I feel so fucking sick- I just found out I've been the "other woman"

[lilminx]

I just got a call from a woman who just told that she is the (now ex-) girlfriend of the guy I was dating. She got my name from his one-pass account that he used to fly me to Atlanta, and she called me.
I feel like such an asshole- I had no clue about it. Usually my intuition is so much better- I would have sensed it normally, but he came off as such a nice guy that I didn't know. She also told me some other stuff about him that he neglected to divulge.

I'm very pissed off at him for lying to me, and I'm even madder at myself for not seeing that this was coming.

I think I'm going to go and throw up now...

 

[Moridin187]

You're not psychic minx.. People can fool us, especially when we're willing to put that much trust in them.. The guy is obviously the fucking asswipe here. You got fucked over minx, nothing to feel overly bad about

*big hug*

If you feel the need to bitch or rant, my PM box has plenty of space, and if you give me a MSN or AIM name I can unblock ya.

 

[Guest]

 

[Guest]

Oh damn, hon. That sucks. I'm sorry.
Don't be so hard on yourself.

Betrayal is one hard pill to swallow.
Take care of you.

 

[Tyrael]

Don't be so hard on yourself. Hindsight is 20/20 you know.

I mean it's not like you set out to break up their relationship he destroyed that the minute he decided to take a woman on the side.

I'm not really helping though. Just know that no one thinks your evil or anything.

 

[sigh]

i'm sorry, minx...i've not yet been the "other woman" and i hope to never be one, but it's NOT your fault

not at all

you've been betrayed...two women are paying the price for one man's arrogance, and that really sucks

 

[PainSlut]

damn Minx i'm sorry i've had the same thing happen to me and it really does leave you with a sick feeling... i hope you feel better sweetie.

 

[Wiggles]

Don't make yourself sick, how could you know?

Just be pissed at him. If you want, work out some revenge with the other girl. That's the way I'd go.

*Hugs for you* and I'll join you in a rant:

What a fucking bastard!!

 

[Rubyfruit]

I've been there. Many of us have, minx.

Don't beat yourself up. Some people are very good at lying and that doesn't make you a fool.

My story? I was being followed by a P.I., hired by the wife. I had no clue he was married. I dumped him immediately, but the wife kept harrassing me. It was an awful situation.

 

[*bratcat*]

I know we dont see eye to eye on lots of things...

 

[on_the_verge]

I don't what to say Minx, but I do know and I can honeslty say that they, "have no idea of what they are missing." you are a cool kat and maybe it's subjective and we know how it feels, but it's reality here and I know you can kick it and there is always more, no? You just have to take a chance on it all and know that if the other's do not groove you, others will and you can laugh at the past, but find pleasure and comort in the here and now…

 

[seXieleXie]

i'm so sorry honey. you want i should break his legs for you? or maybe you and the other other woman can take care of that yourselves.

all kidding aside, you're as much a victim as she is. he was the idiot/asshole/etc, not you. *hugs* don't beat yourself up over it.

 

[Cheyenne]

The ex-girlfriend did you a big favor, even though it probably doesn't feel that way right now. She could have kept her mouth shut.

Don't be mad at yourself- you did nothing wrong.

 

[cymbidia]

Darlin'?
I share your pain.

I found out something like that yesterday about... about... my life. While it wasn't exactly your situation, it was close enough for me to know the hurt confusion that must be swirling through your mind and soul right now.

Remember this: you did nothing wrong.
In all of it, you were honest, you were trustworthy, you were real.

Remember that, my friend.
Look in the mirror and tell that woman the truth: she did nothing wrong. The wrong was done to her.

I am so very sorry for your disillusionment and the self-doubt that will so inevitably follow. Try to remember, my friend, through it all that you did nothing wrong.

b.

 

[lilminx]

Thank you, everyone for the thought, wishes, and advice. I can't help but feel like an idiot- I've never had it happen to me before. Iv'e never been cheated on (that I know of, anyway), and I've never unknowingly been fucking around with someone else's man (or woman).

The ex-girlfriend was actually very nice. She kept apologizing to me about having to tell me, when I felt like i should have been apologizing to her.

This wasn't the first time he had done this to her- they were together for 3 years total, and she said that after about a year of them together, she caught him cheating. She took him back and he had done it numerous times to her. I'm not placing blame, but I think that the fact that she continued to take him back encouraged him to keep on cheating.
I wonder how much longer he would have been able to keep up the charade with me, if he hadn't gotten so careless?

I'm glad I didn't get to find out.

 

[Mae13]

*hug*

Oooh minx Bad, bad situation to be in...but then, I think it's a worse situation to be in where you never trust anyone in the world around you...but it certainly leaves a slit open for the pain to come in sometimes.

He is the wrong one. He is the bad one. He's the lowlife fucktard in the scheme.

Don't beat yourself up baby, lots of us have these times. You hurt, and go on, and keep livin and lovin, hopefully.

*more hugs*
Mae

 

[patient1]

you can only read this with sigh's magnifying glass

I always wonder if the people that lie about their relationship status have any reservations about doing the same with
their health status.

Regardless, it's brave of you to raise the subject here.

 

[lilminx]

You're right, Patient1- you're referring to sexual health, correct? I just got tested last month, and even though we used condoms, I feel like I should get tested again.

I'm also wondering about his mental health, as I found out some info about his past as well...


Why do you think I'm brave for addressing this here?

 

[Tyrael]

I suppose he was afraid you would get a few nasty remarks about it.

I don't see how that could happen tho, it's not like you got involved with him with any malicious intent or anything. You just were sweet talked by a guy who knows what to say to get what he wants.

 

[Ice Cold]

Sorry to hear it Lilminx. We can only offer sympathy at your plight.
Sometimes as good as we are, people can still get one past ya. Hopefully you can rebound and find someone who will be totally devoted to you.

 

[Mr. Bootie]

* Running into the thread to cover lilminx in HUGS and KISSES

Sweetie, that's just awful babe. You didn't know what he was doing Hon'. Give yourself a break baby. Since I'm a Gentleman I won't say what I really think of what he did. Just know that I still love you babe. I'll still be there for my SS. *wink* We really do need to chat soon babe. You know how to reach me.



Keep your head up sweetie. I'll be there soon.






kgboot
aka "Mr. Bootie"

 

[Pan718]

You deserve better, babe!

Be thankful you found out when you did... and that she was responsible enough to clue you in.

You can't know what you don't know!

All you can do is make good choices when you learn the truth... which it sounds like you've done. And while it's good to be cautious and check folks out, I hope you won't let this cause you to stop trusting everyone. There are lots of good folks in the world (often not as exciting as guys 'selling' themselves)... I hope you are surrounded by them!

 

[SweetBrat73]

I'm sorry you had to go through something like this. It's really horrible what he has done to you and his gf. Everyone else is right though...you are NOT to blame. Hope your next lover is better to you!!! *Hugs*


Brat

 

[patient1]

WARNING: SOME PEOPLE WILL SAY ANYTHING TO HAVE SEX

You're right, Patient1- you're referring to sexual health, correct? I just got tested last month, and even though we used condoms, I feel like I should get tested again.

I'm also wondering about his mental health, as I found out some info about his past as well...


Why do you think I'm brave for addressing this here?

You're brave to address it here, in that you're admitting that you are /were duped, & might look stupid or foolish to peers who think you're pretty savvy. We wouldn't know if you hadn't raised the subject. Yes, somebody might bring up personal information to hit back at you in some future flame war, who knows?

I don't know about his mental health, I just always wonder if a person is lying about something you have a right to know, such as:

1) Fertillity- vasectomies, birth control pills, if they have condoms, etc.etc.

2) Relationship status- do they have anybody else? A jealous significant other can deliver a slash or stab to an unsuspecting person, for example.

3)Health Status- Not just the incurable but somewhat treatable viruses like AIDS, Herpes, Human Pampilona Virus, & Hepatitis, which you may be able to spot or drastically reduce the risk of transmission with condoms. Not just the bacterial venerial diseases like syphilis , Gonorrhea, chlamydia, but common pain -in-the-ass stuff like yeast, skin fungus, or micro-critters like scabies, for example that could be spread through foreplay, rather than body fluids, especially when you don't know where his hands & mouth have been. A lot of stuff can be transferred through foreplay by a person who lacks enough respect for their partner to treat them honestly. I'm not saying what you should be tested for,ask your doctor, just that you should be paying attention for anything weird happening to your body, because most of it can be dealt with if it's noticed early.

I figure if somebody lied about one of these categories to have sex, they'd lie about the others.

I didn't say it before, but yes, you did nothing wrong, you were a victim. I'm just more concerned with your physical health, & safety at the moment, & how you might recover some control . It's considerate of her to tell you. I'd want to buy her some thank you chocolates, for the trouble she saved you.

 

[sch00lteacher]

I'm sorry...

But you did do the girlfriend a favor. She found out what kind of ass her ex was. I sorry you got caught up in it.

Words won't help right now. Wish I could give you a hug, a cup of hot chocolate, tea, or whatever you like. I can't do that either.

Know that we are all here for you, anytime, anytime. Just log on to Lit and find the people who really do care about you.