I don't understand any of this

[le_kinklet]

Hi, Scarlett.

Something that has been said a couple of times already, which I think is the best starting place for someone who says they genuinely want to learn about BDSM, is the sandwich analogy.

In real life, my significant other likes his sandwiches like this: white bread, meat, cheese. No condiments, no vegetables. I personally find this an amazingly boring meal. My ideal sandwich is on thick french bread, with a layer of mayonnaise, fresh romaine lettuce and tomato, two slices of swiss cheese, and some honey-smoked turkey piled high. For my boyfriend, this sandwich is completely over the top. It includes lots of ingredients that he does not like to eat, and he wonders why I find them necessary. My answer is that I just like it that way. It's more interesting and pleasing to my taste buds, and I quite frankly don't understand how he can stick with his boring ham-and-cheese sandwich and not be bored to tears. But we accept each other's different tastes and move on.

If you followed that, you understand why some people like BDSM and some don't. If you want to say "but that's food, that isn't sex," then I will go a different direction. I personally don't like doggie-style sex. It's uncomfortable for me. However, for many it is their favorite position. I don't say that their way is bad or they're obviously doing something wrong--I also don't say that I'm doing something wrong. It's just different. I have friends who don't like giving blowjobs. I love it. Neither of us is better than the other--merely different.

I would really like to see you drop all preconceptions of what BDSM is and honestly listen to what we're saying. There are NOT that many differences between our style of relationship and yours. If you went up to a gay couple and asked them about how their relationship works, you would probably learn that it was much like yours. Somebody makes breakfast and they eat it. They go out with friends. They cuddle. They make plans for the future. Does it really matter that their mode of sex is different than yours? Or that they attend Gay Pride parades when you're home watching a movie? They still love. They may be healthy, self-assured people, or they may not be. But it is NOT dependent upon their sexuality.

It is true that in any good, serious relationship, both partners care deeply for the other. That is no different in BDSM. It may have seemed like what people were saying is that BDSM couples love each other and value each other more than non-BDSM couples. I don't think that people meant to imply that. But understand that when a person comes in and accuses them all of being in loveless relationships, we're going to reply a little forcefully, because that is a generalization. It's untrue, although just like non-BDSM one-night-stands, there can be BDSM sex without love. Do you see what I'm getting at?

I truly hope that you are here to learn. I know it can seem bizarre or incomprehensible, but asking and reading the replies is the best way to understand it, even if you never do agree with it or want it yourself. Like someone said, we aren't trying to convert you. Just clear up the misconceptions and leave this place with one more enlightened person. Best wishes to you.

"Applause from the peanut gallery"
~*HuGs*~

 

[FungiUg]

eh, i'm gonna go get some candy, anybody want anything while i'm out?

After Quint's post, I want a sandwich!

 

[le_kinklet]

*yawns*

another person here to save us from ourselves, hm? trying to convince just one lost soul that they're doing awful things without even realizing it?

eh, i'm gonna go get some candy, anybody want anything while i'm out?

Red Licorice, or raspberry twsts please hun?
~*HuGs*~

 

[bunny bondage]

gummi bears, sammiches, and red licorice.


got it.

 

[le_kinklet]

gummi bears, sammiches, and red licorice.


got it.

Thanx honey is inserting the line spreader now so you can shove em down the phone line, i will credit your account via the net!!!!
~*HuGs*~

 

[Mr Blonde]

Thanks to our librarian for making things clear!

eh, i'm gonna go get some candy, anybody want anything while i'm out?

Can you please buy the forum a can of Raid Roachspray? We might need something to alleviate this latest infestation problem!

 

[le_kinklet]

Thanks to our librarian for making things clear!



Can you please buy the forum a can of Raid Roachspray? We might need something to alleviate this latest infestation problem!

LMAO!!!

Oops, did i say that?
~*HuGs*~

 

[AnelizeDarkEyes]

I'm just wondering.....

at which point she tells us, yet again, that we all should be shot.

That one REALLY cracked me up.

The line forms over there

<<=======================


*snickering madly*


~anelize

 

[le_kinklet]

I'm just wondering.....

at which point she tells us, yet again, that we all should be shot.

That one REALLY cracked me up.

The line forms over there

<<=======================


*snickering madly*


~anelize

giggles
~*HuGs*~

 

[Etoile]

This is just too much fun.

Hey, Eating_Scarlett: don't knock it till you've tried it, eh?

 

[Quint]

After Quint's post, I want a sandwich!

Sure, but which kind?

(I'm just delighted that people worked their way through my post; I tend to get a little rambly when given an open topic like this!)

 

[SexyChele]

Sure, but which kind?

(I'm just delighted that people worked their way through my post; I tend to get a little rambly when given an open topic like this!)

I certainly want your kind of sandwich, Quint! Yummy!! I'll take all the goodies I can find!

 

[Etoile]

Ham sammich, please.

 

[FungiUg]

Sure, but which kind?

Thick french bread, with a layer of mayonnaise, fresh romaine lettuce and tomato, two slices of swiss cheese, and some honey-smoked turkey piled high -- although change the turkey for spicey pepperoni, add some gherkin, forget the mayonnaise, give me some hot english grainy mustard, and how about foccacia instead of french bread?

 

[FungiUg]

Ham sammich, please.

Geez... you, you... vanilla foodie!

 

[Etoile]

Geez... you, you... vanilla foodie!

No, no, see, I'm a vegetarian, so, a ham sammich...er, yeah.

 

[FungiUg]

No, no, see, I'm a vegetarian, so, a ham sammich...er, yeah.

Hmmm... naughty you! I take it all back!

 

[le_kinklet]

--===(_() -----===(_() ----===(_() -----===(_() ----===(_()-===(_() ----===(_() MARSHMALLOW FIGHT!!!!! --===(_()
--===(_() --===(_()--===(_()---===(_()

"ducks for cover"

 

[niteshade]

Re: Re: I don't understand any of this

I really don't!

Okay, so excuse my ignorance here, but this whole BDSM thing freaks me right out.

Well welcome to human nature. People frequently get “freaked out” by things they don’t understand.

When you go out together, as a couple.. say to dinner or something, would any objective observer be able to tell that you're 'different' from couples who enjoy a more 'socially acceptable' relationship?

Yes we are the ones with the purple eye in the middle of our foreheads. Now I promise to be more serious… but honesty that’s really not a question worth answering. People are people -- of course we look like anyone else.

What is so luring about being submissive? Don't you think that if he really loved you, he wouldn't need you to submit to him? (or vice versa).

First you go off the assumption that submission or submissive is a bad thing. The reality is there is a dominant and a submissive position to every action/interaction between people. Your boss is your dominant. Maybe not all the time, but when it comes to your “review” and time for your check. Nothing wrong with that. Why is it different in any other aspect of life? It’s just the way it is. So with that said, some people are comfortable and *gasp* actually enjoy, further definition of these dominant and submissive roles. I could ask you the same... why do you like intercourse? Why do you like being fucked while you are on your back? Do the answers to these questions have anything to do with love?

Don't you feel humiliated, or is that the point of it all, that you LIKE the humiliation?

I’ve found that humiliation and bdsm rarely go hand in hand, although there are people who like being humiliated very much. Most of the time what you will see with people in this lifestyle is a lot of care and respect. Regardless, it's not my job to police, condem or scoff at what other people like.

Why is 'normal' sex not enough?

What is normal? Please define! And who said “normal” was good??? In most places in life normal only gets you so far. The people who are exceptional go much farther, wouldn’t you agree?

What's the point of it all, being bruised, beaten, fuck knows what else...

To each his own, but there’s the old old adage and very true, there’s a fine line between pleasure and pain. What may be right for you may not be for others, that doesn’t mean it’s wrong. Why not allow that same thought to carry on outside what you “don’t understand”?

I'm just really looking for someone to help me understand WHY.

Maybe… or maybe you think your post is just cute. Question tho… do you think it was done with respect? Respect for others, their likes and beliefs. It’s a tip that will take you far.

To me the whole thing just seems a bit perverted.

Well call me perverted then. The ability to bare my soul and body for my partner with complete trust in him for my emotional and physical wellbeing. The ability to be bound by him feeling his power and strength. The ability to let go for a moment in time, and trust another. To be taken and allowed to enjoy leaving my “normal” hang-ups behind. Wow… what a ‘weak’ unloved position to be in… hmmm. Call me perverted. Imp.

I dont really think I need add anything to that.

 

[niteshade]

Thanks Anelize, for posting the old replies. I got a kick out of them.

"I bet some of you get off on using kitchen utensils as sexual accessories."

Uhh, actually some of us do. Creativity is a gift.

Psia

LMAO.... See EbonyFire's The Pervertibles Challenge thread... https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=184293

 

[niteshade]

*yawns*

another person here to save us from ourselves, hm? trying to convince just one lost soul that they're doing awful things without even realizing it?

eh, i'm gonna go get some candy, anybody want anything while i'm out?

I think we have some gummi bears left over in the New Sub Haven.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

Chuckling

i couldn't even get thru the whole post without succumbing to amusement beyond belief.

i think a lot of you hit the head right off the nail.

Last time i checked, we still had the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness in this country.

If you don't like the taste of the food here, trot on down to McDonald's for a vanilla milkshake. You still have that right and we don't condemn you for your preference.

i prefer Caesar salad with real anchovies, French onion soup, escargo, aspargus, and just a touch of Pinot Grigio for my meal.

In short, to each their own.

 

[niteshade]

--===(_() -----===(_() ----===(_() -----===(_() ----===(_()-===(_() ----===(_() MARSHMALLOW FIGHT!!!!! --===(_()
--===(_() --===(_()--===(_()---===(_()

"ducks for cover"

Lobs gummi bear projectiles at Le_Kinklet

 

[bunny bondage]

Lobs gummi bear projectiles at Le_Kinklet

hey, i got those for Eb! don't let her see you throwing them, she'll be mad!

 

[niteshade]

hey, i got those for Eb! don't let her see you throwing them, she'll be mad!

Naw, I stole them from the Haven... we had a shower of them over there the other night.