My Rant session

[freakygirl]

Ok.. most of you know I live with my mother. I care for her because of her disability.

I have been wanting to buy a house, I don't want hers because the kitchen floor seems to be sinking (she says it's always been that way and that the foundation is fine, it was done just a few years ago (about 30)). We have been actively attempting to get a home loan. SO doesn't have the best credit because of bills his ex wife put in his name before they were divorced. He is illegible for a VA loan and because we aren't married, they won't guarantee my portion of the loan. So that leaves out my credit rating and my income.

We have a fair income every month. We are far from rich but we are able to pay our bills.

Right now, living in my moms house.. I pay

Rent $200 a month (I know, I can't bitch about this part really)

Utilities 3/4 of all the bills.. gas, electricity, phone (plus i have a second phone line that I use for my computer and my long distance calls that I pay for alone), Water, sewage and garbage, etc.

I pay for 100% of the groceries. Mom buys NONE (unless it is some crap that she wants, then she bitches if for some reason someone other than her eats it). Including toiletries and cleaning stuff for the house.

I pay for my car and all upkeep on it, even when I use it to take her to her sisters, my grandmothers, church and dr appointments (sister and grandmas is atleast a 100 mile round trip).

I do all the cooking.. cleaning and repairing anything that needs to be done. I painted and redid the kitchen completly. Replaced light switches in the whole house, re did the bathroom, and roofed the garage. (this is just a few of the things I've done)

I pay for a storage unit monthly because we just don't have the storage room here at the house.

She pays me $600 a month and the state pays me $600 to care for her. Her income is $1500 a month from Social Security and $398 a month from my dads pension. She sits all day and orders crap from mail order catalogs.. then bitches to me because she had to pay $30 towards the electricity bill.

Now.. my real bitch is.. in December she allowed my brother to move back home. He is an alcoholic so he is getting money, food stamps and medical help from Welfare. Plus he is working odd jobs (paid under the table). He is also a drug addict. He was doing good for a few months but I'm pretty sure he is back to doing his bad habits. Tonight, I divided up the bills to be paid. I figured it was only fair to divide them by 5. 3/5 is my portion (me, SO and my daughter), 1/5 is moms, and the other 1/5 is Ricks. Mom said no, just do it be 4 and I will pay my portion. I said so in other words, I have to support Rick? Even though he is getting money and doesn't help out with any expenses? She yelled something to the effect of fuck you, It's my house, You are rich you can help with Ricks bills. He is your brother. I said So I don't think I should pay for him, and I'm not. I can't afford to do it. Needless to say.. things were said that have been said a million times. I've apologized a million times before and everything is all fine and dandy until the next time.

She told me to move out. I said fine. We want to anyway. She knew we were looking for a house, but she didn't know how much we had looked into it.

She bitches to people about having no privacy, but yet when I am not around she calls my cell phone needing me to come home because of some stupid reason. Lately, I haven't been doing this. She is perfectly capable of doing alot, she just refuses to do it. It's easier for me to do it.

I almost, at times, feel guilty having her pay me. But I quit a job to care for her, I have kids and bills. No income is not an option right now in my life.

I have way more to bitch about... maybe later.. my head hurts.

 

[Debbie]

Bitch away sweet pea! I would be mad too.

 

[Vinny]

Hugs

I just wanna hug you and tell you I am hear if you ever need someone to talk to

 

[KillerMuffin]

Honeychile, you need to get assertive about your rights here. Your mother is treating you like a second class servant and taking horrible advantage of you. You deserve to be treated with dignity and respect. You deserve to be equal in the say of the household.

Sit down and explain to her exactly how you feel with being accusatory or mean. Be assertive. Don't start anything with "you." Just because she's your mother doesn't mean that she has the right to treat you like she is, particularly if you resent it. Resentment will ruin a relationship.

If you do assert your rights and try to come up with a satisfactory compromise, then be prepared to move out. Just because you're assertive and reasonable doesn't mean she is. Your brother is there now, let him take care of her. Let him driver her to her sisters house.

If you do get things worked out, get it in writing.

 

[kiwiwolf]

It sounds like your brother needs a swift kick to the bollocks and your mother needs a reality check. KM has hit the nail on the head. Assertiveness is called for. I also noticed that your SO didn't get too much of a mention. Get him to talk to brother dearest maybe...

 

[Guest]

 

[freakygirl]

thanks to everyone that replied.

We went and looked at rental houses today, only problem we are having is no one will allow dogs. So I either get rid of them.. or stay here until I can get the loan approved.

I prefer the waiting.. as much as I'm hating it, I don't want to get rid of my dogs.

My brother has been away for a few weeks.. and came back here today. Stoned and drunk out of his mind. Every other word out of his mouth is "Fuck". And he repeats himself two minutes after you are finished with the conversation. We have had the same conversation 8 times in the last 1/2 hour. I mentioned to mom that Rick was on something. Not only was he annoying and loud. I could smell something.

She said she doesn't understand my hatred for him.

He had gone to the store.. and is now back with atleast $20 worth of candy. hmmm the munchies maybe? To each his own. I myself.. do not, nor have I ever, done drugs. I don't want them around me.. my daughter or my home (regardless of who owns the house, i live here it's my home). My SO is a correctional officer (and ex cop) in Washington state. Having drugs in the house could not only put his job on the line.. but mine and the custody of my daughter.

My mother doesn't understand this. She says I'm making up stories to get rid of him. She still (after 6 years) doesn't believe that my 22 year old brothers death was partly his fault. He got into the truck drunk.. and allowed someone else (his drunk friend) to drive his truck. Nothing my brothers do wrong.. has ever been their fault.

My mom has cash in the house (a substantial amount I found out today) and she asked ME to hide it in my room. Now i know my brother searches the house, so I told her no, That I couldn't be responsible for it. Deposit the money in the bank or sleep with it. She won't deposit it because she is hiding it from the state (she receives gov't assistance and can't have any money)

The bathroom has a strange smell to it.. there is a fresh burn hole on the floor (I was able to remove most of it, but the floor does have a spot on it now permanatly). I've smelled pot before.. not sure if that is what I'm smelling or not. Stupid question for anyone that might know. I know he is a meth user.. can meth be smoked? If so.. does it have a strange odor? I can't even explain it.. a burnt plastic smell. He does smoke cigarettes also.. but this smell and the debris from the burn hole does not resemble cigarette. It was a burnt stringy plastic looking substance.


I'm thinking a hotel room looks good about now.

 

[KillerMuffin]

Damn girl. What would happen if you turned your brother in?

 

[freakygirl]

Damn girl. What would happen if you turned your brother in?

Not sure even how to go about it. I don't want the police coming here.. and finding it in this house. (who's to say who it belongs to? ya know?) He knows how to play the system.. and how to get out of trouble. I don't want to get arrested also and possibly lose my daughter.

 

[CarolineOh]

I think your first priority has to be to get your daughter out of that house.

 

[Guest]

Damn , FG. I am so sorry you are dealing with this all. I know you're in an extremely difficult position. I can't help but echo KM's suggestions. I wish I could offer more. Hang in there!

 

[T.H. Oughts]

Sending hugs for you .... just stand your ground.

 

[Flower Petals]

First off, talk to your mother about the drug use. If she doesn't believe you, then find proof in the house. Search his room when he is gone. Be quick, and thurough in the search. Tell her he needs to take the drug habit outside the home. Impress upon the fact that if not, YOUR daughter's custody would be at stake, and his drug habit is NOT worth losing a child over.

If she is still obstinent, call the police, and turn his sorry ass in. Get him and the drugs out of the house. If need be, try to call the cops while he is stoned, so they have a blood sample. He will be sent into a detox program, and hopefully come out for the better. If not, well, it at least gets him out of your house.

 

[LukkyKnight]

I think your first priority has to be to get your daughter out of that house.

Muffin's got good points, too. Reader's Digest, though: it's time to go.

 

[KillerMuffin]

Your man is in the criminal justice system baby. Talk to him and he can find out. Your bro is not worth your SO or your daughter. Do it ASAP. If he's not at home and you can do it without being overheard, call him.

Best case scenario is to get your brother out of the house, that will give you time to buy your house and move out. Worst case scenario is to move out yourself.

You could look around for someone to take your dog for a while, until you get your own home.

http://www.fanniemaefoundation.org/

 

[alexandraaah]

Get out of that house. You don't need to justify why to anyone, but among other things (and there are so many), your kids need to live in a safe place.

Your brother needs treatment, obviously. I doubt you're in the market of screwing him over, but in Illinois one will not receive any services (public aid, ssi) with a drug problem. They are only eligible for food stamps which come in the form of a card that can be used for food products only. If they clean up, they are able to get funded but need a representative payee.

Put your foot down, your life will be so much better.

You can only take care of people for so long who are not willing to meet you even part of the way.

Good luck to you.

Alex

 

[freakygirl]

I agree.. I think I might call my ex husband and his wife. They are on vacation.. and I'm sure they would take her.

I can't call her real dad because he would jump at a chance to get her from me and would use this against me.

 

[Cierra_Dessert]

I think your priority is to get your daughter yourself and your SO out of that house.

You have done more than your share in taking care of a household and people who don't give a damn about you. It's obvious.

You're mother will never change, your brother is in deep with his own problems, and will be a long time if ever he realizes he's a looser. He doesn't want to help himself. You are exposed to your mother's constant "sticking up" for him, without any thanks for all you do.

I understand your love for your pets, but, your situation is a walking time bomb. You're SO can loose his job, the police can be at your home at any time meanwhile, your daughter is witnessing all this. I don't know how old she is, but the older she gets, the more she'll understand.

I think it's time you thought about yourself, your SO and most importantly your daughter.

I personally don't know what you are waiting for.

I wish you the strength to get through this. I admire your patience, mine would have been lost long ago.

 

[PAPAGORGIO]

To answer your question yes meth can be smoked. And that is exactly what it smells like. Take it from me that a tweaker is the worst possible person to be around.They will lie,cheat,and steal from the people closest and dearest to them. Also just my 2 cents...... move out.

 

[freakygirl]

Signs of Stimulant Abuse

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

COCAINE, CRACK, CRANK, SPEED, AMPHETIMES


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dilated pupils (when large amounts are taken). Can't see his eyes, he is wearing a hat..
Dry mouth and nose, bad breath, frequent lip licking. Has drank a gallon of milk in the 2 hours he has been here
Excessive activity, difficulty sitting still, lack of interest in food or sleep. I made homemade split pea soup, his favorite, he hasn't eaten it.. only wants to eat his candy
Irritable, argumentative, nervous. Hasn't sat still for the two hours he has been here
Talkative, but conversation often lacks continuity; changes subjects rapidly. Has told me a hundred times, that he watched a tv show about the breed of dog I own but never finishes telling me the point of his story. Has asked us the same question over and over and over again, right after we have answered him. But then goes back to the dog conversation
Runny nose, cold or chronic sinus/nasal problems, nose bleeds.Always has sinus problems.. he says it's hayfever. It's raining and no where near hayfever season here
Use or possession of paraphernalia including small spoons, razor blades, mirror, little bottles of white powder and plastic, glass or metal straws. haven't had a chance to search his stuff yet


So.. I'm thinking.. maybe it's the meth.

nothing else fits..

 

[KillerMuffin]

Don't forget to let your SO in on this decision. He knows more about the law than we do. He knows people who know about the law. Talk to him as soon as you can.

 

[freakygirl]

You guys have no idea how bad I want to leave..



I guess I could go to my ex husbands house or my SO's mothers house. But damn.. I really don't want to air our dirty laundry.

And I'm very bad about feeling guilty. I can't just leave my mom. As much as I hate her right now, she is still my mom. I know if I left it would be the end of any kind of relationship I do have with her. And I also know that I wouldn't be able to come back here for my stuff. She's enough of a bitch to do that.

I'm so confused..

 

[freakygirl]

Don't forget to let your SO in on this decision. He knows more about the law than we do. He knows people who know about the law. Talk to him as soon as you can.

And ofcourse tonight is his 24 hours on.. he won't be home until around noon tomorrow.

And I can't call him at work.

 

[Guest]

FG,
Guilt can paralyze you. While I understand why you feel this way, for once, you need to think of yourself. You're not safe. Your kids are not safe. Your mother may be in denial but she's an adult. You can not take care of everyone. Safety is the issue. Please, let the guilt go and do what you'd tell a friend to do, in the same situation.

 

[KillerMuffin]

Hang tough, sweetie. We're here for you.