No Nut 19

[seela]

I really hope it won't be much different after 6 months, or 12 months. I mean, of course it will be different, but I hope I'll never reach the point where this stops being at least a little difficult.

There are easy days, but there are also days where I have to dig deep not to go over "by accident".

I'm hoping the edging and other stuff will keep me from getting too uninterested in my orgasms in long term. Honestly, if I stop caring if I cum or not and stop being a horny mess a large part of the time, for me the whole exercise has pretty much backfired. So far it's working, although I definitely know I'll have to mix things up a little again.

 

[13Fantasies]

I really hope it won't be much different after 6 months, or 12 months. I mean, of course it will be different, but I hope I'll never reach the point where this stops being at least a little difficult.

There are easy days, but there are also days where I have to dig deep not to go over "by accident".

I'm hoping the edging and other stuff will keep me from getting too uninterested in my orgasms in long term. Honestly, if I stop caring if I cum or not and stop being a horny mess a large part of the time, for me the whole exercise has pretty much backfired. So far it's working, although I definitely know I'll have to mix things up a little again.

Good luck!

 

[cookiecat]

This might be too personal a question, but I'm wondering if you're going to have sex? Will this be an orgasm issue? If too personal, that's ok.

 

[seela]

This might be too personal a question, but I'm wondering if you're going to have sex? Will this be an orgasm issue? If too personal, that's ok.

Thanks for the question! I think I've touched on this before, so not too personal.

It isn't an issue at least so far, but I suspect as time passes this might become more difficult.

My sex in general has always revolved around my partner. Their satisfaction is the goal, my orgasms tend to be by-products if they happen at all - and usually they don't happen. So the general attitude has been that if I do cum from what's going on, that's great, but my orgasm hasn't ever been made a priority, except for torturous reasons. (And that's good and dandy, I don't need any "poor seela" comments, thanks, not that I think that you, cookie, would say such a thing, but someone else might.)

I don't get an orgasm easily and I'm more likely to avoid an orgasm and stop myself from getting there rather than run towards an orgasm, even without no nut. Or actually, I should say that I haven't always gotten an orgasm easily. Ever since I've had to ask permission for each and every one, they've come by a lot more easily and this year so far has changed my attitudes, how I react to stimuli and what brings me pleasure as well.

It's been interesting to see the changes in what gets me off now. I honestly can't get enough humiliation and giving up control of just about everything now. I say a lot of things. A lot.

And because this is a year of alliteration, it seems, I by accident came up with a concept of Mortification Monday, so of course I now need to start doing that as well. Because a) alliteration b) humiliation c) I wanna. Oh my brain is a scary place sometimes.

 

[MaBelle3120]

And because this is a year of alliteration, it seems, I by accident came up with a concept of Mortification Monday, so of course I now need to start doing that as well. Because a) alliteration b) humiliation c) I wanna. Oh my brain is a scary place sometimes.

Well then happy Mortification Monday to you... what's next? Teasing Tuesday?

I'm so impressed by your determination so far

 

[seela]

Well then happy Mortification Monday to you... what's next? Teasing Tuesday?

I'm so impressed by your determination so far

Maybe! Followed by Wet Wednesday, Thrust-filled Thursday, Fidgety Friday, Sexy Saturday and Subby Sunday.

 

[SissySalina]

Sounds like you really got the whole week covered.

 

[Miles Long]

What's the latest on No Nut 19? Still no orgasms?

 

[seela]

What's the latest on No Nut 19? Still no orgasms?

Still nutless, thanks for asking. Just barely, though! Good timing for bumping the thread.


Day 81: Someone asked me earlier on this thread how I'd feel about having an orgasm in my sleep. Well, last night it almost happened. I had an interesting dream and woke up in the middle of the night so close to an orgasm. I had to lie in bed legs wide open for like 20 minutes to calm down. Legs wide open so that I don't get the temptation to squeeze my thighs together juuuuust a little bit. That would have been enough to push me over.

So yeah, still no orgasms, but I came so close. Kinda feel like crying a little now. It's like my body remembered again what an awesome thing an orgasm is and now I'm back to square one and giving them up all over again. Very mixed feelings about this now. I predict squirmy times ahead of me.

 

[seela]

Day 84: Ever since that near-orgasm-experience (or near-petit-mort-experience) no nut has officially sucked balls. Well not even sucked balls, because that would be fun. It's just been totally un-fun.

For whatever reason, it very much feels like I'm starting all over again. I don't know why, I really don't. That experience just hit the reset button for me somehow. And now that I'm starting all over again, I find this a lot more frustrating and difficult than in January. I think it's because now I know what I'm up for a little bit better. I can't fool myself into thinking it's going to be mostly easy. Because it isn't, not for me at least. Or that it's going to be mostly fun. Because it isn't, although that doesn't mean it's un-fun either. Most of the time it just *is*, it's a fact that simply *is* instead of being fun, un-fun or boring.

That said, a lot of the times have been fun too. I'm looking forward to getting to that place again.

In the meanwhile, happy Mortification Monday, everybody. Do unspeakable things!

 

[gracie920101]

I am so sorry to see you are struggling and feel you are back to square one. I hope you understand that you have the support of many of us here regardless of the outcome.

From reading your posts, you are a strong woman and I'm amazed that you (or anyone) would even attempt this. You go, girl!

 

[seela]

I am so sorry to see you are struggling and feel you are back to square one. I hope you understand that you have the support of many of us here regardless of the outcome.

From reading your posts, you are a strong woman and I'm amazed that you (or anyone) would even attempt this. You go, girl!

Thanks.

And it's not like it's the end of the world if this doesn't work out. Just like it isn't the end of the world that this isn't fun right now. Ups and downs were and were and are to be expected. I just need to vent sometimes, don't want to get too whiny with my partner.

Keeping my eye on the prize!

Plus it is interesting in a weird way to see how my mindset changes through this all.

 

[SissySalina]

Know that feeling to vent sometimes, please do it here, it may help and it will not hurt anyone in this place.
You are doing nicely.

 

[cookiecat]

seela's Dear No Nut Diary! It is interesting to have this outside view of your no nut journey.

Stay strong! Your description of warding off the night time orgasm was kinda hot.

 

[seela]

Know that feeling to vent sometimes, please do it here, it may help and it will not hurt anyone in this place.
You are doing nicely.

Thanks! Venting is definitely much needed at times.

seela's Dear No Nut Diary! It is interesting to have this outside view of your no nut journey.

Stay strong! Your description of warding off the night time orgasm was kinda hot.

It's a very, very censored diary, but I'm glad you find it interesting.

And I am staying strong!


***

Thought of the day:

Other people having orgasms when I can't is stupidly hot, and now I just learned that other people finding my not having orgasms kinda hot is also stupidly hot.

Another thought of the day (yes, I'm capable of having several thoughts in one day):

Sometimes it's a really good idea to do things that are a very bad idea.

 

[cookiecat]

^^ I wonder if finding it hot when you can't cum but others are is a form of cuckold?? In theory, I think that whole concept is really intriguing. In reality, I'm not sure. It strikes me, though, this falls under that category. Maybe it doesn't really need to be named.

 

[seela]

Yeah, I guess it can be viewed through that lens.

 

[seela]

Day 91: It's April, yo. Three months done, 25% of the way there.

My mental state regarding this whole thing is better, which I'm really happy about. It's still not a cakewalk by any means, but at least I'm not actively hating on this anymore.

I also figured out a really easy loop hole around my "less beer" New Year's resolution. I'll drink whisky instead! I can't believe it took me this long and not being sold a beer at a grocery for no ID reasons to realize it. All this nutlessness must be rendering my brain useless. Bottoms up!

Happy Monday guys, it's at least the 7th most glorious day of the week, after all.

 

[SissySalina]

Congratulations on your "enlightenment".

 

[seela]

Day 96: I'm not above crying because of No Nut frustration and anger when I wake up in the middle of the night and have to lie in bed still and with my legs wide open again. Didn't see this one coming.

Almost triple digits, though. So that's nice at least.

 

[Blue]

Day 96: I'm not above crying because of No Nut frustration and anger when I wake up in the middle of the night and have to lie in bed still and with my legs wide open again. Didn't see this one coming.

Almost triple digits, though. So that's nice at least.

Do the benefits outweigh the irritation of continuing, or is it about proving your determination at this point?

 

[seela]

Do the benefits outweigh the irritation of continuing, or is it about proving your determination at this point?

Personally, right now the benefits do not outweigh the irritation of continuing. That'll change again, I'm pretty sure of it. I was in a pretty good place before last night's fail.

But apparently my misery is entertaining, so I'm trying to focus on that thought when I struggle to find the fun in this whole thing.

 

[SissySalina]

Are there time that the internal struggle seems to overtake the satisfaction of knowing that the accomplishment will be justified?

 

[seela]

Are there time that the internal struggle seems to overtake the satisfaction of knowing that the accomplishment will be justified?

Sorry, somehow missed this until now. Let it be known that I most definitely do not subscribe to my own threads. Or any other threads for that matter.

Yes, there are times like that for sure, right now would be a good example.

 

[seela]

Day 100: Triple digits, y'all.