I don't understand any of this

[Eating_Scarlett]

I really don't!

Okay, so excuse my ignorance here, but this whole BDSM thing freaks me right out.

When you go out together, as a couple.. say to dinner or something, would any objective observer be able to tell that you're 'different' from couples who enjoy a more 'socially acceptable' relationship?

What is so luring about being submissive? Don't you think that if he really loved you, he wouldn't need you to submit to him? (or vice versa).

Don't you feel humiliated, or is that the point of it all, that you LIKE the humiliation?

Why is 'normal' sex not enough?

What's the point of it all, being bruised, beaten, fuck knows what else...

I'm just really looking for someone to help me understand WHY.

To me the whole thing just seems a bit perverted.

 

[Mr Blonde]

*writes a 2781 word post simply to justify myself to you*

LMAO

 

[Desdemona]

perverted

You say that like its a bad thing.

 

[s'lara]

Not sure why it would be necessary to waste time answering questions for someone so clearly uncomfortable with the topic.

The web is a big ol' place ... try some research and have fun.

lara

 

[AttentionWhore]

I really don't!

Okay, so excuse my ignorance here, but this whole BDSM thing freaks me right out.

When you go out together, as a couple.. say to dinner or something, would any objective observer be able to tell that you're 'different' from couples who enjoy a more 'socially acceptable' relationship?

What is so luring about being submissive? Don't you think that if he really loved you, he wouldn't need you to submit to him? (or vice versa).

Don't you feel humiliated, or is that the point of it all, that you LIKE the humiliation?

Why is 'normal' sex not enough?

What's the point of it all, being bruised, beaten, fuck knows what else...

I'm just really looking for someone to help me understand WHY.

To me the whole thing just seems a bit perverted.

I'm somewhat of an infrequent poster here (OK, infrequent is a major understatement), but I am a frequent lurker. I am going to try to answer your questions, even though there are many who are much more qualified.

When we are out together, you would not be able to tell that I am His. We look about as 'Nilla as you can get. It's the sublties in the way we treat eachother. I'll just pretend we're in a restaurant. He chooses which side of the table to sit on. He orders his meal, and then orders mine (after knowing what I want). I let him walk before me. I'm not out to ruin any child's future by forcing my lifestyle choice into their mind, so intentionally I do not wave a red flag of "Here I am. I like to be handcuffed, and spanked, and other kinky stuff your parents would never think of." A part of our respect for eachother is a respect for strangers.

It is not an issue of "if he really loved me". He fulfills a need in myself to give myself to him. I fulfill a need in him to have someone give themself. (OK, I'm not explaining that part well at all)

Humiliation is not a part of our play. He makes me feel I am the most beautiful woman in the world. I willing give myself to him, I allow him to push me beyond my limits and in the process have learned so much about myself. The BDSM part of our life is a gift to eachother.

Why is "normal" sex enough for you?

One analogy I use is I like a ham sandwitch. I don't like mine the way you like yours, but it can be our favorite food. You might like mayonaise and lettuce. I may just want mine to have spicy mustard.

Peverse and Kinky... It's only in the mind of the beholder.

 

[MissTaken]

Re: Re: I don't understand any of this

One analogy I use is I like a ham sandwitch. I don't like mine the way you like yours, but it can be our favorite food. You might like mayonaise and lettuce. I may just want mine to have spicy mustard.

Peverse and Kinky... It's only in the mind of the beholder.

Ohhh, I like that!



I am not sure I can answer this any better than AttentionWhore did.

No, it isn't likely anyone would recognize the nature of my relationship when I am out.

Why do I need submission? I just do. Some people are hard wired for things that go against the grain of society's norms.

Humiliation? What is humiliation? I haven't ever felt humiliated at the hands of a Dominant, but oddly enough, one or two vanilla guys managed to make me feel quite humiliated in their treatment of me. (A realization I just came to as I typed this post!!! ) BDSM is built upon communication, trust and yes, mutual respect. All components of any healthy relationship.

Add to that, using one's body as a playground of adventure adn eroticism, you have BDSM. Not every couple engages in beatings, whippings, floggings or anything else of a sadistic nature.

Killermuffin has written a well done essay on BDSM for the Vanilla folks.
http://www.literotica.com:81/stories/showstory.php?id=32520

Anyway, those are a few tired thoughts of mine on this Sunday eve.

 

[Impish]

I really don't!

Okay, so excuse my ignorance here, but this whole BDSM thing freaks me right out.

Well welcome to human nature. People frequently get “freaked out” by things they don’t understand.

When you go out together, as a couple.. say to dinner or something, would any objective observer be able to tell that you're 'different' from couples who enjoy a more 'socially acceptable' relationship?

Yes we are the ones with the purple eye in the middle of our foreheads. Now I promise to be more serious… but honesty that’s really not a question worth answering. People are people -- of course we look like anyone else.

What is so luring about being submissive? Don't you think that if he really loved you, he wouldn't need you to submit to him? (or vice versa).

First you go off the assumption that submission or submissive is a bad thing. The reality is there is a dominant and a submissive position to every action/interaction between people. Your boss is your dominant. Maybe not all the time, but when it comes to your “review” and time for your check. Nothing wrong with that. Why is it different in any other aspect of life? It’s just the way it is. So with that said, some people are comfortable and *gasp* actually enjoy, further definition of these dominant and submissive roles. I could ask you the same... why do you like intercourse? Why do you like being fucked while you are on your back? Do the answers to these questions have anything to do with love?

Don't you feel humiliated, or is that the point of it all, that you LIKE the humiliation?

I’ve found that humiliation and bdsm rarely go hand in hand, although there are people who like being humiliated very much. Most of the time what you will see with people in this lifestyle is a lot of care and respect. Regardless, it's not my job to police, condem or scoff at what other people like.

Why is 'normal' sex not enough?

What is normal? Please define! And who said “normal” was good??? In most places in life normal only gets you so far. The people who are exceptional go much farther, wouldn’t you agree?

What's the point of it all, being bruised, beaten, fuck knows what else...

To each his own, but there’s the old old adage and very true, there’s a fine line between pleasure and pain. What may be right for you may not be for others, that doesn’t mean it’s wrong. Why not allow that same thought to carry on outside what you “don’t understand”?

I'm just really looking for someone to help me understand WHY.

Maybe… or maybe you think your post is just cute. Question tho… do you think it was done with respect? Respect for others, their likes and beliefs. It’s a tip that will take you far.

To me the whole thing just seems a bit perverted.

Well call me perverted then. The ability to bare my soul and body for my partner with complete trust in him for my emotional and physical wellbeing. The ability to be bound by him feeling his power and strength. The ability to let go for a moment in time, and trust another. To be taken and allowed to enjoy leaving my “normal” hang-ups behind. Wow… what a ‘weak’ unloved position to be in… hmmm. Call me perverted. Imp.

 

[Red Menace]

I really don't!

Okay, so excuse my ignorance here, but this whole BDSM thing freaks me right out.

When you go out together, as a couple.. say to dinner or something, would any objective observer be able to tell that you're 'different' from couples who enjoy a more 'socially acceptable' relationship?

Probably not. But I live in LA which tends to be a largely self-absorbed and/ or open-minded city. No one really notices the restraints I wear, or if they do, they compliment me them probably thinking it's a fasion statement. The waitstaff doesn't seem to find it odd enough to comment on that I ask permission for a drink or that he orders dinner for me. I have yet to receive a raised eyebrow for opening doors for him, lighting his cigarette or doing any of the things traditionally associated with male chivalry.

What is so luring about being submissive? Don't you think that if he really loved you, he wouldn't need you to submit to him? (or vice versa).

I submit to him because I love him; and because his actions tell me it's a price worth paying. He Masters me because he loves me, and sees something within me worth owning. Being a Master is a lot of work. Probably more work than being a slave. Because he loves me so much, he structures our relationship, provides direction in my life and teaches me to be transparent with him. I serve him and take care of the little things in his life so he has time to take care of the big things in mine. It's a symbiotic relationship and there is much love on both sides.

I'm curious as to what you think submission and Dominance is all about within a relationship...? Personally, I wonder what is so alluring about Dominance and all the responsibility that goes along with it.

Don't you feel humiliated, or is that the point of it all, that you LIKE the humiliation?

There is no humiliation in our relationship... only love, a negotiated power exchange and an understanding that each of us works towards the good of the whole of the relationship, rather than our own selfish desires.

Why is 'normal' sex not enough?

Define "normal".

We have normal sex... insert tab A into slot B type sex. We just prefer to have a wider sensation and variation along with it.

What's the point of it all, being bruised, beaten, fuck knows what else...

It's kind of one of those "you'd-have-to-be-there-to-understand" kind of things. The point is not the bruises... or the beatings... It's the bond that happens after reaching those primal places with your partner, the intertwining of two halvs of a whole, sadist and masochist, Dominant and submissive, the intimacy, the raw emotion, the love and devotion, having a safe haven to express your inner desires with someone who has complimentary needs and wants, having a partner who knows you more intimantley... and loves you anyway.

I'm just really looking for someone to help me understand WHY.

To me the whole thing just seems a bit perverted.

Again... define perverted.

I won't even pretend to try and speak for the entire BDSM community... but for me, I've never found so much unconditional love, caring, intimacy and excitement in the vanilla world as I have with Master. I've never felt so alive, so vital and so honest with myself or with anyone else as I do with Master. The range of emotion and sensation we share, the depths of knowing and being known by by someone, the level of committment and the honor of serving one who is ultimately responsible for me, gives me far more fulfillment than any vanilla relationship could ever hope to provide.

Honestly, I wonder how you vanilla folks can survive without brutal honesty, communication, integrity and intimacy required by a M/s or D/s relationship.

 

[FungiUg]

Re: Re: I don't understand any of this

Honestly, I wonder how you vanilla folks can survive without brutal honesty, communication, integrity and intimacy required by a M/s or D/s relationship.

Actually, those things are required in any real relationship where the partners are seeking to fulfil each other, rather than just pay the bills. It's not a requirement of D/s per se, it's a requirement of a fulfilling relationship.

I am also constantly saying "there is no such thing as vanilla." There are so many perversions, kinks, "abnormalities" and so on, that "normal" is a distinct minority.

How many relationships are there with abusive partners? Substance abuse? Gambling addictions? Now those to me are unhealthy relationships. Those to me aren't normal. But people having fun with sex and fulfilling each other -- that should be the norm!

 

[AnelizeDarkEyes]

I really don't!

Okay, so excuse my ignorance here, but this whole BDSM thing freaks me right out.

When you go out together, as a couple.. say to dinner or something, would any objective observer be able to tell that you're 'different' from couples who enjoy a more 'socially acceptable' relationship?

What is so luring about being submissive? Don't you think that if he really loved you, he wouldn't need you to submit to him? (or vice versa).

Don't you feel humiliated, or is that the point of it all, that you LIKE the humiliation?

Why is 'normal' sex not enough?

What's the point of it all, being bruised, beaten, fuck knows what else...

I'm just really looking for someone to help me understand WHY.

To me the whole thing just seems a bit perverted.

Some months ago, I seem to recall you had quite the run of nasty and abusive trolling posts over here berating the members of this community for our choice of lifestyle.

Remember those?

Shall I pull them up, being the good Librarian that I am?

I see no reason why I, or anyone else here, should have to explain themselves to you now.

~anelize

 

[Mr Blonde]

AnelizeDarkEyes: Assuming it does not take too much of your time, I think such a thing might be a fun idea!

 

[Red Menace]

Hmmmmm......

I'd like to see some of those threads, Anelize.

And I want my 2 minutes back.

 

[Impish]

well here's one it posted just yesterday...

Posted on the general board yesterday.

Eating_Scarlett

Qu.

What's the difference between a 'Top' and a 'Domme'? I've been lurking in the BDSM forum this morning. A sick sort of fascination kept me there. I feel somehow violated after reading some of the posts...*shudder*

Nice huh? So tell me "Scarlett" do you feel that way about homosexuals too? Grow up.

 

[JupitersGirl]

*writes a 2781 word post simply to justify myself to you*

LMAO

Absolutely the best post!!

 

[Ebonyfire]

Okay, I was gonna lurk for a while..

But your answers to another clueless "visitor" just make Me so damn proud of all of you!

 

[His Flower]

I really don't!

Okay, so excuse my ignorance here, but this whole BDSM thing freaks me right out.

When you go out together, as a couple.. say to dinner or something, would any objective observer be able to tell that you're 'different' from couples who enjoy a more 'socially acceptable' relationship?

What is so luring about being submissive? Don't you think that if he really loved you, he wouldn't need you to submit to him? (or vice versa).

Don't you feel humiliated, or is that the point of it all, that you LIKE the humiliation?

Why is 'normal' sex not enough?

What's the point of it all, being bruised, beaten, fuck knows what else...

I'm just really looking for someone to help me understand WHY.

To me the whole thing just seems a bit perverted.

If I truly did feel that you wanted to understand, I would have attempted to answer and help you understand. But if you're only here to mock, and poke fun of the rest of us....like s'lara says, the site is big, and I'm sure you'll find your place somewhere else.

I would also suggest you take a look at the libarary that anelize has put together.

but BTW, BDSM isn't about just humilation, and getting bruised, and beaten.....there's a tenderness & care, love, and communication. (and a whole lot more which I can't think of on the top of my head) And then again, just because it's not as socially acceptable, does it make abnormal?

His Flower

 

[zipman]

I really don't!

Okay, so excuse my ignorance here, but this whole BDSM thing freaks me right out.

When you go out together, as a couple.. say to dinner or something, would any objective observer be able to tell that you're 'different' from couples who enjoy a more 'socially acceptable' relationship?

What is so luring about being submissive? Don't you think that if he really loved you, he wouldn't need you to submit to him? (or vice versa).

Don't you feel humiliated, or is that the point of it all, that you LIKE the humiliation?

Why is 'normal' sex not enough?

What's the point of it all, being bruised, beaten, fuck knows what else...

I'm just really looking for someone to help me understand WHY.

To me the whole thing just seems a bit perverted.

At the top of the forum you will find our library. This index of threads should provide many answers to your questions.

When you have finished reading all of the threads, each of which offers insight into what BDSM is and why we enojy it.

IF you still do not understand it, THEN we will be happy to ignore your insincere question.

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=164221

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Re: I don't understand any of this

At the top of the forum you will find our library. This index of threads should provide many answers to your questions.

When you have finished reading all of the threads, each of which offers insight into what BDSM is and why we enojy it.

IF you still do not understand it, THEN we will be happy to ignore your insincere question.

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=164221

Damn you're good!

 

[SexyChele]

Why even feed a troll who has proven her/himself to be nothing more than a hate-filled child? Remember, if you don't feed them, they will go away....

 

[AnelizeDarkEyes]

Good Afternoon,

Eating_Scarlett's original nick was eating_crimson. Apparently things got too hot for her over on the GB and she had to change it. She rather enjoys pissing off everyone she can find. A true, dyed-in-the-wool troll.

She showed up here on May 15 of this year, in His Flower's thread begun on the same date, A Journey into Submission.

The specific posts are as follows:

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?s=&postid=4921839#post4921839

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?s=&postid=4919718#post4919718

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?s=&postid=4919661#post4919661

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?s=&postid=4919481#post4919481

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?s=&postid=4919184#post4919184


Nice, huh?

~anelize

 

[bad kitty]

I really don't!

Okay, so excuse my ignorance here, but this whole BDSM thing freaks me right out.

When you go out together, as a couple.. say to dinner or something, would any objective observer be able to tell that you're 'different' from couples who enjoy a more 'socially acceptable' relationship?

Honestly who cares if anyone can tell or not? BDSM isn't something that is done to get attention of for others to take notice. It is something that people engage in because they want to. It fulfills something for them.

What is so luring about being submissive?

Oh my where to start! Seriously the list is endless. Some people love to have someone else take control for once. To finally be able to relax and enjoy someone else's power. It is a special kind of appreciation and love that can't be expressed with mere words. It is something you can't fully understand til you feel it.

Don't you think that if he really loved you, he wouldn't need you to submit to him? (or vice versa).

You totally misunderstand D/s, which unfortunately is common. For the sake of discussion we will speak of ideal Doms and subs here. The Dom treasures his sub more than himself. He would do anything for her, and in turn she gives him her body and full trust. That is such a gift that simply humbles a person. A Dom takes care of his sub and makes sure that her every need is taken care of and does his best to give her what she wants. D/s is based on ultimate trust and respect. I can't even come close to accurately describing it, but there is nothing whatsoever belittling about submitting when it is done right from a person with a sound mind. Few people fail to realize that submission is a choice. The sub holds all of the underlying power. He/ she can agree or disagree to anything that is going to happen. The sub ultimately decides if they will submit and to what extent. They aren't beaten into submission and forced to obey and perform any act that they don't want to do. (Again this is in a normal, consensual relationship between 2 people of sound mind. There are extreme cases of idiots in every lifestyle.)

Don't you feel humiliated, or is that the point of it all, that you LIKE the humiliation?

Submission is far from humiliating. Some may like certain humiliating behaviors and others do not. Saying that all submission is humiliating is like saying all flowers are roses.

Why is 'normal' sex not enough?

At times it may be. Other times it may not, it all depends on the people involved and to what level they are devoted to each other and what they are comfortable with. Some people like vanilla ice cream and some prefer Rocky Road. That is what makes humanity so blissfully diverse, we all have our own opinions, desires, and preferences. Just because someone chooses one over the other doesn't make them any less viable.

What's the point of it all, being bruised, beaten, fuck knows what else...

Again what is done all depends on how far the submissive wants it to go. Some people can handle pain more than others, some people don't mind to aloow bruising and some people aren't really into pain. Again it is just preferences.

I'm just really looking for someone to help me understand WHY.

To understand you really have to drop all preconceptions and explore with an open mind. Too many times we taint our views before we even get accurate information about the topic.

To me the whole thing just seems a bit perverted.

One person's trash is another person's treasure. I don't think there is anyone in this room who would take that last line as anything other than a compliment.

 

[Pure]

Hi Miss T,

With regard to the Killer Muffin essay on BDSM, as viewed by 'vanilla'.

Note it says, for instance:

//Masochism is one of the larger currents running through BDSM. Most submissives are masochistic to a degree. The need the pain to experience the pleasure. Is this truly abnormal behavior? Psychologically speaking, it is counterproductive to an organism to mutilate itself, therefore masochism is abnormal or deviant behavior.//

J.

 

[Psia]

Thanks Anelize, for posting the old replies. I got a kick out of them.

"I bet some of you get off on using kitchen utensils as sexual accessories."

Uhh, actually some of us do. Creativity is a gift.

Psia

 

[Eating_Scarlett]

I think some of you have lost the plot.

You don't need to submit to someone and take care of the 'little things in his life so he can take care of the bigger things'. Take care of the bigger things yourselves. Let him take care of himself, and when you need eachother, be there to help eachother.

There's no need for ownership in a relationship. The fact that you would call someone a boyfriend/partner is enough to insinuate a certain amount of ownership anyway.

This whole thing about giving yourself upto him seems to me a complete croc. I think you're all making excuses, and trying to find excitement in your lives.

My boyfriend and I love eachother intensely, but I've never felt the urge to let him tie me up and spank me so he can prove it. I mean.. wtf??

"The Dom treasures his sub more than himself. He would do anything for her, and in turn she gives him her body and full trust. That is such a gift that simply humbles a person. A Dom takes care of his sub and makes sure that her every need is taken care of and does his best to give her what she wants. "

I treasure my boyfriend more than myself. I would do anything for him and in turn he gives me his love and respect, his body and his trust. There's no domination or submission in return for it. Why should there be?

I get this feeling that females who submit are just 'missing' something in their lives. Faith in themselves, maybe. Excitement or fulfillment in their lives, maybe.

Any person who is truly in love with another person values equality. Any person who is truly confident and happy in their lives will find no need for any of this.

That's it for now.

 

[bad kitty]

I think some of you have lost the plot.

Correction my dear, I believe the problem is you who can't get past her own prejudices.

You don't need to submit to someone and take care of the 'little things in his life so he can take care of the bigger things'. Take care of the bigger things yourselves. Let him take care of himself, and when you need eachother, be there to help eachother.

We take care of each other as well as ourselves.

This whole thing about giving yourself upto him seems to me a complete croc. I think you're all making excuses, and trying to find excitement in your lives.

Kinda like you coming here and trolling with a question in which you obviously had no intention of opening your mind and truthfully trying to understand the answers to.

My boyfriend and I love eachother intensely, but I've never felt the urge to let him tie me up and spank me so he can prove it. I mean.. wtf??

That's all fine and good, noone is knocking you for not wanting to do so. We all have different preferences. What makes you think yours are any more valid than ours?

I treasure my boyfriend more than myself. I would do anything for him and in turn he gives me his love and respect, his body and his trust. There's no domination or submission in return for it. Why should there be?

No one said there should be. We are not out to get every non BDSMer int he world. It isn't our mission to convert you.

I get this feeling that females who submit are just 'missing' something in their lives. Faith in themselves, maybe. Excitement or fulfillment in their lives, maybe.

We all lack something in our lives and we find different ways to fill them. Some of the reasons you list may be accurate for one person but not another. You are allowed to get any feeling you like. I kinda get the feeling that you have something rather profound lodged in your anal orafice.

Any person who is truly in love with another person values equality.

It is merely your incenuation that anyone engaged in D/s aren't equals. This is sad really, and further proves that you reject trying to understand this lifestyle and you prefer to revel in your misconceptions.

Any person who is truly confident and happy in their lives will find no need for any of this.

I would love to see your credentials to be able to say this with authority. This statement is just like saying that any person who is truly confident and happy in their lives will fin no need for any form of mutual enjoyable entertainment. Further more, why would such a perfect, happily content person like yourself be on a porn board, particularly the BDSM forum surrounding yourself with perverted deviants?