Litiquette

[Paul_Chance]

Good morning Litiquette-izans,

Can happiness be a conscious decision? Or is happiness something that we can't really control? And I'm not talking about being positive and seeing the glass half full. Can you will yourself to happiness?

I'm going to move the point to the far end of the curve. I think happiness is a choice, you can will yourself to happiness, and more importantly, you can use freedom of choice, your will, and an observed life to move yourself into a place where happiness is your constant state.

 

[stickygirl]

Clinical depression isn't a choice and though the spectrum of its severity means some can soldier on without medical treatment ( and they take a pride in avoiding them ) it doesn't mean that everyone can. I have a close friend who has battled it for years and no amout of 'dusting yourself down' and 'force of mind' is going to change what is a chemical imbalance.
In talking it through with her, I told her not to look at it as a failure ( more depression ) but like a food allergy: some people will make themselves ill if they eat the wrong foods. So taking the meds is just a food supplement that's all. I really take great exception to anyone who suggests they just need to 'pull themselves together'. Life is not so simple.
As for me - I'm very lucky - I don't have a problem. I seem to get angry more than I should, but I'm always ready to see the funny side of thing,s even when everything is going tits up.

 

[NotHisLady]

Clinical depression isn't a choice and though the spectrum of its severity means some can soldier on without medical treatment ( and they take a pride in avoiding them ) it doesn't mean that everyone can. I have a close friend who has battled it for years and no about of 'dusting yourself down' and 'force of mind' is going to change what is a chemical imbalance.
In talking it through with her, I told her not to look at it as a failure ( more depression ) but like a food allergy: some people will make themselves ill if they eat the wrong foods. So taking the meds is just a food supplement that's all. I really take great exception to anyone who suggests they just need to 'pull themselves together'. Life is not so simple.
As for me - I'm very lucky - I don't have a problem. I seem to get angry more than I should, but I'm always ready to see the funny side of thing,s even when everything is going tits up.

I appreciate this.

Reading some of the answers I've wondered if anyone would feel differently if they had the experience that I've had. I've had anxiety and depression most of my life, was diagnosed in my 30's and getting the right meds (a process that is long and difficult) has made the world a different place.
Depression isn't being sad.
(Would you suggest that a person taking medication for any other illness simply stop taking the drugs and try hard not to have it?)

Happiness is something we build for ourselves, a sort of mosaic put together out of pieces of our lives. No two people will have the same one.
Some of us are working with faulty plaster, the bits we've put together have a tendency to fall apart. That is depression (or part of it) constantly having to recreate that mosaic that is our happiness.
Can it be done? Absolutely.
Finding the things that will fill the spaces in that mosaic--the people to care for, the things you enjoy, the goals to strive for--that's beginning. Putting all of that together, even if you need a bit of help HOLDING it all together is where you find happiness.

 

[ChainedUp]

Okay, time to lighten the mood a bit.

In Lit (or in RL if you want to choose that, just state) how do you draw the line between flirting and being hit on. Can you build upon flirts until the crescendo is the same as hitting on each other? Or are the terms synonymous?

 

[boutrosboutros]

Penis picture: flirting.

"Let's cyber": hitting on.

In real life, to be honest I don't know what "hitting on somebody" even means. I flirt with women all the time, but not with an intention of taking it somewhere. If I do intend to take it somewhere, I make a move - i.e. by finding a way to be somewhere private (I've discovered over the years that if a woman wants you to be alone with her, she'll usually figure out a way to arrange it) and, well, the rest is gravy. Although the making of a move is usually contingent on a lot of flirting, obviously.

Unless by "hitting on" what's meant is trying to chat up, or pick up, a girl. But I think of that as "picking up".

 

[ChainedUp]

Dear Secretary General,

I'm hoping your sarcasm font was in place for your flirting definition. Lol

 

[boutrosboutros]

Dear Secretary General,

I'm hoping your sarcasm font was in place for your flirting definition. Lol

I don't have one of those fonts...If I'm posting, assume sarcasm. Maybe that should be my sig.

 

[NotHisLady]

Okay, time to lighten the mood a bit.

In Lit (or in RL if you want to choose that, just state) how do you draw the line between flirting and being hit on. Can you build upon flirts until the crescendo is the same as hitting on each other? Or are the terms synonymous?

My definition?

Flirting is shopping--it's the sales pitch
Being hit on is having someone ask for the sale

If you want to stretch the metaphor, the next bit is closing the deal but that wasn't part of the question.

 

[SweetSam42]

I know I'm late, but I'm chiming in on the happiness topic.

Life throws you things that you can't always deal with, for any number of reasons. I do think you can control your happiness to an extent - you can choose to be a Debbie Downer or to look at things positively (and I do think glass-half-full thinking is a part of happiness). Certain external things like exercise have been proven to help boost mood in some people, but I'm glad to see a few folks here talk about depression.

Depression is a medical condition that needs proper treatment, just like any other medical condition. I'm sorry it still carries a degree of shame and misunderstanding

Tom Cruise be damned.

 

[Thandi]

I appreciate this.

Reading some of the answers I've wondered if anyone would feel differently if they had the experience that I've had. I've had anxiety and depression most of my life, was diagnosed in my 30's and getting the right meds (a process that is long and difficult) has made the world a different place.
Depression isn't being sad.
(Would you suggest that a person taking medication for any other illness simply stop taking the drugs and try hard not to have it?)

Happiness is something we build for ourselves, a sort of mosaic put together out of pieces of our lives. No two people will have the same one.
Some of us are working with faulty plaster, the bits we've put together have a tendency to fall apart. That is depression (or part of it) constantly having to recreate that mosaic that is our happiness.
Can it be done? Absolutely.
Finding the things that will fill the spaces in that mosaic--the people to care for, the things you enjoy, the goals to strive for--that's beginning. Putting all of that together, even if you need a bit of help HOLDING it all together is where you find happiness.

I was answering on just being happy...not depression.
My mother is diagnosed as clinically depressed and tried to commit suicide. My grandmother too. My uncle succeeded. I do not take lightly the subject of depression.

just wanted to clarify. ..not continue the conversation.

 

[walkawayrenee]

Here on Lit., I think flirting is the playful, sexy fun we have online.

Hitting on, I think....would be trying to make it real.

 

[Thandi]

I apologize if I made people uncomfortable by my last post. I didn't mean to. Please just carry on as if it was not there.

 

[walkawayrenee]

I apologize if I made people uncomfortable by my last post. I didn't mean to. Please just carry on as if it was not there.

Not at all. Many of us understand more than you may know.

 

[stickygirl]

I was answering on just being happy...not depression.
My mother is diagnosed as clinically depressed and tried to commit suicide. My grandmother too. My uncle succeeded. I do not take lightly the subject of depression.

just wanted to clarify. ..not continue the conversation.

It's all good Thandi. It's like people discussing food and recipes then someone steps in and says "there are starving people in Africa!". Just the nature of making posts

 

[ChainedUp]

It's going to be a great Monday!

Life is busy, and we often find ourselves lost in the minutiae of the day. And it seems that in Lit a fair amount of planning is required to connect with people. But most of us enjoy spontaneity. Which leads to today's topic - would you rather make a plan knowing the time you and your partner (Lit or RL) were going to be naughty, or would you rather just let it happen when it happens knowing you may miss opportunities that scheduling may have allowed.

 

[dutchrain]

It's going to be a great Monday!

Life is busy, and we often find ourselves lost in the minutiae of the day. And it seems that in Lit a fair amount of planning is required to connect with people. But most of us enjoy spontaneity. Which leads to today's topic - would you rather make a plan knowing the time you and your partner (Lit or RL) were going to be naughty, or would you rather just let it happen when it happens knowing you may miss opportunities that scheduling may have allowed.

A bit of both ...

 

[stickygirl]

I don't have a partner but even if I did I'd still say spontaneous, because I'm a romantic. I could see if you had small children and had one evening to yourself then, yea, you'd probably go out it hammer and tongs!

 

[Thandi]

It's going to be a great Monday!

Life is busy, and we often find ourselves lost in the minutiae of the day. And it seems that in Lit a fair amount of planning is required to connect with people. But most of us enjoy spontaneity. Which leads to today's topic - would you rather make a plan knowing the time you and your partner (Lit or RL) were going to be naughty, or would you rather just let it happen when it happens knowing you may miss opportunities that scheduling may have allowed.

I like spontaneity.....but planning spontaneity can be fun too.

 

[shmily]

I prefer spontaneity... but i do understand sometimes planning can be exciting too.

there used to be an old theater in the downtown area - very small - very old - not very busy during the week. we had a standing Tuesday Date night - sometimes we were the only ones in the theater and so if the mood striked. otherwise some heavy petting... and sometimes a stop on the way home under the bridge..
oh that was probably too much info...

 

[SweetSam42]

Strictly Lit speaking: I find it best to not make plans for these types of things. That said, if you and your partner find yourselves all worked up, it's useful to check schedules and synchronize your watches, so to speak, if you don't have time for immediate gratification.

Kids, conference calls, etc. come first, so it's just how the game is played.

 

[Paul_Chance]

I'd say - plan, with room for spontaneous plans. I've been in relationships that were on both ends of the spectrum. In one, it was all plan, all the time - it allowed time to build rhythm, made sure that we weren't interrupted, made sure that there were no crossed signals. In another, it was all spontaneity or nothing at all. Eventually, it became nothing at all. It was such a bad experience that I am leery whenever someone says they prefer spontaneity only - from experience - it eventually becomes a game of power with sex as the weapon. So, I am a talker and a planner and a huge advocate of clear communications within the relationship. No guesswork. No spontaneous...rejection. Oh, and for me - spontaneity and romanticism are only peripherally related.

 

[rubydlite]

Strictly Lit speaking: I find it best to not make plans for these types of things. That said, if you and your partner find yourselves all worked up, it's useful to check schedules and synchronize your watches, so to speak, if you don't have time for immediate gratification.

Kids, conference calls, etc. come first, so it's just how the game is played.

^^this....

 

[ChainedUp]

Tuesday, always the "it can't be worse than yesterday" day of the week.

Nothing beats waking up and seeing that you have a PM, going to the inbox, seeing just who has sent a message and opening it to see what that message contains. A quick read and a reply, no matter what, always the polite thing to do. And then you get a reply to your reply, and on it goes. Eventually, should things progress, you leave the world of PM behind for alternate forms of more immediate communication. The PM becomes rare again but you don't mind.

But what is it about a receiving a PM? Just seeing one often evokes a response in you before it's even read. Why do we love our PMs so much.

 

[BreezySnow]

Tuesday, always the "it can't be worse than yesterday" day of the week.

Nothing beats waking up and seeing that you have a PM, going to the inbox, seeing just who has sent a message and opening it to see what that message contains. A quick read and a reply, no matter what, always the polite thing to do. And then you get a reply to your reply, and on it goes. Eventually, should things progress, you leave the world of PM behind for alternate forms of more immediate communication. The PM becomes rare again but you don't mind.

But what is it about a receiving a PM? Just seeing one often evokes a response in you before it's even read. Why do we love our PMs so much.

I love PMs because they are either from a friend who is on a different time schedule and I am excited to find out what he/she has to say or it is a new person who may become a friend! It is like a present and until you open it you don't know if you will like it or not. So I guess it is the unknown that makes it so exciting!

 

[stickygirl]

Hi All!

My PMs fall into three categories: Serious discussion, <<hugs>> and news from friends and men wanting to waggle their dick in my life. So my response goes "great they took me seriously"; "great - I am still loved" and "have I been sending out the wrong signals or is this just a random PM-flasher trying his luck?". So my initial response to an unknown sender is usually a little apprehensive...

Beyond that there are the complete surprises: people who have written in response to a post or wanted to say "Hi" with no dick involved. They're definitely the best