I don't understand any of this

[Etoile]

I can't help but point out the similarity between this kind of bigotry and that experienced daily by many gays and lesbians. What we do in the bedroom is our business, and we like it just fine and you can shut up with the discrimination, y'know?

 

[Ebonyfire]

I can't help but point out the similarity between this kind of bigotry and that experienced daily by many gays and lesbians. What we do in the bedroom is our business, and we like it just fine and you can shut up with the discrimination, y'know?

Right! However I think that the troll is just jealous cause we are all having such a good time!

 

[Ebonyfire]

Naw, I stole them from the Haven... we had a shower of them over there the other night.

Now you have to pick them up or they will stick to the virtual oriental rug!

 

[FungiUg]

I can't help but point out the similarity between this kind of bigotry and that experienced daily by many gays and lesbians. What we do in the bedroom is our business, and we like it just fine and you can shut up with the discrimination, y'know?

While we're on that topic, I've found lesbians to be way more bigoted than gay men. (Er, my ex-wife is gay, and I've had gay male friends since high-school, so I have a little experience with both worlds here in New Zealand -- I'm no expert though.)

Of course, in this case, it may just be my point of view, since I'm male. And also in a way, I can understand it as a self defense mechanism. "Trash them before they trash you."

Okay, some 'for examples". Lesbian women will trash men... because they are men. And even sometimes to their faces. Whereas I haven't heard a gay male trash a woman for being a woman (although I'm sure it happens.)

In fact, lesbians who have male children often find themselves not welcome at lesbian parties! (Well, that's true of the Auckland lesbian scene anyway.) My heart kinda goes out to the lesbian couples who are having kids, and end up having a boy... do they suddenly lose half of the circle of "friends" or what?

So... I don't think it matters who you are, what your gender is, how tall/short/thin/fat you are, what your income is, what your sexuality is... someone, somewhere, hates you for no good reason.

Aren't we a sad bunch?

 

[Etoile]

In the U.S., at least, man-hating lesbians are in the minority. Sure, they exist, and can be brash and rude, but they are by no means the norm. Plenty of gay men dislike (and trash-talk) women and even lesbians. I think it's all counterproductive.

As for not letting lesbians with male children participate in lesbian events, that's kind of extreme. There are some cases - the Michigan Womyn's Festival is one, though their policies may have changed - but socially I haven't heard of this happening.

 

[Eating_Scarlett]

Hi, Scarlett.

Something that has been said a couple of times already, which I think is the best starting place for someone who says they genuinely want to learn about BDSM, is the sandwich analogy.

In real life, my significant other likes his sandwiches like this: white bread, meat, cheese. No condiments, no vegetables. I personally find this an amazingly boring meal. My ideal sandwich is on thick french bread, with a layer of mayonnaise, fresh romaine lettuce and tomato, two slices of swiss cheese, and some honey-smoked turkey piled high. For my boyfriend, this sandwich is completely over the top. It includes lots of ingredients that he does not like to eat, and he wonders why I find them necessary. My answer is that I just like it that way. It's more interesting and pleasing to my taste buds, and I quite frankly don't understand how he can stick with his boring ham-and-cheese sandwich and not be bored to tears. But we accept each other's different tastes and move on.

If you followed that, you understand why some people like BDSM and some don't. If you want to say "but that's food, that isn't sex," then I will go a different direction. I personally don't like doggie-style sex. It's uncomfortable for me. However, for many it is their favorite position. I don't say that their way is bad or they're obviously doing something wrong--I also don't say that I'm doing something wrong. It's just different. I have friends who don't like giving blowjobs. I love it. Neither of us is better than the other--merely different.

I would really like to see you drop all preconceptions of what BDSM is and honestly listen to what we're saying. There are NOT that many differences between our style of relationship and yours. If you went up to a gay couple and asked them about how their relationship works, you would probably learn that it was much like yours. Somebody makes breakfast and they eat it. They go out with friends. They cuddle. They make plans for the future. Does it really matter that their mode of sex is different than yours? Or that they attend Gay Pride parades when you're home watching a movie? They still love. They may be healthy, self-assured people, or they may not be. But it is NOT dependent upon their sexuality.

It is true that in any good, serious relationship, both partners care deeply for the other. That is no different in BDSM. It may have seemed like what people were saying is that BDSM couples love each other and value each other more than non-BDSM couples. I don't think that people meant to imply that. But understand that when a person comes in and accuses them all of being in loveless relationships, we're going to reply a little forcefully, because that is a generalization. It's untrue, although just like non-BDSM one-night-stands, there can be BDSM sex without love. Do you see what I'm getting at?

I truly hope that you are here to learn. I know it can seem bizarre or incomprehensible, but asking and reading the replies is the best way to understand it, even if you never do agree with it or want it yourself. Like someone said, we aren't trying to convert you. Just clear up the misconceptions and leave this place with one more enlightened person. Best wishes to you.

Okay. Well I prefer the exotic sanger to the ham&cheese option, but I can't link that with my sex life.

If my boyf treated me like a slave, I would feel like a lesser person. Pride in myself would not allow it. I've earned the right to be treated the same way as him.

If he were beating me.. fuck, I don't get it! HOW can that be equated with LOVE?!??! He's inflicting PAIN upon you. He's not taking CARE of you. He's putting you BENEATH him.

It's not on for me.

I am not saying that I am judging those who do it... and I don't really have a problem with gays or lesbians. I'm simply trying to understand what the point of it all is. I keep hearing: 'it teaches me humility'... why do you need such a degree of humility in a relationship?

Really. WHY?

There's gotta be some sort of psychological reason for people who feel a need to submit or dominate to this extent.

 

[Ebonyfire]

There's gotta be some sort of psychological reason for people who feel a need to submit or dominate to this extent.

There's gotta be some sort of psychological reason for people to denigrate other people's lifestyles.

Perhaps you should seek counselling.

And yes you are judging. Do not blow smoke up our asses. Tell the truth (if you can).

 

[Eating_Scarlett]

Well I don't condone that sort of lifestyle for MYSELF, personally, but I don't condemn those who choose it either.

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=185114

 

[MissTaken]

Hi Scarlett,

Why would a woman seek submission?

Well, don't look too far into the psychological reasoning.

There are times when it is just fun.

The sensations are cool and the orgasms are earth shattering.

Basically, it feels good or we wouldn't do it.

Yes, yes, yes, I know. We have spent miles of bandwidth discussing the psycho emotional aspects of D/s, but it does boil down to tastes and what really feels good. What gets your heart pumping and your motor running.

Does it not?

*stirring it up*

 

[Eating_Scarlett]

Okay.

So basically, all that 'humility, eating humble-pie, learning lessons' talk is crap?

And really, the only reason why it's done is 'cause these people need a bit more excitement than 'normal' sex generates, and so they use BDSM to fulfill that desire?

Gotcha.

 

[MissTaken]

Okay.

So basically, all that 'humility, eating humble-pie, learning lessons' talk is crap?

And really, the only reason why it's done is 'cause these people need a bit more excitement than 'normal' sex generates, and so they use BDSM to fulfill that desire?

Gotcha.

No, not crap.

Just like your relationshiop with your boyfriend, what you want and need you get from him. However, you might seek from him things I don't want in a relationship. And I anticipate some of the other posters will be along to discuss this issue further.

And yes, essentially, when all the pieces fit together, the energy, love and trust between two people creates for soem incredible sex as the result of the roles they have chosen to fulfill.

Hmmmmm

Think about your favorite food.

Why is it your favorite?

It tastes good?

Why ? What makes it taste good? If it tastes so good to you, why isn't it everyone's favorite food? I might even hate that food or only like nibbling at it, rather than gorging in it.

Geesh...this thread is starting to read like a menu.

 

[Desdemona]

The sex is incredible. It feels good. It feels right. As I told you in a PM, pain is a tool.... the endorphins really intensify everything. He only gives me as much pain as I can take. I have a safeword and I can stop the scene at any time. He does nothing that I don't want. He would never do anything to truly injure me. (I don't count the occasional bruise or welt as an injury; its just a by product of an activity I enjoy). His goal is to be safe in our play and to take care of me. After a scene, He holds me and cuddles me and lets me know how much He loves me. I feel cherished, not abused or somehow devalued as a person.


He calls me His slave, yet I have great self-esteem. I'm powerful in all other aspects of my life. Its a relief to turn over power and responsibility at times. It is a choice I make. We complement each other and fulfill each other's needs. Yes, my submission extends to other areas of the relationship, however, I am valued, cherished and respected. He thanks me for the things that I do just as I thank Him for what He does for me. If I disagree or don't like something, I tell Him in a respectful way and He listens to what I have to say. (I was respectful in my disagreements in my vanilla relationships as well.) It is first and foremost a relationship between 2 people.

He wants me to be strong. He wants me to love myself and have pride in myself. He is not looking for a doormat. He wants to see me grow as a person. Yes, I give Him the power in the relationship but that is my choice and it gives me great pleasure. I retain the right to say no. What happens between us is always safe, sane and consensual.

If you are not wired that way, it is not something you are likely to ever understand.

 

[Eating_Scarlett]

The sex is incredible. It feels good. It feels right. As I told you in a PM, pain is a tool.... the endorphins really intensify everything. He only gives me as much pain as I can take. I have a safeword and I can stop the scene at any time. He does nothing that I don't want. He would never do anything to truly injure me. (I don't count the occasional bruise or welt as an injury; its just a by product of an activity I enjoy). His goal is to be safe in our play and to take care of me. After a scene, He holds me and cuddles me and lets me know how much He loves me. I feel cherished, not abused or somehow devalued as a person.


He calls me His slave, yet I have great self-esteem. I'm powerful in all other aspects of my life. Its a relief to turn over power and responsibility at times. It is a choice I make. We complement each other and fulfill each other's needs. Yes, my submission extends to other areas of the relationship, however, I am valued, cherished and respected. He thanks me for the things that I do just as I thank Him for what He does for me. If I disagree or don't like something, I tell Him in a respectful way and He listens to what I have to say. (I was respectful in my disagreements in my vanilla relationships as well.) It is first and foremost a relationship between 2 people.

He wants me to be strong. He wants me to love myself and have pride in myself. He is not looking for a doormat. He wants to see me grow as a person. Yes, I give Him the power in the relationship but that is my choice and it gives me great pleasure. I retain the right to say no. What happens between us is always safe, sane and consensual.

If you are not wired that way, it is not something you are likely to ever understand.

Why do you always refer to 'Him' with a capital letter? Is he God?

 

[Desdemona]

Why do you always refer to 'Him' with a capital letter? Is he God?

Nope, its just a typing habit picked up from chat. Don't yank my chain.

 

[Quint]

Why do you always refer to 'Him' with a capital letter? Is he God?

Why, when you're writing a business letter or addressing someone in a higher position than you, do you address them as Mr./Mrs./Ms./etc.? It denotes respect. This is something that you may take as indicating that the submissive is "less of a person" than the dominant, but I assure you that it isn't. Merely a sign that many people use to denote who it is that they are speaking about in a quick way. I personally don't capitalize He when referring to my partner but for others, it's useful. Lets us know, quickly and without ambiguity, who they are referring to.

 

[Desdemona]

Thanks Quint. I wasn't in the mood to explain it. LOL.

 

[Eating_Scarlett]

Why, when you're writing a business letter or addressing someone in a higher position than you, do you address them as Mr./Mrs./Ms./etc.? It denotes respect. This is something that you may take as indicating that the submissive is "less of a person" than the dominant, but I assure you that it isn't. Merely a sign that many people use to denote who it is that they are speaking about in a quick way. I personally don't capitalize He when referring to my partner but for others, it's useful. Lets us know, quickly and without ambiguity, who they are referring to.

Also, he might beat her if he realises she hasn't capitalised when referring to him...?

 

[Desdemona]

Also, he might beat her if he realises she hasn't capitalised when referring to him...?

Gee, if only I could be so lucky!!! LMAO

No. That is not a part of our "rules". Snooze knows that my respect for him is not dependant on typing and he does not control me through fear of punishment. Remember, this is not an abusive relationship.

 

[Eating_Scarlett]

Gee, if only I could be so lucky!!! LMAO

No. That is not a part of our "rules". Snooze knows that my respect for him is not dependant on typing and he does not control me through fear of punishment. Remember, this is not an abusive relationship.

It's pretend abusive, right?

 

[Desdemona]

It's pretend abusive, right?

Yawn. I'm done with you.

 

[WriterDom]

It's pretend abusive, right?

You may have more fun picking on the Gay board. We're battle tested.

 

[Eating_Scarlett]

I'm not PICKING on you!!!!!

I just found her capitalization when referring to 'Him' slightly ironic after her spiel about equality as far as their relationship is concerned....

 

[slvjenn]

If my boyf treated me like a slave, I would feel like a lesser person. Pride in myself would not allow it. I've earned the right to be treated the same way as him.

If he were beating me.. fuck, I don't get it! HOW can that be equated with LOVE?!??! He's inflicting PAIN upon you. He's not taking CARE of you. He's putting you BENEATH him.

I wasn't going to get involved in this as it's been rehashed so many times...

Anyway, I wanted to make a few points about ME. Not submissives, or dominants, just me.

For ME, things didn't just start by my boyfriend treating me like a slave. As I've posted someplace around here before, it started as more of a game. We had rented a movie (porn) where some bondage was one of the components. After the movie, my boyfriend used a nearby belt to tie my hands to the coffee table.

Apart from my hands being tied (quite loosly i might add) to something that i could lift up and flip over even from my back, it was 'normal' sex.

The difference was that I didn't fight, I just knew that I was tied. The illusion I allowed myself to believe was that I was helpless, or at least in less control than normal.

Allowing myself to just go with it, was a huge turn on. I liked it and we did it again. Blindfolds were used, and at some point a candle was nearby, and while i was on my back, he knelt next to me and held his arm as high as he could and dripped wax on me.

The feeling isn't the point of this, but it didn't hurt, it was just intense. So since I didn't cry out, yell, or stop him in some other way, he slowly got the candle closer to my skin. Thus, the melted wax was hotter each time it hit my skin.

When I first drank beer, I drank bud light. Now, I've grown to appreciate beers that have a much fuller flavor. To the point that drinking a light beer tastes like drinking water, so I don't drink light beer.

As such, I propose that I do not look for 'normal' sex for very much the same reason i no longer drink light beer. It has become bland, boring, and uninteresting.

 

[Eating_Scarlett]

I wasn't going to get involved in this as it's been rehashed so many times...

Anyway, I wanted to make a few points about ME. Not submissives, or dominants, just me.

For ME, things didn't just start by my boyfriend treating me like a slave. As I've posted someplace around here before, it started as more of a game. We had rented a movie (porn) where some bondage was one of the components. After the movie, my boyfriend used a nearby belt to tie my hands to the coffee table.

Apart from my hands being tied (quite loosly i might add) to something that i could lift up and flip over even from my back, it was 'normal' sex.

The difference was that I didn't fight, I just knew that I was tied. The illusion I allowed myself to believe was that I was helpless, or at least in less control than normal.

Allowing myself to just go with it, was a huge turn on. I liked it and we did it again. Blindfolds were used, and at some point a candle was nearby, and while i was on my back, he knelt next to me and held his arm as high as he could and dripped wax on me.

The feeling isn't the point of this, but it didn't hurt, it was just intense. So since I didn't cry out, yell, or stop him in some other way, he slowly got the candle closer to my skin. Thus, the melted wax was hotter each time it hit my skin.

When I first drank beer, I drank bud light. Now, I've grown to appreciate beers that have a much fuller flavor. To the point that drinking a light beer tastes like drinking water, so I don't drink light beer.

As such, I propose that I do not look for 'normal' sex for very much the same reason i no longer drink light beer. It has become bland, boring, and uninteresting.

That was a pretty good analogy.

This means though, that you have sex more for the physical sensations than for the emotional bond, right?

 

[Eating_Scarlett]

I mean, forgive me for being old fashioned for a second, but isn't sex supposed to be about uniting, and establishing ultimate intimacy and "connecting"? Isn't it not so much about the pleasure and more about the emotional fusion?

By adding knives, candles, whips, chains etc aren't you demoralising the act itself, and proving that excitement and physical pleasure means more to you than using sex to express love?

'cause I don't know much about all this bondage stuff, but while someone's got you over their knee and is flogging you, I can't really imagine how you'd feel like turning around and saying 'I really love you, y'know!!'