Need help getting laid

[dollface007]

Have you ever heard the term, "Fake it until you make it?" I think that's what needs to happen in your case. I mean, that's the basic premise of The Game/Mystery Method stuff, except you don't have to do all that gross "negging" stuff, dissing on girls to get a rise out of them. Just envision the person you want to be: confident, fun to be around, easy to talk to, and act how you think that person would act. I've used this in my own life. It's not necessarily easy, and will feel weird at first, but at some point it will allow you to escape the rut you are in and become the person you want to be....and it's still you.

If you want to be a guy who dates girls, go on dates with girls, no matter how nerve-wracking it seems. Even if it means online dating (which is how I met my current boyfriend). It doesn't matter how you meet someone, you want to be that guy that you see eating dinner with a date at a restaurant, or at the park with a girl, and if that means setting up an online profile or asking your friends to set you up with someone, just do it. Accept that not every date is going to work out, but do it anyway.

Also, somebody said up thread that you shouldn't just compliment a woman because they hear that stuff all the time. WRONG. When a woman hears a sincere compliment coming from the right guy, she can never get enough.

One thing about anxiety (from someone who's been on anxiety medication before): I heard once that anxiety is just a form of narcissism. NOBODY ELSE is focusing on you or paying attention to you or caring about you as much as you think they do. Realizing this fact can be quite liberating....

Best of luck!

 

[satindesire]

Also, somebody said up thread that you shouldn't just compliment a woman because they hear that stuff all the time. WRONG. When a woman hears a sincere compliment coming from the right guy, she can never get enough.

I agree with this. A real compliment, one that has thought behind it, is more valuable to me than a hundred men calling me "hot".

I'd rather hear "Wow, your hair is so beautiful." or "I love those sandals, those are really pretty." something specific, nonsexual and not over-the-top and inappropriate.

Girls are not flattered by wolf whistles, ogling, or obscenities. What women do like is a compliment that directly correlates to our own choices and preferences, such as "I see you like Mark Anthony, too. Did you read the entire Last Rune series? It was really good!"

 

[infinity706]

I agree with this. A real compliment, one that has thought behind it, is more valuable to me than a hundred men calling me "hot".

I'd rather hear "Wow, your hair is so beautiful." or "I love those sandals, those are really pretty." something specific, nonsexual and not over-the-top and inappropriate.

Satindesire is not flattered by wolf whistles, ogling, or obscenities. What women do like is a compliment that directly correlates to our own choices and preferences, such as "I see you like Mark Anthony, too. Did you read the entire Last Rune series? It was really good!"

Fixed

 

[satindesire]

Fixed

Have you ever met a woman who liked being verbally sexually harassed by total strangers?

 

[infinity706]

Have you ever met a woman who liked being verbally sexually harassed by total strangers?

Well, you didn't specify total strangers. Of course, even then, there are women that go out looking for attention from anyone.

I do have a female friend that I don't say hi to. I give her a hard slap on the ass and call her some obscene name. (especially cuntsucker) Of course, she calls me a cocksucker and pinches me anywhere she wants any time she wants. If she gets too overly pinchy, I give her a slap across her boobs. We're still good friends that respect each other and can talk honestly about anything. Of course, I've sent more obscene things to the majority of my male and female friends than that PM to you and never offended anyone. That certainly doesn't excuse doing it to you, but it might not have been half as offensive if we were friends in person (or else I would have known it would make you uncomfortable and not done it). You see, I'm the laid back guy that all of my friends talk to as openly people post on literotica. If they have a question about sex, body image, their period, how many times they had to pee today, or anything they want to talk about. I'm also the guy that all my female friends feel comfortable flirting with or wearing sexy outfits around when they want to be oggled a little since they know I won't take it as an invitation to do anything but look. (especially one who always wears open necked shirts and constantly lies down in positions where I have to look down her shirt just to look in her direction) People trust me with their passwords, watching their kids, watching a woman's pocketbook while she runs to the bathroom, carrying her pocketbook when she has an injury that makes it too painful, giving opinions on their nudie pics... They even ask me for a condom if they have a date in 10 minutes and forgot to get some or ask me for sex toys or lingere for their birthday sometimes. On my last vacation, a semi disabled friend of mine even flew in to go with me without bringing a caregiver. I helped him get dressed, take a shower, wipe his ass, help him sort his medicines, and carry his packages. Oh, and yes, I pat all my friends on the head like a puppy dog when they get done telling me about their problems.

Of course, a lot of women probably do act differently around me than most guys since I am a bit weird. There are definately a lot of women that don't mind a friend telling them they have nice boobs, though, or how great those jeans make her ass look. Hell, I even got away with telling a married woman that she could suck a popsicle off the stick after she got done demonstrating her blowjob technique on one. Seriously, it's much easier to give someone cocksucking tips when you know how good they are already. Yes, I might be an extreme corner case, but I still do all the things you said to female friends who just smile back at me and the only time sexual harassment has been mentioned in relation to me was by a woman that gave me over a dozen porn magazines. Of course, it's not just younger women. I have female friends over 50, although, one of them I visit out of town tells people she doesn't know that I'm their son, so she doesn't get a reputation as a cougar and tells the people she knows that I'm gay.

 

[satindesire]

Well, you didn't specify total strangers. Of course, even then, there are women that go out looking for attention from anyone.

I apologize for not making it absolutely clear that I was speaking about emotionally healthy women who don't need sexual harassment by strange men as validation for their poor self-esteem. XD;!

This whole THREAD is about making friends with strange women, so he can learn how to date. Honestly, if you didn't understand that by the second page, you'd better be reading some more.

Yes, I might be an extreme corner case, but I still do all the things you said to female friends who just smile back at me and the only time sexual harassment has been mentioned in relation to me was by a woman that gave me over a dozen porn magazines.

Female friends. That's 100% different. If I was really good friends with someone and they told me my ass looked good in my jeans, I'd just thank them. However, if a strange man told me that, I'd probably slap him.

It's not that hard to figure out, is it?

 

[infinity706]

Yeah, I know what the thread is about. Of course, if the OP (or other guys reading the thread) doesn't have female friends, he might not know women will generally allow lots of other perks besides access to her vagina once he becomes friends with her. Afterall, inexperienced guys can certainly have just as fragile of egoes as women. Even unintentially stereotyping women is kind of dangerous for guys that don't have experience with women to balance things against. Sorry if I seem like I'm nitpicking, but I'm trying to clarify for other people, not insult your intelligence.

 

[funkygreeneyedlady]

I can tell you 12 years ago I married an extremely shy man... very inexperienced and very introverted; me on the other hand? I am extremely extroverted! (if you don't understand these descriptions - check "Meyers Briggs Personality Test")
We met due to me being dumped and on a board evening logging onto the internet... now this was back in the mid-'90's when internet and the thought of meeting/dating anyone off there was still sort of taboo and bad --- didn't stop us, and he admitted later that had he not met me this way and been able to introduce himself, build up courage to talk to me on adult related themes... well, honestly he'd never would have had the courage to approach me in real life. That being said, internet doesn't work for everyone, and IF you choose this direction... my biggest piece of advice: BE HONEST from the get go!!! Never lie and make yourself out to be something you're not, admit to your shyness, you don't have to talk about your inexperience; however, women will be more forthcoming IF you choose honesty in the beginning. A good relationship of any kind starts with trust; if you hide your truth then you cannot expect the perspective person to be willing to stick around...
There's nothing wrong with not having experience... in fact it's a good thing sometimes, you have no taboos, be open minded and figure it out as you go. Just don't barate yourself if you fumble along the way... it'll happen, HELL it happens to the most experienced of people!
Be a tiny bit brave and get your feet wet (so to speak)... good luck!

 

[Shovelclaw]

The best way to get good at anything, including women, is practice. Stop focusing on one girl and realize that women are plentiful. Start talking to girls to wherever you go. You will notice an effect called progressive desensitization. Yeah, you are gonna get rejected a few times, its part of the game. But if you do it enough, rejection doesn't even phase you anymore.

 

[zarngash]

You must have hobbies, things you enjoy spending your time doing, right?Get yourself out into social situations where you can meet people doing the things you like to do.

Hey, and if you are really nervous about talking to people, just start by being nice, and sociable with the clerks at the gas station, grocery store, library... You don't have to be mister yip yap chit chat, just try and make the experience more than transactional (meaning just don't pay for your gas and cola and go. But smile at the person, look into there eyes and notice them and have a conversation, about anything, even the weather). That is your first goal.

You are 23 years old and there is absolutely nothing wrong with you wanting to get laid. Don't feel self conscience about have natural hormones and wanting to act on those feelings.

If you are really stricken with the hornyness, you might be best to masturbate before you go out and socialize. It'll keep your anxiety down. You will be more calm and relaxed, and that is good in any situation.

Most importantly, keep trying to meet people. Are you going to be rejected? Sure thing, but that is part of life. The important thing is you learn. Learn what types of people you like to talk to. It might be something in the way they carry themselves, and in turn when you talk to them you may like them or not. Learn from that. There is an adage - to fail faster - meaning you don't learn until you try.

Statistically speaking the odds eventually are in your favor to find a hook up, or even multiple hook ups, or you might even get lucky and find love too. Like I said earlier there is nothing wrong with wanting to get laid, don't shame or guilt yourself over that, it is natural hormones, but use that energy to meet people and you will prevail!

Remember what is fun for you and don't leave that part of you home when you go out.

Hey I am 23 years old and still pretty inexperienced. I would love to hear some advice. I am looking to make up for some lost time so I need advice meeting women. The biggest problem is I am very shy so much so I have even been prescribed anxiety meds. the second problem is I don't drink due to family history with alcoholism. So it can be pretty hard to get laid without the help of liquid courage. So any tips or advice would be great. like are there anyways to maybe encourage women to be more forward with me. thanks.

 

[Felix_Jones]

I apologize for not making it absolutely clear that I was speaking about emotionally healthy women who don't need sexual harassment by strange men as validation for their poor self-esteem. XD;!

This whole THREAD is about making friends with strange women, so he can learn how to date. Honestly, if you didn't understand that by the second page, you'd better be reading some more.



Female friends. That's 100% different. If I was really good friends with someone and they told me my ass looked good in my jeans, I'd just thank them. However, if a strange man told me that, I'd probably slap him.

It's not that hard to figure out, is it?

Easier for some than others. Women certainly don't make it easy.

 

[satindesire]

Easier for some than others. Women certainly don't make it easy.

I think it's quite blatantly clear in this thread as one fine example out of many that men don't make it easy either.

Neither sex is to blame for the difficulty in finding a partner more than the other.

 

[Felix_Jones]

I think it's quite blatantly clear in this thread as one fine example out of many that men don't make it easy either.

Neither sex is to blame for the difficulty in finding a partner more than the other.

Well since I've only pursued women, I can only speak to their lack of interest. Their resistance is discouraging.

 

[satindesire]

Well since I've only pursued women, I can only speak to their lack of interest. Their resistance is discouraging.

Everyone gets rejected, sweetie. The thing to do is learn not to take it personally. I learned really quickly that just because person A and B and C and D said 'No' when I asked them out, didn't mean I wasn't attractive.

I dated both men and women, and got equal amounts of rejection from both sexes. Trust me, honey, it's not any different for women trying to hook up with a guy they're interested in.

 

[Felix_Jones]

Everyone gets rejected, sweetie. The thing to do is learn not to take it personally. I learned really quickly that just because person A and B and C and D said 'No' when I asked them out, didn't mean I wasn't attractive.

I dated both men and women, and got equal amounts of rejection from both sexes. Trust me, honey, it's not any different for women trying to hook up with a guy they're interested in.

It's totally different, we're the pursuers. No matter how progressive the part of the world where a person lives, that's still the case. We (men) in not all but a very large majority of situations are the ones doing the pursuing, taking the risk...it's stressful.

 

[satindesire]

It's totally different, we're the pursuers. No matter how progressive the part of the world where a person lives, that's still the case. We (men) in not all but a very large majority of situations are the ones doing the pursuing, taking the risk...it's stressful.

It's only stressful if you are COUNTING on the woman saying yes. This isn't about your ego, this is about compatibility.

Think of it this way, would you say yes to anyone who asked you out?

Put yourself in their shoes. There could be a whole host of reasons why the "no" happens. Once you learn how to not take it personally and not take it as a hit to your ego, it becomes so much less stressful.

Remove your ego from the equation and it becomes as easy as someone offering you a sandwich for lunch.

 

[niv78]

Well since I've only pursued women, I can only speak to their lack of interest. Their resistance is discouraging.

Women are like sharks, if they smell the blood in the water, or rather your lack of self confidence then they won't be interested. Just keep trying, and don't worry about the one's that say no.

 

[infinity706]

Well since I've only pursued women, I can only speak to their lack of interest. Their resistance is discouraging.

It's not just women. It's guys too, and I'm gotten turned down more than probably anyone here. You're just not going to be able to get everyone.

 

[Felix_Jones]

It's only stressful if you are COUNTING on the woman saying yes. This isn't about your ego, this is about compatibility.

Think of it this way, would you say yes to anyone who asked you out?

Put yourself in their shoes. There could be a whole host of reasons why the "no" happens. Once you learn how to not take it personally and not take it as a hit to your ego, it becomes so much less stressful.

Remove your ego from the equation and it becomes as easy as someone offering you a sandwich for lunch.

Kinda hypothetical, nobody's asked me out. I'm not sure what I'd say, but I'd have to factor my head exploding from the shock into it. It's like anything else, some have it some not.

 

[Felix_Jones]

Women are like sharks, if they smell the blood in the water, or rather your lack of self confidence then they won't be interested. Just keep trying, and don't worry about the one's that say no.

Quite. Sharks even, eh?

 

[Felix_Jones]

It's not just women. It's guys too, and I'm gotten turned down more than probably anyone here. You're just not going to be able to get everyone.

For sure, I understand that. I don't know if it was more than me, surely it's not a contest.

 

[hal0]

Get over your shyness.

If you live in a big city, dress well, shave, wear a cool hat, and drive to a spot in the city you dont go to much that has a mall.

Spend a few hours just saying "Hi", to everyone that walks by you. Guy or girl, just say hi. The talktive ones will say "how are you?" back after you say hi, and you tell them you're just wandering around having fun, and making new friends, and ask them for their names by saying "whats your names?", and then introduce yourself, and shake their hand firmly, and let go.

If they dont say anything after you say hi, just walk by them, and say hi to someone else that walks by. After you get used to saying hi to people, then say hi, and after they say hi, or hello, say "how are you?", and then talk about random stuff.

Once you're over your shyness, it will be a lot easier to get laid.

PM me if you are still having trouble getting over your shyness.