Litiquette VII

[aussiegeekygal]

So in summary, is the moment forever lost once it’s passed?

Yes

 

[Lord Pmann]

Yes

Agreed.

 

[jason28053]

Friction. If everything is ALWAYS smooth sailing, we don’t grow.

Friction “the action of one surface or object rubbing against another.”

 

[Dribble]

Yes

Thirded.

Memories are an odd conundrum though. Know the kid movie inside out? Great movie. But the point is think of a memory like a glass ball. Each time you access that memory...you resave it. So now, you have the original memory plus how that memory made you feel in the moment. Happy memories...get happier with time. Sad memories get sadder. This is how our brains work. So any memory...is biased by how that memory makes you feel EACH time you re-access it.

 

[aussiegeekygal]

Thirded.

Memories are an odd conundrum though. Know the kid movie inside out? Great movie. But the point is think of a memory like a glass ball. Each time you access that memory...you resave it. So now, you have the original memory plus how that memory made you feel in the moment. Happy memories...get happier with time. Sad memories get sadder. This is how our brains work. So any memory...is biased by how that memory makes you feel EACH time you re-access it.

And fun fact, this changes the actual physical makeup of our brains.
We are literally what we think.

 

[MedicalMuse]

Thirded.

Memories are an odd conundrum though. Know the kid movie inside out? Great movie. But the point is think of a memory like a glass ball. Each time you access that memory...you resave it. So now, you have the original memory plus how that memory made you feel in the moment. Happy memories...get happier with time. Sad memories get sadder. This is how our brains work. So any memory...is biased by how that memory makes you feel EACH time you re-access it.

 

[Dribble]

And fun fact, this changes the actual physical makeup of our brains.
We are literally what we think.

So true. It is fascinating understanding the way we function

 

[LaisDeMarieDeFrance]

Friction “the action of one surface or object rubbing against another.”

aka red thighs on real women

 

[parker77]

What does it say that I was a little concerned clicking on that link?

it says you need to do a better job of covering your 6.

 

[gga]

aka red thighs on real women

I promised you I'd apply lotion.

 

[Deadbed1968]

it says you need to do a better job of covering your 6.

Marine Corps?

 

[SMNaughtywife]

Finding things in life is always such a wonderful treat……
Or is it even better? Do we appreciate that which we have lost more than when we had it? Is it a long term appreciation or is it an appreciation of newness or novelty and soon it will wear off?

I hate loosing shit. And I love when I find it again. I don’t like to think of something really lost, perhaps temporarily inaccessible to my having. It’s similar to setting down that old hammer and having to wait for the next project to pick it back up again. Patience.

Will the gratitude fade, a tiny bit. Not sure how you bottle up that “found” feeling.
Perhaps that’s why artists create, documenting memories and moments in their own way never to be forgotten.

 

[SMNaughtywife]

Agreed.

Disagree.
Someone needs to play devils advocate.

 

[hotwords229_A]

Disagree.
Someone needs to play devils advocate.

I agree with your disagreement.
In the examples sighted, sure—the moment is lost.
But what about studying a robbery, shark attack, stabbing, fight, etc.
Something negative.
The moment isn’t lost if you are studying the event, learning from the mistakes that were made and preparing for a similar situation in the future.
It could make you more prepared for when that lost “moment” returns.

 

[LadyLascivious1]

I agree with your disagreement.
In the examples sighted, sure—the moment is lost.
But what about studying a robbery, shark attack, stabbing, fight, etc.
Something negative.
The moment isn’t lost if you are studying the event, learning from the mistakes that were made and preparing for a similar situation in the future.
It could make you more prepared for when that lost “moment” returns.

@hotwords229_A so are you plotting a better robbery or stabbing?

Note to self: no dark alleys with hotwords

 

[hotwords229_A]

@hotwords229_A so are you plotting a better robbery or stabbing?

Note to self: no dark alleys with hotwords

It’s always good to have a Plan B.

 

[parker77]

Marine Corps?

nah, but sometimes the lingo is appropriate.

 

[ChainedUp]

Fake platitudes and gestures, they are seemingly everywhere. Between “thoughts & prayers” and “thank you for your service” it seems like we’ve become a people of lip service and disinterest.

When is it okay to say the right thing when there’s actually no interest in the words being said? Ever?

Would you rather have 10 people say the right thing or 1 person show genuine interest? I mean the easy answer is the genuine interest one but if so, why don’t we do it more?

 

[Deleted member 6568729]

I only say the words if it's genuine. If I say "thoughts and prayers", then they are truly in my thoughts and prayers. I do try to make my sentiments sincere when I decide to share them. I also believe that it is fine to point out how fucked up a situation is and that a person is really, really great and doesn't need to be going through any of this crap rather than simply saying I'm sorry.

 

[LaisDeMarieDeFrance]

Fake platitudes and gestures, they are seemingly everywhere. Between “thoughts & prayers” and “thank you for your service” it seems like we’ve become a people of lip service and disinterest.

When is it okay to say the right thing when there’s actually no interest in the words being said? Ever?

Would you rather have 10 people say the right thing or 1 person show genuine interest? I mean the easy answer is the genuine interest one but if so, why don’t we do it more?

I just had this conundrum this week. There's someone in our office who is the laziest coworker ever. Constantly laying out, does the bare minimum, and makes life harder on everyone else out of sheer laziness. She lies constantly and is forever being caught in lies because she can't remember what lies she's told to whom. She's one of those who uses her sick/vacation leave the minute she gets it with fake illnesses, etc. Her co-secretary has to do his job and constantly check to make sure that she's done hers because she can't be trusted. And he's a step lower than her, he doesn't earn as much as she does!

She's worked with us for years and we never heard a peep about her "Pappy". As far as we know she's never visited him once during his years of dementia and she definitely didn't help with his care (because... lazy). But she gets three days of bereavement leave because he passed away, so she sent out an email garnering sympathy and to explain her three days off this week. I replied that I was sorry for her family... worded it very carefully. I do feel sorry for her family members who actually loved him and took care of him. I feel nothing but disgust for her, as usual. Since I'm a higher rank, I couldn't not reply. She's already complained to my boss multiple times that I "have it out for her". Nope, I just want her to do her job and stop stressing out the other secretary.

 

[SMNaughtywife]

I can see where that question is coming from.

But I also believe it’s a dangerous way of thinking.
One can easily spiral into questioning everyones conversations/responses/pleasantries. Are they being genuine or not?

And hello cognitive distortions creeping in and creating more then what’s really there. That’s not something I want running through my brain. Nor is it healthy.

I believe when words of “thinking of you or …” are spoken, and humans have emotions, (minus serial killers) there is some degree of care/concern in what they’re saying.
Maybe it’s 4% or 100%, either way- it’s a long life to live questioning sincerity.

 

[ChainedUp]

I don’t think it’s questioning sincerity I think it’s about those who are being insincere, and saying thing a without their heart being in it.

Does society demand that I tell every soldier I see “thank you for their service” just because they are in uniform? Even when I’ve seen a half dozen people do the same thing, or do I honor them by allowing them to enjoy a moment’s peace, without being thought of as an a-hole?

Or that person in the office, with whom our paths never cross, why am I handed a card for a special life event and expected to sign it? Sure, a signature is no big deal, and maybe it will mean a great deal to them, but will they be hurt if my name isn’t on the card?

 

[TallGlassOfSarcasm]

Does society demand that I tell every soldier I see “thank you for their service” just because they are in uniform? Even when I’ve seen a half dozen people do the same thing, or do I honor them by allowing them to enjoy a moment’s peace, without being thought of as an a-hole?

Give them the moment's peace. Trust me on this.

 

[Mrtenant]

Fake platitudes and gestures, they are seemingly everywhere. Between “thoughts & prayers” and “thank you for your service” it seems like we’ve become a people of lip service and disinterest.

When is it okay to say the right thing when there’s actually no interest in the words being said? Ever?

Would you rather have 10 people say the right thing or 1 person show genuine interest? I mean the easy answer is the genuine interest one but if so, why don’t we do it more?

I think it's akin to the amount of bandwidth you want to give a subject and as you alluded, who that subject might be.

Ex: Conceptually, I admire, respect, the idea of a military person's sacrifice and so that is what I say might say in general to someone from the military that I barely know, just met, or ran into in some fashion where I have no idea who this person is, only that somehow it was revealed that (s)he is current or ex military. "Thank you for your service" I will say it only once. I feel like I would have to already be in some sort of conversation with them.

The person that I know and know fairly well, that takes on a whole new meaning. If they are genuine, put up the sacrifice, often they will say little about military service themselves. I mean it, emphatically, though I might also say it only once, but then I might also want to speak with them about their experiences. That phrase has a whole new meaning. Again, context in conversation matters. And the subject of stolen valor, has it's own set of rules. I know that people blurt this stuff out at any opportunity. I don't.

In this same vein, when asking a person a question and they answer, "I don't know"

I find that in the same category, is the person not willing to give an answer because they really don't want to dedicate the bandwidth to finding the answer and then stating it. Is that disrespectful in some way? Fearful? Forgotten? Having been in my share of therapy in my youth, my therapist was always skeptical of that answer and they were always correct in their skepticism, much to my chagrin. In the end though, I was grateful to air out the question.

In line with this question for the day, does "I don't know " fit in this category also? Is it just a phrase or is it a deflection because of lack of respect, bandwidth, or fear? Something else?

 

[Deleted member 6568729]

Sometimes I don't know means I don't know. Or I don't want to talk about it. Or I have no interest. Or a lot of other things.

I like what you're saying about bandwidth, because just because a person is interested in knowing something, doesn't mean you're able or interested to give that part of you to them. You can't give when you're on empty.