I don't understand any of this

[Eating_Scarlett]

I'm asking for you to help me understand this. I don't, I admit, because everyone seems to be contradicting eachother. You're saying that you take care of yourselves as well as eachother, someone else is saying you always take care of him first and don't worry about yourself.

You're saying that you *are* equals, when the whole point of one partner being submissive while the other is dominant brings no credit to your argument.

 

[FungiUg]

You're saying that you *are* equals, when the whole point of one partner being submissive while the other is dominant brings no credit to your argument.

Are you an "equal" with your boss? (Assuming you are employed.) How about the guy who mows your lawns? Are you an "equal" with him?

Power exchange is about power, not equality. Your boss may have some power over you, but you can still be his (or her) equal.

 

[Eating_Scarlett]

Are you an "equal" with your boss? (Assuming you are employed.) How about the guy who mows your lawns? Are you an "equal" with him?

Power exchange is about power, not equality. Your boss may have some power over you, but you can still be his (or her) equal.

But that's the way of the world. My boss is my superior, and infact I do NOT feel equal to him, I feel, very much so, that he is my superior.

 

[bad kitty]

I'm asking for you to help me understand this. I don't, I admit, because everyone seems to be contradicting eachother.

Again this is something you have to open your mind to understand. Zip referred you to the place where you can find tons of information. D/s means something slightly different to each person. I doubt if you try to get anyone to explain love or faith that you will get the exact same definition from everyone. Instead you get several different sources and find the common points. We all express ourselves differently and once you take it all as a whole picture you can get a general understanding of it.

You're saying that you take care of yourselves as well as eachother, someone else is saying you always take care of him first and don't worry about yourself.

Again, we each have different definitions. If a sub doesn't take care of herslef, she will never be able to take care of a Dom. We are individuals first, just like non BDSMers. I think a healthy power exchange is where you are equals. Just because there is a power exchange doesn't make either Dom or sub less equal. This is my opinion, it is possible that others don't agree. *shrug* From most of the real life people I have had the pleasure to get to know all of them concur with my opinion. But then again we usually do surround ourselves with people who do share the same ideas and opinions.

You're saying that you *are* equals, when the whole point of one partner being submissive while the other is dominant brings no credit to your argument.

On the surface you may be right. You have to go past that. At a glance it appears that the Dominant has all the power and all of the perks. What isn't easily seen is that it is the submissive who chooses if they will submit and to whom they submit wo. They decide how they submit and to what degree. Real Dominants understand that the submissive holds the true power. it is the submissive who gives the power to the Dominant. There is a plethora of situations that this could play out in be it from everyday life in a 24/7 TPE, to just the sexual power play sessions. Again in a healthy relationship be it vanilla or BDSM, I believe the partners are equal. Just because a couple decides to engage in D/s doesn't make either one abusive or inferior.

 

[WriterDom]

But that's the way of the world. My boss is my superior, and infact I do NOT feel equal to him, I feel, very much so, that he is my superior.

Do you want your boss to tie you up and spank you since you aren't getting it from your boyfriend? Sounds like you are bored to me.

 

[FungiUg]

But that's the way of the world. My boss is my superior, and infact I do NOT feel equal to him, I feel, very much so, that he is my superior.

Technically, your boss is your equal. He may earn more than you (not always -- I have been in a position of earning more than my boss). He may nominally be in charge of you while you are at work. But you are still equal in the eyes of law and society. (You may not feel equal, but that's a self esteem issue.)

Same diff with a D/s relationship. The two (or more) people are equals. But there's a power exchange going on... it's not about equality, it's about one person voluntarily giving up power to another.

And this happens all the time in life -- work is just one good example. You don't have to work for your boss, you could choose to find another job elsewhere.

D/s includes that power play within relationships and sexuality. And in fact, there's nothing new there either. Men have been fantasising about slaves and prostitutes for as long as there have been women! The fantasy of having someone who does your every sexual bidding (and what's more, enjoys doing so) is a huge one.

What D/s has done (which I personally am pleased with) is bring back the equality -- you will see males who enjoy pleasing females, male/male, female/female, and so on. All because we are equals, and we can feel open and proud of who we are.

 

[Ebonyfire]

I think some of you have lost the plot.

You don't need to submit to someone and take care of the 'little things in his life so he can take care of the bigger things'. Take care of the bigger things yourselves. Let him take care of himself, and when you need eachother, be there to help eachother.

There's no need for ownership in a relationship. The fact that you would call someone a boyfriend/partner is enough to insinuate a certain amount of ownership anyway.

This whole thing about giving yourself upto him seems to me a complete croc. I think you're all making excuses, and trying to find excitement in your lives.

My boyfriend and I love eachother intensely, but I've never felt the urge to let him tie me up and spank me so he can prove it. I mean.. wtf??

"The Dom treasures his sub more than himself. He would do anything for her, and in turn she gives him her body and full trust. That is such a gift that simply humbles a person. A Dom takes care of his sub and makes sure that her every need is taken care of and does his best to give her what she wants. "

I treasure my boyfriend more than myself. I would do anything for him and in turn he gives me his love and respect, his body and his trust. There's no domination or submission in return for it. Why should there be?

I get this feeling that females who submit are just 'missing' something in their lives. Faith in themselves, maybe. Excitement or fulfillment in their lives, maybe.

Any person who is truly in love with another person values equality. Any person who is truly confident and happy in their lives will find no need for any of this.

That's it for now.

Do more reading and less judging. Speak from knowledge rather than ignorance, unless you just like looking stupid.

Speak of what you know about. Read and then come back with an open mind, or not. Evidently something struck a cord or you would not feel compelled to malign others who are different than you. I pity you.

 

[bad kitty]

You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink.

 

[FungiUg]

You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink.

... or dance cabaret.

I don't mind talking about something I love! And I'm big enough and ugly enough to handle a little criticism.

And ya never know... some of what we say may sink in!

 

[Ebonyfire]

... or dance cabaret.

I don't mind talking about something I love! And I'm big enough and ugly enough to handle a little criticism.

And ya never know... some of what we say may sink in!

I just find it annoying that someone thinks they know what this is all about by reading in a forum on a porn site.

I pity the simplicity of such a mind.

 

[FungiUg]

I just find it annoying that someone thinks they know what this is all about by reading in a forum on a porn site.

I pity the simplicity of such a mind.

Grin

Well, I kinda agree with you. At the same time, I like to give people a chance. And since I'm talking about something I love, I don't really mind.

Let's face it -- she does have the chance to talk to some people here who do it "for real". So that's not a bad thing.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Grin

Well, I kinda agree with you. At the same time, I like to give people a chance. And since I'm talking about something I love, I don't really mind.

Let's face it -- she does have the chance to talk to some people here who do it "for real". So that's not a bad thing.

She is playing with the big folks! If she cannot take the heat, she needs to go back to the sandbox.

 

[Eating_Scarlett]

I don't have a clue what this is all about, hence me starting this topic.

Only FungiUG has been any help so far.

thnx

 

[Ebonyfire]

She is playing with the big folks! If she cannot take the heat, she needs to go back to the sandbox.

If she wants to do any criticising she needs to read first and get some knowledge, not this stream of consciousness that passes for information.

 

[FungiUg]

I don't have a clue what this is all about, hence me starting this topic.

Only FungiUG has been any help so far.

thnx

Are you actually wanting help? Or is this just an opportunity to poke fun? (Seems you have a history...)

Not that I object to finding things to poke fun at. We shall all be adult enough to be able to laugh at ourselves (there's a damned good thread where we do exactly that called "New sub Haven" for those who haven't read it.)

If you do seriously want to learn what BDSM (or D/s or S&M) is about, then several people have suggested you go do some reading. There's so much available!

You are of course welcome to stay and chat as well. But... if you are snide and sarcastic, you will only receive the same back. So do think about what you are saying.

 

[Red Menace]

The specific posts are as follows:

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?s=&postid=4921839#post4921839

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?s=&postid=4919718#post4919718

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?s=&postid=4919661#post4919661

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?s=&postid=4919481#post4919481

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?s=&postid=4919184#post4919184


Nice, huh?

~anelize

Yeah. Real nice.

I would venture to say E_S is a bit sexually repressed, has a severe inferiority complex which she overcompensates for, has a few self-esteem issues and cannot accept the differences of others because she hasn't learned to accept herself and her sexuality and must really have a next to non-existant social life to have so much time and energy to waste on trolling the boards.

But then again, what do I know...? I'm just a kinky perv who enjoys playing with kitchen utensils. (Beware of the chopstick!)

 

[Ebonyfire]

Yeah. Real nice.

I would venture to say E_S is a bit sexually repressed, has a severe inferiority complex which she overcompensates for, has a few self-esteem issues and cannot accept the differences of others because she hasn't learned to accept herself and her sexuality and must really have a next to non-existant social life to have so much time and energy to waste on trolling the boards.

But then again, what do I know...? I'm just a kinky perv who enjoys playing with kitchen utensils. (Beware of the chopstick!)

Chopsticks are wonderful!

 

[Ebonyfire]

Good Afternoon,

Eating_Scarlett's original nick was eating_crimson. Apparently things got too hot for her over on the GB and she had to change it. She rather enjoys pissing off everyone she can find. A true, dyed-in-the-wool troll.

She showed up here on May 15 of this year, in His Flower's thread begun on the same date, A Journey into Submission.

The specific posts are as follows:

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?s=&postid=4921839#post4921839

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?s=&postid=4919718#post4919718

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?s=&postid=4919661#post4919661

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?s=&postid=4919481#post4919481

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?s=&postid=4919184#post4919184


Nice, huh?

~anelize

eating_scarlett is eating_crimson, back again to enlighten us with her thirst for knowledge and intelligence.

I, for one am touched beyond all measure.

 

[FungiUg]

I, for one am touched beyond all measure.

I'm too scared to touch you, Eb. You'd probably bite!

 

[Ebonyfire]

I'm too scared to touch you, Eb. You'd probably bite!

Nope I do not bite anyone. It is not one of My interests. But i do flog.

 

[le_kinklet]

being submissive

submission: it takes more than love, it also takes trust and honesty, not the kind you find in a nilla marraige something quite alot deeper!

do i feel Humiliated, No, BDSM is a life style it takes training and learning and training and learning and some more, not really something you do in a nilla relationship, and yes i love humiliation, it tells me i am human after all!

nilla sex is not enough; i am a pain slut, if i did not find the BDSM world i thinks i would not be here, i have no fear of inflicting pain on myself, and love it when Mistress sees me as her toy and hers alone, and she knows she can do almost what she likes, unless other wise stated, we have total trust in each other!

Bruises, belt welts, cane welts, whatever welts, pains and aches i have afterwards is a reminder of how Mistress feels about me, i have served yet again successfully and i have the marks to prove it,,,but you know the best thing, the days following, feeling the welts and the shapes they make in your skin, and the stingle you get from rubbing you hands gently across em, sort of delays and savours the memory don't you think?

WHY; Yes i am accasionally known as tart and hussy, they are pet names particular Dom Friends have given me and Mentor calls me a"perverted lil tart" so that might help, oh and the more he calls me it the prouder i become cos i know i am growing!

Well for an obvious Nilla, you will find it perverted, and is no fault of yours either, that is the way nilla people see it, until they look deeper and understand the reasons behind submission, there are many.

Not selling but if you go to my profile you can apply to join my group which is totally a training site, just make sure people know "le kinket" asked you and you should have no trouble,, i think if you read there you would have a lil more understanding
hope this helps
~*HuGs*~

 

[bunny bondage]

*yawns*

another person here to save us from ourselves, hm? trying to convince just one lost soul that they're doing awful things without even realizing it?

eh, i'm gonna go get some candy, anybody want anything while i'm out?

 

[Missconduct]

just because it's not as socially acceptable, does it make abnormal?

Especially since there's some statistic or something out there (but I don't remember where so find it yourself, Scarlett) that says it is believed something like OVER 45% of couples today engage in some form of, what is considered to be, kinky sexual activity?

Also, Scarlett, are you trying to tell us that you have never had an experience of dominating or submitting sexually? And that you've never had extreme sensual experiences? *Think about it. It may not be your cup of tea. But I find it hard to believe that ANY sexual being cannot understand all forms of sexual/sensual play. They may not be willing to admit it consciously. And wouldn't you rather be able to have an agreement with your partner that they not lick your eyeball during orgasm? Or would you prefer they just surprise you and then you can hash it out later?

When you really think about it, all relationships have a leader and a follower. Sometimes these roles are passed back and forth, and sometimes they're not. And every intimate relationship involves sensual expression. How and in what form is up to the participating members.

But then again, I'm sheltered.

(*Assuming that you are an adult because I think you have to be 18 or older to play around here, right?).

xx,

 

[Quint]

Hi, Scarlett.

Something that has been said a couple of times already, which I think is the best starting place for someone who says they genuinely want to learn about BDSM, is the sandwich analogy.

In real life, my significant other likes his sandwiches like this: white bread, meat, cheese. No condiments, no vegetables. I personally find this an amazingly boring meal. My ideal sandwich is on thick french bread, with a layer of mayonnaise, fresh romaine lettuce and tomato, two slices of swiss cheese, and some honey-smoked turkey piled high. For my boyfriend, this sandwich is completely over the top. It includes lots of ingredients that he does not like to eat, and he wonders why I find them necessary. My answer is that I just like it that way. It's more interesting and pleasing to my taste buds, and I quite frankly don't understand how he can stick with his boring ham-and-cheese sandwich and not be bored to tears. But we accept each other's different tastes and move on.

If you followed that, you understand why some people like BDSM and some don't. If you want to say "but that's food, that isn't sex," then I will go a different direction. I personally don't like doggie-style sex. It's uncomfortable for me. However, for many it is their favorite position. I don't say that their way is bad or they're obviously doing something wrong--I also don't say that I'm doing something wrong. It's just different. I have friends who don't like giving blowjobs. I love it. Neither of us is better than the other--merely different.

I would really like to see you drop all preconceptions of what BDSM is and honestly listen to what we're saying. There are NOT that many differences between our style of relationship and yours. If you went up to a gay couple and asked them about how their relationship works, you would probably learn that it was much like yours. Somebody makes breakfast and they eat it. They go out with friends. They cuddle. They make plans for the future. Does it really matter that their mode of sex is different than yours? Or that they attend Gay Pride parades when you're home watching a movie? They still love. They may be healthy, self-assured people, or they may not be. But it is NOT dependent upon their sexuality.

It is true that in any good, serious relationship, both partners care deeply for the other. That is no different in BDSM. It may have seemed like what people were saying is that BDSM couples love each other and value each other more than non-BDSM couples. I don't think that people meant to imply that. But understand that when a person comes in and accuses them all of being in loveless relationships, we're going to reply a little forcefully, because that is a generalization. It's untrue, although just like non-BDSM one-night-stands, there can be BDSM sex without love. Do you see what I'm getting at?

I truly hope that you are here to learn. I know it can seem bizarre or incomprehensible, but asking and reading the replies is the best way to understand it, even if you never do agree with it or want it yourself. Like someone said, we aren't trying to convert you. Just clear up the misconceptions and leave this place with one more enlightened person. Best wishes to you.

 

[Ebonyfire]

*yawns*

another person here to save us from ourselves, hm? trying to convince just one lost soul that they're doing awful things without even realizing it?

eh, i'm gonna go get some candy, anybody want anything while i'm out?

I could use a box of gummi bears, thanx.