Ladies: Isn't A Callback Common Courtesy????

[HopefulRomantic]

So I've called her three times in the last two weeks.
I've gotten the machine each time.

Okay.

I've left messages. Friendly messages with no sense of urgency.

Still.
I haven't heard from her.


We're friends right now. Nothing more. Maybe we'll never be more. She doesn't know what I'm thinking, or what I'm feeling. I don't think she'll be shocked to find out I'm interested in her, but she will be by the depth of my feelings.

But we need to talk.
I just wish she'd get in touch with me....

 

[weed]

Could she be sending you nonverbal communication?

Are your messages so friendly and non-urgent there's no need for her to call?

Next message, ask her to contact you....if she doesn't then you'll have a better idea of her respect and caring for you.

 

[WriterDom]

Find another girl.

 

[Calamity Jane]

I've left messages. Friendly messages with no sense of urgency.

I'm with weed on this one. The above may be the exact problem. I'm the world's worst person at calling people back. If there is nothing in there message saying 'Hey, call me, this is important." I may not remember to call them for a week or two, or whenever I feel like picking up the phone. So no, a call back isn't always common courtesy, unless the message specifically requests a call back.

 

[intrigued]

I so hate to say this, but I have to agree with all the above. Think about it, when you receive a message from someone that you really want to talk to, don't you practically break your legs getting to the phone to return the call?

Sometimes its very difficult to simply tell someone..."it just isn't happening", and we get it in our heads that silence is the lesser evil, when really, its the most torturous of all.

 

[lisalove]

I agree with intrigued. Women are notorious for 'waiting by the phone' if they're really interested in a guy. Even if she were interested, but playing silly games (ie..playing hard to get, wait a few days to call back), one week is over the limit.

I wouldn't call her back, and if she calls you let your machine take it.

 

[Scruffy]

So I've called her three times in the last two weeks.
I've gotten the machine each time.

Okay.

I've left messages. Friendly messages with no sense of urgency.

Still.
I haven't heard from her.


We're friends right now. Nothing more. Maybe we'll never be more. She doesn't know what I'm thinking, or what I'm feeling. I don't think she'll be shocked to find out I'm interested in her, but she will be by the depth of my feelings.

But we need to talk.
I just wish she'd get in touch with me....

I hate to break this to you but you need to be told.

She doesn't want to talk to you.

Now, that may hurt and suck in equal parts but "the depth of your feelings" betrayed you. You came on too strong. She understandanbly got freaked out.

Your only hope now is to let it rest for a while.

 

[Bluesboy2]

I hate games

Why cant she call back and just tell it like it is? Whats so damned hard about being honest?
This is one of the many reasons I hate dating. The crap and games. Myself I like being open and honest so no one wastes thier time.
Its possible she is in the hospital ect... So sometimes you cling to those unlikely possibilities. Most likely though she is too chicken shit to tell you and is just doing it the "easy" way. Which is easy for her but shows no class and is rude as hell to you.
Yes, this is a pet peave of mine

 

[perks]

Re: I hate games

Why cant she call back and just tell it like it is? Whats so damned hard about being honest?
This is one of the many reasons I hate dating. The crap and games. Myself I like being open and honest so no one wastes thier time.
Its possible she is in the hospital ect... So sometimes you cling to those unlikely possibilities. Most likely though she is too chicken shit to tell you and is just doing it the "easy" way. Which is easy for her but shows no class and is rude as hell to you.
Yes, this is a pet peave of mine

if you call someone 3 times in two weeks and they don't get back to you. They're not playing the game. They're not even there. You're still playing, but by yourself, and they're wondering why you still keep saying to them that it's their turn.

 

[Scruffy]

Re: I hate games

Why cant she call back and just tell it like it is? Whats so damned hard about being honest?

Naw, see, this guy seems to be straddling the creepy/obsessive line and I understand her not wanting to talk to him.

So, he has to respect her decision.

 

[AzureAngel]

Have you considered the possibility that she spontaneously combusted?

 

[perks]

Have you considered the possibility that she spontaneously combusted?

and then there's always that possibility.

 

[AzureAngel]

and then there's always that possibility.

Someone with sense! *Chuckles.* Finally!

 

[Persephone36]

A callback *is* common courtesy. Which means, even as a friend -- just platonic...she's not catching your wave length. About the phone at least.

But like Pagancowgirl mentioned, some people just get very busy and maybe don't love the phone (not every woman does) and they just don't always return all calls. They aren't "bad" for doing it -- it's just their way. And I have a *lot* of friends like this -- sometimes I've left in the past 3 or 4 messages without a return call.

However, a friend of mine who's a therapist pointed out to me that it would be better for me to change my message system. *Don't* leave messages at times of day when you know the person won't be home, and then make the message as such that it's a just a "touch base" and the person has no immediate reason to call you back.

Call early in the morning (well, you know -- *not* at the crack of dawn) or later at night.

If you don't get them -- make the message short and to the point. You *want* to talk to them -- ask them to call you back!

This is just general suggestions, and I found they worked for me and made me feel less powerless.

So before you go into lots of assumptions about her interest in you past something platonic...just call her and tell her you want to talk to her. Then let her know your feelings. Life's about taking risks -- don't hold back, go for what you want. No point in living with regrets. If it doesn't work out -- you *tried* and that's better than not and wondering what would have happened if you *had* done something more direct.

Good luck.

P.

 

[perks]

Someone with sense! *Chuckles.* Finally!

I just *know* it happens. Why are you laughing?

 

[Secret Kate]

 

[Wrong Element]

Re: I hate games

Why cant she call back and just tell it like it is? Whats so damned hard about being honest?
This is one of the many reasons I hate dating. The crap and games. Myself I like being open and honest so no one wastes thier time.
Its possible she is in the hospital ect... So sometimes you cling to those unlikely possibilities. Most likely though she is too chicken shit to tell you and is just doing it the "easy" way. Which is easy for her but shows no class and is rude as hell to you.
Yes, this is a pet peave of mine

Yep, I've been there too. The answering machine, or the "I'm busy" for 10 straight weekends. I know they think it's letting us down easy, but they're wrong. One of the good things about getting older is that we (men and women both) usually quit the immature games.

You always hear about the "man who says he'll call and doesn't", but rarely about the guy who does call and gets treated like crap.

I agree with the consensus. She isn't worth your further efforts. It would be nice if she had conveyed the message to you in a less passive/aggressive way, but that's how it goes sometimes.

 

[Shy Tall Guy]

Could she be sending you nonverbal communication?

Are your messages so friendly and non-urgent there's no need for her to call?

Next message, ask her to contact you....if she doesn't then you'll have a better idea of her respect and caring for you.

Good advice, however, it is generally customary to return calls unless the message states there is no reason to. The fact that he has left three messages and she hasn't called back is indeed a message; that she doesn't want to be bothered with talking to him. Drop her and find somebody who can communicate verbally, even if it is to say "buzz off".

I hear women all the time complaining about guys not calling them, or not returning their call, etc. - I think there are just as many women who are the same way. My limit is two calls (or emails or PMs) - if she doesn't reply then adios.

 

[Bluesboy2]

Just so you know

I call twice. Then Im done.
My peave came from a supposed good friend. She got a new BF and wouldnt return anyones calls,ever for months. I left her a message that she needed to call me back it was important. She chose not to do that. After 2 weeks I decided that I couldnt mean much if she couldnt find 2 minutes to pick up the phone and call. So I blew her off after 15 years of being friends. Now she wonders what she did. *shakes head*
So I am now quick to blow off anyone that cant take a few seconds to call back. I think its rude period.
Obviously I have issues with this.

 

[perks]

Good advice, however, it is generally customary to return calls unless the message states there is no reason to. The fact that he has left three messages and she hasn't called back is indeed a message; that she doesn't want to be bothered with talking to him. Drop her and find somebody who can communicate verbally, even if it is to say "buzz off".

I hear women all the time complaining about guys not calling them, or not returning their call, etc. - I think there are just as many women who are the same way. My limit is two calls (or emails or PMs) - if she doesn't reply then adios.

I'm still waiting for my two e-mails.

 

[Persephone36]

Re: Just so you know

I call twice. Then Im done.
My peave came from a supposed good friend. She got a new BF and wouldnt return anyones calls,ever for months. I left her a message that she needed to call me back it was important. She chose not to do that. After 2 weeks I decided that I couldnt mean much if she couldnt find 2 minutes to pick up the phone and call. So I blew her off after 15 years of being friends. Now she wonders what she did. *shakes head*
So I am now quick to blow off anyone that cant take a few seconds to call back. I think its rude period.
Obviously I have issues with this.

Bluesboy, I can relate to your experience *completely.* I just went through almost the same thing with my best male friend (he's gay, got a new bf, then went through a horrible breakup) he cut off everyone around him. Then he wondered why I got fed up with being ignored. So, I just told him -- I got the message -- my friendship doesn't mean to you any longer what it means to me. (This after 15 years of friendship for us.) So, he said a lot of harsh judgmental stuff in return -- that got us no where and helped nothing. And now we don't speak, (can't say if that's my choice or his, per se) but I feel *good* about it. Not about this break in our friendship (I won't say things are dead and gone between us) -- I still miss him all the time. But I feel *great* that I set my boundaries and stuck to them.

It's all about respecting yourself and making your boundaries clear and strong. LOL, and it's a life long process.

P.

 

[Bluesboy2]

I am a good person and a good friend

I am very loyal and expect that from others. I have no time for people that dont value me as they can be repaced with someone who will. I deserve that and wont settle for less.

 

[Shy Tall Guy]

I'm still waiting for my two e-mails.

There! Two emails sent your way as per your request. They don't have anything in them, but I am a man of few words.

 

[Persephone36]

Re: I am a good person and a good friend

I am very loyal and expect that from others. I have no time for people that dont value me as they can be repaced with someone who will. I deserve that and wont settle for less.

Good for you -- I think it's a great attitude!

P.