monogamy-why?

[Zergplex]

Zergplex Says

I am for monogamy.....but I really dont understand why marriage is such a big thing....you dont need to be married to have a very loving and committed relationship.....

*nods* no you don't need to be married to have a loving and committed relationship, I know several people who are perfectly happy living for years with the same person. I just view marriage as the ultimate way to express my love to someone, love I can't put into words but that I try to put into every action I do for the person. Marriage is the ultimate action for me to express that love. When I find someone I am willing to spend my lifetime with then I have found the person I want to marry.

Nothing says you can't have the same expreriance and enjoyment without marriage, marriage just represents that sort of love and joy for me.

-Zergplex

 

[SweetErika]

Re: Re: Zergplex Says

well apparently I am one of those people who have used the word "wrong" on here with this subject, but like I've explained it's my personal opinion that it's wrong for me and my life and that MY opinion is that it's wrong for others, but they are free to believe as they choose. Just thought you should know you're quite off on your assumption that anyone believing like that has never been different themselves. My whole life I've been the different or odd one by most everyone so I definitely know how that feels. Just wish you wouldn't categorize ALL who use a certain word or assume you know what that means.

KinkyKiki

I completely understand and agree with saying something is wrong for you and your life. However, I don't understand why you feel the need to take it to the next level and cast judgment on others. Why does it matter/what impact does it have on you if others make different choices? How is my non-monogamy affecting your life? Why do you care what I (or anyone else) does, as long as we're not hurting people? I guess I don't get it why people think if it's wrong for them, it's wrong for everyone else too. Why not just stop at "It's wrong for me"?

On another issue, I'd say extreme pain and humiliation during sex is wrong for me. This is something I'd never partake in willingly. That said, I have a choice:
(A) Say nothing else- leave it at stating my personal choice. [Effectively stating my opinion without judging others]

OR

(B) Say extreme pain and humiliation during sex is just very wrong. No one should do it...it's wrong. [Judgmental... Who am I to say what other people should or should not do? It doesn't affect me if the guy down the street likes to be whipped and berated in the bedroom]

Ok, it's a weird example, but I'm sure you get my drift. I'm not trying to start an argument or anything...I'd just like to understand why people take that extra step.

 

[James G 5]

No actually there's not a problem there because I do believe it's wrong. I believe it's wrong for me and I believe it's wrong for everyone else, but that's just MY opinion. It's how I feel. Others don't feel that it's wrong for themselves and that's fine for them, no problem here. I'm just telling you my beliefs on the subject. I am not disparaging anyone who wants to live differently, I don't judge those individuals or berate them for their choices. All I was trying to say is that I believe it to be wrong period.

KinkyKiki

Sorry Kiki, but that IS being judgemental and disparaging
And I have not heard you explain WHY it is wrong for others

 

[James G 5]

Hmmm....marriage is for suckers, eh?

I'm not so sure. I know it's not for swallowers.

YMMV

That's why the bride smiles so big on her wedding night
BWAHAHAHAHAHA

 

[KinkyKiki]

Sorry Kiki, but that IS being judgemental and disparaging
And I have not heard you explain WHY it is wrong for others

No actually I don't believe it is judgemental. I make a very conscious effort to not judges others because it is not my place or responsibility. I point blank say that I believe certain things are wrong for me....period....no need for debate. And in response to an earlier post I don't actually take it a step further and say that everyone who disagrees with me is wrong. I have never once said that. What I said and still believe is that to me personally I believe it to be wrong for me as well as others. I'm not saying anyone who doesn't agree with me is wrong or a bad person or anything like that at all. I'm just stating that because of my beliefs it's something I feel is wrong and if it's wrong for me then it's wrong for everyone TO ME. It's gotta be the same for everyone because I'm not so special that I get different rules in the world so that's just how I feel. I realize other may feel differently and if whatever you're doing works for you that's great, it's your life, you're the one who's going to have to figure it out. There is a definite difference there and I'm sorry if you misunderstood what anything I've said and if you wish further esplanation that's fine too, but I am in no way judging other people negatively or even at all for that matter.

KinkyKiki

 

[crazybbwgirl]

Re: Zergplex Says

.....snip.......I am not trying to dismiss your views on marriage in any way, as I don't doubt that they are backed up by more time and experiance then I have probubly been alive. .....snip
-Zergplex

heyyyyy - watch it youngster!

 

[BTK51]

Every time I reflect and get set to respond this thread it goes off in a different direction by the time I get back to it. Lots of good views and posts. It has served to help me reevaluate my personal position on this subject and the result is that I am more comfortable believing that I am right.

Gotta agree w/ Kinky on this one. The pro-poly contingent feels that it is a preference and accuse the pro-mono’s of being judgmental. The fact is that by saying whatever you feel on this subject comes across as judgmental to the other side. Take the following quotes:

- your definition of "true love" is the kind of binding, antiquated idea that many people don't like...it requires losing yourself in pursuit of an unrealistic ideal.

- Demoted to Troll.

- 1 n : derogatory term used to describe someone who thinks that posting cut and pastes from some online dictionary gives his posts legitimacy.

- I just love Aaron's myth that you can't love more than one person!

- False God

Can you pro-polys honestly tell me these couldn’t be viewed on the other side as judgmental? But thankfully, it seems that every time it gets into a pissing contest someone posts something that turns the tide.

I feel much the same way in that I feel monogamy is the right choice for me. I also feel that being poly has a negative effect on a relationship or at the very least, prevents that relationship from being all that it can be. I am not saying that all polys have lousy relationships. Maybe I just don’t possess whatever it takes to work on two separate relationships at the same time. I view creating a relationship as a full time responsibility which means someone is getting short-changed.

It may just be a matter of a person’s perspective of sex in a relationship. I see it as an integral part of relationship as opposed to having no effect on it. It is (to me) the ultimate intimacy and if I have that with one person I ask myself how can I have that same level with someone else? Taking that to next step, if the other two (or more) have that “ultimate” with each other how can they have that with me? I both want have and give that in a relationship.

On the marriage thing: I have posted before that marriage to me is another level of commitment, one that is permanent. I look at the civil and religious ceremonies as being two versions of that new level. For me and those that take the religious part seriously, it is even a higher level.

After thinking about Crazybbwgirl’s posts, it dawned on me that I never really considered anyone would sell themselves short that way in a marriage. I think that this is a very selfish view of marriage on both people’s parts and one that is destined to fail. It’s not that I’m naïve; I know it happens way too much in this world, but I don’t see it that much in my sphere of friends, relatives and acquaintances. When I do see it and it appears to be working, I chalk it up to something that I cannot understand.
While I don’t want my wife to join the Marines, I do want her to be all that she can be. I also believe people with the view of “marriage is for suckers” are selling themselves short of what a good marriage can be for them. I also believe that everyone’s marriage is weird, including my own. My outlook is almost always to plan for success and one of my faults is that I’m usually not prepared for failure. There is always give-and-take in a marriage. Problems usually occur when both people are on the “take side” at the same time. Not only do you have to give in a marriage or relationship, you have to get enjoyment out of that giving, not resent what you are doing or giving up.

 

[Zergplex]

Re: Re: Zergplex Says

heyyyyy - watch it youngster!

^_~ you know what I meant by that! *grin* I wasn't disparaging your age, just mentioning the fact that you have many more experiances then I have because you have been around much longer then I.

-Zergplex

 

[sxylegs]

Re: Re: Re: Zergplex Says

^_~ you know what I meant by that! *grin* I wasn't disparaging your age, just mentioning the fact that you have many more experiances then I have because you have been around much longer then I.

-Zergplex

LOL I think you had better quit while you are ahead....LOL

 

[crazybbwgirl]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Zergplex Says

LOL I think you had better quit while you are ahead....LOL

???!!!! Oh Yes - I remember them thar days way back before they even had this new fangled 'lectricity..........

 

[sxylegs]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Zergplex Says

???!!!! Oh Yes - I remember them thar days way back before they even had this new fangled 'lectricity..........

Oh Wow....then that is why you are experienced.....that was all you had to do.....

 

[crazybbwgirl]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Zergplex Says

Oh Wow....then that is why you are experienced.....that was all you had to do.....

hahaha - that was funny!

 

[KinkyKiki]

Every time I reflect and get set to respond this thread it goes off in a different direction by the time I get back to it. Lots of good views and posts. It has served to help me reevaluate my personal position on this subject and the result is that I am more comfortable believing that I am right.

Gotta agree w/ Kinky on this one. The pro-poly contingent feels that it is a preference and accuse the pro-mono’s of being judgmental. The fact is that by saying whatever you feel on this subject comes across as judgmental to the other side. Take the following quotes:

etc. etc. etc.

Someone who finally gets it!

KinkyKiki

 

[Zergplex]

Zergplex Says

I shall quit while I'm ahead ^_^

-Zergplex

 

[sxylegs]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Zergplex Says

hahaha - that was funny!

Glad you liked....trying to put some smiles into this thread once in awhile.....

Have a great day Everybody!!!!!

 

[SweetErika]

Gotta agree w/ Kinky on this one. The pro-poly contingent feels that it is a preference and accuse the pro-mono’s of being judgmental. The fact is that by saying whatever you feel on this subject comes across as judgmental to the other side.

Great post, thank you BTK! I really like how you expressed your personal views and reasoning.
Regarding the quote above...Speaking for myself, I don't believe those who feel monogamy is the only way to go are judgmental. Nor are those who say polyamory is a good option. The judgement comes when someone says another way of life is just plain wrong and/or less valid that their choice. I don't think I'm an oddball in thinking monogamy and polyamory are both great, valid, right, individual choices. Whatever people choose is up to them, no judgements necessary.

 

[ReadyOne]

The reason Aaron was declared troll is because of the giant flame war the erupted from and fed on his continued postings.

Troll: Someone who deliberatly provokes heated argument for the sake of argument. A creature who feeds on the negative energy of other's feuding.

 

[Noor]

bump. We need more votes! over 300,000 lit members and only 196 votes.

Interestingly non-monogamous seems to be leading the poll so far.

 

[Zergplex]

Zergplex Says

bump. We need more votes! over 300,000 lit members and only 196 votes.

Interestingly non-monogamous seems to be leading the poll so far.

Actually Monogomy is leading the poll ^_~ monogomy is just split into 6 other choices, but combine them together and you get far more votes then 'I am not monogamious' has. Just nitpicking hehehe...

-Zergplex

 

[Noor]

Re: Zergplex Says

Actually Monogomy is leading the poll ^_~ monogomy is just split into 6 other choices, but combine them together and you get far more votes then 'I am not monogamious' has. Just nitpicking hehehe...

-Zergplex

I guess I was counting the people who seemed to be monogamous by nature, not agreement.

 

[KinkyKiki]

Re: Re: Zergplex Says

I guess I was counting the people who seemed to be monogamous by nature, not agreement.

Well if you're only counting what comes naturally then you have to count "that's the natural way" AND "don't want to share or be shared" because that one doesn't include being forced into it or any type of agreement, it's completely by choice. So if you count both of them then monogomy is leading over non.

KinkyKiki

 

[SweetErika]

I'm curious as to why people think they are monogamous by nature or because that's what a god intended.

 

[crazybbwgirl]

I'm curious as to why people think they are monogamous by nature or because that's what a god intended.

Or because that's the only option ever offered, talked about, discussed? Let's face it - there are NO nursery rhyms talking about Snow White deciding to just stay single, get a good education and taking over the kingdom!

 

[sxylegs]

I'm curious as to why people think they are monogamous by nature or because that's what a god intended.

I checked out a few things last night and most people think they are monogamous by nature because they are possessive and jealous by nature...so in return they feel that by being those things they must curb that by being faithful and having the person that they are possessive about be faithful too....

 

[KinkyKiki]

I'm curious as to why people think they are monogamous by nature or because that's what a god intended.

because for a lot of people that's part of their belief system making it what God does intend for them.