Open this thread and you'll be sorry

[graceanne]

I can't send him an email. He'd be a week before He read it. She requires so much of His time.

I'm going to write down everything I need to say... in brief and call His voicemail. I know He'll not have His phone on while He's at work. There's no fear that I will have to talk to Him.

I have to end it before I go to work tomorrow. I leave on Wednesday afternoon. He won't be calling me while I'm gone and He has a night class this week too.

I'm going to stop this whole thing tomorrow. Las Vegas is full of men. I can find another. One who won't be such a cad and a heartbreaker.

Never said anyting about email.

People these days. I mean SNAIL MAIL. lol I know it's outdated, but writing it out will also help YOU. And you can drop it off in his mail box on your way out of town.

Oh, another note: Let your friend check your voice mail and delete any of his messages.

 

[A Desert Rose]

Never said anyting about email.

People these days. I mean SNAIL MAIL. lol I know it's outdated, but writing it out will also help YOU. And you can drop it off in his mail box on your way out of town.

Oh, another note: Let your friend check your voice mail and delete any of his messages.

I agree that writing it down is important. And I'm going to write it all out before I call Him. Then I'll be working out of town until Saturday. (Don't anyone think you can rob my house just 'cause I won't be home, ok? I have ADT.)

Having someone else check my voicemail is an excellent idea. And if I had the money, I'd come see you or KC, in a heartbeat. ;-)

 

[A Desert Rose]

Oh, and He called again, about an hour ago.

I'm gonna cry me a river before this is over. But I'm no whiner.

 

[graceanne]

Having someone else check my voicemail is an excellent idea. And if I had the money, I'd come see you or KC, in a heartbeat. ;-)

Yeah, that's what it always boils down to. *sigh* Someday, I'll buy a lottery ticket, and if I win . . . .

 

[graceanne]

Oh, and He called again, about an hour ago.

I'm gonna cry me a river before this is over. But I'm no whiner.

No you're not, and that was a low blow on his part. The jerk. grr

 

[A Desert Rose]

...He can't even get his girlfriend to give him head, he's certainly not going to banish the woman who does...
-B

This is the one thing that bothers me. When I do tell Him today that it's over and there's no further discussion of it, I'm afraid He won't let it go.

Certainly not easily.

 

[Recidiva]

This is the one thing that bothers me. When I do tell Him today that it's over and there's no further discussion of it, I'm afraid He won't let it go.

Certainly not easily.

Whatever safe word you have, use it.

Then challenge his self control to stay away from you.

 

[A Desert Rose]

Whatever safe word you have, use it.

Then challenge his self control to stay away from you.

;-) I like this idea.

I know I do not want to resort to having to change my number and even doing that, He still knows lots of other ways to contact and find me. It really wouldn't matter, yaknow?

 

[Recidiva]

;-) I like this idea.

I know I do not want to resort to having to change my number and even doing that, He still knows lots of other ways to contact and find me. It really wouldn't matter, yaknow?

No, don't change your number. That implies he can get to you, and that's actually encouraging him. Just say "goodbye" and hang up.

And when someone does this, you generally undercut them by talking about how desperate and stupid it is to pursue someone who clearly said no, and they just can't accept it.

You have to be in charge of the "no" and not leave it up to him to edge back in. There's no edging. There's a closed door and polite refusal.

 

[A Desert Rose]

No, don't change your number. That implies he can get to you, and that's actually encouraging him. Just say "goodbye" and hang up.

And when someone does this, you generally undercut them by talking about how desperate and stupid it is to pursue someone who clearly said no, and they just can't accept it.

You have to be in charge of the "no" and not leave it up to him to edge back in. There's no edging. There's a closed door and polite refusal.

You're right, on all counts. And He will be calling in the next few minutes. He usually calls on his way to work. When He called last night, I didn't let on to Him that anything was amiss with me. I can't talk to Him directly because I know how He manipulates the conversation and me. I am so naturally submissive that I just fall into place for Him... ya'know what I mean?

I'm not going to answer this morning.

 

[Recidiva]

You're right, on all counts. And He will be calling in the next few minutes. He usually calls on his way to work. When He called last night, I didn't let on to Him that anything was amiss with me. I can't talk to Him directly because I know how He manipulates the conversation and me. I am so naturally submissive that I just fall into place for Him... ya'know what I mean?

I'm not going to answer this morning.

Well, this is only going to make him think you're playing games. What you need is a lack of games. Just some truth clearly spoken and a closed door.

Whatever you decide, don't do it with the idea that you're going to lose. You're right, you've already won. All you have to do is convey that.

 

[shy slave]

You're right, on all counts. And He will be calling in the next few minutes. He usually calls on his way to work. When He called last night, I didn't let on to Him that anything was amiss with me. I can't talk to Him directly because I know how He manipulates the conversation and me. I am so naturally submissive that I just fall into place for Him... ya'know what I mean?

I'm not going to answer this morning.

Y'know you have people all over the globe mentally holding your hand through this.

('course, holding your hand does stop your ability to answer the phone)

 

[A Desert Rose]

Y'know you have people all over the globe mentally holding your hand through this.

('course, holding your hand does stop your ability to answer the phone)

I wish you could see my smile at this, shy. Most days, I think there aren't too many folks out there who care and then I read these posts and realize that there really are. And the words they write have been very meaningful to me. Their advice has been taken to heart, too.

When I do finally end something with someone, I go all the way with it. They no longer exist to me. I remove every trace of them that I can from my life. It's rare for me to do that. I hate burning bridges and believe that everyone deserves a second hearing... I'd want to be given one. But there comes a point when what's best for me has to come first.

No one will ever look out for me like I can. And I don't like bullshit. ;-)

Had a guy online who was trying to get close to me while he was doing the same thing to another sub, right here at Lit. And he'd done it twice. I'd given him a second chance and shame on me, he did it again. There'll be no third chance to fuck with me.

Of course with this particular Dom, He's really been in my life, in my bed, in my heart... in real time. It will be a million times harder to do this with Him. But I will, due in a large part to the support I've been given here.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Of course with this particular Dom, He's really been in my life, in my bed, in my heart... in real time. It will be a million times harder to do this with Him. But I will, due in a large part to the support I've been given here.

Nice to know we can do something good from time to time, and that it has helped. The online Dom thingie? Hmm, I remember in my days of looking I acted very unsublike (well in some people's opinion, my POV was self preservation and protection), and actually made another profile and contacted more than one Dom I had been talking seriously with to see what their response was. This of course was after it had reached a point where they said they were not looking or talking to anyone else until we met and saw where things stood.....surprise, surprise, all but one actually were quite happy to chat up the 'new sub' and some even went as far as to say they had not met anyone else online who they found interesting or worthwhile, and were free to go further (LOL, while telling me they were still devoted to our meeting and trust in each other)!!! Imagine their surprise when I told them at the right moment what I had done, and reminded them what they had said to both the real me and the 'fake profile sub'...the reaction usually was to backpedal and try and make out they knew all along and were playing the game, or to tell me I was most definately not sub enough and didn't deserve their trust!! LOL, that always worked for me to let me know what sort of future I would have with them. What's life without a few bumps, lessons, and laughs?!!

Catalina

 

[A Desert Rose]

Nice to know we can do something good from time to time, and that it has helped. The online Dom thingie? Hmm, I remember in my days of looking I acted very unsublike (well in some people's opinion, my POV was self preservation and protection), and actually made another profile and contacted more than one Dom I had been talking seriously with to see what their response was. This of course was after it had reached a point where they said they were not looking or talking to anyone else until we met and saw where things stood.....surprise, surprise, all but one actually were quite happy to chat up the 'new sub' and some even went as far as to say they had not met anyone else online who they found interesting or worthwhile, and were free to go further (LOL, while telling me they were still devoted to our meeting and trust in each other)!!! Imagine their surprise when I told them at the right moment what I had done, and reminded them what they had said to both the real me and the 'fake profile sub'...the reaction usually was to backpedal and try and make out they knew all along and were playing the game, or to tell me I was most definately not sub enough and didn't deserve their trust!! LOL, that always worked for me to let me know what sort of future I would have with them. What's life without a few bumps, lessons, and laughs?!!

Catalina

You're such a smart lady. I never think of doing stuff like that... LOL. And I agree life should be about bumps, lessons and laughs.

I've been talking in PM with someone whose opinion I have always valued and he's suggested some things for me to try regarding this current heartbreak. He thinks I should just put some distance between myself and Him, for awhile. Kind of make Him notice what He'd be missing without me. And all without completely closing Him off... at least, yet.

I think this might be a possible course of action.

 

[Recidiva]

You're such a smart lady. I never think of doing stuff like that... LOL. And I agree life should be about bumps, lessons and laughs.

I've been talking in PM with someone whose opinion I have always valued and he's suggested some things for me to try regarding this current heartbreak. He thinks I should just put some distance between myself and Him, for awhile. Kind of make Him notice what He'd be missing without me. And all without completely closing Him off... at least, yet.

I think this might be a possible course of action.

Okay. But I still say he's not good enough for you

 

[A Desert Rose]

Okay. But I still say he's not good enough for you

You and a dozen other women here. LOL But thank you for this and everything else.

You're a pretty fine lady, yourself.

And I'm still thinking... I have time. There's no reason to rush into this. Like I said, there will be things in our way for the next several days. He has a class, His son will be home from college for a week, I have to work out of town after today... yada yada yada.

I don't have to hurry this. I want to do it right. No matter what I decide to do.

 

[Mr. Mann]

Admittedly, I am ~quasi-evil~.

But... you *could* video you two doing your thing one last time and mail a copy to his girlfriend.

I know it is better to "take the high road"... demonstrate grace, class, and inner strength... yadda yadda yadda.

But there are few things that are better at setting bridges alight than good old fashioned revenge.



Just kidding.


No, I'm not.

Now, excuse me. I have to go put some more brimstone in the pit.

 

[catalina_francisco]

You're such a smart lady. I never think of doing stuff like that... LOL. And I agree life should be about bumps, lessons and laughs.

I've been talking in PM with someone whose opinion I have always valued and he's suggested some things for me to try regarding this current heartbreak. He thinks I should just put some distance between myself and Him, for awhile. Kind of make Him notice what He'd be missing without me. And all without completely closing Him off... at least, yet.

I think this might be a possible course of action.

You are not the first or last to go through this sort of thing, as I am sure you know. You also are smart, and until you are ready to let go, you will not no matter what. This may be a good strategy, it may work, it may not...regardless, as in all things, you have to be ready to take the necessary steps to minimise the damage. It will either improve, or it won't....if it doesn't, you will reach that point when enough is enough and you can move on without feeling quite so shattered and forever saying 'what if?'. That is the important thing IMHO, when 'you' are ready and when 'you' feel able to handle whatever may be in whatever way you choose. Until then, I am sure we will be here for you.

Catalina

 

[graceanne]

You are not the first or last to go through this sort of thing, as I am sure you know. You also are smart, and until you are ready to let go, you will not no matter what. This may be a good strategy, it may work, it may not...regardless, as in all things, you have to be ready to take the necessary steps to minimise the damage. It will either improve, or it won't....if it doesn't, you will reach that point when enough is enough and you can move on without feeling quite so shattered and forever saying 'what if?'. That is the important thing IMHO, when 'you' are ready and when 'you' feel able to handle whatever may be in whatever way you choose. Until then, I am sure we will be here for you.

Catalina

Like my mom said. You'll stay till it's more painful to be with him than without him. Then you'll leave. Either way, I hope you manage to dump him, and I'd say he's had more than one chance. *hugs*

 

[shy slave]

You are respected here ADR, some of us are even like you..alot lol
I have always seen you as a private person so airing this in public to get advice can't have been easy for you.

Catalina gives good thoughts to think through, as does everyone else here.
Recidiva and Gracie have my vote on 'he is not good enough for you.'
However all that aside, I like Mr Manns advice best.
I would love to think I am mean enough to follow it, if I had to; but I know I am a too soft.
You however, are not me

Admittedly, I am ~quasi-evil~.

But... you *could* video you two doing your thing one last time and mail a copy to his girlfriend.

I know it is better to "take the high road"... demonstrate grace, class, and inner strength... yadda yadda yadda.

But there are few things that are better at setting bridges alight than good old fashioned revenge.



Just kidding.


No, I'm not.

Now, excuse me. I have to go put some more brimstone in the pit.

 

[m wisdom]

I don't have any good advise to give. Just popping in to say I'm hoping this will all work out for the best for you. Whatever happens you know there are people here that is on your side. Best of luck

 

[jadefirefly]

Lots of hugs for you, sweetie.

Personally I don't think, when a "partner" is as rude, controlling and abusive as this one seems to be, that it's necessary to do it "right", unless doing it right is for you, and not him.

He doesn't deserve to be treated "right". You do.

 

[graceanne]

You are respected here ADR, some of us are even like you..alot lol
I have always seen you as a private person so airing this in public to get advice can't have been easy for you.

Catalina gives good thoughts to think through, as does everyone else here.
Recidiva and Gracie have my vote on 'he is not good enough for you.'
However all that aside, I like Mr Manns advice best.
I would love to think I am mean enough to follow it, if I had to; but I know I am a too soft.
You however, are not me

I must admit - I really like Mr. Mann's advice.

Consider it your duty to you woman-kind.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Hmmm, Mr Mann's advice about the video tape is along the lines of revenge, but what I see is that unfortunately the revenge would be delivered to the wrong address, that being the girlfriend who is the only one in this scenario completley in the dark about what is really taking place. As much as she is seemingly in the way, she is also just as much a casualty as is ADR, and innocent in that she has not chosen to be part of a deception as he has. Hurting her in this way would serve little, and perhaps give ADR far more headaches and heartaches, not to mention a bad feeling I suspect.

Catalina