If you could give advice to a 18 year old sub, what would it be?

[thegirlinthecrowd]

I am an 18 year old sub in high school. I am a writer, yet. I am a virgin. But, i've read a lot, and my fantasies are quite detailed. I will probably only share my sub side with my boyfriends. ( I am currently single and only one guy knows about that side)
I wanted to know if You educated Doms and subs have any advice for me before I enter the lifestyle.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Don't take anybody's word for anything. Some guy tells you he's the bestest Domly Dom in the history of Domdom-- check for corroboration.

I assume you know the difference between "Sub" and "Bottom." If you don't-- please find out, lest you find yourself in the middle of a mindfuck you weren't counting on.

Play around some, if this is a kink for you-- the more you try the happier you'll be. Read a lot, ask questions, go to whatever demos are in your area, stuff like that.

 

[x_wired_x]

Don't take anybody's word for anything. Some guy tells you he's the bestest Domly Dom in the history of Domdom-- check for corroboration.

I assume you know the difference between "Sub" and "Bottom." If you don't-- please find out, lest you find yourself in the middle of a mindfuck you weren't counting on.

Play around some, if this is a kink for you-- the more you try the happier you'll be. Read a lot, ask questions, go to whatever demos are in your area, stuff like that.

How perfect, haha.

 

[thegirlinthecrowd]

I have a very low pain tolerance? Will this be a problem for me?

 

[CutieMouse]

I have a very low pain tolerance? Will this be a problem for me?

Being submissive has nothing to do with being a masochist - the two can exist in their own happy little vacuums just as easily as not.

My first piece of advice would be to not necessarily blurt out that you're an 18 year old high school aged submissive... it sort of screams "fresh meat", especially in the world of cyber [online] BDSM.

My second piece of advice is that relationships are relationships - kinky, twisted, power based, or not. Would you let a man treat you badly in a 'vanilla' relationship? No? Then don't tolerate it in a power based one.

 

[DMConnor109]

I am an 18 year old sub in high school. I am a writer, yet. I am a virgin. But, i've read a lot, and my fantasies are quite detailed. I will probably only share my sub side with my boyfriends. ( I am currently single and only one guy knows about that side)
I wanted to know if You educated Doms and subs have any advice for me before I enter the lifestyle.

Woah, I'm an 18 year old virgin sub, I will keep track of this thread!

 

[cathrynb]

.....

 

[daddy98]

Submission is a gift

I think what should be said is that Submission is a gift from the Sub or bottom. to the Dom or Domme. Just like your virginity is not something to give away lightly, neither is your submission. That should be earned through trust.friendship. Sounds like a relationship to me.

 

[CuteBrat]

I am an 18 year old sub in high school. I am a writer, yet. I am a virgin. But, i've read a lot, and my fantasies are quite detailed. I will probably only share my sub side with my boyfriends. ( I am currently single and only one guy knows about that side)
I wanted to know if You educated Doms and subs have any advice for me before I enter the lifestyle.

Do You live in a city? Just about any big city has a dungeon where you can take classes, and munches where you can meet people. Don't be in a hurry!! I think that's the hardest points for us sub types....its easy to just get so eager for the real thing you make bad choices.

But having said that...Don't hold back! you may think you only want D/s with a boyfriend or you don't want pain, but that is where you are now. Be willing to let yourself evolve, even if the changes take you to some scary places. There is an expression in this lifestyle "never equals about six months"...meaning the things you say today you would never do, become things you are into in six months.

I'm older than you...26...but I got in the scene fairly young. Feel free to PM me if you want.

 

[CuteBrat]

Ok I avoided commenting on this cuz I didn't want to be bitchy, but then I decided its an important point to make.AVOID ASSHATS WHO SAY "SUBMISSION IS A GIFT.

It's like a neon sign around their neck proclaiming they don't undertstand a thing in the scene. Your (or my or anyone's) submission is no more a gift than a Dominant's dominance is a gift. It's an EXCHANGE. Anyone who doesn't see that, probably isn't a good person to play with.

 

[CutieMouse]

I think what should be said is that Submission is a gift from the Sub or bottom. To the Dom or Domme. Just like your virginity is not something to give away lightly, neither is your submission. That should be earned through trust.friendship. Sounds like a relationship to me.

There are people who practice D/s & BDSM who believe submission is a gift [and it works for them]... there are people who practice D/s & BDSM who don't believe submission is a gift [and it works for them]. Neither camp is inherently right or wrong, but please understand the shroud of "submission is a gift" is not a universal belief.

Ok I avoided commenting on this cuz I didn't want to be bitchy, but then I decided its an important point to make.AVOID ASSHATS WHO SAY "SUBMISSION IS A GIFT.

It's like a neon sign around their neck proclaiming they don't undertstand a thing in the scene. Your (or my or anyone's) submission is no more a gift than a Dominant's dominance is a gift. It's an EXCHANGE. Anyone who doesn't see that, probably isn't a good person to play with.

Belief in the "submission = gift" theory does not automatically mean someone is an asshat, nor that they haven't a clue about "the scene." It simply means they hold a different view of relationship dynamics than you.

 

[pellso27]

I am an 18 year old sub in high school. I am a writer, yet. I am a virgin. But, i've read a lot, and my fantasies are quite detailed. I will probably only share my sub side with my boyfriends. ( I am currently single and only one guy knows about that side)
I wanted to know if You educated Doms and subs have any advice for me before I enter the lifestyle.

PHOTO's NOW

 

[Cop4u_69]

I am an 18 year old sub in high school. I am a writer, yet. I am a virgin. But, i've read a lot, and my fantasies are quite detailed. I will probably only share my sub side with my boyfriends. ( I am currently single and only one guy knows about that side)
I wanted to know if You educated Doms and subs have any advice for me before I enter the lifestyle.

Take things slow and do alot of research. Always listen to your inner feeling they will almost always be right. Good luck in your quest.

 

[Primalex]

I am an 18 year old sub in high school. I am a writer, yet. I am a virgin. But, i've read a lot, and my fantasies are quite detailed. I will probably only share my sub side with my boyfriends. ( I am currently single and only one guy knows about that side)
I wanted to know if You educated Doms and subs have any advice for me before I enter the lifestyle.

To keep your outdoor tools from being lost, paint the handles bright red or orange.

 

[midwestyankee]

To the OP, in case you're out there lurking: don't "enter the lifestyle." You sense from your fantasies that you will enjoy kinky sex in which you are the bottom or submissive (as Stella said, be sure to read enough to learn the difference) but you don't really know this for sure.

When you're ready to experiment, do so but please consider it an experiment. In an experiment you do not attach yourself permanently to the first domly Dom Master Lord of the Sexual Universe you meet who trips your trigger. As others have said, play around and get to know yourself.

Get to know yourself long before you commit to someone else. If it happens that one brand of kink or another really turns your crank, then you will probably find someone who also enjoys that brand of kink.

To your own self be true. And don't eat the yellow snow.

 

[callinectes2]

My advice? Don't worry about "The Lifestyle". Don't make entering "The Lifestyle" your goal. Just do some dating, have some sex, and enjoy being 18 and single.

 

[Netzach]

My advice? Don't worry about "The Lifestyle". Don't make entering "The Lifestyle" your goal. Just do some dating, have some sex, and enjoy being 18 and single.

I actually agree. Don't totally postpone kink but don't get insane about it either. Just have some adventures. Don't get all psycho and good girls don't about it but don't get too casual about your emotions if they're getting bruised. I'm actually really glad I had a few years to stew between 19 and 23 when I was sorting this stuff. It was hard enough.

 

[the captians wench]

I think what should be said is that Submission is a gift from the Sub or bottom. to the Dom or Domme. Just like your virginity is not something to give away lightly, neither is your submission. That should be earned through trust.friendship. Sounds like a relationship to me.

I don't know, I think that chick who sold her virginity had some brains.

 

[YourCaptor]

Come over to my house. I'll show you everything.

 

[zombey123]

Laughs at Your captors post

don't go to his house for one thing haha <3
or anyone's, whom you've not had extensive and elaborate communication.

firstly, I wouldn't enter the life style at eighteen. Now is the time to experiment, date, laugh, cry, have your heart broken, break hearts.. you need to stamp out who you are before you can be ready to fully give yourself to someone..

as a bottom.. and certainly not a sub, (the two are very easy to confuse believe me) my advice is to not be so eager to give yourself away..

you've got nothing but life ahead of you
enjoy it, and when you do find that lovely dom/domme who you know you can belong to forever..you'll be much better for them, having lived a little. <3

 

[Marquis]

What has sparked your interest?

 

[SimonBrooke]

I am an 18 year old sub in high school. I am a writer, yet. I am a virgin. But, i've read a lot, and my fantasies are quite detailed. I will probably only share my sub side with my boyfriends. ( I am currently single and only one guy knows about that side)
I wanted to know if You educated Doms and subs have any advice for me before I enter the lifestyle.

Get to know the influential and experienced SUBS in your local BDSM community. When you find yourself attracted to a Dom, before you get involved, get their opinion of him. Ideally choose someone centred, self confident, experienced, probably older, in control of himself, and who has a good reputation locally, as your first serious Dom.

To some extent what you're looking for is probably risky, dangerous sexuality - it is for many subs. But there's controlled risk and uncontrolled risk. Many people who self identify as Doms are not very nice people at all, and some - especially younger ones - are too engaged in creating sensations for themselves to take enough care of the safety of their plaything.

Also, try to treat your first Dom as a mentor and teacher, rather than as the potential love of your life. You are going to go through very intense experiences with him, and primitive psychology makes you bond strongly and feel intense love. Try to stand back a bit from that and say to yourself 'is this really real? Could you really work together as a couple for a period of years? And does he feel the same about you as you do about him? I'm not saying you won't get lucky first time - some people do - but try to maintain some emotional distance so if it does fall apart you don't get to horribly hurt.

 

[Netzach]

Get to know the influential and experienced SUBS in your local BDSM community. When you find yourself attracted to a Dom, before you get involved, get their opinion of him. Ideally choose someone centred, self confident, experienced, probably older, in control of himself, and who has a good reputation locally, as your first serious Dom.

Sorry, this is not spoken like a woman entering the scene. I'm not 100 percent sure the OP is, but I'll go with the law of lit board averages and assume that as well.

I wouldn't avoid other people but I would take everything they say with a super sized grain of salt. I followed the conventional advice about looking to expert others in the community about everything when I started playing and it absolutely derailed me as much as helped.

Every person has an agenda of making themselves look good. I would not necessarily assume that an older Dom with a good reputation in the community is better if your community happens to be largely dysfunctional.

At the end of the day you are the expert on your life. You are an adult now. If you don't feel qualified to make good decisions based on your observations of other people and holding their behavior up to their words and weighing what you see, I'd wait relationships out a bit.

I certainly would not throw all my chips behind the "sisterhood" which is, often as not filled with people with personal agendas. If you think that women in the scene genuinely want to help the new girl, especially if she's *hot* and Master is *poly* you think way too highly of human nature.

Giant grain of salt for all advice, even mine. Always. That's my advice.

Incidentally, I would say that younger players in the scene, IME, are MORE attuned to safety and more socially given to treating the opposite sex as humans who happen to have opposite plumbing - the younger Doms I've met tend to be Dominant because they are not because they are having some kind of feminist backlash midlife crisis. On average.

 

[where]

trust to your gut and don't fall in with the first charmer who comes your way.

you will of course, but you will hopefully learn from it.

 

[rosco rathbone]

Beware of doms warning you to beware of doms. BDSM is a hall of mirrors made of lies, deception and lust.