Love or something like it

[Stump]

Sammy,

I am willing to listen any time you need to vent. I have had the same experience with women. I have been burnt many times and i continue to do it. Some have told me that i am too trusting. I hate being alone and i think thats a big part of my problem.

Hang in there darlin

 

[Sammyjo]

Why do I get stuck with duds when everyone else gets the "good guys"?

I know I'm a good person. I am far from perfect, but why am I miserable when it comes to love and men? Why do I turn down the good ones, and go for the bad ones?

I used to allow my teenage self to fall in love with any guy who showed an interest in me...needless to say, I loved a lot of boys in high school. Now that I'm older, I'm more choosy. I don't immediately start a "relationship" with anyone. I respect the men and expect the same in return. Why am I constantly getting burned?

No one needs to respond to me. I don't expect you to. I just needed to vent. Thanks for listening, though.

SJ

 

[CP]

sammyjo,
i am sorry you have such bad luck with men..i looked at your profile for your age but didn't see it..from reading your posts i believe you are a good person..but unfortunatly not a lucky one..i am in the same boat..i watch friends i grew up with meet someone, fall in love and start a family..don't get me wrong here, i meet plenty of woman but not the special ones..i guess its a little different than what you are talking..i know you said you weren't looking for a reply but i did anyway..so hang in there sammyjo and i'll see you on the boat

cp

 

[HiJincs]

Sammy,

I can relate to your frustration. Unlike CP, I don't believe in luck. I have some insights based on my own experiences that you may be interested in hearing.

Let me know.

 

[ZULUBOY]

Hey, SJ; don't feel alone on this one! I went through a stage where I reckoned I was trying for a record number of "burns" in a row! Eventually I was so down there was nowhere further to go & I had to look at the positive things in my life. Didn't help for a while, but everything works in cycles, and the good times do come around again. To quote an oldie; "all good things come to those who wait..."
There, that's my thought for the day!

 

[Renee]

Hey Sammyjo,

I haven't seen you around in a while.

I have been in the same place you are now many times, and then one day along came my husband. It was when I stopped looking and didn't really care about it anymore that it happened. I figured what is meant to be is meant to be, and decided to focus on myself as a person and what I wanted in life, rather than who wasn't in it. I guess what they say is right, when you least expect it, it will happen.

Until then, enjoy the time with yourself, and your child and you'll see that a fantastic person will come out of no where for you someone who deserves you. You seem like a great person, so I know there is a man just waiting for the right moment to be with you.

 

[Lily]

.....

 

[Nobody Special]

Hay Sammy, what you've started here is one of the reasons I came up with 'nobody special' as my name here. I have been on this boat for many years.

I just keep going around in circles meeting women that don't want me around. And the ones that do, usually end up turning around and walking away after driving a stake in my heart, or cutting a vain and letteing me bleed to death. At least that is the way it feels when I'm with a woman that I just met. That is what I'm expecting and used to getting from most. Yes that is part of the shell that I'm trying to break through and have started to.

Anyway Sammy, Please take your own advice on the subject, It helped me.

E

 

[Lasher]

You can go around looking for "The One" and expect it to happen. Life just doesn't work that way. If you're not meeting the kind of people you like, maybe you should think more about where and how you meet them. Where you meet people has a lot to do with what kind of people they are.

Ok, TRUE STORY time.

I met my future wife at a place I used to work. She'd come in every once in awhile shopping, and a couple of times I even thought about asking her out..but nothing ever came of it.

6 months later I ran into her in a bar and we started talking, and that time we even ended up going out a few times. We even spent New Years Eve together that year, but not long after that we just sort of drifted away from each other. She's 6 years younger than me and she was still pretty immature at that time.

We still ran into each other every once in awhile after that, but I was dating other girls and I'm not really sure what the hell she was doing.

About a year later she calls me cause she's getting kicked out of her apartment and she's desperate for a place to stay. I'm a nice guy, so I let her stay with me for awhile..I had a big apartment and an extra room. No big deal. About 2 months later we're hanging out drinking some beers and *BOOM*...it just happened. Next thing you know we're sitting around trying to figure out what happened and why it didn't happen sooner.

We lived together for a couple years after that and one day I just woke up and realized I wasn't going to get rid of her. We got married about a year later.

Now, I've been holding my tongue on some of the things said about marriage on other threads. 3 years ago I would've agreed with every negative thing said about it. I never planned on getting married. I used to be the one arguing how it was archaic and didn't make sense in today's world. But, you know what, no matter what you think right now, one day you're gonna wake up and it's going to seem like the right thing to do.


[This message has been edited by Lasher99 (edited 04-01-2000).]

 

[Sammyjo]

Well, no "You're a fucking idiot" posts. I guess that's a good sign. Though I doubt everyone has read this yet, so I'm sure there is more to come.

I really wish you weren't being so understanding...ugh!!

Things just seem to be getting worse. I think it may be me expecting too much from men. That must be my problem. I expect them to be honest. It seems that most of the men I converse with have a problem with honesty. So, knowing this...if I continue to talk to them...that is ME being an idiot, right? No, don't answer that...I don't want to know.

Thanks for your encouragement and kind words. I wish I could say something more, but the tears sort of blur the eyes...and I don't even know WHAT I've written...I'll read this in the morning and go "WTF?????"

SJ

 

[Laurel]

I think it may be me expecting too much from
men. That must be my problem.

Nuh-uh... Honesty is the LEAST you can expect. NEVER SETTLE, sammyjo!

Okay, since Lasher spilled his guts... Manu and I met when I was 16 and he was 18. He liked me, but I was a silly little girl - too silly to think that of a nice, caring, witty guy as a possible love interest. So I dated a string of assholes, fooling myself into construing their assholery as "strength".

The entire time, Manu and I stayed best friends. This didn't sit well with some guys, especially the one who I dated last before Manu. He made the poor decision of pulling the old "him or me" ultimatum. It was tough - I was attached to the guy, but Manu was... well, the more I thought about it, Manu was everything. Cute, funny, honest to a fault, adored me... No, he didn't smell of danger, didn't get my pulse racing, but this is life, right? This ain't a perfume commercial. So I told that guy to f**k himself and I've been with Manu ever since.

I got lucky - the perfect guy was under my nose all along. But I once saw luck defined as "action meeting opportunity". Had I keep my eyes shut and kept on in my search for Mr. HunkOfAMan, I would've bypassed the best thing that could ever happen to me.

There's someone out there for you, sammyjo, but you have to keep your eyes open for him. Don't even for a minute settle for someone who doesn't treat you right, no matter how sexy he is.

You're an awesome woman, and I wish you the best.

 

[Stump]

Sammy

There are a few of us honest men left out there. I will be the first to agree that most men are lying dogs, hell i used to be one. But we can all change. I am not afraid to say what i feel and sometimes its rather blunt.

Renee has a great idea- don't go with the norm. Look for different. Its like pushing two magnets together, opposites attract.

Hang in there darlin, you are a great lady and you deserve the best.

 

[Renee]

Originally posted by sammyjo:
I expect them to be honest. . . So, knowing this...if I continue to talk to them...that is ME being an idiot, right?

No Sammyjo, it's you being optimistic. Sometimes we think we see that honesty and hope we are right. We all see the good that is in someone when we feel we want to be with them, even if it isn't there.


On another note, maybe you should follow the advice of George Costanza on Seinfeld, he had a problem with women. Always going with the wrong ones.. he finally came to the conclusion that if every choice he made was wrong the opposite must be right. So instead of going with instincts he went against them. The next time you meet someone that you feel you aren't interested in, yet that person is interested in you.. go for it. Can't hurt, might help

[This message has been edited by Renee (edited 04-02-2000).]

 

[DrTom]

Sammyjo....The right guy is out there for you, your paths just have not crossed yet. Here is one question I have for you. I do not know how long it has been for you between relationships. But, if Mr.Perfect were to come knocking on your door tomorrow, are you ready for him? Will you be bringing any baggage from the last guy with you? Have you given yourself enough time to heal? Sometimes we do not attract the right type of person because we are not ready for them. I only say this because like many of us here, I have been there.