The other is: time and time again I have seen others mention that when you and your SO are discussing relationship issues you need to set aside time for a talk where the two of you are EQUALS. None of this "He told me to shut up. And I did..." bullsh*t. You need to be able to communicate your needs to him otherwise, you will both end up getting hurt.

Let's see, he had you, THEN got this GF (maybe as a test for you and it backfired on him?) and you didn't tell him then that you have a problem sharing? No wonder he thinks he can continue without discussing it.

If he won't or can't let you discuss this at any time, then really how can this guy be good for you? Yes, I will agree there are guys who drip so much testosterone it really brings out something in those who are sensitive to it. But that does not mean that every one of these men (or women) could be considered a DOM. Animal magnetism, sure, but really, if he has to complain about his other GF to you, why not ask him why he keeps her if she won't obey him? If what he really wants is a stong woman but doesn't realise it, you could be doing him a favor.


But really, I can understand wanting to stay with him, but any relationship relys on communication. This one sounds like every time you start talking about something that makes him uncomfortable, he pulls out the "I'm the DOM sign" and you accept that for an answer. He may be the Dom, but you still need to clear the air.

 

[graceanne]

But stop hijacking ADR thread !

moi? Hijack? The queen of hijackers? Would I do a thing like that?

 

[rosco rathbone]

Like my mom said. You'll stay till it's more painful to be with him than without him. Then you'll leave.

End of story.

 

[A Desert Rose]

End of story.

And probably a good place to End a thread, too.

But I'm not going to do that. Right now, I'm in a hotel room, after working all night and 2 more night's to go. While I was working, I missed some wonderful and insightful posts that I wish to respond to. And I will. I will also be dealing with this issue (regarding Him) very soon.

There is one post I want to address now before I go to bed for the day...

To Netzach may I say this: For someone who doesn't know me from Joe Blow, you sure seem to know me.

 

[Netzach]

Heh.

Well I think you are caught in a very darn near universal womanly situation, if you catch my drift.
Whatever you do, don't feel stupid That's the most dangerous part of all.

 

[Desdemona]

Sweets, you know my position with regards to this dude. It remains unchanged. You also know I will love and support you no matter how long it takes for you to leave this situation. When you're ready, you'll do it and it will be permanent. Until then, you'll settle for those tantalizing crumbs of attention that he throws to keep you off balance and make you willing to continue tolerating his abuse.


Of course, babe, you know that my track record is no better. I'm a wanker magnet myself. At least you find one and stick to him till you're done. I just move from wanker to wanker. We both have to get better at recognising the signs and running far far away.

 

[SierraMoon]

Are you asking yourselves the same thing I am? Why am I allowing this to go on? I’m not a submissive. I’m a true, died in the wool doormat.

There are a lot of us that feel the exact same way, and it seems worth it for those precious few moments that we get to spend with them, doing what makes us feel good.............

*HUGS* ADR. I've been there, done that, and didn't even get the t-shirt.

 

[A Desert Rose]

Hi Des and Sierra. I miss you both, so much. Thank you for your posts and your support. I’ve so often dumped this whole thing on you, my friends, that I feel/felt it was wrong to ONCE AGAIN, bring this crap to your door.

I’ve been out of town working and hardly online and then yesterday, my son was in a car accident. Thank God, they are all, mostly okay and he has only a concussion. I brought him home with me, so I could keep close track of him. He wasn’t driving (was with his friends) and it was the other drivers fault. There is no more definitive reality check than seeing your own kids in an ambulance and in crisis.

I just wanted you to know that I’m not ignoring all of the posts in this thread and I will eventually respond, if even in PM. I can't thank you all enough for the kind words, support and advice you have given me. And for those of you who care how things do turn out, this is not a cliffhanger... I will let you know.

But Michael has brought this little and stupid problem of mine into perspective for me. How much I love him and need him in my life...