lack of desire

[jeeper4life]

I am looking for advice on how to approach a stick subject. Im sure i am not the only person to have this issue, so hopefully others can give all of us some advice.

I do not always have a desire to have sex with my spouse. there are different reasons for this for everyone, by for me the main reasons are: not feeling like i am listened to in certain areas (non bedroom related) lack of caring about body image (most people look better clothed then they do naked cause you can "hide" things) exercise matters both before and after marriage, and "the invisible ego" just because other people compliment my spouse (looks), doesn't mean they are perfect, but the compliments are going to their head and preventing them from realizing that they arent taking care of themselves the way they should.

Other forums or websites I have read have discussed:
how to tell a husband he is drinking to much, getting a guy, and not as attractive as he once was
my wife doesn't dress sexy anymore


my question is, does anyone else have these issues or their own, and what is a good way for other emmbers to approach their significant other and tell them in a nice way.

I tried to write this without saying what gender i am as i dont want this to turn into an insult forum with peopel saying "well maybe you do things that turn (him/her) off, you arent perfect either. I realize that noone is perfect. So what are good ways for women to approach men, and men to approach women?

What are issues others have had and how were they resolved?

 

[Tryharder62]

It sounds like you are saying that you are not as attracted to the way your spouse is behaving and his/her physical appearance.

I always think it is a good Idea to have a complete physical. Make sure that you don't have a problem that is causing the lack of desire. There are a lot of physical things that cause lack of desire.

What I really think though is that you might need to have some couples counseling. It sounds like you have more conflict with your spouse than you are saying. Good luck

 

[neci]

I am looking for advice on how to approach a stick subject. Im sure i am not the only person to have this issue, so hopefully others can give all of us some advice.

I do not always have a desire to have sex with my spouse. there are different reasons for this for everyone, by for me the main reasons are: not feeling like i am listened to in certain areas (non bedroom related) lack of caring about body image (most people look better clothed then they do naked cause you can "hide" things) exercise matters both before and after marriage, and "the invisible ego" just because other people compliment my spouse (looks), doesn't mean they are perfect, but the compliments are going to their head and preventing them from realizing that they arent taking care of themselves the way they should.

Other forums or websites I have read have discussed:
how to tell a husband he is drinking to much, getting a guy, and not as attractive as he once was
my wife doesn't dress sexy anymore


my question is, does anyone else have these issues or their own, and what is a good way for other emmbers to approach their significant other and tell them in a nice way.

I tried to write this without saying what gender i am as i dont want this to turn into an insult forum with peopel saying "well maybe you do things that turn (him/her) off, you arent perfect either. I realize that noone is perfect. So what are good ways for women to approach men, and men to approach women?

What are issues others have had and how were they resolved?

so... you don't want to fuck your spouse anymore, because they don't listen to you and are no longer physically perfect? people compliment your spouse on their looks, and you feel like they shouldn't be receiving compliments, because they don't really deserve them? just clarifying your issues.

 

[Desiremakesmeweak]

THE ONLY way to instigate positive change in a football team that isn't listening, or is not in the frame of mind to listen, or is doing so much of the wrong thing that if they heard any 'coach speeches' it would sound purely like plain criticism - is to lead and show by example without using any words at all.

DO everything you want the other party to do. BE everything you want them to be.

Great coaches are well past the age of competitive playing, and yet, so many of them HAVE to do what I said above, and somehow they find the personal resources within to do it.

And as far as sex goes, using this analogy about a coach and a team, you have to BE sexUAL. Being sexual means allowing your mind to go the sexual side, and not over-focusing on the specific other partner as the sole objectification of the sex act or of sex as such.

It certainly helps if not everything is always and only about the superficial or material external visual/physical aspect.

You must be able to have respect on some level for the other person. Respect will presuppose for you an absolute right on behalf of the other person that they are entitled to fulfillment as well, not to mention that they are 'allowed' to make mistakes too.

Obviously there are a lot of people tied to a traditionalist view about the need for and the morality of monogamy - but the fact is, even where someone feels free to explore multiple sexual attraction situations, insight and deeper-than-superficial bases for relating are absolutely key to any kinds of real and long-lived satisfaction.