Need help getting laid

[psm392]

Hey I am 23 years old and still pretty inexperienced. I would love to hear some advice. I am looking to make up for some lost time so I need advice meeting women. The biggest problem is I am very shy so much so I have even been prescribed anxiety meds. the second problem is I don't drink due to family history with alcoholism. So it can be pretty hard to get laid without the help of liquid courage. So any tips or advice would be great. like are there anyways to maybe encourage women to be more forward with me. thanks.

 

[LaRocha]

Unless you're a professional entertainer, or highly entertaining, you can't make women come to you. You're probably some regular dude, you have to be in the same place as females and chat up as many as possible if you've any hope of landing one plain jane. Not drinking doesn't mean you can't be in situations where peep are drinking. So, either become a professional comedian, musician, actor, get real hot and flex at the gym, or face anxiety and rejection and maybe get a chance to sniff some jane panties.

 

[hidden_self]

In a word: technology.

I find that the internet is a huge boon to shy people, especially when finding someone(s) to boink. Craigslist might work, and since it's free there's no harm in trying. (Make a separate email for all the spam you'll get.) Adultfriendfinder is another possibility, and I'm sure you can find scads more if you look around.

For that matter, literotica has a personals section! Post there, but also look for a regional thread devoted to your area and consider being friendly to literotica folks in your area.

Are you open to being with older women? You may find they're more sexually comfortable and confident. Some will even be turned on by the idea of being your "teacher."

Good luck and keep us posted!

 

[infinity706]

Really, you could just go out and make friends with women. Seriously women like that thing called sex, too, and many of them are just as shy as you are.

 

[psm392]

Thanks for the advice. I have tried the online craigslist thing for a while. no luck yet. Anyone have any good ways to let women know I am interested or how to seem more approachable.

 

[hidden_self]

Have you considered.... ? http://store.xkcd.com/xkcd/#JustShy

In all seriousness, I would totally giggle and most likely talk to any guy wearing that shirt. Haven't seen one yet.

 

[satindesire]

Just a thought:

Perhaps you should concentrate on cultivating a meaningful relationship with a woman you care about rather than being so focused on fucking whomever you can?

Women can smell a desperate horndog from a mile away. Trust me.

 

[fuckmeat]

Thanks for the advice. I have tried the online craigslist thing for a while. no luck yet. Anyone have any good ways to let women know I am interested or how to seem more approachable.

I've never used craigslist but I have to say, I've never heard anyone say anything good about it either.

eharmony is supposed to be good if you're looking for a relationship rather than something casual. Then there are sites like 'Fuckbook' if you're after something less deep and meaningful. There are also groups on facebook that you can look for, virtually everywhere has a group for singletons in that area.

Also, keep an eye on your local press for dating events. The very thought of a speed dating night might terrify you but if you bite the bullet and go to one, you'll get loads of practise chatting to girls and you'll hopefully be much more confident about starting up conversation in other, more normal situations. Plus you can swot for speed dating. Everyone only has a few minutes so you just need to think up some cool answers to basic questions about you and your life.

 

[Jamison]

Unless you're a professional entertainer, or highly entertaining, you can't make women come to you. You're probably some regular dude, you have to be in the same place as females and chat up as many as possible if you've any hope of landing one plain jane. Not drinking doesn't mean you can't be in situations where peep are drinking. So, either become a professional comedian, musician, actor, get real hot and flex at the gym, or face anxiety and rejection and maybe get a chance to sniff some jane panties.

Bullshit. It is true that women like guys who are confident and sociable, but you don't have to be a professional. You just have to be yourself. There are a lot of women in your age group that are desperate to find a guy. For some reason that absolutely defies any understanding by me, women love a guy who is confident in himself, even if he's a complete screw-up. Be comfortable and charismatic, and women will beg you for a date. It helps if you're attractive, but it isn't necessary. Ever notice how you see lots of hot chicks with absolute dickeheads who are also unattractive? I rest my case.

Don't beat yourself up (or off, hahahah!) because you have difficulty meeting women, psm. Meeting someone and beginning an intimate relationship is a problem for all people of both sexes. Guys like you have a tendency to make it more difficult than it actually is. You need to stop feeling like you're being judged and start feeling like you're just casting a line out there and looking for bites, if that makes any sense.

Failing that, or if you're just looking for a quick lay, the "I'm a virgin" line along with the insecure virgin attitude works wonders. Many women, for some unfathomable reason, have a kind of maternal instinct when it comes to virgin males. I have no idea why, you'd think they'd be smarter than that.

In any case, you need to either believe in yourself and radiate confidence or act like a total sex noob and wait for some caring female to take you under her wing. You'll be pounding some pussy in no time.

One thing I will ask, however, is that you remember that women are people and not just a piece of ass, though it is fun for both parties to treat them that way sometimes. Whatever method you choose, remember that your female is you partner and she deserves the respect you would afford anyone else. If you are mindful of her needs and take the time to be a gentleman, you will have a satisfying and fulfilling sexual realtionship.

 

[LaRocha]

Bullshit. It is true that women like guys who are confident and sociable, but you don't have to be a professional. You just have to be yourself. There are a lot of women in your age group that are desperate to find a guy. For some reason that absolutely defies any understanding by me, women love a guy who is confident in himself, even if he's a complete screw-up. Be comfortable and charismatic, and women will beg you for a date. It helps if you're attractive, but it isn't necessary. Ever notice how you see lots of hot chicks with absolute dickeheads who are also unattractive? I rest my case.

Don't beat yourself up (or off, hahahah!) because you have difficulty meeting women, psm. Meeting someone and beginning an intimate relationship is a problem for all people of both sexes. Guys like you have a tendency to make it more difficult than it actually is. You need to stop feeling like you're being judged and start feeling like you're just casting a line out there and looking for bites, if that makes any sense.

Failing that, or if you're just looking for a quick lay, the "I'm a virgin" line along with the insecure virgin attitude works wonders. Many women, for some unfathomable reason, have a kind of maternal instinct when it comes to virgin males. I have no idea why, you'd think they'd be smarter than that.

In any case, you need to either believe in yourself and radiate confidence or act like a total sex noob and wait for some caring female to take you under her wing. You'll be pounding some pussy in no time.

One thing I will ask, however, is that you remember that women are people and not just a piece of ass, though it is fun for both parties to treat them that way sometimes. Whatever method you choose, remember that your female is you partner and she deserves the respect you would afford anyone else. If you are mindful of her needs and take the time to be a gentleman, you will have a satisfying and fulfilling sexual realtionship.

I don't think you quite got what I was saying. The only way to not have to work and have women approach him would be if he was a professional entertainer. Since he's not, he has to approach women with confidence and do the work like everyone else.

Also, one of my buddies dated a girl from craigslist for years. I myself hooked it up with girls I only slightly knew from my facebook friends list. You don't have to pay money to meet decent women online, there are plenty of free sites that will cater to people in bumfuck nowhere. Although, I hear J-Date's fun, that probably costs a few shekels.

 

[Jamison]

I don't think you quite got what I was saying. The only way to not have to work and have women approach him would be if he was a professional entertainer. Since he's not, he has to approach women with confidence and do the work like everyone else.

Sorry for the misunderstanding, but I still disagree to some extent. I guess it depends on how you define "work". In my experience, most women want to find a guy anyway, and they'll believe whatever they want to believe, so they end up doing most of the work anyway. When you make a faux pas or demonstrate some undesireable quality, they often dismiss it as being cute or as something they can fix later, provided that you make a good first impression, ya' know what I mean?
-----------------------------
If you still have trouble being confident, psm, you should approach women with absolutely no expectations of hooking up. Just behave as you would if you were casually starting a conversation. If you're not mentally undressing a girl as you talk to her you won't be nervous. If you're not nervous you'll appear confident. You may already know that, but it's amazing how many guys don't. It sounds almost cliche', but it actually works. If you want women to be more forward with you, that's what has worked for me, and I've never had to ask a girl for a date. They always end up asking me. That's how you play the game when you're not a rockstar

Good luck, bro!

 

[satindesire]

If you still have trouble being confident, psm, you should approach women with absolutely no expectations of hooking up. Just behave as you would if you were casually starting a conversation. If you're not mentally undressing a girl as you talk to her you won't be nervous. If you're not nervous you'll appear confident. You may already know that, but it's amazing how many guys don't. It sounds almost cliche', but it actually works. If you want women to be more forward with you, that's what has worked for me, and I've never had to ask a girl for a date. They always end up asking me. That's how you play the game when you're not a rockstar

Good luck, bro!

I think a female perspective on this would be valuable. And you know what? He's absolutely right.

A lot of the time, a guy can't get over how sexually attracted he is to the woman he's talking to, so he's standing in front of her babbling nervously with a massive hard on (mental or physical) and he looks like a dope.

When you approach a woman calmly, without thinking about fucking her, you are collected, can process the conversation well, and seem rational. When you are rational, not only can you think straight and keep up with what she's saying, but you're also not giving her body language cues that she will find threatening in a literal creepy-rapist way.

The thing is, when men want to have sex with a woman, a lot of things about them tip us off to that. Non verbal cues especially, like body language, and his facial expressions. I can't count the times I've walked away from a guy because he can't stop staring at my tits when he talked to me, or was so distracted by horniness that he couldn't keep up with the conversation.

It's NOT appealing. Being in control of your desire, no matter what, is a HIGHLY attractive quality that women look for in men. And if you're so wrapped up in how bad you want to fuck this girl you're speaking to, she'll know it even if it's subconsciously, and be turned off by your head being somewhere else.

Women like men who seem in control of themselves, calm, relaxed. That to us signals the fact that he'll be able to control himself in tense or difficult situations, which is a highly desirable trait in a mate. When you give off these "I am a great choice to father your children" traits, you'll attract women.

Being physically fit, looking well cared for and groomed, and being relaxed when speaking to women are ALL good mate traits in men and it will help you find your future wife/girlfriend.

 

[Vixandra]

Find and join a local ren faire guild.

Acting in public builds self confidence. Interacting with your guild builds friendships and given the proliferation of faire bunnies (women who come to faire but don't bring a tent yet don't sleep outside), this should help you get laid.

 

[littlebabyclit]

In my experience, most women want to find a guy anyway, and they'll believe whatever they want to believe, so they end up doing most of the work anyway. When you make a faux pas or demonstrate some undesireable quality, they often dismiss it as being cute or as something they can fix later, provided that you make a good first impression, ya' know what I mean?

That was an interesting take on things and helpful to me in regards to something completely different. Thank you.

*back to lurking here*

 

[Gaslamp_Society]

women love guys with self-confidence. work on whatever will help with that: go to the gym, new clothes...something to show that you take care of yourself and that you have an identity. insecurity is a dealbreaker and if you try to just be friends first, that puts you in the danger zone of staying friends forever.
The Mystery Method says that men need to focus on increasing their social value and at the same time get the woman to question her own value. This may seem manipulative, but it seems pretty much based on a woman's biological impulse. Some guys get an immediate lock because they have good looks, but if you lack that, then you are going to have to ramp up the personality points.... You don't have to be a douche, but you do need to be assertive, funny, interesting, and make her feel that being with you is an adventure. If you just compliment them, then you lose value, because they hear that shit all the time. Mix the compliments with some light-hearted digs, shock them...but make it seem like you couldn't care less and that you would be fine with or without her...and that you have something better to do...this sorta sets the hook. BUt all this should really flow from youself that its always best to be yourself...at the same time if there is shit, habits, or nervous tiks that is a romance-killer then work on it. YOu don't have to go to a bar...if you like videogames, sci-fi, or comics, go to a convention. Or at the gym (but this can be a bad idea...as women really hate getting picked up at the gym sometimes)...you can really start some great conversations with regulars if they see you are there regularly and work your ass off...that build repuation points and then you may find the receptionist being nicer to you or women start exercising next to you when there are a bunch of other machines that are empty. Mostly be approachable...this is probably for a majority. If your target is someone you see frequently, then you have time to spin your web...work your mojo. But if you are looking to hook up with a sex addict like the ones you see on these boards (haha...kidding...but not really) then you have to be someone who will fulfill the role that they seek to have filled...and then know where to look for them.

 

[satindesire]

The Mystery Method says *Snip*

Be aware that many women do not like men who take "digs" at them or manipulate them, and can see right through ploys like this one. Mature emotionally secure women need a man to treat her as a valuable person that they care about, emotionally immature and insecure women will fall for this kind of thing easily.

Trust me when I say that the kind of women that are into guys that do this sort of things are NOT healthy nor stable companions in long-term relationships.

I mean this as no offense to you, GLS.

 

[crazyboy2006]

Yeah, I think it's just that some guys have it and some don't. It's a balancing act of being picky and an ability to perform (acting confident and talking).

1. Some guys just have what it takes and have the set of qualities needed.

2. Some guys are willing to lower their standards enough to have sex with whatever stands in front of them.

I defintely don't fall under either category, and I'm guessing you don't either.

It's pretty frustrating. BTW, don't use Craigslist and don't read anything like The Mystery Method or The Game. Those books aren't going to enlighten you... trust me.

 

[Gaslamp_Society]

Be aware that many women do not like men who take "digs" at them or manipulate them, and can see right through ploys like this one. I mean this as no offense to you, GLS.

haha..none taken! i agree there is some manipulation involved with this...as well as see it is a quick set, not relational building...but there are some key points that the method isolates...1) women love confidence 2)women loathe insecurity 3)women love to be whisked off their feet. so really, it's up to psm392 (original poster) to decide if he want "to get laid" as he wrote it, or is looking at long term. many of us aren't fool 'em then fool around with 'em type guys, and honestly i would crash and burn if i try to pull the sorta shit the pick-up artists employ...as i'm a bit phlegmatic. but i know some guys who pull women without effort...and many of the women are putty.

 

[psm392]

Again thanks for all the the advice. As far as me just needing to be more confident, that is very true, but I will reiterate, I do have an anxiety disorder, which is a very real problem, so that is much more easily said than done. Although I do try. Also "getting laid" may be have been the wrong words to use. I am not just looking for sex. I guess one question I have would be if it is a good idea to be up front about my anxiety and shyness or is that a turn off. Also how exactly can I make myself seem more approachable.

 

[Jamison]

Again thanks for all the the advice. As far as me just needing to be more confident, that is very true, but I will reiterate, I do have an anxiety disorder, which is a very real problem, so that is much more easily said than done.

Well, there's a couple things you can try for that. Medication is one, assuming you're not on it already. You can take a serotonin re-uptake inhibitor like citalopram hydrobromide, which will help with the feelings of anxiety, but will also hinder you emotions and passions. You may yet be young enough that all that testosterone will overcome the side-effects, but I'm not a psychiatrist so I wouldn't swear to it.

You other option is counseling. Anxiety disorders are physical problems, but you can mentally work through them with proper help. This may not be the best venue in which to get that kind of help, but there seem to be a lot of nice guys here, not to mention a lot of lovely and insightful ladies.

Although I do try. Also "getting laid" may be have been the wrong words to use. I am not just looking for sex. I guess one question I have would be if it is a good idea to be up front about my anxiety and shyness or is that a turn off. Also how exactly can I make myself seem more approachable?

Anxiety is a turn-off for most women. I think someone said that already. Shyness isn't necessarily a turn-off, but you have to handle it right. There's a fine line between appearing attractively modest or bashful and looking like a dickless pansy. I'll leave the question about how to be more approachable up to the ladies, but I know that it helps to be more open. Generally speaking, you're only going to get what you give in social situations, regardless of the nature.

Finally, it may help to know that you're not the only one who gets severely anxious around girls. Most guys experience some kind of anxiety when dealing with women for perfectly natural reasons. They may worry that they won't live up to a female's expectations or focus on some physical flaw. That's just how we're built, dude. It comes with the package. I'm a 6'2" 200-pound ex-Marine and even I have problems speaking with women sometimes. You know how it is when you're talking to some girl who is so beautiful or charismatic that your heart goes into turbo mode and you just want to fall to pieces? When that happens I often worry excessively about whether or not I'm making a good impression or whether the girl is just acting interested because I'm so pathetic. Every straight guy experiences something like that that at some point in his life, but it does no good to dwell on it. Remember that you're a guy. You have a penis and you know how to use it, and if you don't know you can learn. You've already taken the first step in improving your sex life by asking your questions here. There are lots of very open and thoughtful people here who will help you work through whatever difficulties you experience, so relax, bask in the anonimity of the internet, and ask away until you feel comfortable

 

[satindesire]

Again thanks for all the the advice. As far as me just needing to be more confident, that is very true, but I will reiterate, I do have an anxiety disorder, which is a very real problem, so that is much more easily said than done. Although I do try. Also "getting laid" may be have been the wrong words to use. I am not just looking for sex. I guess one question I have would be if it is a good idea to be up front about my anxiety and shyness or is that a turn off. Also how exactly can I make myself seem more approachable.

Well, there are as many women in the same boat as you are in...so what would YOU like a woman to do if she was shy?

Honestly, I don't mind a shy guy as long as he tells me honestly that he's shy and feels a little nervous. It shows that he's okay with being direct with me (honesty is a very good mate trait) and he's not afraid to be vulnerable because he genuinely likes me.

I'm the kind of girl that usually keeps the conversation going on a date. I ask a lot of questions, talk about all kinds of subjects. I'm very talkative and open, and that's the kind of girl you need. Shyness can be mitigated if you're with a confident and nice girl who can talk comfortably to you. And you'll find that when you're with a nice girl who doesn't mind if you're a little shy, you'll become more comfortable around her and LESS shy as you get to know her.

 

[subwannabe]

I think you need professional help. Internet friends aren't going to be able to help you with advice on how to get laid. I think the person who said you have to try making friends first was right. If you can't make females for just friends only then you are going to have a hard time finding females to fuck.

 

[LaRocha]

Yeah, nervousness is a killer to confidence. When you're nervous the girl automatically becomes nervous and that can make for an awkward night. The thing is, 'getting over' nervousness usually means spending more time with a person, but this guy's still talking about just getting that first date I think. Nerves don't stem from 'wanting to bone this girl hard', but 'she's adorable, I want her to be mine'. Dudes who just want to bone usually have the most confidence when they go about picking up chicks, because if they get shot down it's only about not getting in the panties, whereas the nervous guy gets a little heart hurt because he's somewhat emotionally invested.

 

[Felix_Jones]

You can

Hire a prostitute if you really want to get laid, it's legal in lots of places.

 

[jkpel]

Seriously, hiring a prostitute is a good idea as it helps you prepare for your fist sexual encounter anyway in real life and the experience of being with one obviously helps in practical ways too. You just make sure that the woman who you choose is nice, as in that she's an understanding and helping woman who knows it's your first time maybe.

Some off this Girlfriend Experience which means they can role play everything that a girlfriend does as you know, and this will increase your relaxation a lot with her and the next time you do end up meeting someone.

In terms of meeting someone in real life, all the advice given her won't mean shit, unless you have or develop some tough skin, keep going out there and fighting away continuously and consistently and keep chatting those girls up. No matter how many defeats or hurt you get, you just keep on going back in there and keep on talking to the girls.

Give yourself a pat on the back for trying something that scares you. And just keep at it, man. If you don't give, they will - and they'll give themselves to you!