JOKES, clean, dirty, slightly offensive...
- Thread starter jacktar48
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merryohmd
AV by Makinmepurr
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Three guys show up at the gates of heaven. St. Peter says the only way you get in tonight is to have something that represents Christmas. The first guy pulls out his car keys, shakes them and says "jingle bells". He gets in. Second guy has nothing and gets sent away. The third guy hasn't found anything on his person except the panties of the women he was fucking when he died. He shows them to St. Peter who responds with "what are those?" The guys carols and gets in.
The thread did not say they had to be good jokes - you might want to rethink that.
The thread did not say they had to be good jokes - you might want to rethink that.
lakesailer_mi
Sailing
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Three men walked into a bar.
You'd think the third guy would have seen it.
You'd think the third guy would have seen it.
lakesailer_mi
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Two army privates were digging a ditch in the hot sun.
One finally just throws his shovel down, "This fucking sucks. This is not what I joined the Army for! I've had it!" And he climes out of the hole.
The Sargent walks over and asks, what the hell is going on.
The private begin to rant again, "This is not why I joined the Army. I want to serve my country. To defend democracy. To make a difference! Not dig useless holes in the hot sun!"
As the private rants, the Sargent bends over and picks up a 2x4. After a moment, the Sargent swings it hard into the head of the private. Knocked to the ground, the private gets up and calmly climbs back down into the ditch and resumes digging.
"Well? Are you going to take that from him?" the other private asks.
"You know, no one had really ever explained it to me that way before."
One finally just throws his shovel down, "This fucking sucks. This is not what I joined the Army for! I've had it!" And he climes out of the hole.
The Sargent walks over and asks, what the hell is going on.
The private begin to rant again, "This is not why I joined the Army. I want to serve my country. To defend democracy. To make a difference! Not dig useless holes in the hot sun!"
As the private rants, the Sargent bends over and picks up a 2x4. After a moment, the Sargent swings it hard into the head of the private. Knocked to the ground, the private gets up and calmly climbs back down into the ditch and resumes digging.
"Well? Are you going to take that from him?" the other private asks.
"You know, no one had really ever explained it to me that way before."
JakeBNice
Really Experienced
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A redneck walks into a pharmacy and says "I'd like to get some of that there birth control for ma teenage daughter."
The pharmacist replies, "Teenage daughter? So, she's sexually active?"
The redneck says, "Nawwww, shoot. She just kinda lays there like her Mama does."
The pharmacist replies, "Teenage daughter? So, she's sexually active?"
The redneck says, "Nawwww, shoot. She just kinda lays there like her Mama does."
lakesailer_mi
Sailing
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Three logicians walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Do you all want a beer?"
The first one says. I don't know.
The second one says. I don't know.
The third one says. Yes.
The first one says. I don't know.
The second one says. I don't know.
The third one says. Yes.
lakesailer_mi
Sailing
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As the mathematics convention broke up, they all headed over for a beer. An long line of mathematicians began to order beer.
The first one says, I'll have a beer!
The second one says, I'll have half a beer.
The third one says, I'll have a quarter of a beer.
Before the fourth one can speak, the bartender says, "you guys should know your limits!" And pours two beers and sets them on the counter.
The first one says, I'll have a beer!
The second one says, I'll have half a beer.
The third one says, I'll have a quarter of a beer.
Before the fourth one can speak, the bartender says, "you guys should know your limits!" And pours two beers and sets them on the counter.
JakeBNice
Really Experienced
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An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walk into a bar. All three order a beer.
As their beers are put in front of them at the bar, a fly lands inside of all three of their glasses at the same time.
The Englishman looks at the fly in his beer, and pushes his glass forward in disgust.
The Scotsman smirks, grabs the fly from his glass and tosses it to the floor and then takes a drink of his beer.
The Irishman grabs the fly from his beer, hold it over the glass and yells, "Spit it out! Spit it out ya bastard!!"
As their beers are put in front of them at the bar, a fly lands inside of all three of their glasses at the same time.
The Englishman looks at the fly in his beer, and pushes his glass forward in disgust.
The Scotsman smirks, grabs the fly from his glass and tosses it to the floor and then takes a drink of his beer.
The Irishman grabs the fly from his beer, hold it over the glass and yells, "Spit it out! Spit it out ya bastard!!"
