Now taking applications

[RyanBlack]

Nope you don't make enough money to support my lavish lifestyle

wanna bet???


I can probably even upgrade you to a premium brand--like Beneful or Iams. . .

:*

I miss seeing ya around clowny boy. . . .whats up with you

 

[IhateClowns]

wanna bet???


I can probably even upgrade you to a premium brand--like Beneful or Iams. . .

:*

I miss seeing ya around clowny boy. . . .whats up with you

You couldnt afford me

I have been busy. This real life stuff tends to get in my way from time to time. Hope all is well with you my friend.

 

[RyanBlack]

You couldnt afford me

I could afford you with just my change jars

I have been busy. This real life stuff tends to get in my way from time to time. Hope all is well with you my friend.

dont ya hate it when real life interferes with perving---thats why I gave it up and exist solely as a virtual perve with a large penis surging through the ethernet. . . . .

(old star trek theme music here)

 

[IhateClowns]

dont ya hate it when real life interferes with perving---thats why I gave it up and exist solely as a virtual perve with a large penis surging through the ethernet. . . . .

(old star trek theme music here)

I know it really is amazing I cannot be on here all time being silly. Damn bils and work and family. They really just don't get my plight.

 

[Sidney_1]

I know it really is amazing I cannot be on here all time being silly. Damn bils and work and family. They really just don't get my plight.

Seriously. Hence, the need for applications.

I don't think I'd make the cut, but I'll be on the look-out the next time I'm in the library.

 

[Sensualdreamer]

*Crossing my fingers and my toes as I fill this out

Name: Ivana Dickenside
Address: 0269 Oh my God Road Idaho Springs, CO
Phone: 3825634819 (this should be fun for you to decipher)
SSN#: 926623825 (this should be fun for you to decipher also!)
Blood Type: Warm
Height: 5'10" Weight:

Tit Size: 123 ABC Real or Fake: Fake
Garden Grooming Style: see this to get an idea *

Ethnicity: Other...Angelic in appearance, devilish in thoughts - simply divine by design

Hair Color: Blonde Eye Color: Subject to change based on my moods...usually blue

Annual Income: 50K
Square Footage of your house: 1279
Square Footage of the house you will buy me: Depends on what you want, I'll give you your choice between this one or this one
How much cash in your purse right now: none cause it's in the bank
Employer: Myself **
What type of car do you drive: Lamborghini Murcielago LP670-4 SuperVeloce in my dreams
Do you own any fur coats: No...I'm a friend to animals
Is your favorite movie Cocktail: NO, but I enjoy cocktails
Dogs or cats: Dogs
Does size matter: Size isn't the issue, it's the shape, cause I sure as hell don't want a pencil dick
Are your friends hot: Yeah esp when they're flashing!
Do I have to be seen with you on a regular basis: Nope
How are you willing to pay me Monthly or weekly: weekly
Do you believe in Santa Claus: Yeah I do, b/c I was so bad one year, that SOB didn't give me any presents ***
If I got into a bad accident and was paralyzed would you still send me checks: No, I don't have a cheque book (do people still use cheques?)
Are you currently employed as a sugar mama: Nope
Are you a squirter: Yes
Is your pussy tight: Mmm hmm
Does the back of your neck look like a package of hot dogs: WTF no...
Is your ass so big you have to wipe it by reaching over your shoulder: Nope
Are you a waxer: Yes...this is my fav brand!
Are your nipples sensitive: sure are
Is your ass an exit only: No it's a revolving door...
Do you believe in 3-somes: Sure the more the merrier lol
Are you a smoker: Nope****

This are specific questions obviously. Please in your own words describe what makes you the perfect sugar mama and why I should choose you to take your money and spend it on myself while mediocrely pleasing you sexually:

B/c I filled out your questionaire... hopefully that should satisfy your curiousity.

*If our pussy has so much hair you can plant tomatos in it then move along. If your pussy is so loose it would be like throwing a hot dog down a hall way then please move along. If when you take your pants off and it looks like a squirrel is trying to escape out the sides of your panties then please move along. I don't mind some hair there, I just would like it to be somewhat maintained.

**If you job requires you to wear a hairnet then you don't make enough money to support me.

***If you do not believe in Santa Claus then you were not hugged enough as a kid and well I don't need an emotionally unstable sugar mama.

****I am not a smoker so you will not smoke around me. You better smoke outside and bring a lot of tic tacs and your wallet because smokers fees are double across the board.

Signature: Ivana Dickenside Date: Now

 

[Sensualdreamer]

Clickity click....bump C'mon Clowns where ya at?!

 

[LusterMunky]

I faxed it thru Munky

My Jungle Fax has been jammed with suggestions and volunteers for the Saturday Slutfest

Will fwd your app to Clowns post haste.

 

[IhateClowns]

*Crossing my fingers and my toes as I fill this out

Name: Ivana Dickenside
Address: 0269 Oh my God Road Idaho Springs, CO
Phone: 3825634819 (this should be fun for you to decipher)
SSN#: 926623825 (this should be fun for you to decipher also!)
Blood Type: Warm
Height: 5'10" Weight:

Tit Size: 123 ABC Real or Fake: Fake
Garden Grooming Style: see this to get an idea *

Ethnicity: Other...Angelic in appearance, devilish in thoughts - simply divine by design

Hair Color: Blonde Eye Color: Subject to change based on my moods...usually blue

Annual Income: 50K
Square Footage of your house: 1279
Square Footage of the house you will buy me: Depends on what you want, I'll give you your choice between this one or this one
How much cash in your purse right now: none cause it's in the bank
Employer: Myself **
What type of car do you drive: Lamborghini Murcielago LP670-4 SuperVeloce in my dreams
Do you own any fur coats: No...I'm a friend to animals
Is your favorite movie Cocktail: NO, but I enjoy cocktails
Dogs or cats: Dogs
Does size matter: Size isn't the issue, it's the shape, cause I sure as hell don't want a pencil dick
Are your friends hot: Yeah esp when they're flashing!
Do I have to be seen with you on a regular basis: Nope
How are you willing to pay me Monthly or weekly: weekly
Do you believe in Santa Claus: Yeah I do, b/c I was so bad one year, that SOB didn't give me any presents ***
If I got into a bad accident and was paralyzed would you still send me checks: No, I don't have a cheque book (do people still use cheques?)
Are you currently employed as a sugar mama: Nope
Are you a squirter: Yes
Is your pussy tight: Mmm hmm
Does the back of your neck look like a package of hot dogs: WTF no...
Is your ass so big you have to wipe it by reaching over your shoulder: Nope
Are you a waxer: Yes...this is my fav brand!
Are your nipples sensitive: sure are
Is your ass an exit only: No it's a revolving door...
Do you believe in 3-somes: Sure the more the merrier lol
Are you a smoker: Nope****

This are specific questions obviously. Please in your own words describe what makes you the perfect sugar mama and why I should choose you to take your money and spend it on myself while mediocrely pleasing you sexually:

B/c I filled out your questionaire... hopefully that should satisfy your curiousity.

*If our pussy has so much hair you can plant tomatos in it then move along. If your pussy is so loose it would be like throwing a hot dog down a hall way then please move along. If when you take your pants off and it looks like a squirrel is trying to escape out the sides of your panties then please move along. I don't mind some hair there, I just would like it to be somewhat maintained.

**If you job requires you to wear a hairnet then you don't make enough money to support me.

***If you do not believe in Santa Claus then you were not hugged enough as a kid and well I don't need an emotionally unstable sugar mama.

****I am not a smoker so you will not smoke around me. You better smoke outside and bring a lot of tic tacs and your wallet because smokers fees are double across the board.

Signature: Ivana Dickenside Date: Now

Oh dear. How do I let someone as sweet and naughty as you down. Althouhg a 50k salary is pretty damn good especially with the economy the way it has been, 50k will barely pay my bar tab on the weekend. 1200 square foot house isn't big enough for me to hide from you when you want to play and I am not in the mood.

However I do give you props for taking the time to fill out the questionairre. Please feel free to apply again, once a rich loved one passes away, or the Superball Lottery is hit....

 

[IhateClowns]

Just in case you forgot the menu for IHC:

APPETIZERS

To speak to me: $25 per word
For me to speak to you: $100 per word
Being with me: $50
Being seen with me in public: $100
Holding hands in public: $125 per minute
A peck on the cheek in public: $150
A kiss on the lips in public: $200 with tongue: $300
To touch my ass: $250
To lay on the couch with me for an extended period of time: $200 per minute
To actually touch while laying on the couch: $350 per minute
To cuddle or have any light sexual contact: $500 per minute

Main course:

For every article of clothing removed by you or me: $150 per article
For dry humping: $750 per grind
For any genetalia touching: $1000 per minute
For any genetalia licking will be: $2000 per lick
For any object or finger insertion: $1250 per digit or object per minute
For my cock to be inserted inside you will cost you $2500 per stroke
For you to have an orgasm: $5000 Squirter: $7500 for the clean-up
Any position change: $500 per position change
Any anal play: $10,000 per minute

Desert

Any P.O.G. (Post Orgasmic Glow) that you might be feeling will be on the house as long as you get my house cleaned up first

 

[Sensualdreamer]

Oh dear. How do I let someone as sweet and naughty as you down. Althouhg a 50k salary is pretty damn good especially with the economy the way it has been, 50k will barely pay my bar tab on the weekend. 1200 square foot house isn't big enough for me to hide from you when you want to play and I am not in the mood.

However I do give you props for taking the time to fill out the questionairre. Please feel free to apply again, once a rich loved one passes away, or the Superball Lottery is hit....

You whore!!!! *Sniffle* I knew you were seeing Mildred again!

 

[IhateClowns]

You whore!!!! *Sniffle* I knew you were seeing Mildred again!

But I am not. I am not sleeping with anyone. Hence the application process starting up all over again.

 

[Rikki_13]

Yeah possibly but bottomline is you are too young. I need someone close o the grave. Someone who is a bit incoherent so when it comes to changing her will, it won't be an issue. I can deal with her kids later...

you coulda just said that i was right and left it at that!!!

 

[IhateClowns]

you coulda just said that i was right and left it at that!!!

NEVER!!!! Will I admit you are or ever were right

 

[IhateClowns]

Job has re-=opened. The smell of ben gay and moth balls was just too overwhelming. Her pocket book wasn't big enough to get oer that awfulness.

Any of sugar mamas out there?