Letters

[amelia]

Dear Jon Ritchie:

I love you. I think you're sooo handsome and i've heard that you're pretty smart. I'm sure you're married, but if you're not..i'd love to ask you out on a date sometime.

With Lustful Admiration,
Amelia

 

[nasty1]

Dear Jon Ritchie:

I love you. I think you're sooo handsome and i've heard that you're pretty smart. I'm sure you're married, but if you're not..i'd love to ask you out on a date sometime.

With Lustful Admiration,
Amelia

Dear Amelia,

Even though I'm upset with the Radiers, I still lust after you, &, always will.XOXO A bit of hanky panky would make me forget the entire ordeal.

 

[amelia]

Dear Nasty:

I'm still waiting to hear those magic words.

yes, those.

friendly hugs,
Amelia

 

[nasty1]

Dear Nasty:

I'm still waiting to hear those magic words.

yes, those.

friendly hugs,
Amelia

Dear Amelia,

I love you.

 

[Spinaroonie]

Dear, AMELIA

This is a form letter from the Spinaroonie school of non-sucktastical newbies informing you that while you have expressed an interest, we cannot process you without an application.

Richard Farnsworth,
Admissions.

 

[Guest]

 

[TheDR4KE]

Dear Gamblers Anonymous:

... I'd bet you have something that can assist me, specifically info concerning "sucker" bets.
...

Dear MaximusGamblerus

What sort of odds are we talking?

Yours wageringly,

John Smith*,
Gamblers Anonymous

*not his real name

 

[Epiphany]

Dear Gamblers Anonymous:

Please send me information to avoid making stupid wagers. It's obvious I don't have a clue and it's causing me great grief. I'd bet you have something that can assist me, specifically info concerning "sucker" bets.

I swear it was a sure thing!!!!

Yours in debt,

MaxP

Dear MaxP:

How stupid was this wager? Sometimes we must put things into perspective when we lose a bet. Was the trade off worth it?

Enjoying the Win,
Miss Pet

 

[Oscuridad]

Dear Ruby Boobies,

You have seemingly managed to invade and take-over spinaroonie. How was this accomplished, and did it allow you to get sround the 30 second waiting period for sequential posts?

Your devoted friend and an unabashed posting-slut,

- O

 

[Vilac]

Dear Traci,

I'm very much looking forward to my massage today at 3pm. Even though you are just a little thing, you rub me the right way. <insert rimshot here>

Make it hurt, baby!

Until then,
V~

 

[perks]

Dear V,

I hate when you call me "traci". Can we just stick to my real name, please? "baby" has such a better ring to it.

love,
your so wrong I don't wanna be right massager chica

 

[Vilac]

Dear Baby,

You're right...I should stick to "Baby". I'd hate to call out the wrong name at an inopportune moment. Even if I did, I'm quite sure you'd forgive me.

Although, this time...when you're massaging my prostate, could you use some lube? It kind of stung last time.

Slippery yours,
V~

 

[Problem Child]

Dear Raidergirl,

Anxiously awaiting your newly scented underwear.

P.S. Ritchie gets me a little aroused too, especially when he's hemorrhaging. Woohoo!


Waiting with heightened olfactory sensitivity,

Sniffy

 

[perks]

Dear V,

I'm sorry I forgot to lube up my strap on. Didn't you like having your shoulders rubbed while I rubbed you the right way, though?

I know I enjoyed it.

you move perfectly.

looking forward to three,

baby

 

[Vilac]

Baby,

Here I thought you were just rubbing your chest on my shoulderblades. Shows what I know...I thought it was a new form of Sweedish massage.

As far as the strap on goes, could you *not use the one that plays the theme song from Deliverance when you move it? That really is disconcerting when you're trying to relax.

Can't wait for you to make me squeal like a pig,
Arnold (from Green Acres)

 

[kidthor]

Dear *CENSORED*,


I love the way you *CENSORED* me. And when you *CENSORED* my *CENSORED*, it just drives me *CENSORED*. Also, thank you for *CENSORED* me as well as *CENSORED* my *CENSORED*. You really get me *CENSORED*.


Yours with *CENSORED*,

*CENSORED*

 

[Oscuridad]

Dear Kid,

I am now laughing my *CENSORED* off.

With much mirth,

- O

 

[perks]

dear laughter gods,

thank you for V

love,
perks

 

[kidthor]

Dear Kid,

I am now laughing my *CENSORED* off.

With much mirth,

- O

Dear O,

Sorry. Din't mean to facilitate you losing your *CENSORED*. You should see a doctor about that. It sounds painful.

Concernedly Yours,
*CENSORED*

 

[Oscuridad]

Dear Kid,

Luckily my *CENSORED* never fully detatched. I wa able to apply a little elmer's glue and all is well.

With thanks, and litte white beads of glue poking round the edges,

- O

 

[kidthor]

Dear Kid,

Luckily my *CENSORED* never fully detatched. I wa able to apply a little elmer's glue and all is well.

With thanks, and litte white beads of glue poking round the edges,

- O

Dear O,

You have forever ruined Elmers glue for me.

Searching for other methods to fasten things,
~KID~

 

[Vilac]

Dear Perkalicious-babydoll-ruffleslut-sarsaduck,

Just to let you know that my massage went famously.

If I could find some nubile, almost innocent 19yr old for some oral, then my night would be complete.

But...I'm not complaining.

Yours in relaxation,
V~

 

[perks]

V~
was it better than I imagined? Do tell. In Pm preferably so no one can hear my moans of delight.

lurve yo swerve,

perkalici-blah-blah-blah

 

[Vilac]

Dearest Perkili-blah-blah,

(Can I just call you BlahBlah for short?)

It was lovely. Relaxing. Soothing. It almost pained me not to set an appointment for next month, since I'm not sure what week I'll be taking off for vacation. lol

And...as far as the PM's go...I'd hate for anyone to get jealous.

You could always come help me shower, to remove the excess oil.

Loofah-ly yours,
V~

 

[perks]

Dear V~

Do you pee in the shower?

not that I mind,

blah blah