If you could give advice to a 18 year old sub, what would it be?

[fuzawoni]

i definitely agree with the line about separation between those who are sexually interested in you and friends

you are so young, don't go crazy looking for a master/dom/whatever just start to find a relationship and have some vanilla sex. for christ's sake, you're a virgin still. don't get wrapped up in the whole scene/lifestyle bullshit too early.

all that being said, the idea of someone like you is constantly in my fantasies and i hope you choose somone worthy to give your love to

 

[sardoniclaugh]

Ok I avoided commenting on this cuz I didn't want to be bitchy, but then I decided its an important point to make.AVOID ASSHATS WHO SAY "SUBMISSION IS A GIFT.

It's like a neon sign around their neck proclaiming they don't undertstand a thing in the scene. Your (or my or anyone's) submission is no more a gift than a Dominant's dominance is a gift. It's an EXCHANGE. Anyone who doesn't see that, probably isn't a good person to play with.

This is true.

Belief in the "submission = gift" theory does not automatically mean someone is an asshat, nor that they haven't a clue about "the scene." It simply means they hold a different view of relationship dynamics than you.

So is this.
Submission IS a gift, because it's an awesome thing to be given. But it's also important to be aware that it's not a gift that is given with no strings attached. It's a gift that is given in exchange for the gift of Dominance.
Yes, Dominance is a gift.
And yes, you should be extremely skeptical of anyone who says that Dominance is a gift.

Take things slow and do alot of research. Always listen to your inner feeling they will almost always be right. Good luck in your quest.

Not to quibble, but as someone whose inner feelings are almost always wrong, I would warn anyone reading to beware this advice.

To keep your outdoor tools from being lost, paint the handles bright red or orange.

Alternately, attach them to your cat's collar.

Get to know the influential and experienced SUBS in your local BDSM community. When you find yourself attracted to a Dom, before you get involved, get their opinion of him. Ideally choose someone centred, self confident, experienced, probably older, in control of himself, and who has a good reputation locally, as your first serious Dom.

Remember that confident and self-centered is not the same as centered and self-confident. Nor is it mutually exclusive.

Go to munches and make friends with people who aren't sexually interested in you.

Also, with the people you aren't sexually interested in. 99% of the useful stuff I learned about BDSM was from a big-gay-old-guard-leather-daddy - someone I wasn't turned on by at all, but who I worked with for a few years and talked to about kink a lot. I learned because I was listening to him, instead of staring at his tits. Then when I started playing with girls, I remembered a lot of what he said, while I was staring at their tits. A lot of it didn't really apply, but a lot of it did.

 

[bhndblueyes88]

It is a bit quibble-some, because some people have very sure intuitions about others. I'd say that if she's one of those people, the advice is excellent. However, if she's someone like you, she should beware that particular bit.

Oh quibble is such a fine word...quibblequibblequibble.

 

[karma9]

follow your pussy

I am an 18 year old sub in high school. I am a writer, yet. I am a virgin. But, i've read a lot, and my fantasies are quite detailed. I will probably only share my sub side with my boyfriends. ( I am currently single and only one guy knows about that side)
I wanted to know if You educated Doms and subs have any advice for me before I enter the lifestyle.

Follow your pussy and trust only the one who loves you

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

Follow your pussy and trust only the one who loves you

What if the one who loves you turns out to a toxic whackjob?

 

[graceanne]

Take any and all advice (except mine ) with a grain of salt. Take into account who's giving it, why they're giving it, and if they have alternative motives (like they're trying to get in your pants). Also take into account what you know about them; if you know they're psychotic then their advice might not be the one you want to follow. If you know NOTHING about them, weigh their advice before accepting it and possibly bounce it off someone you trust. Use your not-so-common sense, and listen to it above all else, including your emotions, your heart, and your hoo-hoo. If that wee still voice inside you is SCREAMING to run DO IT! Wee still voices rarely scream, take them seriously when they do.

And give all your cookies to me. This will make you happy. *nods lots*

 

[karma9]

Love is the answer

What if the one who loves you turns out to a toxic whackjob?

If you’re speaking out experience; then you might know the answer to your question already. In that case, please would you care to share it with us. If not, I should say, and it’s not more than a public secret, that power and sex can be two opposite pools and that’s when stride and mistrust can prevail. They can also entwine in one pool with one person has all the power and all the sex, and this most probably can lead to someone becoming very unfortunate. Again, we are all adults and we must be responsible for the choices we make and be able to change them the way we see fit.

It’s a banal fact to say how and why a true love is essential in a relationship. But in a BDSM-relation the presence of true love is a lot more needy because it keeps the power and the sex safely balanced; without losing any sexual or erotic thrill, even these can grow more because of the trust and the love

 

[karma9]

Take any and all advice (except mine ) with a grain of salt. Take into account who's giving it, why they're giving it, and if they have alternative motives (like they're trying to get in your pants). Also take into account what you know about them; if you know they're psychotic then their advice might not be the one you want to follow. If you know NOTHING about them, weigh their advice before accepting it and possibly bounce it off someone you trust. Use your not-so-common sense, and listen to it above all else, including your emotions, your heart, and your hoo-hoo. If that wee still voice inside you is SCREAMING to run DO IT! Wee still voices rarely scream, take them seriously when they do.

And give all your cookies to me. This will make you happy. *nods lots*

Too much paranoia, or too little for that matter of fact is not wise and healthy; unless you have enough cookies to munch of course, just kidding On the other hand I would not give a Blanche Card to trust and love someone; but at the same time I would be thinking and feeling positive; only then I can see the situation clearly to make a wise choice.

 

[SirLeo]

What if the one who loves you turns out to a toxic whackjob?

errr, whack them off?

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

If you’re speaking out experience; then you might know the answer to your question already. In that case, please would you care to share it with us. If not, I should say, and it’s not more than a public secret, that power and sex can be two opposite pools and that’s when stride and mistrust can prevail. They can also entwine in one pool with one person has all the power and all the sex, and this most probably can lead to someone becoming very unfortunate. Again, we are all adults and we must be responsible for the choices we make and be able to change them the way we see fit.

It’s a banal fact to say how and why a true love is essential in a relationship. But in a BDSM-relation the presence of true love is a lot more needy because it keeps the power and the sex safely balanced; without losing any sexual or erotic thrill, even these can grow more because of the trust and the love

I was simply questioning the validity of the statement 'trust only the one loves you'.

That's not sound advice at all. Especially if someone is brand new. They need friends, advisors, mentors. They need to learn and grow. If they bind themselves to one person so early on, and cut themselves off from other experiences and viewpoints, or worse, end up with a fuckwit, all the love in the world is not going to save them.

Nor is love an absolute neccessity for a bdsm relationship. But that horse has been flogged beyond safeword.

Now I need to wash my eyeballs, because I was seriously looking for a ~smile~ in that post. Ugh. Bad memories.

 

[karma9]

I was simply questioning the validity of the statement 'trust only the one loves you'.

That's not sound advice at all. Especially if someone is brand new. They need friends, advisors, mentors. They need to learn and grow. If they bind themselves to one person so early on, and cut themselves off from other experiences and viewpoints, or worse, end up with a fuckwit, all the love in the world is not going to save them.

Nor is love an absolute neccessity for a bdsm relationship. But that horse has been flogged beyond safeword.

Now I need to wash my eyeballs, because I was seriously looking for a ~smile~ in that post. Ugh. Bad memories.

If you were abused or being abused then keep your smart wisdom to yourself and don't sow your own toxic around.

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

errr, whack them off?

I'd rather just whack them.

I have a shovel and rope. I just need a wheelman. You in?

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

If you were abused or being abused then keep your smart wisdom to yourself and don't sow your own toxic around.

Umm, ok?

 

[seela]

If you were abused or being abused then keep your smart wisdom to yourself and don't sow your own toxic around.

Wow, I mean, wow. The only thing missing is the signature ~smile~.

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

Wow, I mean, wow. The only thing missing is the signature ~smile~.

Inorite?

It'd be creepier though, if this one was more eloquent.

 

[FurryFury]

Wow, I mean, wow. The only thing missing is the signature ~smile~.

LMAO!

Good one!

FF

 

[graceanne]

true love is essential in a relationship

If you were abused or being abused then keep your smart wisdom to yourself and don't sow your own toxic around.

~smile~

*cries*

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

*cries*

*hits the 'break in case of emergency' glass over the rescue cookies and feeds them to gracie, stat*

 

[Cattypuss]

Nah, c'mon - at least the ~smiler~ wrote in intelligible English...


... which in a way was worse, cos it meant we could understand just how crayzee he was.

 

[Aurantica]

Cheer up- i'm in a virtually identical boat. Just trust your intuition. And if anything tells you to run, RUN!

 

[karma9]

Wow, lady's or shall I say sluts or bitch's; whichever you choose! You made my day.

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

Wow, lady's or shall I say sluts or bitch's; whichever you choose! You made my day.

Now, an honest to god question, for people in general really.

Noting the rather incorrect attempt at the plurals above, why for the love of god is it not consistent?

I see it a lot, people throwing an apostrophe s in to make one thing plural, but then doing it properly for the next thing.

I just don't get it. It makes me want to cry.

 

[sweepthefloor]

Follow your pussy and trust only the one who loves you

<< tried this.

What if the one who loves you turns out to a toxic whackjob?

<< found this.
a learning process.

 

[graceanne]

*hits the 'break in case of emergency' glass over the rescue cookies and feeds them to gracie, stat*

*deep breaths*

Thank you. I think I'll be okay.

Wow, lady's or shall I say sluts or bitch's; whichever you choose! You made my day.

And this end the 'prove gracie is right about being careful who you take advice from' portion of our program. Thank you for joining us, please return tomorrow for a rerun of 'how to get rid of a troll'.

 

[graceanne]

I just don't get it.

Give up. This is obviously a troll, and oddly enough (or not) she shows up during school break.

It makes me want to cry.

*shares cookie*