Kim's poly/kink thread reinvented ...

[cascadiabound]

I asked this question in the shibari/ropework thread, but it maybe belongs here too ... I guess my over-arching concern regarding entering into any new 'thing' is that I don't know if I'll be able to find that feeling again, or all the other feelings that our d/s sex had ... am I being too pessimistic? Should I just be leaving myself open for other feelings? Should I just stay at home with the cat?

"I was idly scrolling through t[that] his thread, and this shot (and a few others) made me think of something ... we never got this involved in rope work, but I know that often when I was cuffed or tied in some way, and we'd finished doing 'the thing' (whatever the thing was at that moment), and he'd ask if I wanted him to untie/uncuff, and often I'd just want to stay like that because it made me feel calm, safe, something ... do other people feel like that?"

https://66.media.tumblr.com/cdad0cd1f4a5cb794445bed854ee8239/tumblr_pn2xtvPkrS1uth486o1_540.jpg

Apparently I have not been monitoring my thread well enough as I missed your original post. I was off line for a few weeks recently (had to get some wilderness time)...
Yes. Yes. Yes. I know just what you are talking about. The feel of being restrained, or a rope harness under my clothes, or or or... makes me feel calm. Possessed. Safe. Claimed. yes. All that and more.

Staying home with the cat is over rated.

 

[KimGordon67]

Apparently I have not been monitoring my thread well enough as I missed your original post. I was off line for a few weeks recently (had to get some wilderness time)...
Yes. Yes. Yes. I know just what you are talking about. The feel of being restrained, or a rope harness under my clothes, or or or... makes me feel calm. Possessed. Safe. Claimed. yes. All that and more.

Staying home with the cat is over rated.

He's a pretty great cat.

There's been a recent flurry of activity on that thread, and my (extremely recent) post on there will probably be buried, which is fine ... it's predominantly an image-based thread. 'Claimed' is nice.

 

[cascadiabound]

Apparently I have not been monitoring my thread well enough as I missed your original post. I was off line for a few weeks recently (had to get some wilderness time)...
Yes. Yes. Yes. I know just what you are talking about. The feel of being restrained, or a rope harness under my clothes, or or or... makes me feel calm. Possessed. Safe. Claimed. yes. All that and more.

Staying home with the cat is over rated.

He's a pretty great cat.

There's been a recent flurry of activity on that thread, and my (extremely recent) post on there will probably be buried, which is fine ... it's predominantly an image-based thread. 'Claimed' is nice.

There have been times when there was more conversation on that thread. But you are right about it mostly being images.

 

[KimGordon67]

So here's a question ... if someone you were 'interested' in, but hadn't met yet (say, maybe you'd encountered them on an online dating site, for example) asked for a selfie, and you loathed taking photos of yourself with a great passion, and he said 'just try ... something small', how would you handle that? Hypothetically.

 

[numeniusa]

So here's a question ... if someone you were 'interested' in, but hadn't met yet (say, maybe you'd encountered them on an online dating site, for example) asked for a selfie, and you loathed taking photos of yourself with a great passion, and he said 'just try ... something small', how would you handle that? Hypothetically.

Not that I'm dating, of course, but objectively (I'd hope...)

Why does he want the selfie? To prove you are who you say on the site? Maybe he's bern burned before. Or is it a test of your biddability? What does 'small' mean? A photo of a toe or the tip of your nose? Or does he just have a really small inbox ?

 

[KimGordon67]

Not that I'm dating, of course, but objectively (I'd hope...)

Why does he want the selfie? To prove you are who you say on the site? Maybe he's bern burned before. Or is it a test of your biddability? What does 'small' mean? A photo of a toe or the tip of your nose? Or does he just have a really small inbox ?

We are joking about it being a 'task' ... well, I'm joking. Hopefully he is too. 'Small' = maybe a favourite body part (his suggestion). So maybe a toe? It's been a relatively persistent request (which has been reciprocated - he's obviously better with the selfie than I am) ... not in a shitty or naggy way, just in a gently consistent and humorous way. There is a bit of an issue in that, in normal circumstances, we probably would have gotten together for a drink weeks ago to establish, among other things, whether we found each other attractive, but that's a two-and-a-half-hour drive for someone, so not quite so easy.

 

[numeniusa]

We are joking about it being a 'task' ... well, I'm joking. Hopefully he is too. 'Small' = maybe a favourite body part (his suggestion). So maybe a toe? It's been a relatively persistent request (which has been reciprocated - he's obviously better with the selfie than I am) ... not in a shitty or naggy way, just in a gently consistent and humorous way. There is a bit of an issue in that, in normal circumstances, we probably would have gotten together for a drink weeks ago to establish, among other things, whether we found each other attractive, but that's a two-and-a-half-hour drive for someone, so not quite so easy.

Gently consistent and humorous sounds ... promising? Do you think your reluctance to selfie (is that a verb?) is about your current feelings about your physical self? Although a good selfie is fucking difficult in any case. Women's arms aren't long enough.

 

[KimGordon67]

Gently consistent and humorous sounds ... promising? Do you think your reluctance to selfie (is that a verb?) is about your current feelings about your physical self? Although a good selfie is fucking difficult in any case. Women's arms aren't long enough.

I think it's OK to verb that noun. I've never liked having my photo taken ... doing it myself just compounds the misery of the process. And yes, feeling old is definitely not helping either. I also think the camera in my current phone is awful ... I may use an actual camera, or see if I can get my defunct iPhone (with a far superior camera) hooked up the wifi. Now I think about, when I used to take photos of bits of me for nefarious purposes, those were the two things I tended to use (and maybe an old laptop that had a better inbuilt camera?).

And yes, it does seem promising. I'm not sure that he's down with the poly thing, but he knows that's where I'm at, and we're still talking ... it seems that 'serious' conversations like that might not be happening through the online channels, so I guess if we like each in RL, we can work it out then.

 

[amofiga]

I'm a poly-minded guy in a strictly mono-marriage. I guess for a zillion reasons divorce was not on the table and there are a lot of other good things about our marriage. My wife is not a prude and our sex life is probably better than a lot of friends I've heard complain over a few beers.

So why am I upset? Simply because I cannot help the love of new and different women: new look, new scent, new taste, new feel, new technique. There's something special in that for me. Unfortunately the only way I was able to satisfy that and remain sane was to do it in secret for over 20 years. Again unfortunately, that also nearly ended my marriage about 15 years ago.

It was a come-uppance moment that made me have to choose. I'm still married and but not as happy as I would be if it were an open marriage and my wife were more like me in her attitude about that. Could I know she was having sex with another and be ok, I think so. I know of her sex life before me and it doesn't bother me. In fact the mental image of her doing some of the things she did is a turn on for me.

The bottom line is that we all have a lot of things to consider in the choices we make and many of us are never 100% happy and satisfied. Lucky are the 20-30% who have found their true soul mate and perfect partner. The rest of us have to make some decisions and compromises and live with them. Respect and relish the good, and try to graciously accept the bad.

 

[cookiecat]

So here's a question ... if someone you were 'interested' in, but hadn't met yet (say, maybe you'd encountered them on an online dating site, for example) asked for a selfie, and you loathed taking photos of yourself with a great passion, and he said 'just try ... something small', how would you handle that? Hypothetically.

I'd take a picture of my ear.

If it's moving in the right direction, as you say it is (yay!) - I'd take a face picture. As goofy as you feel doing it, just do it. It's fair he wants to see you.

 

[KimGordon67]

I'd take a picture of my ear.

If it's moving in the right direction, as you say it is (yay!) - I'd take a face picture. As goofy as you feel doing it, just do it. It's fair he wants to see you.

I just always look so awful in photos. The only times I ever like them is when I'm laughing - do you know how difficult it is to take a photo of yourself laughing?

 

[KimGordon67]

So this morning I hauled my sorry arse out of bed at 6.15 and did a good 20 minute walk around the harbour. Luckily it's a beautiful morning - totally still, not freezing, and the sunrise made a gorgeous golden light on the hills across the harbour. I figure I can do that three mornings a week until it's warm enough to start swimming ... one of the things I discovered last summer was that when it's stinking hot, at the end of the day there's nothing nicer than an evening swim. All the visitors have gone away, it's almost always still, and the harbour is beautiful at that time of the day. Actually, it's lovely any time of the day, but it's good to reminded what's so great about living here.

 

[KimGordon67]

I'm a poly-minded guy in a strictly mono-marriage. I guess for a zillion reasons divorce was not on the table and there are a lot of other good things about our marriage. My wife is not a prude and our sex life is probably better than a lot of friends I've heard complain over a few beers.

So why am I upset? Simply because I cannot help the love of new and different women: new look, new scent, new taste, new feel, new technique. There's something special in that for me. Unfortunately the only way I was able to satisfy that and remain sane was to do it in secret for over 20 years. Again unfortunately, that also nearly ended my marriage about 15 years ago.

It was a come-uppance moment that made me have to choose. I'm still married and but not as happy as I would be if it were an open marriage and my wife were more like me in her attitude about that. Could I know she was having sex with another and be ok, I think so. I know of her sex life before me and it doesn't bother me. In fact the mental image of her doing some of the things she did is a turn on for me.

The bottom line is that we all have a lot of things to consider in the choices we make and many of us are never 100% happy and satisfied. Lucky are the 20-30% who have found their true soul mate and perfect partner. The rest of us have to make some decisions and compromises and live with them. Respect and relish the good, and try to graciously accept the bad.

I think you're right - any decision we made that comes from some sort of dissatisfaction often has negative consequences, whichever way we go. And maybe I'll never find that perfect relationship. I'm pretty lucky in that I had an amazing marriage for nearly 20 years - it was really only in the last two or three that things were less ideal (but that's the case with most marriages that end - I think it always takes a while to realise that that's what's happening). And I think we've retained a lot of benefits from that - we're still really support each other, help each other out, just listen to each other's moaning about stuff. So that's something.

 

[Bramblethorn]

So here's a question ... if someone you were 'interested' in, but hadn't met yet (say, maybe you'd encountered them on an online dating site, for example) asked for a selfie, and you loathed taking photos of yourself with a great passion, and he said 'just try ... something small', how would you handle that? Hypothetically.

Probably a photo of my hand. I like my hands.

I asked this question in the shibari/ropework thread, but it maybe belongs here too ... I guess my over-arching concern regarding entering into any new 'thing' is that I don't know if I'll be able to find that feeling again, or all the other feelings that our d/s sex had ... am I being too pessimistic? Should I just be leaving myself open for other feelings? Should I just stay at home with the cat?

Cats are pretty good. I spent all last week working from home with the cats, would happily do it again, but apparently I have "responsibilities" and need to meet "people" and am supposed to get "outside" now and then.

I've had a few D&S-ish relationships, and although there were common elements, each one was different. I think very likely the next one won't have all of the same feelings as the last one, but hopefully there'll be good new stuff too. IMHO one of the reasons for poly is not to expect one person to meet all our needs.

 

[Blase]

another thing(lol)
reading through this thread Kim's emotional journey reminds me of that of Anita Blake in the Anita Blake novel series by Laurell K Hamilton

Lol, Kim's journey has been WAY less dramatic than Anita's!

"Vampires are... different, Ma Petite. If you were not so stubborn, you might find out just how different."

 

[MrRetro]

So this morning I hauled my sorry arse out of bed at 6.15 and did a good 20 minute walk around the harbour. Luckily it's a beautiful morning - totally still, not freezing, and the sunrise made a gorgeous golden light on the hills across the harbour. I figure I can do that three mornings a week until it's warm enough to start swimming ... one of the things I discovered last summer was that when it's stinking hot, at the end of the day there's nothing nicer than an evening swim. All the visitors have gone away, it's almost always still, and the harbour is beautiful at that time of the day. Actually, it's lovely any time of the day, but it's good to reminded what's so great about living here.

Well I don’t have a harbour, but I have a beach near me.. I was out enjoying the lovely spring air this morning as well.. Beautiful time of year..

 

[MrRetro]

I just always look so awful in photos. The only times I ever like them is when I'm laughing - do you know how difficult it is to take a photo of yourself laughing?

I think most of us don’t like how we appear in photos, especially selfies.. You probably look a lot better than you think Kim..

That said I relate very well, I can’t stand having my photo taken and I don’t do selfies very often, if at all..!

 

[KimGordon67]

Probably a photo of my hand. I like my hands.



Cats are pretty good. I spent all last week working from home with the cats, would happily do it again, but apparently I have "responsibilities" and need to meet "people" and am supposed to get "outside" now and then.

I've had a few D&S-ish relationships, and although there were common elements, each one was different. I think very likely the next one won't have all of the same feelings as the last one, but hopefully there'll be good new stuff too. IMHO one of the reasons for poly is not to expect one person to meet all our needs.

'Outside'. 'People.' Pfft. Who's dumbarse idea was that.

This is true regarding the poly thing ... it's so tricky to explain though, when someone says 'basically, you're saying that I'm not enough for you'. I never really know how to respond to that. Saying 'No one person would be' never really seems to quite cut it.

 

[KimGordon67]

I think most of us don’t like how we appear in photos, especially selfies.. You probably look a lot better than you think Kim..

That said I relate very well, I can’t stand having my photo taken and I don’t do selfies very often, if at all..!

Selfies are the scourge of modern society.

 

[tolyk]

'Outside'. 'People.' Pfft. Who's dumbarse idea was that.

This is true regarding the poly thing ... it's so tricky to explain though, when someone says 'basically, you're saying that I'm not enough for you'. I never really know how to respond to that. Saying 'No one person would be' never really seems to quite cut it.

There-in lays the crux of Poly, right? Especially when dating others that are not poly.

I've been trying to delve deeper, to get to know myself more and more. I've been looking for that answer. And it isn't that I'm not happy with my wife, or that she doesn't satisfy my base needs. To me, it's just that I have so much love to give.


Good thread so far Kim

 

[tolyk]

Selfies are the scourge of modern society.

You aren't wrong ..

 

[KimGordon67]

There-in lays the crux of Poly, right? Especially when dating others that are not poly.

I've been trying to delve deeper, to get to know myself more and more. I've been looking for that answer. And it isn't that I'm not happy with my wife, or that she doesn't satisfy my base needs. To me, it's just that I have so much love to give.


Good thread so far Kim

Yes, this ... and for me (although I've yet to have the opportunity to put this theory into practice) loving people and being loved (or whatever synonym you want to use for 'love' there) just makes me happy and hence more inclined to love people ... it's a win-win-win.

 

[KimGordon67]

Gently consistent and humorous sounds ... promising? Do you think your reluctance to selfie (is that a verb?) is about your current feelings about your physical self? Although a good selfie is fucking difficult in any case. Women's arms aren't long enough.

I mentioned this excellent point regarding women's arms - this was the response.

 

[numeniusa]

I mentioned this excellent point regarding women's arms - this was the response.

Good thing: evidence of problem solving abilities
Bad thing: pink? He picked a PINK ONE?

 

[KimGordon67]

Good thing: evidence of problem solving abilities
Bad thing: pink? He picked a PINK ONE?

LMAO - I'm hoping that's a sign of a sense of humour (or maybe it was the cheapest one and he was being budget conscious, which I'm also in favour of)?
Good point about the problem solving though - that is a bonus.