I wish I were a . . . {song for the ladies}

[Todd-'o'-Vision]

I wish I were a bird.
Because if I were a bird,
I could fly up above you,
You could watch my big wide wings flap,
And I could take a great big crap,
On anyone who tried to hurt you.
But then I would have to dessert you,
Flying southward in the fall,
I don't want to be a bird after all.

I wish I were a dog,
Because if I were a dog,
I could do tricks to show I love you,
I could run and fetch a stick,
And I could sit right down and lick my dick,
when your mom came over,
But if I was your rover,
you would have my testicles recalled,
I don't want to be a dog after all.

I wish I were a deer,
Because if I were a deer,
We could play out in the forest,
Until you shot me by mistake,
Then you would carve me into steak,
With a knife not so gentle,
Keep my head and antlers as a momento,
In the upstairs hall,
I don't want to be a deer after all.

I wish I were a monkey,
Because if I were a monkey,
I could be your furry jester,
And whenever you were blue,
You could come and visit me in the zoo,
My antics would be reassuring,
I would always be reappearing,
I would take my feces and throw them at the wall,
I don't want to be a monkeeey
I don't want to be a monkeeeeey
I don't want to be a monkeeeeeeeeey
I don't want to be a monkey after all.

I just want to be me.

 

[Diablogrl]

cute post, Todd.

I just want you to be you too, but then again, I've always been known for having low standards.

 

[Ginny]

i really thought you were gonna post:

"Oh I wish I was an Oscar Meyer weiner. That is what I truly want to be. Cause if I was an Oscar Meyer weiner, everyone would be in love with me"

 

[morninggirl5]

This is my wish for tonight.


Teddy Bear Song
Words and Music by Don Earl and Nick Nixon



I wish I had button eyes and a red felt nose
A shaggy cotton skin and just one set of clothes
Sittin' on a shelf in a local department store
With no dreams to dream and nothin' to be sorry for

CHORUS
I wish I was a teddy bear
Not livin' or lovin' nor goin' nowhere
I wish I was a teddy bear
And I'm wishin' that I hadn't fallen in love with you

I wish I had a wooden heart and a sawdust mind
Then your mem'ry wouldn't come around hurtin' all the time
I'd have a sewed-on smile and a painted twinkle in my eye
And I never would have ever had to learn how to cry

CHORUS

I wish I had a string you could pull to make me say
"Hi, I'm Teddy-ain't it a lovely day?"
Then I'd know every time I spoke the words were right
And none would know the mess I made of my life

CHORUS

And I'm wishin' that I hadn't fallen in love with you