my venting thread

[freakygirl]

I'm almost in tears.. My daughter came home today from her weekend at her dads house. She isn't feeling well. Her ears are worse.. she was so bitten up by fleas that I thought she had chicken pox.. she was so hungry that she ate 2 bowls of cottage cheese, a container of yogurt, a pear, a banana and an apple.

She said she wasn't given her medication when she was supposed to have it. She said that his girlfriend complained about fixing meals for her (because of her diet, they think she should eat what they say.. they think the diet I have her on is "stupid" even though she's on this diet for medical reasons).


She told me she loves her brothers.. but she doesn't want to go back and visit. She says their house is cold.. they sleep all the time.. and the house is dirty.

There isn't a damn thing I can do either. According to state law.. as long as they have livable housing.. cleanliness doesn't matter. As long as there is some sort of edible food in the house.. it's ok. As long as they have a minimal amount of heat on.. it's ok.

I tried to talk to D tonight about it. He says she is a liar. That he did exactly what I had said with the medications. (A 24 pill bottle of motrin.. was returned with 20 pills in it. She is supposed to have 3 pills.. every 8 hours) Count it D.. it doesn't add up! Fucking moron!

/end vent

 

[Starfish]

That sucks really bad.

Does she have to visit there? Is it part of the agreement? Does she have any say in it?

This sucks and is really shitty of him to bullshit you further.

 

[Nora]

well fuck. If i break his kneecaps for you would it help? I'm always glad to bludgeon the gf...

Ok, when you're done being upset (and take your time, you deserve it!) we'll start to think about solutions. Is she old enough to send with a timer with her meds wrapped up in units? I mean, the timer goes off and she opens a piece of saran wrap with one dose in it? Is having her self-medicate more trustworthy than having him and the gf do it?

The cold part is simple. Next time she gets sent with warmer pj's and an extra blanket or seven.

As far as the diet is concerned, either she'll have to fix her own meals or have the doctor call the ex and explain very logically why she has to be on it. They may not listen to you, but they'll listen to her doctor.

Remember, you've said before that they're not bad people. So it's fixable.

Until then, I have a dart board you can affix their pic to and use it for practice.

*hugs*

 

[freakygirl]

It's in our parenting plan that he has visitation every other weekend.

Yes, she has to go. And no, she has no say in the matter.

I thought things would be different.. get better with time. They just seem to be getting worse.

Oh.. I forgot a couple of things in the original post. She came home in the same underwear and clothing that she went in on Friday. They weren't washed.. because they just moved into the house.. and the washer isn't hooked up yet. Came home with no coat.. and no socks. She was wearing sandals.

It's about 43 degrees outside..

And I wonder why I can't get rid of her colds?

 

[hotlittlegirlwv]

I'm sorry. I can only imagine how you must feel. *hugs*

 

[His_kitty]

How does he feel about her visiting as often as she does? Maybe he'd be okay with cutting that back as well.


I'm sorry that your daughter had such a horrible time of it. How old is she? Is she old enough and responsible enough to remind them about her own medication?

 

[riff]

I am sorry to hear about this. Please hug that little baby for me. Just hug her and hold her.

 

[freakygirl]

Nora is so wise. This will all look so different to me in a couple of days, won't it?

I think what has me upset the most is.. the look on my daughters face. The hurt.. she's a different child when she comes home. Like her spirit has been broke.. or something.

I've often thought of what must go on in that house. I would like to be a fly on the wall.. just once.

Ugh.. I just got her glasses out.. to get them cleaned up for school tomorrow. They are bent!

 

[freakygirl]

hotlittlegirlwv-Thank you


His_kitty-She is 7. And hopefully.. the next time she goes to stay (in two weeks) she won't be on medications. She says she had to remind them of her medications this time.. but they wouldn't get them down from the cupboard for her. She said they would just roll over and go back to sleep. (her meds needed to be given at 7:30am, 3:30pm and 11:30pm).

riff-Oh trust me.. I held her.. rocked her.. and waited until she fell asleep in my arms before putting her to bed.

You know what my biggest fear is you guys.. her not coming home one day. I fear.. something horrible is going to happen. I have this nagging feeling.. deep in the pit of my stomach.

I don't trust her and her brothers.. and they aren't supervised properly. I know D.. I was with him 2 years.. the tv and sleep are his whole life! If his house was on fire.. he wouldn't notice until the electricity went out and the tv turned of.. I'm serious.

 

[I'mVan]

Aw, my poor little cat's name sake

Want me to hurt someone? Even just for the fun of it?

 

[His_kitty]

You know what my biggest fear is you guys.. her not coming home one day. I fear.. something horrible is going to happen. I have this nagging feeling.. deep in the pit of my stomach.

I don't trust her and her brothers.. and they aren't supervised properly. I know D.. I was with him 2 years.. the tv and sleep are his whole life! If his house was on fire.. he wouldn't notice until the electricity went out and the tv turned of.. I'm serious.

Y'know sugar we all worry about our kids, whether they have to go into a situation like that or not. I know where you're coming from though, my nephew's and niece lived in horrid conditions with their mother for over a year until I retained custody of them until my mother could take it over fulltime.

You just keep teaching her right and wrong, what is safe and what isn't and I'm sure she'll be okay. Just be thankful that she's seven, at an age that she can do some things on her own, and is aware of dangers.

I just hate that she has to be placed in those sort of conditions at all.

some things have a habit of working out... maybe since his new gf seems to resent her just a tad she'll encourage him to skip visits.

 

[freakygirl]

Aw, my poor little cat's name sake

Want me to hurt someone? Even just for the fun of it?

Yes.. I do.

His Kitty-I've prayed for 4 years.. that the gf would encourage him to have less and less to do with my daughter. It hasn't happened yet. I don't see it happening anytime in the future.

Plus.. D will NEVER be out of our lives..because I'm still connected to his family through Mr Freaky.

I made my bed.. now I have to lie in it. Nora and you have some good ideas.. and I thank everyone that commented on this thread and in PMs.

I'm off to take a nice hot shower.

 

[Nora]

Aww Freaks...I can't even imagine, hon. You know I'm kidless, but what you're going through would send me insane. It's easy for me to sit back (with my cats, of course) and say "you should do this" or "you should do that" but I can't, hon. But yeah, in a few days you'll be able to think again, and knowing you, you'll find a way to make it all work for everyone.

Fleas are evil! We had an infestation from our dogs once when I was a kid and I remember!! Oy! Ya know, just as a suggestion, you might kill two birds with one stone by sending her with a sleeping bag that you've pre-treated with flea spray. That way she'll be warm AND less flea-bitten.

Do his parents live nearby and do you have a good rapport with them? They might be able to get some changes made on your behalf? Gf's may not fear the ex, but they damned well better fear the mother-in-law!!

 

[Starfish]

Relax well sweetie, and I hope this all gets better really soon.

Nora has awesome advice, but you noted that.


I am sure other will have ideas to. Me? I am just a smart ass, sorry.

Night doll.

 

[QuickDuck]

lots of good advice and nothing i could possibly add.

All I will say is *hugs* to you both.

 

[freakygirl]

Fleas are evil! We had an infestation from our dogs once when I was a kid and I remember!! Oy! Ya know, just as a suggestion, you might kill two birds with one stone by sending her with a sleeping bag that you've pre-treated with flea spray. That way she'll be warm AND less flea-bitten.

Do his parents live nearby and do you have a good rapport with them? They might be able to get some changes made on your behalf? Gf's may not fear the ex, but they damned well better fear the mother-in-law!!

He just moved into this house. He says.. he is attempting to get rid of the fleas. He promised to have that problem taken care of before she comes back to visit.

The less I send with her the better. She comes home every single weekend.. in clothing to small.. to stained or to smelly to be worn again. I send her in nice clothing.. I get shit back. 90% of the time I get her back with no underwear or socks. Her coat only comes back 50% of the time. I've tried sending things.. only to have to send them again in a month. I have no idea who is wearing her underwear.. but I'll bet the boys look funny in it if it's them wearing them.

Ummm the parents thing. Yeah.. ummm LOL Hmmm.. Mr Freakys mom is married to D's dad. D and Mr Freaky are step brothers.. (seeing my problem here? *wink wink nod nod* ) Getting them involved won't do anything. I can talk to Mr Freakys mom.. but not D's Dad. Papa thinks D walks on water.. can do no wrong. That's a drunk for ya.

Ok.. my shower is waiting. Thanks again everyone!

 

[SkyBluAngelEyes]

Oh Freaky...

I am so sorry that you are having to go thru this. I went thru this with my daughter and her father too.

Seems like the 2x4's just don't come big enough.
Or hard enough.

Hug her tight... Moms have the touch when they aren't feeling good.

The rotten Bastard. There just seems there could be something that can be done...especially if she is medically dependent on drugs and diet and they are not meeting those needs. That is detrimental to her health.