Married Bisexuals

[Frimost]

Would you be devastated if you found out that you're s/o was not the gender you thought he or she was? Other then being pissed off with them for withholding the truth from you would it change anything in you're relationship with them since you are bisexual and attracted to both genders anyway?

Sexual secret spurs deadly dilemma

 

[geishaGirl]

Ideally I'd like to be able to genuinely and honestly say it would not change anything in the marriage. The truth is I would more than likely feel disillusioned and, as you said, pissed off that my partner had withheld the truth from me about something so important and significant. I would hope that my love for my partner and my committment to that and our marriage would enable me to move past the difficulties of facing up to the truth about their gender. Society's acceptance, or lack of, plays a huge role in how I or alot of other people would feel in a situation like this. I would pray for great strength, that's for sure!

I would also admire the courage my partner had shown by telling me the truth about themselves. What a huge step to take, despite not having made it before being married. I am not completely open to the idea of my S/O being a woman so for my husband to come and tell me that's who he really is and wants to be then I would have some issues with that.

When I first read the post a movie that my husband and I watched a while ago came to mind straight away (it's called "Normal"). I have never seen a movie like it in my life and it certainly opened my eyes to the topic. In the movie the particular couple have been married for quite some time and they actually show a party for their wedding anniversary (it was 25 years plus). The husband tells his wife that he wants to be a woman and she doesn't take it too well at first at all, but as the movie progresses and they go through the ups and downs as a family (they have 2 children, one girl who's a tomboy and an older son who doesn't have a very good relationship with his parents) the wife begins to accept what her "husband" wants and embraces it. It's truly a beautiful thing to see how they end up by the finish

In relation to the article in the post, what a terrible experience for everyone involved. To find out your "husband" is really a woman after being abused like that would have to be devastating at least on some level. The article, as much as it is about the individual story, is also about the lack of support within society both professionally and personally towards people experiencing a "gender identity crisis" and its effects on their families/loved ones and the people they become close to. The question has to be asked: if Ang Heddington had've received some sort of assistance, medically or psychologically, would it have had a more positive impact on her relationship/marriage to Elizabeth Rudavsky? Was the abuse stemming from Ang's gender identity crisis or was it associated with other facets of her character/experiences in life? It appears she was acting the role of a man and that may have included, in her mind, being abusive.

Aside from the abuse, how must Ang have felt to believe that it was a man's world? It almost sounds like she thought as a woman she couldn't survive in the world or felt hard done by as a woman in society.

I am just rambling on here now...but it is such an interesting issue to explore.

 

[ReadyOne]

q.v. Tina Brandon Article on legal stuff surrounding her murder

(Sorry I can't find a better write-up that isn't related to the movies...)

 

[John Doe]

To me it would be about the deception, not thier actual gender, since I were bisexual in the scenario.

 

[Frimost]

It appears she was acting the role of a man and that may have included, in her mind, being abusive.

What does that say of our society when women think that rude, crude, and abusive behavior is part and parcel of the male identity? That is a very negative stereotype.

 

[geishaGirl]

What does that say of our society when women think that rude, crude, and abusive behavior is part and parcel of the male identity? That is a very negative stereotype.

Good point! I think it comes from situations where a female being abusive are not publicised as predominantly (?) And is also probably associated with the whole typical stereotype of masculinity - testosterone, aggression, etc. It's just like males being raped - you don't hear about that much do you?

 

[WyldSpirit]

I would be pretty disturbed initially by it, not because of the gender or bisexuality issue, but simply because of the honesty and trust issue. I know that sexual identity crises are probably the most difficult of all trials that a person can go through as it usually starts basically from birth. Honestly, I really cannot and do not want to try to even imagine the struggles that someone with a true sexual identity crisis go through. But, I would be raging pissed if I married someone and they didn't know, love, and trust me enough to be honest with me and know that I loved them enough to stand by them through whatever they were going through.

 

[John Doe]

Good point! I think it comes from situations where a female being abusive are not publicised as predominantly (?) And is also probably associated with the whole typical stereotype of masculinity - testosterone, aggression, etc. It's just like males being raped - you don't hear about that much do you?

To be clear, please note that testosterone does not in and of itself lead to "aggression." In fact, abnormally low levels of testosterone in men have been known to cause violent behavior.

Additionally, I would say one of the reasons rape incidents in which the victims are male are not as well known simply because they are much fewert than incidents in which the victims are women.

 

[Frimost]

It's just like males being raped - you don't hear about that much do you?

Nothing other then an articel in Details magazine a few months back. That was the first and only time I ever read an article like that in a mainstream magazine before.

 

[Frimost]

Additionally, I would say one of the reasons rape incidents in which the victims are male are not as well known simply because they are much fewert than incidents in which the victims are women.

True...

But..

It also leads back to the fact we live in a traditional male-dominated patriarchy that portrays women as the submissive, gentle, non-violent being incapable of inflicting those kinds of violent assaults on other women or heaven forbid a man which traditionally is seen as strong, domineering, and superior to women in strength and force of presence. So any cases are underplayed, under-reported, and swept under the rug since it dose not fit with society's worldview of the gender roles.

 

[John Doe]

True...

But..

It also leads back to the fact we live in a traditional male-dominated patriarchy that portrays women as the submissive, gentle, non-violent being incapable of inflicting those kinds of violent assaults on other women or heaven forbid a man which traditionally is seen as strong, domineering, and superior to women in strength and force of presence. So any cases are underplayed, under-reported, and swept under the rug since it dose not fit with society's worldview of the gender roles.

You've got some issues.

 

[Joannac]

Would you be devastated if you found out that you're s/o was not the gender you thought he or she was? [/URL]

Sorry, I'm a little confused and I'm not trying to be picky here but... Did you mean gender, as in your s/o turned out to be MTF or FTM trans, or perhaps you meant gender preference? As in genetically born male or female, who decides they would rather be with there same sex? (Or for that matter, who decided they wanted to be with the opposite sex, having previously preferred same sex relations.)

Anyway, I'm assuming gender preference, which in that case, I would be hurt to find out that my s/o preferred to be with someone else regardless of what gender they were....

 

[Elmer Keith]

I didn't know that bisexuals were trans-gendered

 

[littleanaya1]

Well maybe they just felt comfprtable enough with themselves to finally relize what they where and they where not trying to be deceptive to you. Being trassexual is like having a mess up in you mind that you can only fix by chaning the body to match the mind. It's not like you wake up one day and say this is who I want to change to be. Just thought I share. Lance

 

[sweatinganal]

I am married, and am bi-sexual. It's taken both my wife and I pretty much five years to come to the conclusion, collectively speaking. My own past has had me crossing that line for many years. I just love that my wife is so accepting of me, FOR me.

 

[brokenbrainwave]

it made me respect her more for trusting me enough to tell me the feelings and desires she'd kept to herself for more than 20 years. The fact we'd been together for 14 years before I found out for sure-meaning I always sort of suspected she was bisexual-did not phase me.

Like I told her when she told me, "ya know hun, you're still the same girl I asked out, the same girl that I fell madly in love with in a matter of a couple of weeks, the same girl I asked to be my wife, the same girl that's given me my two sons, and the same girl I pray I grow old with. Nothings changed for you are still what you were back then and if I loved you then how could this make me not love you now?"


I can see where it could cause angst or whatnot, but for me personally I was not devastated in the least...