Hello everyone

[Sasysusy]

Hello everyone.

I am a 40 year old that have only been with 1 man. We are high school sweet heart's. We have 2 daughters and they have finally left the nest. Me and my husband went on a vacation to kind of celebrate our new beginning alone and kind of feel young again. He bought a topic of experiencing new things and he mentioned he wanted a 3 some with another girl like bring her in our relationship. I told him if we bring a girl I want a guy. He didn’t like that idea of the guy. I tried to post this question on Reddit to get feedbacks but Reddit block me. Someone recommended me this site and here I am

 

[RustyRedheadSpitfire]

I suspect you’ll find a wider range of opinions here than you did on Reddit.

As for your question, I don’t think this is really about finding another woman or another man. It’s about fairness and communication.

Your husband proposed a fantasy that benefits him, and when you suggested an equivalent fantasy that benefits you, his enthusiasm disappeared. That’s worth talking about before anyone invites a third person into the marriage.

After twenty-plus years together, it’s perfectly reasonable to want to explore new experiences. It’s also perfectly reasonable to decide that monogamy still suits you best. Neither choice is inherently more enlightened than the other.

What worries me is when one partner says, “I’d like to do this, but only if the rules guarantee that I’m the only one who gets to enjoy it.” That usually points to insecurity rather than adventure.

My advice would be to forget about finding another person for the moment and spend an evening discussing expectations, jealousy, boundaries, and what each of you is actually hoping to gain. You may discover that what you’re really looking for isn’t another body in the room but a renewed sense of novelty and excitement with each other.

And if you do eventually decide to involve someone else, make sure the arrangement is built on enthusiastic agreement, not reluctant compromise. Nothing good comes from one spouse merely tolerating an experience for the sake of the other.

Just an opinion from someone who believes adults should make informed choices and be honest about them.