In The Hands Of Another

[BlueSugar]

Service? Piece of cake. I wouldn't have any problems being shared, or given to someone to fulfill some service-oriented project (although, I think *everything* is service, but that's another thread).

Being shared in an SM way would be a turn on, from a couple of angles. First, I'm a masochist. Beat me. Beating me in new and different ways is good. Second, I know he would watch. That would be cool. The exhibitionist in me would get some nifty charge out of the whole thing. I would want one of those long, intense, lovely, right-up-until-I-have-to-spit-the-safeword-out beatings. An endurance run. Just because he was watching. I would want to make him proud.

Being shared sexually? That's not something we talk about very much. It's a dark, twisted little fantasy of mine, existing in those corners where the humiliation slut lives. Yeah, her, the one that likes to be treated like a whore. You could go a lot of interesting places with that particular fantasy involving real live people. *shrugs*

One of these days.

We've got plenty of time.

~anelize

I feel almost the same way. I'm not much of a masochist, so the beating couldn't be an endurance run... but I would want to make M proud of me. As long as M and I express limits with whoever I'm being handed over to ... I'm more then sure I can do it.
We on the other hand talk alot about sharing sexually.
That humiliation slut... the little whore cunt she is.
How I love her.

The idea of being a 'gift', something special ... I like. The idea of someone else being trust worthy enough to really degrade me and bring me to those levels wherein only M has brought me before.
Even being handed over in play (as long as it was discussed before hand at some length) for service, manipulation or some fantasy sex etc... I really like.

It takes alot for M to agree depending on the person, as long as they aren't a threat to him. Women are fine for the most part, its the other males he is warey about ... so when one is invited it, it makes it even that much more special because I know what kind of thought process and battle he put himself through for the situation

 

[catalina_francisco]

Interesting how time manages to change the way we feel about certain acts and possibilities. Being given to another for pain is no longer as big a hurdle in my mind as it once was, sexually sharing also has lessened in it's difficulty in some ways, though not all...fortunately, I feel far less threatened and edgy about him sexually using another and think it will be quite a turn on on various levels. Growth is beautiful and freeing.

Catalina

 

[gingermango]

I have been shared only on a very limited basis - Goddess has occasionally allowed another lady-friend to discipline me and once to fuck me with a strap-on. She has also allowed one of them to command me and direct my services both for her and her own male slave (I was required to service him orally while she and my Goddess watched).

I am comfortable doing those things so long as my Goddess is present, observing and exercising ultimate "veto power." When I am deeply in my sub-space, I am emotionally almost powerless to object too strenuously to possible abuse. Furthermore, there is no guarantee that another PYL will respect my limits or safe-words; with Goddess there to intervene, however, I feel safe enough to submit to whomever she chooses.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I have been shared only on a very limited basis - Goddess has occasionally allowed another lady-friend to discipline me and once to fuck me with a strap-on. She has also allowed one of them to command me and direct my services both for her and her own male slave (I was required to service him orally while she and my Goddess watched).

I am comfortable doing those things so long as my Goddess is present, observing and exercising ultimate "veto power." When I am deeply in my sub-space, I am emotionally almost powerless to object too strenuously to possible abuse. Furthermore, there is no guarantee that another PYL will respect my limits or safe-words; with Goddess there to intervene, however, I feel safe enough to submit to whomever she chooses.

Is very much how we are also...he is not about to trust another with my welfare simply because they say they can be trusted. I also see the value in having a slave service another...have writtten it into some of my stories and also is something we plan to play more with in the future.

Catalina

 

[Bandit58]

I know I would never be sexually shared with other men *whew*, that would be a very hard thing for me to do even if He wished to. I have been caned by another Dom at a play party but Master was there to watch over me.

I have been topped by both Master and a female Top at the same time (loved that it was great fun ) We both shared a lovely nilla time with a very shy lady but there was no penetration on His part. We discussed it afterward and both agreed that it was a very nice experience and one we would like to repeat - He also said He got more out of watching me play with her than anything else

If I was to be shared with a Domme (something we have discussed), He would be there for the first few times then would probably be ok leaving me alone with her once we got to know her. But He'd never leave me alone with a Dom

 

[catalina_francisco]

Possibly another interesting bump.

 

[amadaun]

Ooh, fun bump.

Personally, I don't think I'd have much of a problem being shared, either sexually or for pain play. It's not a *particular* fantasy of mine, but I rather like the idea. J playing with someone else, though, would make me furious and disturbed on so many levels. We've both acknowledged that we're both unreasonably jealous and possessive people by nature, so I don't really see this happening in the visible future, unless we grow out of it, which I suppose could happen. For now though, it's definitely fierce monogamy.

 

[callinectes]

Being shared, in any way, is a hard limit for me. I just simply have no desire to be shared, nor do I have the tools to deal with it.

 

[Inconsequential]

There have been threads about sharing, being abandoned, and given away on a permanent or temporary basis but I was wanting to define the discussion further by looking at if submissives look at these situations (especially sharing and given away) in terms of sexual, SM, and service, or if anyone finds one type easier to accept than another?

For instance if your Dom/me were to hand you over to another to be beaten with no interference from them, would it be harder or easier to emotionally and/or physically accept than perhaps if it were sexual or service oriented? Would perhaps sexual be easier?...or service? Does one area excite or fascinate you more than another when thinking of being in another's hands? Would you find it easier to be given or shared in a way whereby you were expected to fulfil all those areas?

Dom/mes please feel free to also share your own feelings on whether some areas would be more acceptable and possible for you to contemplate ordering your submissive to submit to, and why.
QUOTE]

Because of the school I went to for submissives I was exposed to a lot of handing off and having different people have my submission.
When I was finally free'd, I have enjoyed My subs enough that I don't really pass them around or share them.
I feel there needs to be trust issues and talk before sharing occurs, and I think that if the sub is really craving that kind of newness there are ways to enjoy it without sharing. That's just My opinion tho

 

[SweetErika]

Because of the school I went to for submissives I was exposed to a lot of handing off and having different people have my submission.
When I was finally free'd, I have enjoyed My subs enough that I don't really pass them around or share them.
I feel there needs to be trust issues and talk before sharing occurs, and I think that if the sub is really craving that kind of newness there are ways to enjoy it without sharing. That's just My opinion tho

Not to derail the thread, but I'm curious about this 'school' you speak of, since I've only heard of them in fiction and roleplay/online-type "academies" (it's kind of like slave auctions in that respect). If you don't mind sharing some of the details with an inquisitive mind... What's it called? Was it voluntary or forced? Did it have a physical location, or was it online? Was there tuition, or was it free? How many teachers and students on average? What did you learn there?

 

[the captians wench]

Not to derail the thread, but I'm curious about this 'school' you speak of, since I've only heard of them in fiction and roleplay/online-type "academies" (it's kind of like slave auctions in that respect). If you don't mind sharing some of the details with an inquisitive mind... What's it called? Was it voluntary or forced? Did it have a physical location, or was it online? Was there tuition, or was it free? How many teachers and students on average? What did you learn there?

One of my friends who plays with me (tho not in a long while) said he used to work in a BDSM house before it got shut down training subs. Masters would bring subs in and sign a contract, along with the sub. He said from there, the guy paid a fee, and if he paid a bit extra to the right person they would ignore safe words (which may be one reason why the place got shut down. ). He said they would start with sinsory dep, including a month in a closet. Most of what he talked about sounded like they were trying to break a sub's spirit, take her away from the idea of being anything more than a slave. I never liked the idea of what he described.

More on topic. I guess I do get shared in a since. Jounar allows me to play with my friends, people who have been sessioning me longer than he's known me for the most part. The only stipulation he has is that I get pics when possible, so I guess he likes the idea, right now anyway.

I do have to admit that I've thought of the posibility of serving him and his friends in a relaxed atmosphere and then being told to service one of them on a more personal level. The idea does have some appeal to it for me for some reason, but in reality i'm not sure how much I'd really enjoy it.

And while he does let me play in the real world, he doesn't feel the same in the virtual realm. This makes since to me on some levels because right now this is the only way he can have me, so he doesn't want to share. It's sort of like those who have a relationship in the real world but are allowd online to play and get needs met that their partner can't meet. Because of this tho, it leads me to believe that he wouldn't be as willing to share me in rl if I were there with him. And I'm not sure I'd really want him to.

 

[AvaAdore]

It's an intriguing thought. I don't know how I would feel about being lent out to someone without my partner being there. I don't think it's something he would consider anyway

Having never been properly flogged by anyone else, I think it would be an interesting experience.

 

[LordHawk]

Me and my little one have several fantasies in this regard although how we would be in real life is another matter all together. We are both quite possesive and I know she would hate for me to use another. In fact, probably the worst punishment I could do to her would be to put her in a corner and fuck another woman. However, she has said that if she were in complete slave mind, there is nothing that she would not do for her master, even being with another woman and that is something that does nothing for her personally. I have also thought how I would enjoy having such a good slave that she would service my guests or be the entertainment at a party, available to whoever wanted her.
Before we were able to be together, we were just online and often roleplayed in IM, sort of like the online version of wearing costumes I suppose. We had one set of characters where the master was an extremely rich businessman who started mastering one of his employees. He would use her in his office whenever he wished and sometimes she was used to service an employee as a bonus and then there was a few times when she was used as bait in some ploy of her master. We also had a character who ran a BDSM club, where men and women were hired as subs and slaves and as long as it was consensual were there to be used by the members.

 

[lil_pooka]

I've been loaned out. It's happened a few times but always with the same man. We've always talked about it before hand and I don't think he would've let it happen if I hadn't wanted it to as well. I don't think I could handle just being handed over to someone.

 

[intothewoods]

Hmm. I don't know. The idea of being lent out sexually sounds kind of hot. But being lent out for a flogging? Yikes!

 

[FluteMaster]

Hmm. I don't know. The idea of being lent out sexually sounds kind of hot. But being lent out for a flogging? Yikes!

Mmm a hard one for me to contemplate in R/L, though the fantasy is different.

To hold her leash while she orally services someone - that has a hot kink to it, but not other kinds of sexual ervice (I'm far too jealous ), and whatever happens, I want to be there to ensure the limits are respected.

I certainly wouldn't lend her out for a flogging etc as she isn't that much of a masochist- it's more about serving her Master.

On the other hand, we can talk and share can't we.

 

[intothewoods]

On the other hand, we can talk and share can't we.

I've heard about this "talking" idea. Sounds very kinky.

 

[Evil_Geoff]

It's fascinating and interesting and educational to learn what people see as intimate, personal and needing protection in their lives or relationships, and how they value themselves or their partners.

For some, sexual intimacy is that protected space, for others it's the physical SM play that's scarey, and a few have been emotionally protective of domestic service... wow!

I am, at heart, a fellow who believes (for the most part) in being fair in my dealings with my pyl. "Sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander" and all that. Unless something has been negotiated out of play of course... *grin*

For me personally, I'm an SM play slut. I will beat someone at the drop of a hat (skirt or pants, too!). When I was a noob, I was a lot more cautious about it because I was not very confident of my skills, of knowing how to "read" a partner, etc. Now, I _KNOW_ what I can do and what I'm willing to do.

I don't see SM play as being emotionaly "intimate" but that may be because I'm a sadist and don't really care who I inflict pain on.

janey, on the other hand, sees SM play as very intimate. For her, that kind of submission requires tons of trust. She can't, and won't, casually submit to just any Thomasina, or hairy Dick with a whip, flogger or cane. If, however, she were to have someone she trusted enough to _want_ to scene with, I would have no trouble allowing her to do so.

When it comes to domestic service, I have no problems at all saying "janey, go over to DomlyDom's (or subbysub's) place and help them get it cleaned up for XYZ event." Swinging a mop, scrubbing a floor or window, putting food on a plate and serving it, etc, is not emotionally protected space for either of us.

Sexual service on the other hand, IS emotionally protected space for both janey and I. I simply will not have sexual relations with someone I don't have an emotional attachment to. The depth of the attachment I feel has a definite correspondence with the level of sexual intimacy I am comfortable with. I simply don't do casual sex. The couple of times I tried it when I was younger left me feeling guilty and sullied. There was nothing wrong with the gals I had the casual sex with, it's just that it didn't feel right for me at all.

With that said, my relationship/sexual continuum looks something like this:

1. Regular friends = No Sex. Period. Nada. Hugging okay, kisses restricted to cheeks or chaste kisses (mouth closed! *chuckles*) on the lips. SM play possible but sexual contact during play is VERY limited. It may include some nipple torture, but no intentional contact with genitals.
2. Better than friends, possible relationship material = kisses get hotter, nibbling, soft biting (no marks/hickeys left behind) SM play can be teasing with the intention of creating sexual arousal, genital play may start but is pretty much restricted to external contact (no penetration)
3. Definitely relationship material, possibly long term = kisses get way hot, biting may leave marks, SM play can definitely be intended to induce sexual arousal, genital contact includes penetration by fingers or devices, may include oral sex. No genital to genital intercourse
4. LTR/Committed Relationship - Anything goes, genital intercourse included.

If I am not in a committed LTR with someone, why would I sexually share my sexual partner with them? If they are banging my partner, I'm gonna be banging them 2nd hand...

janey's feelings on this are fairly close to mine. In her younger, more carefree days she was perhaps more adventurous than I, but for the last several years she has only had sexually monogamous relationships (until we tried the poly with danielle). janey knows that I'm not going to share her sexually with anyone I'm not emotionally attached to. And she's pretty well certain that I'm not going to become attached to anyone she's not getting attached to as well.

Anyway, I hope y'all get a bit of insight from that into how my head and heart operate. Use what works for you, discard the rest, YMMV, all rebates to dealer, this offer null where void...

 

[BiBunny]

I have no idea how to word my feelings on this subject. I am completely poly, so sexual service with another doesn't bother me at all. Neither does S&M play. There are lines within S&M/sexual service that I won't cross except with someone I really trust, but they're few and far between. The "other" kind of service is where I get iffy. If someone other than my Master asks me if I mind, say, helping with the dishes, I'll comply, even if I don't want to, just because the request was worded with my own feelings in mind. If someone other than my Master orders me to do something that I hate, like mopping the floors (they don't make mops long enough for tall, long-waisted chicks with arms as long as a gorilla's!), the answer will be something like, "Over my dead body." I don't mind being asked by someone who doesn't own me. To do something for someone when they ask is, to me, just regular old politeness. To be ordered to do something by someone who doesn't own me--well, I think the one doing the ordering presumes too much.

I've been thinking a lot lately about looking for my own sub. Playing with subs on occasion is starting to not be enough for me anymore. If I ever do acquire this hypothetical sub, I think I'd feel similarly about sharing him as I do sharing myself, though his feelings would be taken into consideration, too.

Wow, that was really clear, wasn't it? LOL.

 

[eastern sun]

are you being given away if you have the power to choose?

like others who have posted, I am unwilling to submit to someone sexually who I don't trust and would be frightened if my husband gave me to someone else without discussing it with me first.

on the other hand, to serve my husband as I want to I am expected to express my sexuality with other people. because he wants to experience my desire for other men, he allows me near freedom in choosing partners. if the situation were not ultimately in his control, though, he would never consider giving me the chance to play with other people.

maybe we have one of those relationships that falls between the cracks . . . are you being given away if you have the power to choose your playmate? or are you being given permission to do something you want to do but think you can't?

when I return, I am duly punished and rewarded

 

[Cheshire D]

Honestly? I don't know. I just haven't had enough experience in life to know what I'd do. I do know I have a jealousy streak a mile wide, and I really don't like it when I'm not the center of attention. Domestic service probably wouldn't bother me, long as I got some sort of reward for it (yeah, I'm shallow) and SM service probably wouldn't as well, as I'm quite the masochist.

But being given for sexual service, at least for the moment, is something that would be reserved for my Dom, and I would be a very sulky, very angry submissive if he pushed that too early on. Perhaps after a while, when our relationship was solid and he was there, I'd gladly do some things. Like I said, I'm an attention whore and that's just one other kind of attention. Call it a double standard, though, I'd be an unhappy person if he played with others in my presence.

Is that unusual? I mean, a Dom ordering his sub to play with others while not playing with others himself? Or is that more the norm?

 

[catalina_francisco]

Is that unusual? I mean, a Dom ordering his sub to play with others while not playing with others himself? Or is that more the norm?

Depends on the person/relationship. I have been ordered to play with others, but to date he hasn't bothered playing with others himself. We are working on changing that, but he is very picky about who he wants to play with.

Catalina

 

[Bandit58]

Is that unusual? I mean, a Dom ordering his sub to play with others while not playing with others himself? Or is that more the norm?

I'm permitted to play with other females alone (I'm bi) but He has no interest in being with other women/subs unless I'm present. There's no genital penetration just touching and maybe oral (Him to her) and no fluid exchange with others.

As I said before, there will be no other men permitted to play with me in a sexual way. I'm not so sure about in a S/M way - Master may allow another Dom to try new things with me that He doesn't have the skills in but we have yet to discuss this seriously. He would definitely be present at all times if this was to take place.

 

[shy slave]

How things change

January 2005 I said being shared was a hard limit but I had fantasies about it. I said I would not be in a relationship that where he wanted to share me.
The reality scared me due to how I would cope afterwards. I was also with my ex at the time.

Fast forward to meeting Andante later that year when he was very clear he planned to share me at some point in our relationship. His views were never hidden or left as a 'maybe.' If the relationship happened, in time the sharing would also happen.

Did I run and hide? Nope, I kept moving forward towards him.

Last year he told me he had been talking to someone with a view to sharing me.
He knows me well, he said it and then would not let me ask questions until I had time to think it over.
He answered all my questions, I have spoken by 'phone with this person. I have also voiced my thoughts and had those listened to and respected

The biggest difference between 2005 and now is that I trust Andante.
I trust him with my emotional and psychological well being. That does not mean he is solely responsible for it, I am responsible for my thought processes, he is responsible for ensuring I feel emotionally and psychologically secure at every stage.

Now it is a matter of timing in order to see if this happens.
I won't be sharing details of it all.
I have no idea what will actually happen, I don't want to know; I am perfectly ok about he and the other person having agreed control over the situation.

Catalina when you bump old threads, it is always interesting to see whose views have changed and how.

I really do believe in the line 'Never say never'

 

[myinnerslut]

Sir has no interest in being with anyone accept me.

he has been very clear that no other man is to touch me.

the only way i can be with another girl is if i have permission from Sir AND he is there watching AND he finds her attractive AND he has the power to stop anything at any point

it hasnt happened yet, and it probably wont