Monogamy v. options

[PennLady]

Here's an interesting NYT article that discusses monogamy and nonmonogamy, marriage and our understanding of it, and more. It features discussions with Dan Savage and some other authors on marriage, family, love, sex, etc. Warning -- it's seven screen pages long.

 

[lovecraft68]

Here's an interesting NYT article that discusses monogamy and nonmonogamy, marriage and our understanding of it, and more. It features discussions with Dan Savage and some other authors on marriage, family, love, sex, etc. Warning -- it's seven screen pages long.

Seven pages discussing the pro's con's of both sides of the coin. Kind of a longwinded way of saying "whatever works" or "to each their own"

Doesn't mean anything though as whichever side of the fence you sit you will look as the cons of the otherside to justify yours and vice versa.

I think if you were a couple who needed a study to help you along you may not be doing the right thing one way or another.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I admire Dan Savage. his column has insulted me, incited me, helped me work many things out for myself-- given us names for things-- great guy.

Thanks for the link!

 

[estragon]

SA Penn Lady, a clause near the beginning of the article sums up for me the whole point of being a Lit author:

" the impulse to be something other than what we are in our daily, monogamous lives, the thrill that comes from the illicit rather than the predictable...."

Lit's all on electrons, not even paper; it's an imaginary world. I can imagine my characters, I can imagine the other Lit authors. It's harmless, it's unreal, and no one in my real-life world need ever know. Why, I even have an imaginary family here, which, like my real family, has one or more members who are real pains in the ass.

Literotica forever! Stroke! Stroke! Stroke!

 

[PennLady]

I admire Dan Savage. his column has insulted me, incited me, helped me work many things out for myself-- given us names for things-- great guy.

Thanks for the link!

I used to read Savage pretty regularly, and I appreciated his directness. Unfortunately, the graphic stuff often put me off my lunch. Even so, I was glad there was someone there to answer the graphic questions without wincing.

I think that if nothing else, these are things worth discussing, even if you don't agree. I mean, marriage has changed over the years, and it's really pretty recent that romantic love has become the primary motivation, or the ideal of it, in many places. So perhaps there is room to wonder if *some* people would fare better to have some alternate arrangements in their marriages.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I used to read Savage pretty regularly, and I appreciated his directness. Unfortunately, the graphic stuff often put me off my lunch. Even so, I was glad there was someone there to answer the graphic questions without wincing.

I think that if nothing else, these are things worth discussing, even if you don't agree. I mean, marriage has changed over the years, and it's really pretty recent that romantic love has become the primary motivation, or the ideal of it, in many places. So perhaps there is room to wonder if *some* people would fare better to have some alternate arrangements in their marriages.

One of his most useful concepts is the idea that nothing has to be all or nothing.

And I can say that alternate arrangements have figured often in my 35 year marriage. I am a butch, bisexual dyke. I find myself married to a queer-thinking, mostly hetero man. Obviously, if he weren't queer-thinking, we would never have made it this far. And if neither of us could flex, we would have blown up decades ago. Both of us have at times gotten our needs met outside the marriage-- I can't be heteronormative, and he can't be a woman-- but the marriage is still legitimately our primary responsibility and interest.

 

[voluptuary_manque]

And given that Omnigamy (all adult members of a band being essentially married to each other) is one of the more common forms of marriage in forager societies there is no reason to think that it might not be just what some people would find attractive. It certainly sounds like a good idea to me. Unfortunately, HM disagrees.