Masculine submission

[LeaHaven]

I am new to all this kind of sex talk and only joined these forums about a year ago (I left for about 7 or 8 months). But one thing that stood out when I started reading these forums is the constant talk about masculinity. It's like it hits you in the face. Now I think I see that this is my husband's main concern. I think he is afraid that our friends and family might find out that he wants me to be the boss of our marriage. I think I will tell him, today, that this path we have started down is only between me and him. It is completely our secret. I wonder if that would help him talk about it. I am shy about that kind of talk too, but we have to stop will all the innuendo we have now.

I will talk to him about it today. I will try.

Then I will tell him to go blow the leaves.

 

[Purple_Fronds]

I am new to all this kind of sex talk and only joined these forums about a year ago (I left for about 7 or 8 months). But one thing that stood out when I started reading these forums is the constant talk about masculinity. It's like it hits you in the face. Now I think I see that this is my husband's main concern. I think he is afraid that our friends and family might find out that he wants me to be the boss of our marriage. I think I will tell him, today, that this path we have started down is only between me and him. It is completely our secret. I wonder if that would help him talk about it. I am shy about that kind of talk too, but we have to stop will all the innuendo we have now.

I will talk to him about it today. I will try.

Then I will tell him to go blow the leaves.

You might have already got this advice, as you’re finding there’s a ton of kind and thoughtful people with loads of experience on the forums. I also can’t take any credit for the below as I lifted it off a book I read years ago and can no longer remember the title.

The quick premise of the book is this.
Married couple in their late twenties in a rut sexually, she discovers his submissive fantasies, he confesses and they go on the journey.

One of the things she institutes is a weekly meeting to discuss this aspect of their lives, she also uses two variances of his name, one indicates he should be submissive the other vanilla. The weekly meeting consists of her sitting on the sofa, relaxed, he is on the floor kneeling, he is to give her a foot rub, and to answer any questions she has.

The questions are whatever she wants to know, such as did you enjoy our last session, what do you think about me putting you in chastity, etc. The meeting shouldn’t last long e.g. 20 minutes, it’s a good tool to have him be in a submissive context but not in an actual session. It’s also a routine that submissive people often respond to and enjoy. She would request things as part of the meeting, for example, “I think it’s time to provide you with more physical discipline and I want you to select four instruments for me to use on you”, or go and get your electronic device and show me the last video/story/picture that got you excited, (of course you’ll have to decide if he’s still allowed to do this”.

This has the benefit of making the sub share the burden of communication in a way that by its format is submissive but not in itself overly sexual.

Hope this helps and good luck

 

[LeaHaven]

You might have already got this advice, as you’re finding there’s a ton of kind and thoughtful people with loads of experience on the forums. I also can’t take any credit for the below as I lifted it off a book I read years ago and can no longer remember the title.

The quick premise of the book is this.
Married couple in their late twenties in a rut sexually, she discovers his submissive fantasies, he confesses and they go on the journey.

One of the things she institutes is a weekly meeting to discuss this aspect of their lives, she also uses two variances of his name, one indicates he should be submissive the other vanilla. The weekly meeting consists of her sitting on the sofa, relaxed, he is on the floor kneeling, he is to give her a foot rub, and to answer any questions she has.

The questions are whatever she wants to know, such as did you enjoy our last session, what do you think about me putting you in chastity, etc. The meeting shouldn’t last long e.g. 20 minutes, it’s a good tool to have him be in a submissive context but not in an actual session. It’s also a routine that submissive people often respond to and enjoy. She would request things as part of the meeting, for example, “I think it’s time to provide you with more physical discipline and I want you to select four instruments for me to use on you”, or go and get your electronic device and show me the last video/story/picture that got you excited, (of course you’ll have to decide if he’s still allowed to do this”.

This has the benefit of making the sub share the burden of communication in a way that by its format is submissive but not in itself overly sexual.

Hope this helps and good luck

I think this would work! This is a really good suggestion. I think the two variances of his name would be fun. The hard part will be deciding what the variances will be. But I think he wants to be submissive all the time. He just does not want others to see it. If I understood him correctly yesterday.

We had a brief "talk" during lunch, and I told him that all this was our secret and how much I like our secret. We were sitting outside at a restaurant, surrounded by people, and it was kind of loud, so no one could hear us. He looked around to make sure, and then he said, "I hope you like it." I told him I do. I said, "I like having a boy, and no one has to know what a good boy you will be tonight." That really surprised him, and he looked up at me and nodded, and said, "I will." It was a really, really good day. I will probably never get the kind of intercourse I would like, but he has gotten really good at giving me oral sex.

I can't thank you enough for this idea. Things are going really well right now, and I think this is a really good next step.

 

[Purple_Fronds]

Glad this was helpful. I’m curious about your comment about intercourse, is this because he doesn’t want to fuck you the way you need or because it’s just not connecting for you both. I think there are remedies for both, but it’s important in my opinion that this works for you fully. Remember as well that as he submits to you, he has an obligation to satisfy you as you want not just in a way that appeals to his fantasies.

Just like any situation, sometimes when somebody is sexually submissive they can get so consumed by their own desires that they forget the needs of their partner. As a caring dominant you can too easily be lost in catering to your submissive’s needs and neglect your own, it’s important you guard against this for both of you because it will soon turn into resentment. Being more selfish on your part is a good thing for both of you.

 

[emme8]

Having a strong competent man submit is so hot.
It is a huge compliment to be adored under any circumstances, but when the adoree is strong it's just that much more so.

 

[drobert44]

I think this would work! This is a really good suggestion. I think the two variances of his name would be fun. The hard part will be deciding what the variances will be. But I think he wants to be submissive all the time. He just does not want others to see it. If I understood him correctly yesterday.

We had a brief "talk" during lunch, and I told him that all this was our secret and how much I like our secret. We were sitting outside at a restaurant, surrounded by people, and it was kind of loud, so no one could hear us. He looked around to make sure, and then he said, "I hope you like it." I told him I do. I said, "I like having a boy, and no one has to know what a good boy you will be tonight." That really surprised him, and he looked up at me and nodded, and said, "I will." It was a really, really good day. I will probably never get the kind of intercourse I would like, but he has gotten really good at giving me oral sex.

I can't thank you enough for this idea. Things are going really well right now, and I think this is a really good next step.

Sounds so fun!

 

[LeaHaven]

Sounds so fun!

I forgot about this! I will have to give some of this a try this weekend!

 

[drobert44]

I forgot about this! I will have to give some of this a try this weekend!

Do you have a dildo?

 

[LeaHaven]

Do you have a dildo?

LMAO!!! Us? With a dildo?

No, I do not have a dildo. My one sex toy is a small vibrator someone gave me as a gag wedding gift.

Oh, and I think we have some furry handcuff thing too.

 

[drobert44]

LMAO!!! Us? With a dildo?

No, I do not have a dildo. My one sex toy is a small vibrator someone gave me as a gag wedding gift.

Oh, and I think we have some furry handcuff thing too.

He might like it