LITEROTICA PODCAST
LIT CAMS (200 Free Tokens)ADULT TOYSVOD MOVIES

Now taking applications

So to expound on the duties of my sugar mama I thought I would list a few more jobs that you would be doing to take care of me. I mean besides taking care of me financially.

1) I love sweet tea. Learn to make a good sweet tea for me. None of that instant shit

2) I need my pool cleaned every week. You must do it fully nude and there will be no standing by the jets for more then a few seconds at a time. Good try. You don't get off till I get off.

3) Can you cook? Well better take some classes then. I need good food and ALWAYS make sure you cut my PB&J diagonally. Cut it across and you will have to start all over again. I don't like wasted food.

4) I like my balls rubbed. Not in a sexual manner JUst when I am laying on the couch I want you to be sitting on the floor and gently tickling and rollng my balls. So that means you beter have soft hands.

For now that is all I have got but as you can see my sugar mama is a spectacular job with a lot of fringe benefits. I mean after rubbing my balls your fingers will smell like onions all day. Who doesn't love onion rings????????
 
As you have probably guessed it I am a complex creature. A chameleon of wants and needs. My sugar mama has to understand those wants and needs and when to provide them for me.

For instance if I have had a long day at work, that means you are not doing your job because my sugar mama should be supporting me financially so I don't have to work.

Now if I have a bad day in general my sugar mama should understand that yes sometimes I just want a foot rub other times I could use a peanut butter cookie to snack on. I need her to understand how to determine each need and want in every situation.

So yes the job can be a bit demanding. So I should help you see what you might be getting in return. You have seen my car colllection. You have seen my huge hog and the deep dicking you will receive on a semi annual basis. You have seen the great dental plan my company provides for their employees.

So here is my dwelling that you will be able to reside in while taking care of me:

http://img819.imageshack.us/img819/5584/3142836218307bb1be4c.jpg

My place is the third one on the right. Nice isn't it?
 
So the wikitionary definition of sugar-mama is:

1.An older woman who spends money on a younger man, usually in exchange for sexual favors.

So what kind of sexual favors are needed out there? I can't tie a cherry stem in a knot with my tongue but I can say rubber baby buggy bumper really fast while eating your coot. Does that suffice?

I am a good talker in bed. So when I am fucking you from behind while you are on all fours I can say something sexy like "I love this episode of Seinfeld" or "Did you know happy cows come from California?" Things that will get you really hot.

Do you like your asshole played with? I am down with the brown. I have been known to give myself a rectal examination or two and I would be more then happy to milk your prostate for you. I would just spit on ya and then give it the ole' "come here" motion with my pointer finger.

Hmmmm I am also good at dry humping. I have this pillow I have been practicing on since I was 12. Mine is the one on the right:

http://img14.imageshack.us/img14/8143/24119846932cff2c17fc.jpg

You can see I finish everytime :) So I am an esteem builder. You never have to worry about if I came as well....
 
I have been asked how much I will expecting to recieve from my sugar mama. Honestly I am not too sure. I have never pimped myself out before. I just need the essentials paid. House, cars, utilities, play money, etc. etc....Since these fees will be paid ut on a sexual basis I have devised a menu of sorts. That way you can have me a la carte so to speak.

APPETIZERS

To speak to me: $25 per word
For me to speak to you: $100 per word
Being with me: $50
Being seen with me in public: $100
Holding hands in public: $125 per minute
A peck on the cheek in public: $150
A kiss on the lips in public: $200 with tongue: $300
To touch my ass: $250
To lay on the couch with me for an extended period of time: $200 per minute
To actually touch while laying on the couch: $350 per minute
To cuddle or have any light sexual contact: $500 per minute

Main course:

For every article of clothing removed by you or me: $150 per article
For dry humping: $750 per grind
For any genetalia touching: $1000 per minute
For any genetalia licking will be: $2000 per lick
For any object or finger insertion: $1250 per digit or object per minute
For my cock to be inserted inside you will cost you $2500 per stroke
For you to have an orgasm: $5000 Squirter: $7500 for the clean-up
Any position change: $500 per position change
Any anal play: $10,000 per minute

Desert

Any P.O.G. (Post Orgasmic Glow) that you might be feeling will be on the house as long as you get my house cleaned up first.

Hope this helps clarify some of the fees. Realize these are on top of my bills and expenses already being paid. Once again I come a la carte ladies. So who is next?
 
IhateClowns said:
I have been asked how much I will expecting to recieve from my sugar mama. Honestly I am not too sure. I have never pimped myself out before. I just need the essentials paid. House, cars, utilities, play money, etc. etc....Since these fees will be paid ut on a sexual basis I have devised a menu of sorts. That way you can have me a la carte so to speak.

APPETIZERS

To speak to me: $25 per word
For me to speak to you: $100 per word
Being with me: $50
Being seen with me in public: $100
Holding hands in public: $125 per minute
A peck on the cheek in public: $150
A kiss on the lips in public: $200 with tongue: $300
To touch my ass: $250
To lay on the couch with me for an extended period of time: $200 per minute
To actually touch while laying on the couch: $350 per minute
To cuddle or have any light sexual contact: $500 per minute

Main course:

For every article of clothing removed by you or me: $150 per article
For dry humping: $750 per grind
For any genetalia touching: $1000 per minute
For any genetalia licking will be: $2000 per lick
For any object or finger insertion: $1250 per digit or object per minute
For my cock to be inserted inside you will cost you $2500 per stroke
For you to have an orgasm: $5000 Squirter: $7500 for the clean-up
Any position change: $500 per position change
Any anal play: $10,000 per minute

Desert

Any P.O.G. (Post Orgasmic Glow) that you might be feeling will be on the house as long as you get my house cleaned up first.

Hope this helps clarify some of the fees. Realize these are on top of my bills and expenses already being paid. Once again I come a la carte ladies. So who is next?
Click to expand...

http://i435.photobucket.com/albums/qq73/Jaded1pics/thskittles.jpg
 
I forgot to mention that these prices are non negotiable. Also please do not print them and share them with other sugar mama recruiters. They are confidential.
 
I was asked if I have a picture of myself when I was younger. This was in my "player" days. Back when I was able to pick up any woman with a wink and a smile. The guy on my left was my wingman. He picked up the grenades while I grabbed the hotties.....

http://img821.imageshack.us/img821/7497/00512w.jpg


I was so gangsta back then....Ahhh memories
 
I really enjoy the outdoors. Here are a few pics of me in the outdoors:

http://img194.imageshack.us/img194/9338/noodling4.jpg

I invented noodling

http://img651.imageshack.us/img651/9088/7a7f0f31f6f9c55a.jpg

That's me in the background. Uncle Jervis wouldn't get out of the fucking picture. Kept thinking the camera was some sort of weapon. Everytime the flash went off he would shit his pants and dive in a ditch

http://img295.imageshack.us/img295/2186/asr029.jpg

That is me and my brother. We were warming up for America's Got Talent, but when we heard Hasselhoff wasn't a judge anymore, we realized what a fucking joke that show really is

http://img28.imageshack.us/img28/930/redneckg.jpg

This was the night we all went out looking for that elusive snipe bird everyone keeps talking about. Maybe it was chupacabra hunting night. I cannot remember due to those 15 warm Pabst Blue Ribbons I drank.
 
I believe in fine dining. I like the finer things in life. they built this new restarant just down the street from my place. It is really nice. They use real silverware. Napkins instead of paper towels. They have exotic food from far away lands. Deserts for far as the eye can see. They have unlimited refills and a very eclectic crowd. I was shocked to see them come to my side of town. God Bless:

http://img695.imageshack.us/img695/1277/goldencorralclosel.jpg
 
IhateClowns said:
I believe in fine dining. I like the finer things in life. they built this new restarant just down the street from my place. It is really nice. They use real silverware. Napkins instead of paper towels. They have exotic food from far away lands. Deserts for far as the eye can see. They have unlimited refills and a very eclectic crowd. I was shocked to see them come to my side of town. God Bless:

http://img695.imageshack.us/img695/1277/goldencorralclosel.jpg
Click to expand...

I think I may be In Love..... Have you tried their Crab Salad ?



 
hehe!
I'm dying over here laughing! You are grand, and your name does speak to me...i fear the dreaded red nosed beasts! People think its funny...and that they are funny...but people are sorely mistaken Clowns are the Devyl.

I dig your ride, there is nothing better than a man with a 1 inch dick and a sexy old ride! yeeeeaaaaawwwww!

ITs really late...consider this incoherent rambling I wanna see you benchpress a poptart Betch!
 
Snuggle Bunz said:
hehe!
I'm dying over here laughing! You are grand, and your name does speak to me...i fear the dreaded red nosed beasts! People think its funny...and that they are funny...but people are sorely mistaken Clowns are the Devyl.

I dig your ride, there is nothing better than a man with a 1 inch dick and a sexy old ride! yeeeeaaaaawwwww!

ITs really late...consider this incoherent rambling I wanna see you benchpress a poptart Betch!
Click to expand...

I can actually bench press a box of pop tarts as long as they are not the glazed kind. Then it is starting to become too heavy.

Yeah women dig the ride. Some guys have SUV's or sports cars, but they are missing the boat. Rust is the new upper class status symbol.

As for the one inch dick it is awesome because I can't quite get it in but when I go into epileptic shock just shove me against your clit. I am like a 6'5 vibrator at that point.
 
I was asked if I could send her an application. Instead of me printing and faxing it to each possible sugar mama, I figured I would put the application on here so you can just print it off, fill it out and fax it to me. You can fax it back to 1-900-BIG-COCK.

Name_________________________
Address_______________________
Phone________________________
SSN#_________________________
Blood Type______________________
Height__________ Weight_____________
Tit Size____________ Real or Fake____________
Garden Grooming Style__________________*
Ethnicity______________
Hair Color_________ Eye Color___________
Annual Income___________________
Square Footage of you house________________
Square Footage of the house you will buy me___________
How much cash in your purse right now_________________
Employer__________________ **
What type of car do you drive________________
Do you own any fur coats________________
Is your favorite movie Cocktail________________
Dogs or cats________________
Does size matter_____________________
Are your friends hot________________
Do I have to be seen with you on a regular basis__________________
How are you willing to pay me Monthly or weekly__________________
Do you believe in Santa Claus_______________________***
If I got into a bad accident and was paralyzed would you still send me checks________________
Are you currently employed as a sugar mama_____________________
Are you a squirter______________
Is your pussy tight_____________________
Does the back of your neck look like a package of hot dogs_______________
Is your ass so big you have to wipe it by reaching over your shoulder_______________
Are you a waxer______________________
Are your nipples sensitive_____________________
Is your ass an exit only______________________
Do you believe in 3-somes_____________________
Are you a smoker___________________****

This are specific questions obviously. Please in your own words describe what makes you the perfect sugar mama and why I should choose you to take your money and spend it on myself while mediocrely pleasing you sexually:___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________


*If our pussy has so much hair you can plant tomatos in it then move along. If your pussy is so loose it would be like throwing a hot dog down a hall way then please move along. If when you take your pants off and it looks like a squirrel is trying to escape out the sides of your panties then please move along. I don't mind some hair there, I just would like it to be somewhat maintained.

**If you job requires you to wear a hairnet then you don't make enough money to support me.

***If you do not believe in Santa Claus then you were not hugged enough as a kid and well I don't need an emotionally unstable sugar mama.

****I am not a smoker so you will not smoke around me. You better smoke outside and bring a lot of tic tacs and your wallet because smokers fees are double across the board.

Signature________________________ Date______________________
 
IhateClowns said:
I was asked if I could send her an application. Instead of me printing and faxing it to each possible sugar mama, I figured I would put the application on here so you can just print it off, fill it out and fax it to me. You can fax it back to 1-900-BIG-COCK.

Name_________________________
Address_______________________
Phone________________________
SSN#_________________________
Blood Type______________________
Height__________ Weight_____________
Tit Size____________ Real or Fake____________
Garden Grooming Style__________________*
Ethnicity______________
Hair Color_________ Eye Color___________
Annual Income___________________
Square Footage of you house________________
Square Footage of the house you will buy me___________
How much cash in your purse right now_________________
Employer__________________ **
What type of car do you drive________________
Do you own any fur coats________________
Is your favorite movie Cocktail________________
Dogs or cats________________
Does size matter_____________________
Are your friends hot________________
Do I have to be seen with you on a regular basis__________________
How are you willing to pay me Monthly or weekly__________________
Do you believe in Santa Claus_______________________***
If I got into a bad accident and was paralyzed would you still send me checks________________
Are you currently employed as a sugar mama_____________________
Are you a squirter______________
Is your pussy tight_____________________
Does the back of your neck look like a package of hot dogs_______________
Is your ass so big you have to wipe it by reaching over your shoulder_______________
Are you a waxer______________________
Are your nipples sensitive_____________________
Is your ass an exit only______________________
Do you believe in 3-somes_____________________
Are you a smoker___________________****

This are specific questions obviously. Please in your own words describe what makes you the perfect sugar mama and why I should choose you to take your money and spend it on myself while mediocrely pleasing you sexually:___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________


*If our pussy has so much hair you can plant tomatos in it then move along. If your pussy is so loose it would be like throwing a hot dog down a hall way then please move along. If when you take your pants off and it looks like a squirrel is trying to escape out the sides of your panties then please move along. I don't mind some hair there, I just would like it to be somewhat maintained.

**If you job requires you to wear a hairnet then you don't make enough money to support me.

***If you do not believe in Santa Claus then you were not hugged enough as a kid and well I don't need an emotionally unstable sugar mama.

****I am not a smoker so you will not smoke around me. You better smoke outside and bring a lot of tic tacs and your wallet because smokers fees are double across the board.

Signature________________________ Date______________________
Click to expand...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
OMFGGGGG IHC lmaoooo
 
Ladies, ladies. Please understand that because I just put the application on line there might be a swell of people trying to fax theirs in at the same time. Hence the busy signal. Just be patient. I will go over them one by one as they arrive.

I have hired Nancy Grace as counsel to help with all of the paper work once I have decided on a donor, ummm I mean sugar mama
 
I was asked to give a smapling of my dirty talk in bed. So here goes:

Oh my your pussy looks like a catcher's mitt.

Mmmmmm I want to lick your pussy but everytime I see it I think of the saddle Billy Crystal was sitting on in City Slickers

Your pussy smells like day old yogurt, so hot baby

I love having to fuck your tight pussy sideways so I feel something.

Mmmmm I love how your tits hang over your waistband, really turns me on baby

Is your clit hard or are you just saving that piece of bubble gum for later

That's it baby ride me, mmmmm is that your ass or pussy

No don't turn around just let me bend you over and paint tits on your back

Why would you ask if I had a fake orgasm

Mmmmmmmmm that was hot make me a sandwich

Yeah yeah glad you came just leave the check on the table

So as you can see I am quite the conversationalist when it comes to the sack.
 
IhateClowns said:
I was asked to give a smapling of my dirty talk in bed. So here goes:

Oh my your pussy looks like a catcher's mitt.

Mmmmmm I want to lick your pussy but everytime I see it I think of the saddle Billy Crystal was sitting on in City Slickers

Your pussy smells like day old yogurt, so hot baby

I love having to fuck your tight pussy sideways so I feel something.

Mmmmm I love how your tits hang over your waistband, really turns me on baby

Is your clit hard or are you just saving that piece of bubble gum for later

That's it baby ride me, mmmmm is that your ass or pussy

No don't turn around just let me bend you over and paint tits on your back

Why would you ask if I had a fake orgasm

Mmmmmmmmm that was hot make me a sandwich

Yeah yeah glad you came just leave the check on the table

So as you can see I am quite the conversationalist when it comes to the sack.
Click to expand...

ROFLMAO :D:D:D
 
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