Litiquette

[ChainedUp]

Good morning and those Cali folks, such a time table

This morning's topic spurred on by Sam's reply, how do you know when a Lit friendship(or any lit relationship) are over. Friendships here seem to be much more transient than in real life. So other than the partner disappearing, are the signs of online friendships dissolving different than real life? And what are those online signs.

 

[may_I_please]

Good morning and those Cali folks, such a time table

This morning's topic spurred on by Sam's reply, how do you know when a Lit friendship(or any lit relationship) are over. Friendships here seem to be much more transient than in real life. So other than the partner disappearing, are the signs of online friendships dissolving different than real life? And what are those online signs.

Well if the other person hasn't the balls to say it outright, which I imagine most would find preferable, I would assume lack of interest in the other person's thoughts and feelings; lack of appropriate responses; no playful or meaningful intersection on boards, PM or elsewhere.

I presume that the signs are similar to real life relationships. Although here I suppose there are different types of relationships: ones where you get to know someone as a human being or those where you only have interest in the sexuality they portray. I suppose those that crossover are the hardest to deal with appropriately being that they are quasi-relationships.

 

[stickygirl]

Good morning and those Cali folks, such a time table

This morning's topic spurred on by Sam's reply, how do you know when a Lit friendship(or any lit relationship) are over. Friendships here seem to be much more transient than in real life. So other than the partner disappearing, are the signs of online friendships dissolving different than real life? And what are those online signs.

It's past lunchtime here Hi May I

So, if someone stops answering PMs and disappears the moment you post on a thread, but is still active elsewhere? I hope that's evidence enough, because I've done it to a couple of people who took a dislike to me.
You get to know Lit friends who temporarily disappear for a while, because they've got kids or are posting from work so I don't get paranoid about it.
I sometimes post a 'good night' if it's been a busy thread, but then I feel I'm attention grabbing by doing it: should you post a good night or does it take up bandwidth?
btw I'm off for a walk

 

[fishyfingers]

Good morning and those Cali folks, such a time table

This morning's topic spurred on by Sam's reply, how do you know when a Lit friendship(or any lit relationship) are over. Friendships here seem to be much more transient than in real life. So other than the partner disappearing, are the signs of online friendships dissolving different than real life? And what are those online signs.

If there has been no previous mention of anything amiss, I would think that the avoidance tactics would be a giveaway - you know, the no longer posting in threads that you used to spend a lot of time in, disregarding PMs or certain posts in a thread, or even not logging in or varying your time on Lit. There could be legitimate reasons for it, but sometimes people can be reluctant to tell others that, for whatever reason, they have simply moved on.

Then again, I'm guilty of logging in at random times because that's when I have 'free' time, and I wander around here cloaked in invisibility and lurking in threads... Maybe I'm one of those people..

 

[Miasorrow]

Thanks for the post and welcome aboard we're all here for our own reasons, for me it was to find a naughty supplement to my real life. Making friends just happened along the way for me.

Hey, thank you. I like this thread, and your are doing an excellent job managing it.
On your question, I will have to argue that because real friendships rarely end what seem to happen in Lit is that people move on, cause it's either not fun anymore or they have consumed the other person. And it's so much easier to dissolve an friendship here, some avoid texting and interacting on the boards. And I somehow find this expected and not morally wrong.

 

[Paul_Chance]

I set the threshold for a friend pretty high, so it is rare that someone online rises to that level. Certainly there are a lot of friendly people that I enjoy interacting with, whose virtual company I enjoy. Online as IRL when it comes to friendships, to me, the key health indicator is equity. If you are the one reaching out to them the majority of the time and they never initiate, never reach out to you - then they are not your friend. Friends love each other and seek each others company.

Friendships end when that balance tips and you stop seeking each others company. I find that in online forums, what you end up with is a lot of familiar and friendly people, but few people that I would call a friend. Same holds true IRL though. I am socially outgoing, so I know a lot of people and I meet new people wherever I go - but few of them rise to the level of friend.

 

[NotHisLady]

I set the threshold for a friend pretty high, so it is rare that someone online rises to that level. Certainly there are a lot of friendly people that I enjoy interacting with, whose virtual company I enjoy. Online as IRL when it comes to friendships, to me, the key health indicator is equity. If you are the one reaching out to them the majority of the time and they never initiate, never reach out to you - then they are not your friend. Friends love each other and seek each others company.

Friendships end when that balance tips and you stop seeking each others company. I find that in online forums, what you end up with is a lot of familiar and friendly people, but few people that I would call a friend. Same holds true IRL though. I am socially outgoing, so I know a lot of people and I meet new people wherever I go - but few of them rise to the level of friend.

I tend to agree with Paul.

Friends are different from people who are friendly to me. This is probably the source of a great many hurt feelings and misunderstandings when people are new here. Think of Lit as a sort of relaxed cocktail party--people mill around, mingle, are part of this group for a while and then that group for a while.
Yes there are those who come to be sort of avoided or sought out and those wallflowers who are more or less invisible but that's life.
A real friend is the person you exchange numbers with and really intend to call when you leave the party. A person who you genuinely expect to give you a call later on.

As for when a friendly interaction ends it's usually a natural progression of when the current conversation if over. Likely as not you'll find yourself in another conversation with that person later on but there isn't any expectation of being sought out.
Actual friendships end for more complicated reasons. People have falling outs for one. Also there sometimes comes a moment when you realize that your friend has vastly different expectations for the outcome of that friendship (or that you do.) Sometimes real life (often in the form of a spouse) intervenes and there's no real choice but to end a friendship that started here.

Life is complicated. There isn't one answer to this question other than "you just know" which I suppose is not very satisfying but in the end is the true one.

 

[Ellafun]

I think some of the first people I ever became friends with on Lit had an expiration date. They just disappeared after that.

 

[ChainedUp]

One thing I love about Lit, it's easy to ignore the people you don't like. In person, if you're stuck talking to a noob it's not always easy to get out of it. What nonsex thing do you like about Lit?

 

[stickygirl]

One thing I love about Lit, it's easy to ignore the people you don't like. In person, if you're stuck talking to a noob it's not always easy to get out of it. What nonsex thing do you like about Lit?

Easy one : good advice - and thank you to those who've offered it

 

[RubenesqueAphrodite]

One thing I love about Lit, it's easy to ignore the people you don't like. In person, if you're stuck talking to a noob it's not always easy to get out of it. What nonsex thing do you like about Lit?

there are a few people who seem to really care about others. They come here for more than "the flirt"..

I also appreciate the discussion of sexual topics in a non- sexual manner ~If that makes sense~It may not to some.

 

[Mindfondler]

One thing I love about Lit, it's easy to ignore the people you don't like. In person, if you're stuck talking to a noob it's not always easy to get out of it. What nonsex thing do you like about Lit?

I like the "auto-subscribe" option when posting in threads*. That makes it easy for me to catch up on what I've missed without needing to remember which threads I've recently been active in.

Perhaps not everyone knows about this.

* In "Edit Options" under "User CP" (Control Panel) link on main page, scroll down to "Messaging & Notification" and change "Default Thread Subscription Mode" to something other than "Do not subscribe". From then on, you can check for new activity in threads where you've posted by clicking on "Quick Links" and selecting "Subscribed Threads"
.

 

[ChainedUp]

There have been responses to previous topics about how Lit has improved sex lives. I'm curious to learn how. I know this might be digging a little too deep so no need to share if you'd rather not. For me Lit has made some sessions hotter, usually around imagining being with a Lit friend as I was with my spouse. As someone always looking to make my sex life better, I'd like to hear how lit is helping.

 

[ChainedUp]

I'm posting this in behalf of someone that prefer to remain anonymous ( always an option)

"Lit has helped me see things are various shades of gray, and not so much black & white/ good vs. evil. I am much more tolerant and open in my thinking and it's easier for me to carry that over into my real life. I'm not as self conscious as I used to be. Also, you can learn a bunch of "new tricks" when you read smut for as long as I have. "

 

[fishyfingers]

There have been responses to previous topics about how Lit has improved sex lives. I'm curious to learn how. I know this might be digging a little too deep so no need to share if you'd rather not. For me Lit has made some sessions hotter, usually around imagining being with a Lit friend as I was with my spouse. As someone always looking to make my sex life better, I'd like to hear how lit is helping.

Is having a sex life a prerequisite for posting in this thread?

 

[ChainedUp]

This is an open thread, we accept posts if all gender, social stratus, sexual preferences or sexual activities, or lack thereof. Didnt you read the by-laws

 

[jack80]

Is having a sex life a prerequisite for posting in this thread?

Then I am screwed!

Wait... Can I get screwed?

I'll just walk myself out now..... Don't bother locking it, I won't return!

Of course I am lying, but about what, YOU MAY NEVER KNOW

 

[fishyfingers]

This is an open thread, we accept posts if all gender, social stratus, sexual preferences or sexual activities, or lack thereof. Didnt you read the by-laws

I must have missed that...

Seriously though, Lit has given me back a little. Unrestricted innocent flirting with virtually complete strangers based on nothing more than comments, for one... As well as some food for thought

Then I am screwed!

Wait... Can I get screwed?

I'll just walk myself out now..... Don't bother locking it, I won't return!

Of course I am lying, but about what, YOU MAY NEVER KNOW

Here, Jack... Because you asked so nicely.... Wanna screw?
http://www.ultimatehandyman.co.uk/diy/decking/screw_cutout.jpg

 

[jack80]

I must have missed that...

Seriously though, Lit has given me back a little. Unrestricted innocent flirting with virtually complete strangers based on nothing more than comments, for one... As well as some food for thought


Here, Jack... Because you asked so nicely.... Wanna screw?
http://www.ultimatehandyman.co.uk/diy/decking/screw_cutout.jpg

Let me get my drill, and a large drill bit first!

 

[fishyfingers]

Let me get my drill, and a large drill bit first!

You need extra equipment?

And now we've proved you were lying about not returning...

 

[jack80]

You need extra equipment?

And now we've proved you were lying about not returning...

Damn, catching me in my own web of lies.... drat

 

[Violette_Elan]

I've tried all three with cam being my favorite. Sexting is good for foreplay, exchanging pictures, phone feels so fake, but on cam I get my very own personal play time. I can request, talk, look in his eyes, play games, dress up, where ever our arousal decides to take us.

 

[The_Fool]

still innocent. la,la.la...

 

[ChainedUp]

Happy Sunday! And for the 22% that attend church, enjoy that centering time with your faith. When you come into Lit everyday, do you first check out your favorite threads to see what's been going on or do you look at your inbox for any PMs. For me, I check my PMs if I have any. I admit, I'm addicted to the PM. I enjoy the personalized attention and conversation it brings. Maybe I'm a closet attention whore

So what say you, what's the first thing you do when you come into Lit and why?

 

[Thandi]

When you come into Lit everyday, do you first check out your favorite threads to see what's been going on or do you look at your inbox for any PMs. For me, I check my PMs if I have any. I admit, I'm addicted to the PM. I enjoy the personalized attention and conversation it brings. Maybe I'm a closet attention whore

So what say you, what's the first thing you do when you come into Lit and why?

Good morning!
I always read my PM's first...are we not all attention whores?